When will he return? Neutered feral

[shadowsrescue]

I'm not sure "betrayed" is the right word here.  Upset, scared, worried, yes.  But we tend to sometimes inaccurately put human emotions into situations - only human to do so.

What I mean to say is YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.  Don't beat yourself up about it.  He may very well have calmed down enough from the neutering that he found himself a nice inside home with someone who is pampering him.  There's as much a chance of that as any negative sceanario we can think of...

I have three inside former ferals, one of whom still refuses to be touched (after five years inside).  But everytime the door opens, all three run and hide under the bed.  No way are they going outside EVER again.  They have it good and they know it. 

I am trying to encourage you - you did the right thing and he's better off for it.  Please don't use up any more time feeling guilty.

At first I did feel guilt, but I absolutely know I did the right thing and Patches is better off.  I also knew I was taking a gamble that he might not return.  Over the weekend and yesterday I put fliers in mailboxes asking if anyone has seen him.  I just want to know that he is ok.  I'd also love to know who else cares for him.  I really really thought I would hear from someone.  I was fairly certain I knew the area where he went.  I don't have tons of houses around and know all of my neighbors that are close.  I just hope he is ok.  I guess there is the chance that he also decided to move on some place new.  Maybe once his hormones completely settle he will remember how good he had it here! 

Thanks for the encouraging words.

 

[bastfriend]

I surely hope he returns to you!

 

[catwoman707]

Oh my gosh, I didn't mean betrayed by you!!!!!!!!!!

I meant back when he was likely dumped or abandoned by his former owners, forced to resort to the life of a feral, certainly NOT by you for neutering him! Jeez, sorry about that.

No, somehow when I had felt guilt for trapping a feral cat who grew to trust me, even though I knew it was the right thing to do, and best for his future, I would still have a little guilt. But after soooo many I have done now I realize, in a very short time they are forgiving and seem to forget the whole experience. Even the ones who were stuck living in that darn trap for nearly a week forget and forgive me. It's kinda like they sense that you did a good thing, probably my imagination though but hey.....

But soon after they carryon with the norm.

 

[catwoman707]

Yeah I just reread what I wrote again, it does sound like I was saying he felt betrayed by you, sorry about that! That's the last thing I would say to you for doing something so good for his life and best interests.

I had also the same thought as ondine, that it's possible he is able to be inside someplace, and it just feels so good to him, why leave? Even so, sooner or later you will surely see him again.

I wouldn't worry about him being hit either, he's been outside long enough to revert to a feral's life, they learn by watching. How often do you see a dead feral in the road compared to how many are actually living out there, right?

Smart kitties

 

[shadowsrescue]

Yeah I just reread what I wrote again, it does sound like I was saying he felt betrayed by you, sorry about that! That's the last thing I would say to you for doing something so good for his life and best interests.

I had also the same thought as ondine, that it's possible he is able to be inside someplace, and it just feels so good to him, why leave? Even so, sooner or later you will surely see him again.

I wouldn't worry about him being hit either, he's been outside long enough to revert to a feral's life, they learn by watching. How often do you see a dead feral in the road compared to how many are actually living out there, right?

Smart kitties

Oh no worries at all.  I didn't think you meant anything bad by it.  I agree that he probably feels betrayed by his first owner who abandoned him and left him to fend for himself.  Yet, he probably isn't too thrilled with me either.  I know I did the right thing.  I hope once his hormones completely rid themselves of his body, he will decided to return and remember the good times.

This is the 3rd cat I have trapped.  I never in my life time thought I would need to trap any cats let alone 3 in the span of 2 years.  I am amazed that there are so many ferals in my area.  I live in the middle of suburbia and never thought about it at all.  Now I also have heard there are others roaming around.  I will continue to TNR as needed and take care of the 2 or 3 that stick around.  It is sometimes just a difficult process as I often worry about their well being.  Of course I would love them all to someday choose to live inside with me.  I am close with one of them!

Thanks for the well seasoned advice and experience.  I appreciate it.

 

[feralvr]

Hun, all I can say is a BIG HUGE for putting your heart on the line for feral cats. We can't help but get attached to them even from a distance. I think it takes a bit of courage, well a lot of courage, to know that we have absolutely no control over their safety and no control as to whether on any given day we will never see them again. The most important part of what we do IS the TNR so that these cats cannot keep breeding adding more and more feral cats, that is the goal. Our hearts do get crushed from time to time and if even one of these cats becomes a willing participant to be socialized then that is just a bonus, a big one. Some cats do tend to take off after their TNR, we have to accept that. Most times they do return to their original territory. It is amazing to me how adept they are at surviving. Just blows my mind actually. Hang in there because I do think you will see Patches again. :nod:

 

[catwoman707]

Feralvr said it so well.

Anyone I have ever known who rescues, tnr's, etc does so from their heart.

I also know how it affects my heart, each and every time. So much good on one side of it, but so much worry, sadness, and sometimes heartbreak on the other. At times it even feels like the bad outweighs the good, even though it really doesn't.

I could think about just the last 100 rescues I've done, whether saved from death row, "found" newborn litters, a sick or injured homeless cat or feral cat, an old cat dumped at the shelter by owners who don't want to see the poor cat's life through to the end, whatever the circumstances are that these kitties found their way to me, the huge majority have wonderful, ideal endings, a loving home forever, they leave healthy and happy, allowed to forget the past.

Maybe 85% end this way. I couldn't ask for more realistically.

But that other 15% who don't, they came to me too late and were too far along in their sickness, I didn't get to the shelter in time and they were killed, some of the newborns weren't strong enough, or a feral I had tnr'd is hit by a car, occasionally I have had to humanely euthanize to stop the suffering, and so on....many many stories, and each and every one of them had a name, and love.

None of them will ever be forgotten. The feeling of sadness for their lives, what they went through, I can't seem to forget.

But the overall picture is still the same, is it worth it? Of course it is. It definitely takes a toll when we deal with the occasional downside, but always remember, we are not God, we are angels, we do our best and what is best and the right thing for them. So all the good you do always outweighs what you can't do, or can't control.

I know about the wonder, why is he staying away, and so on. The worry and love you feel for ferals from a distance.

On my cat route last night (cat colonies I have tnr'd that I continue to care for) I saw once again one of my little ferals I have been caring for, for maybe 9 years now, is not showing up when I pull in. 3 times now in a row, and I know something is wrong. As much as that hurts me now, I also know that he never would have had the life I was able to give him.

Just know that anytime you want to tnr, you are doing the best you can do for their life.

FYI-the more active you get in tnr'ing, the more you will see are out there! Good luck and a big thank you!

 

[bastfriend]

Your post made me tear up Catwoman707.   Today again second day in a row Hercules isn't there, it's cold and raining, and I wonder is it like I hope that there's a second feeder out there?  or is it something I fear instead.  Worrying what to do when I move.   This one feral cat has me in pieces all too often, so those of you who dare to save so many my hat is off to you in great admiration.

May everyone's lost ferals find their way back or to a safe harbor

 

[ondine]

Catwoman77:  I did not mean to imply that you were accusing anyone.  Lord knows it is hard enough for each of us to do this work without fussing at one another.  I know I sometimes personify the ferals I help and just KNOW they hate me, feel betrayed by me, want to kill me.

I just want Shadow Rescue to know it's a common feeling we humans have and that the cat is probably where he is feeling the safest right now.  They are opportunistic little buggers, so I feel pretty confident he will return when it suits him.  If not, she has done the right thing.  What you said about of us being angels was very nice and quite descriptive.  Thank you!

 

[shadowsrescue]

I just want to thank you all for your kind words and wonderful support.  Many times people just do not understand feral cats and the relationships we form with them.  I have many people ask me how I could even care what happens to a feral cat or why even waste my time.  When I try to explain how passionate I feel about helping these cats, they often look at my like I have 3 heads.  My DH and DS are wonderfully supportive, but I have yet to find people in my area  who feel so strongly about helping ferals. 

I remember when Patches first appeared on my deck in late December 2010.  He has a black and brown striped bushy tail and I thought for sure it was a raccoon.  He came about 10x and appeared very well fed. I was certain he was someone's cat.  Yet when the temps dropped and the snow began, I wondered why someone would let their cat out in such conditions.  By mid Jan 2011 he had disappeared.  I then assumed I was right and he was an owned cat.  Yet to my surprise he showed up again in April 2011.  He was skin and bones.  He would come onto the deck looking for food, but if he saw me, he would run for cover.  I then decided I would do my best to care for him as well as he desperately needed food. His visits began to occur frequently.  He would come and go and I would never know when he would show up.  I had decided I didn't want to get attached.  I was already caring for one feral and had 2 other animals inside the house.  Yet, this little bugger wormed his way into my heart.  I first thought he was a she and I decided to name her Peaches.  After a month or so, I caught a glimpse of Peaches rolling on the deck with a catnip toy.  I could clearly see that Peaches was no Peaches!  So Patches was named!  He was always unpredictable.  He would wander for days and then show up exhausted and starving.  This was his pattern until the winter of 2011/2012 when he finally decided to stick around.  He shared shelter space with my other feral, Shadow all winter.  I would always find them snuggled together in their shelter and it was so comforting that they had each other for warmth and company.  I knew Patches needed to be neutered.  I borrowed a trap from my neighbor and was all set to trap.  Patches must have known my plans as the next day, he left and didn't come back for 5 months.  I was certain he was dead.  But then learned how it was hormone season and he was out stalking females.  I was crushed that I had been unable to trap him.  I always had hope that he would return.  Imagine my surprise after 5 long months, he did reappear.  At first it was the briefest of showings.  It was almost as though he came by only to let me know he was ok.  He would come periodically but only at night.  When fall arrived and it was cold again, the winter shelter was put back up.  He seemed to have no interest.  This past winter he would come often for food and many times wanting to come just inside my sliding door.  He enjoyed belly rubs and brushings.  Yet, he would swoop in and swoop out.  He is a wanderer as well as a survivor. He spent the winter coming and going only occasionally staying the night.  I was sad and wondered where he had moved onto.  Yet, in early March his visits began to increase and he was even spending parts of the night.  I knew I had to trap him before it was too late. 

The wonder and sadness on his disappearance is the hardest part.  It was absolutely the right thing to do.  I hope he is somewhere safe and when the feelings he has about being trapped are reduced, I hope he will return.

Once again, thank you all for your support. 
 

 

[catwoman707]

Ondine, of course I know you didn't! I just wanted to be sure and clarify what I meant to say to Shadowsrescue, since she was feeling he may stay away as he felt SHE might have betrayed him, which is def. not the case, it's sort of a 'guilt' thing I guess...been there

Bastfriend, over the years it has crossed my mind that an opportunity might arise and I should move. But the first thought is always, who will take over my route?.......forget that, I can't move!

So that's a tough one to answer. At least in your case the mission would be to find a rescue group who might have a member that feeds around where your cat(s) need to be fed.

In my situation it is an entire route, and I rarely hear of anyone else feeding or doing any tnr work here, so chances are, they would not get fed.........and I can't allow that to happen so I'm basically stuck here!

There is always the idea that you can relocate wherever you move to. You just need to know how important it is to acclimate for at least 3 weeks, as well as really scoping out the area for who's territory it is that you are bringing in 'new kids to the block'! Ferals don't take too well to newcomers on their turf.

All of us who care for ferals are on the same page. I believe we all are connected in a sense. We get it... It's not their fault, they were born unwanted, unloved, no name, identity, no real place in this world to feel they belong. They are treated like disposable garbage, a nuisance, that because they fear people, they are different than our fat/spoiled resident kitties.

They feel hunger, fear, cold, tired, lost, love, sick, lonely and alone.

But it takes us special people to have the heart and insight, and compassion to know this.

Disregard someone not understanding how we can feel for ferals, it's simply ignorance, lack of knowledge, lack of exposure. I call my cat route cats, "my cats away from home". They all get names, I talk to them all, they trust me that I am good and not a threat, they wait for me on feeding night. I would never NOT show up, as I have seen several times, when I have had to go on my route later than usual, even several hours, there they wait, same spot as always, they know I will be there, and I can't bare the thought of them waiting all night long for me and I didn't go. I am their one GOOD thing in their lives. They count on that.

Believe me, there are times it's freezing cold, pouring down rain and wind, or I am sick, and I SURELY do not want to go, but I think of them, they are actually LIVING out in that freezing cold and rain, I can hop back in my car and blast the heater!

Our local shelter is a high kill one. They euthanize DAILY, sadly, up to 65 a day. Hard to imagine isn't it?................

They know, anytime a cat they believe is feral comes to them, if it has an eartip, call me. I will pull it out of there and return it to where it came from, in the hopes that it will never get into a trap again.

Anytime there is a VERY pregnant feral, I will pull them, let her have her kids, and relocate her to a barn home when she is done caring for them, and have the kids all fixed and vaxed, dewormed and tested and go up for adoption.

If any come who they question whether feral or just terrified, I have a specific person who will go re-evaluate them and let me know if they are actually a tame cat, and I pull them. (I can't do it myself, once I see a face that's it, I have to save them)

Every cat, whether feral, semi-feral, old, sick, etc deserves to live. I have continuously running posts on craigslist, etc saying barn kitties/mousers available. Go green, adopt a barn cat! Will mouse for food, and so on. It allows me to save as many as I possibly can. Always are spayed/neutered and vaccinated first.

Honestly, it's very hard, makes me crazy most of the time, but I wouldn't change a thing.

 

[shadowsrescue]

I cannot believe it, but Patches returned last night!!  Shadow was in his shelter and Orange kitty had been lounging on a chair pad on the deck.  All at once I heard yowling.  I look out and see Orange kitty with his head low and vocalizing.  I look closer and there was Patches trying to come up the deck stairs.  I ran outside with tears streaming down my face like a crazy woman!  Orange kitty ran under the deck and Patches stopped and looked right at me.  He wouldn't come as he was too spooked by Orange kitty.  He looked quite thin upon first inspection in the dark and something about his face looked different too.  He didn't stay and I knew he wouldn't come back that night.  Yet, I am so happy that he is alive and is attempting to come back.

Now I have to figure out how to get Patches and Orange kitty acclimated.  Both were neutered 6 and 7 weeks ago.  They most likely still have some hormones and most likely are testing their manhood. 

It look Patches 6 weeks to the day to return.  Last time he returned after being gone for 5 months, his return was very slow.  He showed up and then not again for a few weeks.  I am hoping since he looked kind of thin that he needs food and will be brave and come out earlier when Orange kitty isn't around.

Thanks so much for all of the positive encouragement on his impending return.

 

[ondine]

Good news! You are right, too. It will take time for all the hormones to die down enough for these guys to adjust to one another. Is there a separate place, a little farther out maybe, where you can feed Patches for a bit? Just to make sure he's getting some food. You might be able to facilitate his return by slowly moving his food closer and closer to the others. Good luck and thank you for helping them all!

 

[katluver4life]

Oh I am so happy for you! Such good news.

Good news! You are right, too. It will take time for all the hormones to die down enough for these guys to adjust to one another. Is there a separate place, a little farther out maybe, where you can feed Patches for a bit? Just to make sure he's getting some food. You might be able to facilitate his return by slowly moving his food closer and closer to the others. Good luck and thank you for helping them all!

 I would try to set up a food station for him a bit farther away from the deck, just far enough so he'd feel safe enough to eat.

 

[catwoman707]

I am so thrilled for you!! I truly know you have been very bothered by his disappearing, no matter how many encouraging words you heard !

(I get that!)

I must say though, that is not the norm, 6 weeks is a long time, so there must have been something else that caused/allowed him to make it so long away.

6 and 7 weeks is plenty enough time for the hormones to adjust, now it's a territorial thing between the one who has been there, and the one who is trying to come back.

Anyway, great news, I'm so happy for him and you!

 

[kittyandco]

Hehe, this is kind of like what happened with our medium-haired feral tux, Loafy. He disappeared for almost three months, and what made it worse is that we'd last seen him right before our vacation, refusing to use one of his back legs, probably hurt it. And then, one night, this guy shows back up while his tabby brother is cleaning up the leftovers. [And then he tried to mate with the tabby, or something. Meh.] The PREVIOUS NIGHT we'd declared him KIA by a coyote or similar.

The important thing to remember about ferals, is that if you think they're dead, they probably aren't dead.

I'm glad your kitty came back. It's just a thrill when you see their little faces that have been gone so long, isn't it? c:

And I agree, set up some sort of feeding station slightly farther away from where Orange Kitty eats. At least your orange kitty doesn't try and rip apart every new cat he sees, like Mr. Orangey out back... -w-'

 

[shadowsrescue]

Setting up a feeding station off the deck is definitely something I will try.  I just hope he will come early enough before I have to bring the food in for the night.  We have so many darn raccoons, opossums and skunks that I cannot leave food out over night.  Knowing Patches he will wait awhile before coming back again.  I am just happy he is alive and wants to come back.  It did my heart good to see him!
 

 

[bastfriend]

I'm so very glad for you and Patches!!!!

 

[kittyandco]

I know what you mean. So many dang creatures of the night! Those 'coons can get HUGE! (We saw one at LEAST three feet tall at the back. o.o')

When we see a kitty after we bring food in, we just put it back out, watch carefully, and take it back in when they finish nomming.

 

[shadowsrescue]

Patches appeared again last night, but it was after midnight so I had missed him.  We have surveillance cameras on our deck so I am able to see what happens during the night.  He came up onto the deck this time and Orange kitty moved to the back of the deck.  Of course no food was out, but Patches did check.  After a quick look around, he left and Orange kitty left awhile later.  There didn't seem to be any issues, but of course I can only see images not video or sound.  At least he is making his way back.  He did look really skinny.  Hopefully he will remember to come earlier.

Last night I left the food out a little bit longer than usual as I was still up and watching things.  It was just after 9:30pm and a darn raccoon started to come up onto the deck.  I was able to chase him away.  I usually don't see them that early, but when they are hungry nothing stands in their way.