Why Didn't My Vet Put Him To Sleep?

[Tofoo]

Hi, I hope I'm posting this in the correct area?
My cat died on Wednesday morning. He had been perfectly fine that evening and after a spot of food he went out to pee. This was about 11.30. A few minutes later he was struggling to get back in through the cat flap and thats when I discovered he was struggling to walk, well he couldn't his back end was paralysed. I called the vet and rushed him in. He was panting and wild eyed, scared. It wasn't trauma, he had been outside for all of 3 minutes so it was a blood clot that had come from his heart. I knew it was bad, he couldn't walk, his feet were cold, his tail limp. This wasn't good at all and I knew I was going to lose him. He hadn't been treated for a heart problem but had been coughing recently although he had been treated for asthma and he seemed to respond to treatment. The vet said she thought it was a blood clot from and really there wasn't any coming back from that. She told me she would give him a painkiller and diuretics and to take him back in the morning. I asked if he could die overnight and she said no. At home he seemed less frightened, and wasn't panting or open mouthed but he kept trying to walk and failing, kind of twisting around. Stroking him seemed to soothe him but this went on for a few hours. He also kept making this noise, like he was straining and his heart was beating rapidly, well fluttering all over the place. I knew he was dying and I was in bits, holding him, trying to soothe him. I regret not trusting my gut and ignoring my head saying 'it's 3 in the morning, you can't call the vet again'. I was so stupid not to call, not to ring her regardless of the time of night to have hm put to sleep. He struggled on for another two hours. Eventually he died and I was and still am distraught. The speed of it and my raging guilt at not having him put to sleep, either when I first took him to the vet, or at 3 in the morning. Was he in a lot of pain? He knew he was going and the way he looked at me.
So my question is even after the painkiller she gave him, would he have been in a lot of pain? looking online I saw that a blood clot/heart failure is painful and a vet would euthanise a cat that had this. Should she have said that really he should be put down, to save the hours it took for him to pass? Should I have called her at 3 in the morning? My guilt is indescribable. I loved him so much and can't believe what happened and how I failed him when he really needed me. All I did was stoke him and talk to him as died when Should have been phoning the vet and taking him in to spare him any more pain.

 

[mightyboosh]

Please don't blame yourself. The most important thing is that you loved him and showed that until the end. I've beaten myself up before in similar ways but it's the intentions behind actions that matter most. Hindsight easily controls our thoughts but please don't let it control yours. You didn't fail him, he died in his loving, familiar home and not a daunting, scary clinical place. He's at rest now and wouldn't be happy to see you full of guilt.

 

[Tofoo]

Thank you for your kind words. He was loved, very loved, and yes I'm also glad he was with me in my arms. I just wish I had had the courage to make the phone call to the vet at 3am or that she had offered to euthanise him when I first took him to her rather than inflicting the hours he spent dying. I know he was a happy boy with me and had a good home and I take comfort in that. But the look in his eyes still haunts me because I should have made better decisions for him, quicker more decisive decisions instead of dithering. Thank you again.

 

[orange&white]

I'm sorry for your loss.

You wouldn't be a normal human if you didn't have the "what if I had.." guilt. If you had asked the vet to euthanize him, you'd be wondering if there was the possibility of a miraculous spontaneous recovery against the odds, or if he might have lived more years even with a disability. Our minds always invent "what ifs". It's part of the grieving process.

Your kitty had a wonderful, well cared for life with you. He suffered less than 24 hours in the end, and that itself is a blessing. I'm sure the pain killers from the vet eased his pain. It is very special that he passed in your arms, and I'm sure that your comforting presence helped with his fear of death as he crossed the bridge.

Bless you and bless your kitty. He's in a place where there is no pain and nothing but pleasure and joy. He'll see you again, and he'll watch over you now. I believe they become our little guardian angels.

 

[kittens mom]

It is possible the vet wanted to do further tests to see if she could help your cat since there was no way of knowing the extent of the clotting or heart disease. I want you to put this in perspective that you might have be just as distraught if you now read up on possible life saving treatments and your vet had simply said you should euthanize.
Your vet must have determined that your cat seemed stable enough to go home and come back in the morning but sadly no one can even the best veterinarians can predict with 100% accuracy.
I weep for the pain you went though and your cat's distress but if he had made it till morning and been able to make a full or even partial recovery you would now be beating yourself up for not giving him a chance.
There is on right or wrong answer to what happened here. A medical condition out of your control and your veterinarian and everyone made the best choices they could even you at 3AM.

 

[Tofoo]

Top Cat and kittens mom thank you. You are both right. The 'what ifs' are the worst and what eat us up. i am comforted by him passing in my arms even though it was traumatic at the time. I know my vet did her best as well. She is a lovely vet who i have known for years and I have immense respect for her and she couldn't have predicted with 100% accuracy what would happen and did want to see if she could offer some treatment the following day. I do feel comforted by everyone who has offered me support and sympathy on here, I reflect it back to everyone who is also grieving. Thank you all once more for your kindness.

 

[mary podgorny]

Just want to throw my agreement & 2 cents in here - if you had gone ahead and had him PTS right then, even if the vet had suggested it, or called in the middle of the night and had to have him PTS, as soon as it happened, you probably would have had so much more guilt and second-guessing yourself, wondering it you did it too soon and didn't give him a chance.

You did what you could at the time, and as hard as it must have been to see him go like that, he likely wasn't in too much pain since she did give him pain meds. It probably would have stressed him out more to have to make not just one, but two emergency vet visits while going through all that - it is probably better on his part that he was able to be at home for his last few hours.


You did good.

 

[Tbruner10]

This is probably an older post and I'm not even sure you will see this but...

This past March, we had to say goodbye to one of our fur babies, a rescued street cat that we literally loved into housecat-hood. She was a tortie, beautiful and lots of sass that covered up her sweet side. She liked to keep to herself and sought out quiet places in the house - a corner, the basement. We had her for 2 years, woke up one morning to her dragging her right side, shaking, and cold to the touch. We rushed her to the ER vet who diagnosed her with a possible stroke, along with finding a giant mass in her abdomen. They said we could take her home but she clearly was miserable, and we didn't want her to suffer. She passed away in my arms, while I stroked her fur and whispered how very much we loved her.

My point is this: You will drive yourself crazy with questioning/not knowing and it will only make you miserable. I have been there. Did we do the right thing? Would she still be alive if we had checked on her sooner? Should we have brought her home? Sought a second opinion? Waited to see if she improved, even though it was slim odds?

What matters is very simple: YOU LOVED HIM. And he knew it, right until the very end. You were everything he needed, always. Please remember that.

 

[di and bob]

If you would have had him euthanized when you first took him in you would still have all these feelings of doubt and anguish. It is called grief. When our minds are in turmoil and we are crazy with indecision, we listen to those who have more experience than us, we trust them to guide us through this. Then when we can think rationally once more we pick apart all what happened and come up with different scenarios. The only way you will know for sure is to ask the vet why she did this. It may be a teaching experience for her as well. Trust your gut feelings. You CAN go against what so called experts are telling you. You know your boy better than anyone else. Your sweet boy would want you to use this in the future, not to have it hold you in the past, to hold you prisoner with it's grief and doubt. I know you know deep in your heart it would have come to the same end. You wanted to spare him pain. He had a pain killer, but most importantly he had you. To die at home in the place he loved, being comforted by the one he loved above all else is the most important gift of love you could have given him at the time. I know it is impossible, but try to concentrate on the happiness and love that little boy brought into your life. You didn't fail him, you helped him find peace, you loved him until the end and will for eternity. What you shared can never be taken from you, the bond you forged will stay with you because it is spiritual, not prone to failure like the frail physical body. He would never want you to torture yourself going over situations in the past that can never be changed. Don't go over the should have's, could haves, it changes nothing and only brings tears. Try to celebrate having him in your life, your memories of happiness far outweigh the ones of pain.
My heart goes out to you, I'll pray for you both to find peace. I'm so sorry that precious boy had to go through this, and for you to be left behind to mourn. Take care.......RIP beautiful boy, you will always have a place in a loving heart. Goodnight, sleep tight little one, until you meet again!

 

[Kat0121]

Thank you for your kind words. He was loved, very loved, and yes I'm also glad he was with me in my arms. I just wish I had had the courage to make the phone call to the vet at 3am or that she had offered to euthanise him when I first took him to her rather than inflicting the hours he spent dying. I know he was a happy boy with me and had a good home and I take comfort in that. But the look in his eyes still haunts me because I should have made better decisions for him, quicker more decisive decisions instead of dithering. Thank you again.

Please stop tormenting yourself about this. You did everything you could for him.

He spent his last minutes with the person he loved most. The last thing he saw was you. The last thing he felt was your arms holding him tight and the last thing he heard was you telling him you love him.

He's over at the bridge now being cared for very lovingly. He will always love you and he does not blame you for his passing. You will see him again when the time is right and when you do, your friendship will pick right back up again. Death cannot break the bond the two of you share. It is forever.

 

[kittens mom]

In the beginning our grief is an all consuming black hole only later after time has passed do you really hear the words everyone has shared. We have all been right where you are with the grief and guilt and feeling like we let them down.
Our pets are never with us long enough they are bright spots in our life and when the light goes out the pain is nearly unbearable. Only later do you start to understand as unbelievable as it may sound that all of these feelings you are having are normal.
The greatest tribute you can give to any beloved cat is to share that love with another.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Little One, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

Now, as for you...this is something that you need to forgive yourself for. I promise, your cat has. You made the best decision you could have made, and I am sure that your vet did, as well. I agree with kittens mom that the vet probably felt your cat was stable and that more might be possible with further testing. It sounds as if perhaps your sweet baby threw yet another clot once home again, something that no one could have foreseen. My dear friend, no one can do more than they can do. My own dearest hope is that I can leave this world at home, with a loved one's arms around me. This is the gift that you gave your cat. Be at peace with that. You will grieve, of course, as you should, but don't let guilt drag that grief into a dark place.

 

[Antonio65]

Others have said the right words better than I would have done.
I just want to say I'm sorry for your loss.
Take comfort that it happened in your home, you were the both of you and nobody else around. You were able to cry and show your love to your kitty in total privacy, without stranger eyes on you.
It was a private moment between you and your cat, in the warmth and quietness of your home, and not in the cold and bleak room of a vet surgery.
Hugs!

 

[Max's Human]

Years ago my 1st Malamute had heartworms, and then a stroke paralized on one side. My selfishnesh would not let me say goodbye and to this date I FORGET THE PAIN AND HORROR I PUT HIM THROUGH, NOT WANTING TO LOSE HIM-I WAS HEART BROKEN AND SELFISH. I PUT HIM DOWN NEW YEARS EVE 1997 and I'm promising all my babies they come first!! He spent 12 months looking for a momma all because starving made him kill a sheep, starving!

 

[Mashkasheli]

I am so sorry to hear this. It must have been so traumatic for you. Please do not blame yourself at all. Your cat died in your arms and looking in to your loving eyes. He past away in your arms. The person he loved most. I can not think of a better way to go. I am so sorry for your loss. Mourn and grieve because it is the most natural thing to do, but please do not blame yourself. Take care x

 

[Tofoo]

My thanks to everyone who has posted here offering kindness and support. I appreciate every word. I still cry everyday for him. I don't really want to forgive myself at the moment but I do take solace in that he was with me in the last moments because f I had gone to bed a few minutes earlier he may have died alone and in pain. So, I am glad he had me stroking his head and hugging him at the end, even though it was traumatic and heartbreaking. I guess whatever we do or don't do we always have guilt and remorse? He was very special to me and we did have a strong bond. He was a frightened skinny stray who just turned up one day and chose my home, me and my other cats and overtime he became the softest, soppiest lap cat, always greeting me, wanting fuss and cuddles. He had a big lion face, a fat tummy which he loved to be stroked and a funny scratchy meow. I only really had him for 3 years and he was estimated to be aged around 5. I miss him so much and always will but I know I will be with him again. Thank you again everyone. I hope you all have a healthy and peaceful New Year.
“Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears, but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you..I loved you so- ’twas Heaven here with you.” – Isla Paschal Richardson

 

[di and bob]

The guilt is a part of the grieving process, no matter how we handle things, it is always there. Time is the only thing that helps. I love your quote at the end, it explains the way I choose to view the passing of a loved one, not a future of sadness and to grieve, but a time of thankfulness for having them in our lives and for all they left behind to fill our hearts by loving us.