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Exactly, I completely agree with you.
The fact that your mother asked you not to talk about her in therapy proves she knows the way she was treating you was wrong. You are so right, therapy is for you and unless you explain your side of the story the therapist won't understand what you have been through. Best of luck, we're all thinking of you.
Oh, I wouldn't go that far! They have a serious mommy worship thing. I've never seen anything like it. They will rationalize anything she does to me. They think that I just "felt" that I couldn't use the washing machine. But no, she actually jumped in front of it and blocked me from using it! I even showed him the pile of dirty blankets and cat towels that she never let me wash, and he took them to the dump himself, but still he has a hard time believing it.
This is a bit of a unique situation though. I don't know if the therapist is reporting back to my brothers. I hope not. And I hope the therapist won't start off by reading me a list of all the bad things my mother said about me, like the crisis lady did on the phone.
Yes, I was thinking of just talking about the weather or food. Anything else and she just gets hysterical and starts crying. She is there all alone during the day with a cat, while that lady works. She called me twice yesterday. She offered to bring groceries over or money for dad. She really wants to come here and see what we are doing with the house. She doesn't want my brother throwing away all her junk. Too late! My brother said he will talk to the Elders of the church to keep her from coming here. She will listen to them hopefully.
I've never heard of the "gray rock technique", so Googled it. In addition, to what
Lari
posted, here's a graphic that also explains it
(Cats too, of course.) Meals on Wheels is a great organization. I think many of the people who deliver the meals are volunteers, and enjoy talking to the recipients. When I look at what you have written, you have been through many struggles but also have a lot of miracles. Your dad's health, for example. I hope that your lives continue to improve. Please remind him that wearing the orthotic device, whether it is a boot or shoe is extremely important. Even if it is 24/7 and gets on his nerves. (Usually there is a special boot at night.) I try not to give medical advice, but am making an exception here because I have a great deal of experience with this. You are a strong person who has overcome so much. Maybe you don't realize what you have accomplished. Please continue to keep us posted.
I've done some work where HIPPA laws applied; and this is one area, and I've never seen where a medical professional could report what a person said without their consent. If you've not been declared incompetent; then I cannot see where this would be required or even remotely LEGAL. I think you need to very seriously consider protecting yourself with your own caseworker's support. It might not be pleasant to think this way; but this is necessary for your own safety and future. You owe no one explanations or details. No one.
Yes, things are finally starting to turn around. My brother said they gave my dad only 48 hours to live at one point, but he surprised everybody!
I think I came pretty close to it! I had to get better fast, or I would have lost my cats. Luckily I was able to articulate well and explain my home situation. I had to really fight and advocate for myself and the cats. Hopefully things continue to improve.
Your Dad is a survivor...
... and so are you. I've always known you were stronger than you gave yourself credit for, but when you had to, you proved it to yourself, and everyone else.
This is a bit of a unique situation though. I don't know if the therapist is reporting back to my brothers. I hope not. And I hope the therapist won't start off by reading me a list of all the bad things my mother said about me, like the crisis lady did on the phone.
How did your dad's physical therapy appointment go? Wasn't this the day your mother was planning to come to the house or did the Elders at her church keep her from coming?
He said it made his foot feel better though. My brothers wanted me to practice bringing in my Target order without Dad's help, but his physical therapist insisted on bringing it in for me. She was like, I'll carry it in for you just to be safe. Do I look like a wimp or something?!
What a coincidence, that brings back sentimental memories since my dad loved Lorna Doone cookies. He liked shortbread cookies too.
You are too kind and good natured.
That's an admirable trait to have but after everything she's done to you I don't know if I could feel the same way. However, it's best that the Elders spoke to your mother and kept her from coming to the house. There's no telling what she would have done or how she would have reacted if she saw what your brother threw away. She may have even taken it out on your dad or you.
She can't. She's never allowed to live with me again because of the things she told the caseworker about me. Plus my brothers don't want any of us living with her anymore. Just me and my dad alone. If I don't live with dad, then he has to go to assisted living or a nursing home. The only reason he was allowed to come home is because I'm here.
Sometimes loving someone IS setting firm boundaries with them; whether it's not allowing her back or not allowing her to spread lies about you again. What you say almost happened to you is very very scary. Forgiving doesn't mean giving room for it to happen again. Old behaviors are often comfortable and easy to slip back into. I would definitely verify the confidentiality with the therapist before you discuss anything. You should be signing HIPPA paperwork with every provider yearly!
