What To Expect . . . (cat Intro + Anxious Parent)

[Friend's Friend]

Heya friends!

Whew, it's been a while. <3 I'm sorry for having been AWOL--people aren't joking when they said that grad school is a full-time job!

Anyway, some of you might remember, but maybe not, so if you'll indulge me . . .

A while back I was looking to adopt a kitten, to join my 9-year-old Maine Coon and me. Today, after months of dithering and so many trips to the humane society . . . I did it.

And, of course, being my anxious self, I'm now . . . terrified of what's to come. I don't regret it, at all, but cat intros terrify me and the last time I did this I was in a completely different headspace--basically I was numb to the whole thing. Now I'm not, and woof. Anxiety.

Here's what's happened so far:
I brought kitten-friend home. She's super quiet and mellow. I got her all set up in the bathroom. She's happily attacking my shower curtain but hasn't cried.

Friend's been lying at the door, sniffing around; he seems interested and wary, which is pretty much his personality all the time. He's hissed a couple of times, but his tail's not lashing much and his ears aren't back. Occasionally he'll get up and cry, but he's a talkative cat so I don't want to read too much into it. He's come to me for petting a few times, and while I want to give him lots of love to reassure him, I also want to respect his space: he's stressed and might not want it.

That's it, so far. The kitten's been home less than an hour. Unfortunately my vet can't see her until the 8th, but she got a clean bill of health from the humane society (no infections, spayed, up-to-date on shots, etc.)

Anyway . . . what's next? I have no idea when would be a good time to start controlled intros (certainly not today, of course) . . . to be honest, Friend's hissing is what gets to me the most. It's only happened a couple of times and I know it's normal and nothing to worry about (he's hissed at absolutely nothing before, honestly) but of course my anxiety's saying "SEE? NOW HE'S UNHAPPY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

And meanwhile I'm fighting a doozy of an anxiety attack . . . because why not? *sigh*

Any thoughts / help / sympathy would be appreciated. <3

Thanks, friends. <3
Dyl / Friend's Friend.

 

[susanm9006]

I would keep her where she is until after the vet visit. Sometimes cats pick up upper respiratory infections especially in shelters that can take time to show up, and you don’t want to pass one along to your other cat, so use this time for your older to get acclimated to her presence through the closed door. At that point they will be ready for some face to face meetings.

 

[Friend's Friend]

Thank you, friend. <3 Yeah, even though my bathroom's small, I'm going to keep her there until after the vet's. (It just feels so far away!)

My other question is: Friend's litter box is near the bathroom, in a weird semi-closet space. I live in a studio apartment so there's really no other place for it (and all the subsequent litterboxes) to go that isn't out in the open. I was thinking I'd keep it in the same place--basically to keep everything of his as normal as possible--but I'm also concerned about its proximity to the bathroom / the kitten and if that might cause litterbox issues?

I know I'm probably just catastorphizing. :/ I also know I can't worry about that until / if it happens--but of course in my little anxious brain, it will.

 

[susanm9006]

I think it is fine leaving his litterbox in its usual space. I think there is enough of a barrier between him and the new baby that he should continue to use it.

 

[Friend's Friend]

Thanks again for your kindness, friend. He did, in fact, just use his litterbox--thank the Gods. I was really worried about that; his previous home reported litterbox issues due to stress about a new (human) baby, although my friend--when he stayed with her--didn't have any, and hers was a multicat home.

However, I've meanwhile broken down crying and sincerely wish that they made pheromone collars for humans. I could really use one.

Why the hell is this so hard (on me, I mean)? Logically I knew what I was getting into and thought I was up to the task; now (and it's only been a few hours!) I'm feeling woefully emotionally unprepared.

 

[susanm9006]

We have all been through it - post adoption anxiety. Whether first , second or seventh, it is always an adjustment to their personality, how they fit in,whether you will love them as much as the others, what if?, what if?, what if? A few deep breaths, maybe a little wine and then forget about the newcomer for a few hours and enjoy friend’s company. My morning you will be feeling better.

 

[Friend's Friend]

<3 Thanks, friend. Of course this happens to be a weekend when I'm not slammed with homework to distract me (how I wish it was!) but . . . Although I don't drink (so no wine here), I'm definitely going to break down and get some ZzzQuil--the kind that has alcohol in it, even. I know if I don't sleep tonight it'll be all the worse tomorrow.

Thank you, too, for reminding me that it's a common-enough occurrence. I just feel so crappy about it. And of course perpetually terrified that I've just ruined everybody's life, especially if Friend makes it clear he wants to be an only cat after all.

Yep. "What if, what if, what if" . . .