What to do with my cat

[Sash18]

So this week has been the most soul crushing experience of my life after breaking up from a relationship of 8 years. The situation is that we got 2 cats together at the beginning of our relationship (both around 7 years old) and one of them is highly attached to me and is obvious I am his "favorite". I also love him to death, I think I might be a little too attached even.

I go to school in another town and for the last two years I have been gone around 4 days a week with no issues (a lot of the times he can be overly vocal and happy when I get back and maybe has gotten used to it since he does it less). My student accommodation is very nice and cheap with all the utilities included which helps me save quite a bit of money. My flat that I share with my ex is extremely nice with a terrace that he loves and he always has our other cat as a playmate when we are gone. It has been a very balanced life for both of them.

So I have two options here:
1. I move out of my student flat to a more expensive and larger place that affects me financially
2. I leave him there and arrange monthly weekend visits so I can show him I am still there for him and then see my situation in about 1 years when I start my intern and move back there (atm we agreed she can live there even though the flat is under my name but she pays the rent)

Of course I am myself extremely attached to him (constantly worried if hes ok) but on the other hand I have an opportunity to practice some detachment from him while still keeping him dear to me. I would love to get some perspective on this as I am pretty emotional and I have a hard time making this very hard decision. Thankfully there is no real rush as I come home to see him as usual but eventually I will have to start limiting my visits some time soon.

Thank you in advance for your answers.

 

[nurseangel]

Hi, welcome to TCS. You have a lot on your plate right now and are faced with a very difficult decision. Are you and your ex on amicable terms? Ca. You trust them to take good care and spend lots of time with the cats? I have eight cats, and don't think I could ever leave Elsie behind. However, she is happy and I would trust my DH completely to take care of her. I would probably leave her here where she has cat friends, love and attention. Providing DH would give me visitation rights. This is hypothetical for me, because we aren't breaking up, but I am trying to put myself in your shoes.

Ultimately, it's your choice, but you have a good head on your shoulders. Study your list of pros and cons. I would go maybe a step further and say, what would I do if my cat seems to get depressed without me? That would involve maybe another arrangement, should you leave him at his current residence. And it was easy to tell that Bob was sad when we adopted him. He was in the back of his cage, and not grooming himself. It was obvious he had given up on life. I admit that it was simple to tell with him, but he was an extreme case.

I wish you well and hope you will stay with us on TCS.

 

[iPappy]

I agree with everything nurseangel said, especially if the end of the relationship was amicable. If that's the case, you could try leaving him where he is, and seeing how you both do. If he or you don't adjust, perhaps new arrangements could be made.
Please keep us updated on how things are going.

 

[Sash18]

Thank you so much for the replies. Yes we are still in good terms but we are trying to keep some distance atm for obvious reasons. She does take great care of them and loves them as much as I do so I trust her 100 percent with that. She is a bit busier than me but so far it seems it has not caused any distress to our cats (like I said I have been gone 4days a week for the last 2 years).

It has been less than a week now but I think I will try to stay away for another week or so and see how he reacts to it. This is of course heartbreaking to me but only when my mind starts thinking that I will never see him again or he is suffering. My mind has been doing this A LOT this week but I know it's not reality. It brings me comfort knowing he is doing good and that I have this opportunity to still see him quite often. Nobody is being abandoned and this is not as terrible as my mind makes it out to be.

I will definitely communicate with my ex on this matter and make sure my cat doesn't show signs of being depressed. I am glad I did not rush to get a place just because of this. The current situation allows me to take things slow and I am extremely grateful for that. I feel like I can now focus on myself and healing.

Thank you so much for the replies and kind support, it helps a lot
I will be posting updates here as things move forward