What's going on with me

[maggiedemi]

I called and left a message asking them to cancel my food stamps. I'm glad I didn't spend a cent of it. They sent me another big packet in the mail telling me all the rules and saying I have to go to a job fair immediately or else. I'm just tired of their tone! It's just making me sicker. Do this, do that, fast, fast, fast. I'm not well enough to work yet.

I could try to apply for disability, but my friend said it's really hard, they made her travel all the way to Syracuse for an exam. I'm not well enough to travel that far. Maybe I will just try to get a job this summer, if I'm well enough after therapy and meds. My dad says he doesn't mind paying for groceries if I work around the house for him.

 

[maggiedemi]

My therapist had me count how many times I wash my hands in a day. I counted 39 times. I'm curious what a normal person's number would be?

 

[neely]

I could try to apply for disability, but my friend said it's really hard, they made her travel all the way to Syracuse for an exam.

I've heard it's fairly common to get turned down the first time and they make you apply again. I've also heard it takes awhile to receive benefits from the time you're approved, usually six months. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

 

[maggiedemi]

I'm surprised at their tone. It's not kind or helpful at all. It makes you want to get a job rather than deal with their condescension. But maybe that's the point. Not one ounce of kindness or compassion in their voices. They all use the same monotone voice. Maybe that's how they are trained. But the whole tone of their voices and the threatening letters were really bad for my anxiety. I just can't do it. I'll ask my therapist about helping me get disability. It's hard to get help! Plus mental illness is hard for people to see I guess. They must have asked me 50 times on the phone why I haven't been working for over 20 years. Then they would ask again and again. I'm like, I already told you! Then they told me I had to do everything so fast. So when the lady didn't answer the phone, I kept calling back. Then she yelled at me for calling so many times. She said, you only call once!!! I was so nervous about returning their call on time, they threaten that you have to do everything so fast! I was having nightmares. Glad I didn't spend a cent of it.

 

[Lari]

My therapist had me count how many times I wash my hands in a day. I counted 39 times. I'm curious what a normal person's number would be?

I have no idea. Right now at least 20, but I'm also constantly using the bathroom because someone has been using my bladder as a pillow these past few months. More if I'm cooking something messy and want to keep my hands clean in between steps. But I don't just randomly decide to wash my hands in the middle of the day or anything.

 

[maggiedemi]

Right now at least 20

So it looks like I'm about double a normal person. That sounds about right. I was surprised that I only wash my hands 6 less times when I go out for the day. But I only wash my hands twice while I'm gone. I guess I make up for it when I get home. 33 times total on days I go out, 39 times total on days that I stay home.

Another thing about social services here, they speak in this weird low tone, the women even sound like guys. You can tell it's not their normal speaking voice. It must be the way they are trained to talk, monitone and no nonsense. But it gives me nightmares. I need compassion right now to get well. I hope the disability process is a little kinder. If not, maybe I should just try to work part time. I can't deal with social services again, I just can't.

 

[neely]

I'm surprised at their tone. It's not kind or helpful at all. It makes you want to get a job rather than deal with their condescension. But maybe that's the point. Not one ounce of kindness or compassion in their voices.

My guess is it's a thankless job and maybe they have burnout. However, that's no excuse for them to take out their attitude on you. I wonder if they get any formal type of sensitivity training. That certainly would help with their patient/client interactions. And you're so right about them not being able to see mental illness. I have heard this from both people I know and parents of neurodiverse students when I was teaching. Speaking of students, my team members and I were constantly washing our hands when we were at school. In fact, the nurse would come in several times a year to talk about proper hygiene to the students. I have no idea how many times I wash my hands but it's definitely become an ingrained habit.

 

[Jem]

I'm surprised at their tone. It's not kind or helpful at all. It makes you want to get a job rather than deal with their condescension. But maybe that's the point.

Unfortunately there are simply far too many people who try to take advantage of government/charitable aide, so yes they need to make it difficult. The unfortunate part of this is that many who really need it are the ones with the most difficulty navigating getting the help, so it hurts them the most.
If you can work, then it's a good thing to try and work. It can be beneficial for people to get out there and do something productive. But if you can't, do what you need to advocate for yourself and don't let their crankiness stop you. Ask for help if you need it and surly you will come out on top in the end.

As for the hand washing. The average person (pre covid) washes their hands 6-10 times a day....but that's average...not necessarily how often someone SHOULD wash their hands in a day.
Take me for example. I'm in healthcare and have hands on contact with my clients.
At work, I wash my hands before and after every client interaction which would be 8-10 times right there.
Then of course I wash my hands after using the restroom, so add maybe 2 more.
I have allergies so I also wash my hands after blowing my nose...so again maybe 2 more during a shift. I don't always wash hands after blowing my nose at home...just at work.
I also wash my hands before eating my midday snack so 1 more...maybe 2 if I have to wash them after eating to get food residue/smell off my hands.
That's about 15 times, and just at work, and also not including anything else that comes up where handwashing would be necessary, like if I had to wipe down a mess or something.
At home, I wash my hands after doing my hair in the morning...I get a bit of sticky hairspray and mousse residue on my hands.
I of course wash after using the restroom, while prepping and cooking dinner, after scooping the litter boxes, after cleaning something where I used a strong cleaning agent to get the chemicals off my hands...and there are a few other reasons that don't happen all the time...like if a cat throws up a hairball or I touch something that leaves my hands dirty.
I'll admit that with some of these, I may not always use soap and just rinse off my hands, but still, that's got to be another 8-10 times more in a day....
So that means I'm at what....25?...more if I'm doing "dirty" things. That sounds terrible...but I'm sure you know what I mean.
Compulsive hand washing might not be healthy, but don't stress yourself out if you're washing your hands for a good reason...even if it's "more than average".

 

[susanm9006]

Probably 8-10 full hot water and soap hand washing. All the usual times, after bathroom, before and after meals, coming in from shopping etc but many quick rinses as well.

 

[rubysmama]

I'm a bit of a germaphobe, so I tend to wash my hands several times a day. I often tell myself I wash my hands more often than a surgeon. I've never actually counted, but obviously after using the bathroom, or cleaning the litter box, and before eating or preparing food. I also carry Purell with me, when I'm out and about. I started that before Covid. But I'll still wash my hands when I come home from being out.

Considering you lived in a hoarder's home that was never able to be thoroughly cleaned, it's no wonder you washed your hands so often. Hopefully now that you know the house is cleaner, your mind will become less focused on hand washing.

I know you're not ready to get a job yet, but you're making leaps and bounds in progress these last several weeks. Keeping the vet appointments, as well as your own. Meeting friends for coffee and meals. Driving again! That's a big one, you know, especially after not driving for so long. Little by little you're gaining back your confidence, and the more you do, the more confident you'll feel. So before you know it, I bet you will be ready for at least a part time job. Good going, you.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I washed my hands a lot more when I had kids in diapers and constantly wanting snacks, drinks and meals. Cat care with meds makes me wash extra too. Generally I wash when i get home, after the restroom, after cleaning, and any time food is involved. I may wash my hands several times while cooking one meal if I’m touching raw meat or eggs. It seems like most days i go back and forth between making my coffee, breakfast and meds while also doing Mooch’s different meds (pill, topical and powder that goes in a soupy cat treat) so thats multiple washing in a short time. I might do some kitchen cleaning at the same time but I only use gloves if I’m washing more than 5-6 things. I’ll have to try to keep track tomorrow.

I know you're not ready to get a job yet, but you're making leaps and bounds in progress these last several weeks. Keeping the vet appointments, as well as your own. Meeting friends for coffee and meals. Driving again! That's a big one, you know, especially after not driving for so long. Little by little you're gaining back your confidence, and the more you do, the more confident you'll feel. So before you know it, I bet you will be ready for at least a part time job. Good going, you.

This 1000 times!! You are moving forward with things one day at a time and it’s amazing to hear how much you are able to get out and about now.

When I worked at the non-profit teaching clerical and job skills I often got clients who were sent by employment rehabilitation counselors (from a state agency; this is probably the equivalent in NY: Welcome to ACCES-VR) so we could help them see if they were ready to return to work or not. Sometimes people needed what was called a sheltered work setting. For example the other half of the nonprofit had employees who worked there doing somewhat menial job’s depending on their abilities but earned legitimate paychecks and benefits. One job area was refilling those recycled ink cartridges. Another was inspecting bras and packaging them after production. The best employee there was a blind man with multiple disabilities; but his lack of vision helped him find any imperfections in those bras!)

But my side of things was different. Sometimes I had to tell someone they wouldn’t do well in a clerical job. Sometimes that had to be said so so carefully. But sometimes it gave someone relief because they knew they weren’t ready and so did their counselor! They just needed proof! Documentation was everything. Other people it gave people confidence and helped them ease into returning to working. And new skills.

You shouldn’t be all on your own to find a job. It might take coordinating with multiple state agencies; which I realize isn’t helpful to your anxiety (and they may need to SEE that). I bet getting established with your new doctor and keeping up your therapy will help give proof if and when you can return to working or find a job that’s suited for you. They need documentation to justify their resources are being used appropriately. When I was laid off and on unemployment I had to apply for so many jobs per week and send that in to unemployment. Even my stepdad had to do that last year when his company location closed. It didn’t matter that there were only so many places an air craft mechanic/inspector could apply in the area! Or that it takes time to hear back. They probably figure the more people put themselves out there the better chance they will get hired somewhere soon. I’m not sure it even mattered if he found something near equal. A Lowes job offer could have been acceptable to them. But I was able to turn down a job when it turned out to be not completely clerical and I wasn’t going to be able to do the physical part because of recovering from a back injury.

I know I just wrote you a novella there. Don’t discount how far you’ve come already. They DO make it harder on purpose. It’s definitely thankless work at times. (I mean I had legitimately dangerous people a few times myself because they were NOT mentally stable.) And yes disability takes work to get. My BFF has been trying to get partial disability because shes on her 4th time going through cancer treatment. It’s damaging to the body itself and she ended up hospitalized with pneumonia the last time she tried a cafeteria job during treatment. It often takes a lawyer and lots of paperwork. Sometimes that evaluating I did was part of the process.

 

[maggiedemi]

I wonder if they get any formal type of sensitivity training. That certainly would help with their patient/client interactions.

I agree. They need sensitivity training. I don't think I could ever apply again. It was just too stressful. I'll try to get the disability. If I tried to work, I don't think I would make enough money to pay for gas. It's a 30 minute drive each way and I probably would only get minimum wage jobs. Maybe I can do a work from home job on the computer until we move to town.

 

[maggiedemi]

The food stamps guy called. He wants me to keep them. He said all those rules they sent are because I applied for cash assistance. He said that since I was denied the cash, then I don't have to get a job right away. He didn't know how to give me a pin number though. But I found out how to do it. But on this page, it says when they ask for your social security number, don't put that in, put your birthdate instead. That can't be right! Why would they ask for one thing and you put in another? I don't want to do it wrong. Can you guys help me? It says:

1. When prompted, select your preferred language– for example, press ‘1’ for English.
2. Next, enter the 19-digit number from the front of the card using your phone’s keypad.
3. After entering the card number, you will hear a series of options. If you have not used the card before to access P-EBT food benefits, press ‘1’ to create your PIN.
4. You will be asked to provide the last four digits of the cardholder’s Social Security Number. (The cardholder is the child whose name is printed on the front of the P-EBT Food Benefit card.)
   Do NOT enter the last four digits of the child’s Social Security Number. Instead you must enter the two-digit month and two-digit day of the child’s birthday (MM/DD). For example, if the child’s birthday is July 4, enter 0704. *Be sure to enter the child’s actual birthday and not the fake birthday printed on the front of the card.
5. After entering the child’s birthday information, you’ll be asked to enter your zip code.
6. Finally, select your new 4-digit PIN by entering a 4-digit number using your phone’s keypad. You will be required to enter this PIN whenever you make a purchase using your P-EBT Food Benefit card.

 

[susanm9006]

The food stamps guy called. He wants me to keep them. He said all those rules they sent are because I applied for cash assistance. He said that since I was denied the cash, then I don't have to get a job right away. He didn't know how to give me a pin number though. But I found out how to do it. But on this page, it says when they ask for your social security number, don't put that in, put your birthdate instead. That can't be right! Why would they ask for one thing and you put in another? I don't want to do it wrong. Can you guys help me? It says:

1. When prompted, select your preferred language– for example, press ‘1’ for English.
2. Next, enter the 19-digit number from the front of the card using your phone’s keypad.
3. After entering the card number, you will hear a series of options. If you have not used the card before to access P-EBT food benefits, press ‘1’ to create your PIN.
4. You will be asked to provide the last four digits of the cardholder’s Social Security Number. (The cardholder is the child whose name is printed on the front of the P-EBT Food Benefit card.)
   Do NOT enter the last four digits of the child’s Social Security Number. Instead you must enter the two-digit month and two-digit day of the child’s birthday (MM/DD). For example, if the child’s birthday is July 4, enter 0704. *Be sure to enter the child’s actual birthday and not the fake birthday printed on the front of the card.
5. After entering the child’s birthday information, you’ll be asked to enter your zip code.
6. Finally, select your new 4-digit PIN by entering a 4-digit number using your phone’s keypad. You will be required to enter this PIN whenever you make a purchase using your P-EBT Food Benefit card.

where they are talking about birthdate, that is for a child. From what I read you will need to enter the last four digits of your Social Security number.

 

[susanm9006]

where they are talking about birthdate, that is for a child. From what I read you will need to enter the last four digits of your Social Security number. If you are doing something wrong it will just stop you and make you do it over. Just be sure to remember the PIN you create.

 

[maggiedemi]

where they are talking about birthdate, that is for a child. From what I read you will need to enter the last four digits of your Social Security number.

Oh. So only if it's a child, you change it? That's weird. Don't children have social security numbers too?

 

[MoochNNoodles]

You get a SSN when you’re born basically. But I think with kids for identity purposes they try to limit how many places it gets shared. They used to be used as identification numbers everywhere but I think even the military is guarding them better now. (I still know DH’s and the relevant part of my stepdads. 🫣)

 

[maggiedemi]

But I think with kids for identity purposes they try to limit how many places it gets shared.

Very interesting! Thanks for the info.

 

[maggiedemi]

I have soooo much housework to do before Friday when my brother comes for 5 days to lay the floors and replace the bathroom sink. I have a lunch date Saturday at a diner down the road with my high school friend. And I am cooking lunch with my other 2 high school friends on Sunday at one of their houses about 10 minutes away. I will just drive over if my brother doesn't need the SUV. If not, she can pick me up, since she lives so close.

 

[rubysmama]

I have soooo much housework to do before Friday when my brother comes for 5 days to lay the floors and replace the bathroom sink.

If some of your housework includes dusting, vacuuming, etc., maybe just wait till after your brother is finished, as I'm positive you'll have somewhat of a mess to clean up once he's done.