Why Does My Cat Hate Me?

KyaraRose

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She was brought to my house in early January. She was maybe 5 weeks old. Just barely starting to eat hard food. She was ripped away from her mom and litter mates and brought to a strange house. She was terrified. Boyfriend's nephew was scarier. I rescued her. I fed her, I cuddled her, I loved her, etc... She loved me.... Cuddled only with me. 4 months later... She avoids me like the plague. She only cuddles with him now... She wants nothing to do with me. Only I feed her. Where are my cuddles? It depresses me so much. I cry myself to sleep. This is why I hate cats. I want a puppy.
 

catlover73

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Have you tried getting her to play with you? It seems like she is going through what I call an independence phase. They are truly hard to understand. When I adopted Apollo as an older he kitten he used to sleep on me every night and watch baseball games with me on the couch. One day he suddenly stopped coming to bed at all. He decided to sleep downstairs alone on our love seat. He now sleeps on the bed curled up with my hubby only. He will only let me pet him when he wants me to or he runs away from me. He has slowly started hanging out next to me on the couch again but I have to let him initiate any contact. He shows me he loves me by being in the same room as me. He is slowly allowing more interaction with me. It is really hard but you have to give him time and space to work through this phase. If you try ignoring her she may decide to visit you on her own. It is hard but do not force interaction. Trust me I made that mistake and he just stopped coming near me until I started ignoring him. Hugs I know how difficult this is.
 

danteshuman

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Awwwwww :grouphug2:

First let me thank you for adopting her :rock:

Next I assume she is spayed? Teen cats (which she is until 12-18 months old) still need kitten food. They are also well teenagers. What parent of ANY teenagers talks about being showered with love? ;) When my boys were that age they just wanted to play. So maybe step up the play? Also now might be time to start clicker training her. Also from the time I got both my boys (4 months & 6 weeks) it has been a hard fast rule that if a cat gets in my lap, they get 15 minutes (to just be on me petting optional.) 30 minutes if I put a blanket over my lap. Now my punk hates being held and wants limited petting but he _has_ a lap snuggle schedule! ;)

How to clicker train your cat – Adventure Cats
How to Train Your Cat to Sit in 4 Steps
My boys sit. I'm going to work on teaching them high five.

If you still live with the bf's nephew, give her a safe room where he is not allowed. Then work on building up a relationship with her in that room.

Do You Understand How Your Cat says “I Love You”?

People assume cats are furry furniture they can pick up and manhandle. Imagine how poorly behaved a dog would be if it was never trained or walked or properly socialized. Cats need to play 1-2 times a day. Kittens ... ?20? 5 minute sessions! ;) Teens need 2-4 15 minute play sessions a day. Also my punk is a munch better cat and less of a punk if he gets his bird watching time. So setting up a bird watching window perch should help keep her mentally stimulated.
 

rubysmama

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jtbo

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Ignoring a cat is sometimes making cat like a person more than any attempt of making cat like a person.

Sideways and not looking is easier for cat to tolerate than straight ahead looking to cat's eyes (latter is saying "you are my target").
 
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KyaraRose

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She still grooms me though. But I think it's a comfort thing since she was taken away from mom so young.

Bf hit her cuz she scratched him... Might bring her back to me. But I worry she may become a cat with attitude issues.
 

danteshuman

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He hit her!?!?!?!? Yes she may have issues, he hit her!

Animals bite/scratch to protect themselves. She gets hit by a man 10 times her size & she will be more afraid. Then out of fear she will be scared to approach and scratch/bite more to defend herself.

Hitting a cat never works. What animal behaviorist says spanking a dog or cat works?

Do Cats Remember Abuse?
Will kitten remember abuse?
How to Spot the Signs of Cat Abuse
 
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KyaraRose

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This is the first time she's scratched him, so the first time he's hit her. I'll talk to him later when I'm not feeling so upset. Sad thing is, she still went up to him and curled at his feet. Other than the turkey I'm feeding her, she pretty much stays away from me. And I don't hurt her even if she bites or scratches, which she does a lot. You should see my hands. Although I've accidentally stepped on her a couple of times... She likes to zoom past me when I'm carrying stuff, right between my legs. She's gotten kicked a few times from that and I've spilled many things.
 

danteshuman

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Like I said part of it is the aloof phase. Some cats need to learn to not play rough with the hairless humans, I do a wailing ow when I get claw or teeth but you can say "ow" 'no" or hiss at them, then ignore the cat for 15-30 minutes. For our semi-feral I said 'no' calmly & lightly touched the side of his cheek with 2 fingers then ignored him. A mom/older cat will hiss or bop at a kitten when they cross the line. Other than play/food ignore her unless she comes up to you. You might also try petting her differently.

You’re Petting Your Cat All Wrong!

1 time hitting her probably won't make or break it but it really doesn't work. I would still recommend you play with her & that all treats/food come from you for some months.
 
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KyaraRose

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I pretty much do. He can't stand the smell of cat food. But you have some good ideas. And I hope one hit won't be a permanent problem. Yeah I'm not a cat person, but I love her immensely. I'm sure she hates me cuz I hug and kiss her constantly. Can't help it, she's so cute.
 

danteshuman

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LOL that would do it! I have one cat that touches his nose to mine to give me 'kisses' .... the other cat gets freaked out if I put my face near him/hates being held/hates getting his head kissed..... so I don't do those things.

It helps if you think of them as people with the power of choice. You don't just hug someone who doesn't want to be hugged. You have to build a relationship.

My hates to be held punk tolerates me carrying him downstairs once a day. Why? I put him down on his favorite chair and then hang out with him downstairs so he can hunt birds looking out the sliding glass window. Patience and consistency. Most cats hate the kissy noises. It took years to build him up to the point of his tolerating being held a little bit. My punk was a hyper little guy that didn't want to cuddle until he was 3 or so and then only a tiny bit. He just wanted to play not cuddle.
 
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KyaraRose

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When she was tiny she cuddled me all the time. On me. Now I bother her? She had no problem being held before. Had to be near me. And when I put my face close to hers, she licks it.
 
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KyaraRose

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I mean, how can you possibly not hug and kiss and adore that cute little face? What heartless person could possibly refrain?
 

rubysmama

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Awww... she's really, really adorable. :catlove:

And from the sounds of the things she does, she's just being a cat. :catrub:

About her not being as cuddly as when you first got her, keep in mind she's probably the equivalent of a "tween" now, and doesn't need her "mommy" quite so much.

You do want to try to stop her biting/scratching habit, especially if it's during playtime. Don't use your hands as a toy. Use a real toy. Here's an article on Teach Your Kitten How to Play Nice : The Humane Society of the United States

And I know our instinct is to hit back if something hurts us, but tell your boyfriend that cats don't respond well to discipline, and you don't your kitten to develop any behavioral issues.

Here's a few more articles with more info:
Cats And Discipline Don't Mix
How To Set Healthy Boundaries For Your Cat

One other thing, if you can keep the tips of her claws trimmed they won't be so razor sharp all the time. Here's an article on How To Best Take Care Of Cat Claws.

Lastly, she's now 5-ish months old, you should be aware that she could go into heat almost any time. So you definitely need to ensure she is kept away from intact males, and that she doesn't get outside until you get her spayed.

When To Spay Or Neuter A Cat?
 
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KyaraRose

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Actually she got spayed when she was 4 months. She could have had it done sooner. I was nervous. And I'm a bit upset. They had her in her crate when not being operated on. They had her all day... 10 hours... And when I brought her home I soon found out she'd been lying in her own pee for God knows how long. Anyway I'd been digging my nails into my palm.

Boyfriend does the nail trimming. Though he stops as soon as she fights so he only gets one nail...
 

rubysmama

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Nail trimming, one at a time, is how I try to do my Ruby's nails. She hates her paws being touched, so it's not an easy job. Just the other week, I spent a few days with a bandaid on my finger, when I accidentally got too close to her paw when we were playing.

And that's good that's she's already spayed. They should have provided a litter box for her though. :sigh:
 
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