Will My Fear Of Driving Ever Truly Go Away?

terestrife

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I posted about my issues with driving in this forum before.

Some forum posts related to this post, for anyone curious lol:
My mother has cancer
31 and no drivers license

I was able to get my license after my mother past away oct 22 2016. i've been doing really well. i've driven during the recent hurricane scare that overtook florida, and had to drive during the insane traffic to get preparations. lately i even started practicing in the expressway, and have been doing really well.

i get nervous sometimes, but not a big deal. but today, i was in the expressway, and there was a lot of traffic. all of the sudden my heart starts racing, and i remember the small accident i was in years ago. ( in my 20s i hit a car that was in my blind side. no one was hurt, but it kept me from driving for many years.)

i havent felt fear of driving in awhile. i thought i had gotten rid of that feeling, but it suddenly hit me again. does it ever go away?

has anyone else dealt with a fear of driving?
 

JamesCalifornia

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~ I live in Los Angeles . Every drive is a frightful experience ! :please:It's mostly the fear of what other drivers will do that scares us - not our own ability to drive .
If you feel the need take a few hours of safe driving instruction. It's actually fun and you learn things . ( I wish it was mandatory where I live ! )
By the way ... A study was done some time ago that showed people who drive larger heavy vehicles feel more confident because they feel safer . It seems people who drive SUVs and family type vehicles are more responsible in general. People in expensive cars the opposite ... stay away !
Best wishes to you ... ! :hellocomputer:
 
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terestrife

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~ I live in Los Angeles . Every drive is a frightful experience ! :please:It's mostly the fear of what other drivers will do that scares us - not our own ability to drive .
If you feel the need take a few hours of safe driving instruction. It's actually fun and you learn things . ( I wish it was mandatory where I live ! )
By the way ... A study was done some time ago that showed people who drive larger heavy vehicles feel more confident because they feel safer . It seems people who drive SUVs and family type vehicles are more responsible in general. People in expensive cars the opposite ... stay away !
Best wishes to you ... ! :hellocomputer:
This makes a lot of sense, i was forced into driving a family van, my car broke down, and was stuck with a van. which im grateful for. having a car at all is fortunate. but i did feel more confident.

i did take a driving lesson, twice actually, lol. it did make me feel better. i feel confident in my skills (knock on wood! lol) its just the fear that randomly returns for me.
 

Kieka

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It gets better the more you drive. I am in Southern California and for a while, when I only drove short distances, I would stick to side streets, avoid semis and avoid walls near the road. As time went on I had to drive more on the freeway, near more semis and through narrow construction zones. Then my college was an hour away and I had to go on the freeway. After two years of that most of my fears faded away. Time will make it better. Doesn't mean you won't have scary moments.butyou can't let the scary moments stop you.
 
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terestrife

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It gets better the more you drive. I am in Southern California and for a while, when I only drove short distances, I would stick to side streets, avoid semis and avoid walls near the road. As time went on I had to drive more on the freeway, near more semis and through narrow construction zones. Then my college was an hour away and I had to go on the freeway. After two years of that most of my fears faded away. Time will make it better. Doesn't mean you won't have scary moments.butyou can't let the scary moments stop you.
thank you! that makes me feel a lot better. :yess:
 

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This is going to sound totally crazy, but I suggest you take motorcycle rider course. The mental skills taught will make you a more aware and confident driver because the class emphasizes a lot more defensive techniques than driver courses do. Plus, you'll learn a new skill and have a lot of fun.

Almost everyone who's taken a rider course says they're much better and safer on the road for having taken it.
 

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I developed a fear of driving after having a couple accidents back in the 80's. I avoid driving whenever possible. It is not other people's driving so much as it is my own ability to drive that scares me. I'm retired now and I don't have to drive to DC anymore to work. I only have to drive locally now and when I have to go out of town to a doctor my neighbor will drive me. I live in the DC area and we are suppose to be some of the worst drivers in the nation.

Muffy
 

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I asked something simular to this myself a long time ago. I have to deal with almost simular thing. My parents would fight all the time while driving. My mother was a back seat driver. While my father was a rage driver. They would get into accidents pretty much every year of my life. It never really did to much damage to me since it was just usual since I grew up with it constantly. Until I became a teenager about maybe 16 or so. My parents got into a pretty bad wreck with me in the back seat. Even though no one was hurt that wreck was still really traumatic for me. I said I'd never drive a car. After that accident I'd have panic attacks when ever my parents would drive when they were both in the car. I hated driving with them both in the car. I never got over fully of that fear with them both in the car driving. Years after I finally got a permit thanks to my sisters nagging. I would drive nervously through parking lots. It wasn't as scary but once I got on a road so scary for me. It could be empty and my heart would race. It did get easier and I did start driving more calmly on more populated roads. At one point I thought maybe I would get over it completely and I most likely would have. The only reason why I haven't is because I stopped driving. Once I got engaged then married I had no reason to drive. I didn't really give up I just don't have to drive and it's not a big deal for me. It's cheaper to not drive to for me. I honestly hate driving and I hate cars as well. I'll ride in them but when it comes to driving one not my fortay. IMO it all depends on how traumatic and how long ago is was for you. For me after like 3 or 2 years of the accident my panic attacks calmed down a bit. After like 5 or 7 years I ended up even driving myself after I pretty much vowed to never drive a car. If I had of continued to drive I'm sure after 5 or so years I wouldn't probably been scared at all. I can drive but only when there is no other option. I do know it most likely won't stick with you completely for life. If that were true I would never of been able to ride in a car again without a panic attack. Now after so many long years I can sit in a car with crazy drivers with not such a huge problem anymore. Yeah I'll close my eyes and maybe say a prayer or two sometimes but that's pretty much it. Drivers here are crazy xD lol. As long as I have something to keep me in that car and not fly out I'm pretty much good. My point is if you clearly want to get over a fear then you can. It takes time but you can get over it. I can't say how long it will take because that's all up to you and your body. IMO it could take one year or maybe 10 years all depends on you. You can get over it, if you don't give up, don't push yourself, and be patient you will get over it. Just stick it through you can do it trust me. I've gotten over a lot of fears so I know it can be done.
 

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My son was very apprehensive when it came to driving. He knew how and was very good, but it scared him a lot. My father and I sent him to the city where he spent a week in a defensive driving school. He is still a bit nervous, which is good, it keeps him alert, but he is no longer scared of driving. I still have to drive him at night because his night vision sucks, but that's another story.

Take a defensive driving course, it will help. It will also get easier and less threatening the more you drive.
 
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terestrife

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My son was very apprehensive when it came to driving. He knew how and was very good, but it scared him a lot. My father and I sent him to the city where he spent a week in a defensive driving school. He is still a bit nervous, which is good, it keeps him alert, but he is no longer scared of driving. I still have to drive him at night because his night vision sucks, but that's another story.

Take a defensive driving course, it will help. It will also get easier and less threatening the more you drive.
i might try that, but i took classes already, and have been driving for a year now. its just the nerves come back randomly at nights. especially since driving in the expressway is still pretty new for me.
 

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I don't think I can help but hopefully sharing my story will do something?

I'll be 19 in less than 2 weeks and I still haven't gotten a driver's license. I remember back in highschool when everyone in our grade turned 16 and they went to apply immediately. Like, some even did it the same day. I just can't. I have severe hypochondria and depression. I'm always afraid I'll end up in a car accident. Especially when I hear about them on the news day after day. But I rarely hear about bus accidents so I take the bus to get where I need to go. My mom has accepted that I have no interest in driving but everyone else in the family has been unsupportive of my decision. They've all said hurtful things. Especially my brother and sister. I do hate the 2.5 hour commute to school sometimes but I rather that than driving on my own. It just seems too risky to me.

I honestly don't even see myself driving in the next year or even the next 5 years. I'm just not interested. Yes, it's convenient but I can't afford a car or the extra expenses that come with owning one. Lucky, I have my mom and nephew to drive me around places. They don't mind at all. One of my sisters, my mom, and even my dad have all been in car accidents. I don't want to get my license simply because I'm terrified. My anxiety also causes me to panic in the moment and I'm unable to make clear and conscious decisions last minute. Very dangerous for driving, don't you think?
 

kashmir64

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i might try that, but i took classes already, and have been driving for a year now. its just the nerves come back randomly at nights. especially since driving in the expressway is still pretty new for me.
Try driving on the expressway when there is not much traffic. You don't need a destination, just drive. Also, have a friend go with you. This will distract you just enough to not let the 'little voice' take control.
Just practice. It will soon be much better.
 
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terestrife

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I don't think I can help but hopefully sharing my story will do something?

I'll be 19 in less than 2 weeks and I still haven't gotten a driver's license. I remember back in highschool when everyone in our grade turned 16 and they went to apply immediately. Like, some even did it the same day. I just can't. I have severe hypochondria and depression. I'm always afraid I'll end up in a car accident. Especially when I hear about them on the news day after day. But I rarely hear about bus accidents so I take the bus to get where I need to go. My mom has accepted that I have no interest in driving but everyone else in the family has been unsupportive of my decision. They've all said hurtful things. Especially my brother and sister. I do hate the 2.5 hour commute to school sometimes but I rather that than driving on my own. It just seems too risky to me.

I honestly don't even see myself driving in the next year or even the next 5 years. I'm just not interested. Yes, it's convenient but I can't afford a car or the extra expenses that come with owning one. Lucky, I have my mom and nephew to drive me around places. They don't mind at all. One of my sisters, my mom, and even my dad have all been in car accidents. I don't want to get my license simply because I'm terrified. My anxiety also causes me to panic in the moment and I'm unable to make clear and conscious decisions last minute. Very dangerous for driving, don't you think?
i dont know if my story will help. but i wish i could jump in a time machine, and be 19 years old again. im going to be 33 years old soon, and i didnt get my license until i was 32 years old. my fear of driving bled to other parts of my life, and i've been hiding out from living for such a long time. i was too afraid to so much as go to a job interview.

but God has been good to me, because i stayed home i was able to help my niece, who i raised. I was also able to be with my mother, when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. But I have to live with the thought that the day before my mother passed away, she told me i had been careless, and should have been practicing driving. She said this with love, she knew she would be leaving soon, and feared for me.

my mother had been the one person who convinced me to practice driving, but i drove for awhile, and allowed myself to listen to my fears. when i failed a driving test (stopped in front of a hidden stop sign, and not behind it.) i allowed myself to believe that was a "sign" that i shouldnt be driving, and again i hid out from life.

My mom used to drive me around, and she tried warning me that she wont be around forever. but i thought she was being crazy, that she'd always be around. I dont regret getting my license late in life, i regret the fear my mother felt for me in her last days.

i later found out she had spoken to my older siblings, a few months we found out she had cancer, and had asked them to be there for me if she wasnt around. It hurts my heart to know that she left this world worried for me.

Losing my mom has been one of the hardest things i have had to go through. i will never forget hearing she has cancer, and running to the hospital bathroom, and cried hysterically. Call me pathetic if you like. But losing my mother tore me apart. I had all these insane suicidal thoughts after she passed away. but i had promised her in her death bed, that i would continue going forward. I used my grief and forced myself to take some driving lessons, i then had my 19 year old niece drive around with me to make sure i knew everything on the driving test.

How pathetic. To have my niece who is just starting her life, getting her 32 year old aunt ready for a drivers test. But i thank god for her, and for my mother who never gave up on teaching me to drive.

I remember the first time i forced myself to drive on my own. I was so terrified! I could barely control my breathing. for months i would be terrified that i would get into some horrible accident. I would call my sister hysterically telling her that i didnt think i would ever be able to drive on my own.

My fear comes back every now and then, but i refuse to allow myself to go back to depending on others. Recently, i went to a job interview, and God willing, I will be starting work soon.

Most of my family has been supportive, but i had to put up with my oldest brother telling me i wasted my life for so many years. I dont see it that way, he has to live with the thought that he was never there for our mother. its been a year since she passed, and he still feals so much guilt for not being there for her.I have peace that i was her carer, and have memories with her, that he will never have. things happen for a reason.

The reason i am telling you this, is because i hope you decide to one day try for your license. It doesnt have to be for anyone else, but for yourself. I feel so accomplished when i got home after driving by myself for the first time. You dont need to wait for anyone to take you anywhere, all you need to do is climb in your own car.

You might not think so now, but not having a license will weigh you down, and the longer you wait, the harder it will be to accomplish.

i am not judging you, i am NO ONE to judge you, i just pray my words will reach you. I am here for you if you ever need anyone to talk to.

Sorry, your post made the aunt in me come out. :hugs:;)
 

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I had two driving accidents in the late 90's. The second one totaled my car. I had therapy for my knees because they hit the dash so hard. Neither of the accidents were my fault. But it scared me. I almost quit driving. I drive now locally, but it has been a long time since I headed out somewhere alone. I depend on my husband to do the driving if we go out of town. For a long time, I would wake up sitting up in my bed, with my hands clenched so tight, the insides of my palms would be bleeding. I guess I was clutching the steering wheel, and in my mind, my foot was on the brakes. I kept trying to stop the car for a long time after that wreck.
 
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terestrife

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I had two driving accidents in the late 90's. The second one totaled my car. I had therapy for my knees because they hit the dash so hard. Neither of the accidents were my fault. But it scared me. I almost quit driving. I drive now locally, but it has been a long time since I headed out somewhere alone. I depend on my husband to do the driving if we go out of town. For a long time, I would wake up sitting up in my bed, with my hands clenched so tight, the insides of my palms would be bleeding. I guess I was clutching the steering wheel, and in my mind, my foot was on the brakes. I kept trying to stop the car for a long time after that wreck.
im sorry you went through that. :nervous: i used to have nightmares as well. im glad youre better and are able to get around a bit.
 

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my mother was just like you, she hated driving. had panic attacks. The only thing that helped was only driviong during daylight and always on back roads. She never got over the fear, had a few small accidents too. because she had a very hard time concentrating on everything=the last accident was a new traffic light that wasn't there before.

myself I didn't drive the highway at first. I was scared that I would screw up. I always had big sedans or trucks. Driving a truck is perfect for me. I can see everything, it's real metal and makes me feel safer. I don't fear driving as much as I used to but I do get anxious during heavy traffic. music. music. music. Will help your breathing which will help your mind. Don't give up.

small steps baby steps. Slow and steady always wins the race.

and yes my dad is a raging mean driver=that didn't help my mother...I still get nervous when he drives..
 
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terestrife

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my mother was just like you, she hated driving. had panic attacks. The only thing that helped was only driviong during daylight and always on back roads. She never got over the fear, had a few small accidents too. because she had a very hard time concentrating on everything=the last accident was a new traffic light that wasn't there before.

myself I didn't drive the highway at first. I was scared that I would screw up. I always had big sedans or trucks. Driving a truck is perfect for me. I can see everything, it's real metal and makes me feel safer. I don't fear driving as much as I used to but I do get anxious during heavy traffic. music. music. music. Will help your breathing which will help your mind. Don't give up.

small steps baby steps. Slow and steady always wins the race.

and yes my dad is a raging mean driver=that didn't help my mother...I still get nervous when he drives..
yes! music has been the best for me. its what helps keep me distracted from my fears while driving. something else that helps me is something my sister in law told me. she told me to pretend there was no one else out in the road, no one rushing me. if anyone beeps, pretend theres no one there. it helps calm my nerves enough that i only turn when i feel it is safe. i used to feel rushed by people. i now go by my instincts and dont allow anyone to rush me.

ive been doing so well, that i wasnt expecting my fears to come back.
 
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