What's going on with me

neely

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My mom called me the other day crying and asked me not to talk about her in therapy, and about how she wouldn't let me use the washing machine. Therapy is for me and it's supposed to be confidential. I'll say what I please!!!!
Exactly, I completely agree with you. :agree: The fact that your mother asked you not to talk about her in therapy proves she knows the way she was treating you was wrong. You are so right, therapy is for you and unless you explain your side of the story the therapist won't understand what you have been through. Best of luck, we're all thinking of you.:grouphug:
 

Lari

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Therapy is supposed to be confidential, so say what you need to. And don't tell people what you're going to tell your therapist.

I think it would be better for you not to talk to your mom, too, but if you're going to, I would suggest using the gray rock technique. Basically, it's about being as boring as a rock and not telling her anything she could use against you if she loses it. Stuff like "I'm fine, dad's fine. We're eating well." It's not mean to be as boring as possible and it'll help protect you. Let her do most of the talking and give bland answers to her questions without giving away your thoughts.
 
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maggiedemi

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but at least he realized she was lying
Oh, I wouldn't go that far! They have a serious mommy worship thing. I've never seen anything like it. They will rationalize anything she does to me. They think that I just "felt" that I couldn't use the washing machine. But no, she actually jumped in front of it and blocked me from using it! I even showed him the pile of dirty blankets and cat towels that she never let me wash, and he took them to the dump himself, but still he has a hard time believing it.

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Therapy is supposed to be confidential, so say what you need to. And don't tell people what you're going to tell your therapist.
This is a bit of a unique situation though. I don't know if the therapist is reporting back to my brothers. I hope not. And I hope the therapist won't start off by reading me a list of all the bad things my mother said about me, like the crisis lady did on the phone.

I think it would be better for you not to talk to your mom, too, but if you're going to, I would suggest using the gray rock technique. Basically, it's about being as boring as a rock and not telling her anything she could use against you if she loses it. Stuff like "I'm fine, dad's fine. We're eating well." It's not mean to be as boring as possible and it'll help protect you. Let her do most of the talking and give bland answers to her questions without giving away your thoughts.
Yes, I was thinking of just talking about the weather or food. Anything else and she just gets hysterical and starts crying. She is there all alone during the day with a cat, while that lady works. She called me twice yesterday. She offered to bring groceries over or money for dad. She really wants to come here and see what we are doing with the house. She doesn't want my brother throwing away all her junk. Too late! My brother said he will talk to the Elders of the church to keep her from coming here. She will listen to them hopefully.
 

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I am just reading this and you and your dad have my prayers. :hugs: (Cats too, of course.) Meals on Wheels is a great organization. I think many of the people who deliver the meals are volunteers, and enjoy talking to the recipients. When I look at what you have written, you have been through many struggles but also have a lot of miracles. Your dad's health, for example. I hope that your lives continue to improve. Please remind him that wearing the orthotic device, whether it is a boot or shoe is extremely important. Even if it is 24/7 and gets on his nerves. (Usually there is a special boot at night.) I try not to give medical advice, but am making an exception here because I have a great deal of experience with this. You are a strong person who has overcome so much. Maybe you don't realize what you have accomplished. Please continue to keep us posted.
 

JamesCalifornia

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~ The more effective a therapy is the less patients will talk about it outside of session. Example : Hearing someone say "My therapist says ..." is a bad sign.
Therapy should be a safe private place for confidentiality, understanding and hopefully healing. No reason whatsoever to "share" with anyone. :cloud9:
 

MoochNNoodles

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This is a bit of a unique situation though. I don't know if the therapist is reporting back to my brothers. I hope not. And I hope the therapist won't start off by reading me a list of all the bad things my mother said about me, like the crisis lady did on the phone.
I've done some work where HIPPA laws applied; and this is one area, and I've never seen where a medical professional could report what a person said without their consent. If you've not been declared incompetent; then I cannot see where this would be required or even remotely LEGAL. I think you need to very seriously consider protecting yourself with your own caseworker's support. It might not be pleasant to think this way; but this is necessary for your own safety and future. You owe no one explanations or details. No one.
 
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maggiedemi

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When I look at what you have written, you have been through many struggles but also have a lot of miracles.
Yes, things are finally starting to turn around. My brother said they gave my dad only 48 hours to live at one point, but he surprised everybody!

If you've not been declared incompetent; then I cannot see where this would be required or even remotely LEGAL
I think I came pretty close to it! I had to get better fast, or I would have lost my cats. Luckily I was able to articulate well and explain my home situation. I had to really fight and advocate for myself and the cats. Hopefully things continue to improve.


Dad is really enjoying his Meals on Wheels. His favorites so far were the Meatloaf and Chocolate Brownie. They substitute a lot of stuff. He was excited for the butterscotch pudding, but they ended up giving him something that looked like a baked apple. He gave it to me and I chopped it up in my stir-fry. The people are really nice, they said the mac & cheese meal on Feb 22 is vegetarian, and they will send me over a meal to eat with my dad for $5. They said anytime I see something on the menu I want, just let them know.

Dad's nurse came today. She said he is doing fantastic and surprising everybody considering his insurance company booted him from rehab in Vermont before he was even done. But his physical therapist is coming tomorrow.

So many changes! Weird having strangers in the house, mom gone, remodeling, throwing out of hoarding clutter, using the washing machine, outings with brothers and cousins. Hard to believe all this is real!

I canceled my vet appointment after 25 people told me that the new vet is a bad guy! But another miracle, my old vet finally opened back up in the town 30 minutes from me and they are trying to get us in this month. They said I have to prepay though, because I am a chronic canceler. Ha!.... Anxiety will do that....But since they are so close, I can just pay on a trip to town.
 

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Yes, things are finally starting to turn around. My brother said they gave my dad only 48 hours to live at one point, but he surprised everybody!
Your Dad is a survivor...

I think I came pretty close to it! I had to get better fast, or I would have lost my cats. Luckily I was able to articulate well and explain my home situation. I had to really fight and advocate for myself and the cats. Hopefully things continue to improve.
... and so are you. I've always known you were stronger than you gave yourself credit for, but when you had to, you proved it to yourself, and everyone else.
Your Dad is lucky to have you as a daughter. And Maggie and Demi are lucky to have your as their cat mama. :petcat:

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CatladyJan

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Oh, I wouldn't go that far! They have a serious mommy worship thing. I've never seen anything like it. They will rationalize anything she does to me. They think that I just "felt" that I couldn't use the washing machine. But no, she actually jumped in front of it and blocked me from using it! I even showed him the pile of dirty blankets and cat towels that she never let me wash, and he took them to the dump himself, but still he has a hard time believing it.
This is a bit of a unique situation though. I don't know if the therapist is reporting back to my brothers. I hope not. And I hope the therapist won't start off by reading me a list of all the bad things my mother said about me, like the crisis lady did on the phone.
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You need to ask your therapist, if you did not designate your care to be discussed with them it's a HIPPA violation. You have the right to be informed.
 

neely

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But his physical therapist is coming tomorrow.
How did your dad's physical therapy appointment go? Wasn't this the day your mother was planning to come to the house or did the Elders at her church keep her from coming?

Great news about your old vet finally opening back up. Hope you can get an appointment this month. :crossfingers:
 
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maggiedemi

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The elders spoke to my mom. She was crying on the phone and told me that she's not allowed to come to the house. Even though she treated me so terribly all those years, I still felt so bad for her! I don't want to see anybody hurting, even her.

Dad's physical therapy appointment went well. He tried to get her to do it in the living room, but she wanted to do it in the kitchen holding on to appliances. It was a little weird trying to do my dishes and clean the kitchen while she was having him do kicks. 🤣 He said it made his foot feel better though. My brothers wanted me to practice bringing in my Target order without Dad's help, but his physical therapist insisted on bringing it in for me. She was like, I'll carry it in for you just to be safe. Do I look like a wimp or something?!

His meals on wheels was supposed to be baked haddock, but it was swiss steak. He liked it though. He doesn't get meals on Sat & Sun. Monday is supposed to be shepherd's pie. Hopefully they don't substitute it. He liked his Lorna Doone Cookies and Fruit Punch. That wasn't on the menu either. They substitute a lot! But he's not too picky. They give him mashed potatoes and mixed veggies a lot, which he really likes. And usually some type of bread, bun, biscuit, or roll.

I think my brother threw away some of my measuring spoons. He is throwing away everything in sight ! I'm glad to finally get rid of my mom's hoarding clutter, but if you don't yell out stop, he will even throw away your coat with your wallet and id in it!!!! Good thing I walked in the room! 😲
 

neely

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He liked his Lorna Doone Cookies
What a coincidence, that brings back sentimental memories since my dad loved Lorna Doone cookies. He liked shortbread cookies too.

The elders spoke to my mom. She was crying on the phone and told me that she's not allowed to come to the house. Even though she treated me so terribly all those years, I still felt so bad for her! I don't want to see anybody hurting, even her.
You are too kind and good natured. 🤗 That's an admirable trait to have but after everything she's done to you I don't know if I could feel the same way. However, it's best that the Elders spoke to your mother and kept her from coming to the house. There's no telling what she would have done or how she would have reacted if she saw what your brother threw away. She may have even taken it out on your dad or you.:eek:
 
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maggiedemi

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Well the main thing was her making me live in filth. Now that is over forever, so we get along pretty well. I will always have clean clothes and bedding now. It will take a little longer to get rid of her hoarding clutter. It is even in my bedroom and dad's bedroom! My brother took so much to the dump, but he hasn't even made a dent in it. And we also have to clean out the cellar, garage, and screenhouse/shed.

I don't like to touch a lot of it because of my OCD and all the dust/dirt. But maybe as I go to therapy, I will get better at helping him. I do vacuum for him though. And I put the dirty blankets, pillows, towels in garbage bags for him. I do what I can. It's a process. He got the most frustrated and tired cleaning out my mom's room. We didn't realize how much stuff she had packed in there. What a fire hazard!

Yeah, the elders spoke to her. She cannot come here. When I told my brother about her secret plan to come here he said "I don't want any drama from mom! Now is not the time for her to come here. Thank you for telling me. You did the right thing. I'll speak to the elders and they will keep her from coming."

She won't disobey the elders, that's for sure! She would never be able to handle losing all her clutter. She would cry, scream, faint, probably have a heart attack.
 
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maggiedemi

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Worse yet, she might change her mind and move back.
She can't. She's never allowed to live with me again because of the things she told the caseworker about me. Plus my brothers don't want any of us living with her anymore. Just me and my dad alone. If I don't live with dad, then he has to go to assisted living or a nursing home. The only reason he was allowed to come home is because I'm here.

Things are going good. I have to do all dad's laundry too, so I think I'm going to do one load every night. I really let it pile up, in actual piles on mom's bedroom floor! But eventually the pile will dwindle down. I hope...

My brother locked the screenhouse/shed and took the key with him. He said he mailed it back, but it never came. Dad is threatening to break the lock!
 

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The elders spoke to my mom. She was crying on the phone and told me that she's not allowed to come to the house. Even though she treated me so terribly all those years, I still felt so bad for her! I don't want to see anybody hurting, even her.
Sometimes loving someone IS setting firm boundaries with them; whether it's not allowing her back or not allowing her to spread lies about you again. What you say almost happened to you is very very scary. Forgiving doesn't mean giving room for it to happen again. Old behaviors are often comfortable and easy to slip back into. I would definitely verify the confidentiality with the therapist before you discuss anything. You should be signing HIPPA paperwork with every provider yearly!

Having other people witness whats been going on might be a really really good thing for her; even if it's hard for her now. :hugs:
 
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maggiedemi

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I don't think it will happen to me again, because I'm in the system now, I have so many people helping me. I'm lucky that I was able to articulate well and that everybody involved liked me. I came pretty close to being committed and my cats put in a shelter or thrown in the woods. Dad said he tried to stick up for me and the cats, but he was basically incompetent or whatever it's called. Medically incompetent? I forget the word he used, but he couldn't take care of himself, so they took over. He's only allowed to live here because I'm here, I don't think they would ever let him live alone again. He told me he plans to live until at least 90.

I'm washing all dad's work clothes. They are so stained! I used Tide powder, I hope they come clean. I couldn't find the stain booster. My brother threw away or moved everything in sight. I don't really know how to use it anyway, in this front loader.

Dad wants to do a Walmart order for my brother to pick up Friday. He requested Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix. It's nice to see him cooking again. He got hooked on peaches and juice in the hospital. So I found some peach juice for him. I didn't even know that existed! Ocean Spray Cranberry Peach Juice and Simply Peach Juice. Hope he likes it.
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maggiedemi

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Dad just took off in his truck! I couldn't stop him. I don't even know if he's allowed to drive yet. He doesn't have his special boot yet. He's going to ruin it, my brothers won't let us stay together if he doesn't listen!
 
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