Who knew?

[arlyn]

When I was younger (17-30) I had no end of guys that wanted to date me.
I always seemed to be in a relationship.

I'm 41 now and I apparently still have a following, that kinda freaks me out.
I'm a lot heavier than I used to be and frankly, I look in the mirror and I don't see a me that I really recognize.
Now I would never say I'm ugly, because I don't believe anyone is ugly, but I am plain.
I have all kinds of guy friends willing to drive 100s of miles for their chance, trouble is, I'm not interested in pursuing any relationship at this point in my life.

I've made this very, very clear and have told them that the best I can offer is a couch to crash on and a weekend partying with friends.
They seem ok with that and I feel it is because they still feel they have some sort of shot.

This is NOT a situation a woman my age is supposed to find themselves in.

I'm not complaining in any way, I kind of like the attention, I just have no experience in dealing with this.

Any advice on how to tactfully avoid an entanglement and still allow them to have a fun weekend?
I have already made arrangements for me to sleep elsewhere (Not in my trailer), while I've made my home available to them.

 

[krazy kat2]

I am glad to know I am not the only one. I have been with dh for nearly 25 years, and I still get hit on by guys much younger than me. I find that very disturbing.
It sounds like you are making your intentions clear in a nice way, but I am not sure I would allow guys that have been partying with you to sleep on your couch if it seems they think they might still have a shot. Even the nicest guys have been known to interpret signals differently than you mean them and may think you are being coy or playing hard to get. Sleeping elsewhere is a very wise move on your part, and a very nice thing to do for your friends. Even if it is freaking you out, you seem to be handling the situation well. If they take it wrong, then it is their loss. You sound like a nice, fun, respectable gal.

 

[trouts mom]

Wowee, I think you are a lucky woman!

 

[arlyn]

I've always had lots of guys friends, it's just most grew up, got married and started families.
I kinda distanced myself out of respect for their wives and a desire to not give the wrong impression.
At this stage in life though, I'm finding that a lot of them are now divorced.

None of them are strangers to me and all of them are gentlemen, always have been.
I just don't want to give any of them the faintest glimmer of hope for anything beyond friendship.
They've all been friends for 20 years or more, so I think I'm ok, I just don't like hurting anyone's feelings in anyway.
And they are not all decending on Needles en masse, I'll be arranging staggered weekends throughout Spring and later Fall as none are from a climate that would allow them to comfortably survive a Mojave Summer

Thank you for the perspective though.
I'll just keep repeating myself nicely to them about my complete lack of romantic interest.

 

[baloneysmom]

Well this is a cool post. I am in the same position as you and I have a boyfriend! My boyfriend always gets mad and accuses me of being too friendly. I personally think men have gotten more ballsey (can I say that? Lol). I have always had a lot male friends and it seems every so often they decide to proclaim their love for me. When my boyfriend and I broke up for just over a month recently… oh boy… did they ALL come out.

Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m very straight forward, and not shy about saying no in the slightest. I have told them straight out without beating around the bush at all that there was no way EVER things would happen between us, but does it help? No. I can assume these men do it to other women, I find it hard to believe that I am so totally awesome that everyone falls in love with me lol. All these guys are really nice guys as well.

I think what you are doing is fine, I really think no matter what you say if they have their eye on you thatâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s not going to change. Just keep alert, dodge the come onâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s, make sure they are on that couch and I think you should be good. I really donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t think there is anyway to stop it LOL. Men have really become aggressive as I am ageing.

CNN actually has an article on this

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/perso...ugh/index.html

 

[darkmavis]

Can you maybe hang out for the day and not make it an overnight thing? Or I guess overnight stay is more convenient if they're coming from 100s of miles away... I'd think the best way to make it clear there won't be any funny business would be to politely tell them your place isn't available for them to stay over, you could say it's too small, or the cats get funny with other people, or don't give any reason. Just say yeah you can come, I know a few hotel options close by..

Good luck beating all those guys off with a stick!!

 

[arlyn]

I've never sent my friends to a motel, we're all working class poor, just the drive from Seattle will be hard enough on the wallet.
As I said, I won't be staying here at home with them, I've made other arrangements.
One will probably just stay in his van in my yard, but he's more like my brother, no worries with him at all, we're in different places in our lives.
I think I might talk to my local guy friend and maybe ask him to run interference for me as well.
I'm rarely home and rarely alone on the weekends, I spend too much time partying around the park, which I think most of my friends back home really envy as Seattle doesn't offer the weather for year round outdoor parties.

 

[calico2222]

I'm around your age (just turned 40 in Oct), and I've found that men of this age are MUCH more mature and not just trying to get a piece. Granted, I'm married and most of our friends are married or have been and are now divorced. Now, the divorced ones can go either way. Either they respect you and your friendship and just want to have a good time partying (adult style) or they think they are 23 again and want to relive their youth. The former, have a good time with them and don't worry about them...the latter just tell them no, ignore them and tell them to grow up. Stay somewhere else is probably a good plan overall.

I honestly thinks men are like dogs and they need to be shown their boundaries and what is allowed and what isn't. Some just learn better than others, and the ones that don't learn the first time should be put in cages!

(just kidding guys....but it is a thought.....

)

On a side note, I know the feeling of looking in the mirror and not recognizing the woman looking back. What happened???? But, I look at every wrinkle and every ounce of fat as an experience of what made me who I am today. Good or bad, it's still me.

 

[oodlesofpoodles]

I have always just found it odd how many male friends i have when i am single. When my last relationship ended countless guys wanted to lend a shoulder...But now i am engaged, and i dont hear from a single one of these "Friends" any more. The thing that gets me is most of my life i never realized a guy liked me until years down the road...lol i guess i dont see myself as anything special. :shrug:

 

[arlyn]

Originally Posted by oodlesofpoodles

I have always just found it odd how many male friends i have when i am single. When my last relationship ended countless guys wanted to lend a shoulder...But now i am engaged, and i dont hear from a single one of these "Friends" any more. The thing that gets me is most of my life i never realized a guy liked me until years down the road...lol i guess i dont see myself as anything special. :shrug:

It's slightly different for me, I have always had lots of male friends, I just never notice the line forming behind me until I'm single.
I'm also usually clueless that any have had any romantic interest in me until they tell me.
I guess I'm just too dense to notice the flirting.

 

[oodlesofpoodles]

Lol yeah i never much noticed the flirting either. Actually most of the guys who liked me that i didnt realize liked me ended up hating me because i never noticed their attention. they though i was blowing them off.

 

[rachelh1018]

Ugh, so it never ends?!

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years now so men think they have a chance and think my boyfriend is dragging his feet. We are 100% committed to one another and we're just waiting until he gets out of grad school so we can be more stable. But men come flocking...and it's just not nice ones.. it's plenty of creepy ones as well.

I have the same problem with being nice and afraid to hurt anyone's feelings. Since when does friendly = chance? I treat everyone the same... I'm polite and respectful... isn't that how we were taught to treat everyone???