Not everyone in my life has to like my various animals, but they do have to respect my feelings about them and not go around trying to get a rise out of me using my pets. That is just not a way to communicate. Good friends should agree to disagree out of respect for one another, if there is an issue such as what you are talking about. I don't have time/tolerance for drama and mistreatment in my life, I would personally break off contact if things didn't reach an adequate level of comfort for me. Set up some boundaries.
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What you do when your best friend HATES cats?
- Thread starter carolina
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Wow your best friend is really cruel. I think it all goes back to how someone is raised, if she was raised in a family where animals didn't mean much then she won't change. Even if she has dogs if this is her attitude I am sure her dogs cannot possibly be her babies the way we talk about our kitties on here. I don't see how anyone can hate an animal and call it a disgusting creature?? It doesn't matter if you're a dog vs. cat lover, that shouldn't make a difference..
I know exactly what you are referring to, and there would be no question in my mind that I would have been extremely insulted a well. It's not about them just being kitties she seems to have a inappropriate reaction to, but the fact that this is her reaction towards someone you consider your best friend. You simply don't speak about something someone you respect love's this way.
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One of the biggest lessons I've learned in life is: it is VERY possible to love two people/animals who hate each other.
Your friend was rather insensitive, and she certainly could have worded things more politely. But I would not just quit the friendship over it. She's entitled to her own opinion. Just today one of my loved ones was badmouthing another of my loved ones. It bothered me a little, but they have the right to loathe the other, just as I have the right to love the other.
Your friend was rather insensitive, and she certainly could have worded things more politely. But I would not just quit the friendship over it. She's entitled to her own opinion. Just today one of my loved ones was badmouthing another of my loved ones. It bothered me a little, but they have the right to loathe the other, just as I have the right to love the other.
What you do when your best friend HATES cats?
for me is simply answer......I left to see often at that person....
...until I erased from my personal list....
for me is simply answer......I left to see often at that person....
If you are really serious about every other aspect of the friendship I would let her know in the nicest possible way that you don't find those comments funny and they are hurtful since you love your cats like children.
I would then meet with her outside of your home and not talk about cats. If she is really a friend she should respect you enough to meet you half way and not say hurtful things.
I have friends that I agree to disagree with on certain issues -art, politics, etc---we just don't go there out of respect for each other. If she can't respect you enough to be sensitive, then I would really question the friendship.
Is it possible that she is jealous--and the anti-cat remarks are bit passive-aggressive? (not jealous of your cats, but jealous of your attention or the attachment you have to them?)
I would then meet with her outside of your home and not talk about cats. If she is really a friend she should respect you enough to meet you half way and not say hurtful things.
I have friends that I agree to disagree with on certain issues -art, politics, etc---we just don't go there out of respect for each other. If she can't respect you enough to be sensitive, then I would really question the friendship.
Is it possible that she is jealous--and the anti-cat remarks are bit passive-aggressive? (not jealous of your cats, but jealous of your attention or the attachment you have to them?)
But snakes ARE creepy
Just wanted to run a theory by you-- Carolina, is she the type of person that needs to be the center of attention or is she needy in any way? It may be that she is jealous of the attention you give your cats. She may not even realize it now, but for example, visiting you as a child, she may have wanted your undivided attention and thus exiled the cats from your room...
Are you sure you want her for a friend? I have had a few friends that don't like cats, but never has one been that mean or hurtful. I really wouldn't want to waste my time with her if I were you.
I think it comes down to how YOU feel about it. All of us have different opinions on how to handle this. Because some are able to cope better than others I suppose. I personally cannot handle this. It really cuts me to the bone when people say things about animals, even in jest. It just hurts too much for me.
I lived with someone who didn't dislike animals per se but didn't think they belonged in someones home. Makes no sense since there are "domestic" animals but whatever.
It was his opinion. But he would make comments about my cat and it really pained me. I refuse to live like that again. I don't have room in my life for people who don't understand how special and absolutely lovely animals are.
Its not like you are forcing her to live with them. She should be more tolerant. (basically keep her mouth shut) It is akin to telling a mother how you hate her troll like children and wish they were not around! It is just really really bad manners and speaks volumes about her in my opinion.
If it really hurts you to your core you have to ask yourself if it is something you are willing to put up with. That is a completely personal decision. It is not very healthy to have someone who cannot understand one of the most important aspects of you life involved in your life. IMHO.
I lived with someone who didn't dislike animals per se but didn't think they belonged in someones home. Makes no sense since there are "domestic" animals but whatever.
Its not like you are forcing her to live with them. She should be more tolerant. (basically keep her mouth shut) It is akin to telling a mother how you hate her troll like children and wish they were not around! It is just really really bad manners and speaks volumes about her in my opinion.
If it really hurts you to your core you have to ask yourself if it is something you are willing to put up with. That is a completely personal decision. It is not very healthy to have someone who cannot understand one of the most important aspects of you life involved in your life. IMHO.
I would get a new best friend. Also, I would never marry anyone whohated cats or animals in general. I think it's a basic compatibility issue that will never resolve.
Almost all of my friends arent really "cat" people, but I dont think they hate them. But I have one friend who wants to be a vet, she doesnt like cats....there may be like one cat she will pet at the barn but other than that if they come near her, she shoves them off. I asked her how can you be a good vet if you cant even pick up a cat, or care at least about its well being? Her response was "im going to be a large animal vet, no cats..."
But she doesnt say rude or mean things about cats. My uncle adn their family cut down my cats and my grandmas cats. Now my uncle is living with my grandma because he got a job here, well he brought their big dog with them. This dog is spoiled rotten, they let her drink from their cups and then drink after her, and same thing with their forks and silverware, this dog has no discipline excpet for when she wants to go outside, and my grandmas poor indoor cats get locked up in their bedroom more than half the day
. My uncle will call Max my grandmas pretty boy (he looks just like your Lucky!!) a bad cat and other words... and he is as sweet as can be, but he has gotten on the counter once or twice..... but their dog puts its paws on the table, and wipes its slobber on my grandmas couch....and OH no she doesnt get introuble.I also get the same type of crap for my horses from my uncle....i just believe he is jealous.
Sorry I have gone on a tangent but I completely understand where you are coming from, those who are supposed to care and love you, end up being the ones who hurt you.
I havent read all the posts because I have to go to class right now, but have you ever talked to her about how much her words hurt you? If she is your friend she will listen to you and respect you. I really wonder where she gets this hate for cats? I have always loved them even before I owned one. Big
to you!!!!!
I havent read all the posts because I have to go to class right now, but have you ever talked to her about how much her words hurt you? If she is your friend she will listen to you and respect you. I really wonder where she gets this hate for cats? I have always loved them even before I owned one. Big
Originally Posted by KatKisses
WOW.
I have no idea what to do in this type of situation... None of my friends 'get' the 'cat thing' so I rarely bring the cats up in convo... and if I do they either pretend to care or I see that they are uninterested so I change the subject.
Her email hurt me, & I am not in the situation.
Maybe try to talk it out with her? Explain to her that they are all you have & you are all they have, and how they are essintially your children, family. Tell her that you where deeply hurt by her comments, and you forgot how much she dislikes cats. Tell her that you respect her decision to not like cats, & she will need to respect your decision to love cats. Does she have kids? If so ask her how she would feel if you called her child ugly.
I am so sorry.
I think you need some
My husband is very strict about that. Our cats are our "children" and if our guests can't deal with it, then too bad. We will not shut our kitties away because some person is unconfortable. If they have allergies, they can take a pill before coming over, otherwise we will meet them elsewhere.
My mother has always hated cats. She's afraid of them, despises them and can't stand them near her. I can't blame her because the experiences with cats she's had have been typical 'cats running outside free breeding and marking everything, haven't been dewormed or socialized etc.' and she has seen some very horrible filthy apartments (cat poo everywhere, the smell etc.) because of her work (she's a deputy landlord [i hope the translation is correct..]).
After I got my first apartment I got a cat, and very soon another one.. And after two years, slowly but surely my mom has started to warm up to them. She's bragging her workmates about them and showing pictures like the cats were her grandchildren..
She still refuses to pet them when she comes to visit, but last time was a small breakthrough: she talked to the cats!
I was so proud of her.
But I had to stay calm and after she left I immediately rang to my sister and told her what happened..
Yeah, it was a big deal after all these years. "Small step for a man, one giant leap to mankind"
After I got my first apartment I got a cat, and very soon another one.. And after two years, slowly but surely my mom has started to warm up to them. She's bragging her workmates about them and showing pictures like the cats were her grandchildren..
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #35
Hi guys....
Thank you so much for all the responses...
I will have a talk with her soon - she will need to be more careful with what she says...
I think a lot of this came from the way she was raised... they never really treated pets like we do... But I don't know where the hate for cats come from...
We will need to reach a compromise - she will not stay in my house when she comes over - maybe I can get a hotel with my miles or something for her when she visits.... I will not lock my babies out.
About ending my friendship with her... no way, not an option - she is my best friend in the whole world... has been for 26 years, for most of my life... We shared many laughs and many tears; she might as well be my sister - that is how close we are. I love her dearly, I really do... Aside from her hating cats she is a wonderful friend, and the older I get the clearer I see that friends like her are hard to come by... Friendships like that are a treasure to be cherished... They are very rare...
It is sad that she hates cats, really sad....... but I need to respect that too... after all, in her eyes, my love for cats is a flaw...
Believe me, I was really hurt with what she said, really really hurt, but reading all these posts, and having time to think about it made me put things into perspective... She lives in another state, so chances are we can avoid conflicts like this once I talk to her. We do talk on the phone daily, but at least she is not inside of my house... that would make things complicated
It made me also think about mutual respect - she needs to respect me as much as I need to respect her, and in this case including the fact that she doesn't like cats...
Thank you guys!!
Thank you so much for all the responses...
I will have a talk with her soon - she will need to be more careful with what she says...
I think a lot of this came from the way she was raised... they never really treated pets like we do... But I don't know where the hate for cats come from...
We will need to reach a compromise - she will not stay in my house when she comes over - maybe I can get a hotel with my miles or something for her when she visits.... I will not lock my babies out.
About ending my friendship with her... no way, not an option - she is my best friend in the whole world... has been for 26 years, for most of my life... We shared many laughs and many tears; she might as well be my sister - that is how close we are. I love her dearly, I really do... Aside from her hating cats she is a wonderful friend, and the older I get the clearer I see that friends like her are hard to come by... Friendships like that are a treasure to be cherished... They are very rare...
It is sad that she hates cats, really sad....... but I need to respect that too... after all, in her eyes, my love for cats is a flaw...
Believe me, I was really hurt with what she said, really really hurt, but reading all these posts, and having time to think about it made me put things into perspective... She lives in another state, so chances are we can avoid conflicts like this once I talk to her. We do talk on the phone daily, but at least she is not inside of my house... that would make things complicated
It made me also think about mutual respect - she needs to respect me as much as I need to respect her, and in this case including the fact that she doesn't like cats...
Thank you guys!!
I hope everything goes well when you meet up
by the way, love the kitty website!!
by the way, love the kitty website!!
OMG Id be mad if I were you! And I would tell her just where to take her nasty cat attitude!! I have to deal with BF's stepmother who treats her mini doxie like a baby but I cant treat mine as such nor my cats! To her cats are rodents and shouldnt be inside! After she tried to get BF to get me to get rid of them I took a stand and told her that if she didnt like my babies she could kiss my tookus (but not so politely)...My babies are bathed fed and cleaned up after daily and are given a loving happy family enviorment and they are my best friends and love me like I love them! Bf's step mother had already convinced her other step son (BF's brother) that he needed to get rid of his gf's lab because it was too big for their house! Which broke his GF's heart and to this day is something she regrets doing and hasnt talked to the step mother since then!
I say MALARKEY to anyone who doesnt like cats...thats their perogative but dont they dare talk down about a species that is probably smarter than them!!!!!!!! Absolute malarkey!!!
I say MALARKEY to anyone who doesnt like cats...thats their perogative but dont they dare talk down about a species that is probably smarter than them!!!!!!!! Absolute malarkey!!!
Well I would say:
"Y'know what, [her name], if you were making a joke, your joke failed in a major way. And just so you know, the type of people who hate cats are typically men who hate women and take out their hatred of women on INNOCENT cats. So I'm confused as to why you, a woman, would feel the way you do... Whatever. We'll always be friends but please don't joke like that to me ever again. Just being honest with you, and friends should always be honest."
To the OP: The above is merely a suggestion. I know my tone is often "not nice" , but a lot of times I do know how to access a person's mind. Not always, but I have my moments.
"Y'know what, [her name], if you were making a joke, your joke failed in a major way. And just so you know, the type of people who hate cats are typically men who hate women and take out their hatred of women on INNOCENT cats. So I'm confused as to why you, a woman, would feel the way you do... Whatever. We'll always be friends but please don't joke like that to me ever again. Just being honest with you, and friends should always be honest."
To the OP: The above is merely a suggestion. I know my tone is often "not nice" , but a lot of times I do know how to access a person's mind. Not always, but I have my moments.
This is a tough one.You can talk to her.You can reason with her.You can even threaten her but in the end it will not change how(or why) she feels the way she does towards cats.I should know because for most of my life I was that person.Not sure why but my perceptions and feelings towards felines were extremely negative.Perhaps because I was violently allergic to them?Perhaps because they were so much different than canines(which I loved)?Over the years I began meeting some friendly and likable cats...this helped,but still was not a fan of cats.Rescuing my Alley from the streets as a kitten must have re-awakened my desire to provide for and protect something weaker and neglected.What your friend does not know or understand is that when you have a kitten/cat of your very own and caring for it and watching it have a good life...that it ceases to be a cat per se but becomes your friend and companion.That is the big difference between the dogs and the cats,IMHO.One can`t fully understand a cat until spending a lengthy amount of time around it.All my pre-concieved notions and stereotypes associated with cats were pretty much wrong.I`m so glad I learned about cats and what amazing and loveable companions they can be!
I wish you all the best!
HosMan
I wish you all the best!
HosMan
