What ridiculous things do you say to your cat?

Juniper_Junebug

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When I'm walking from the kitchen to the TV room to feed my kitty, I tell her to, Lead the Way! Mostly because I love to watch her butt wiggle when she runs; it's too cute. Then I call after her, Wiggle that butt, wiggle that butt! Then I make her sit before I set her dish down.

If she were my employee, I would so be fired by now.
 

vince

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Sir Eats-A-Lot sometimes will flap his tail hard once or twice when he's sitting on my lap or on the sofa near my head (causing me to get flapped in the head). I'll threaten him verbally: "Don't you flap me," "I'm going to tie you to the doorknob by the tail," "I'm going to nail your tail to the floor," etc. Then he really starts to flap his tail like crazy! I wonder if he understands what I've been saying?
 

voyager

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"Hey, Doodle Bug/Tubaroo, whatcha doin'?"
As if they'd tell me.
Dood just lays down at my feet and rolls his stomach up, while Tub just falls over sideways where ever he's at, rolling his chest and stomach up, both requesting handson attention.
 

suzeanna

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Anytime I open the fridge or cabinet doors, Susan immediately comes over to the kitchen and nudges her head and/or body in the way of the door. As I try to close the fridge/cabinet door slowly and gently, I kindly plead "excuse me...excuse me... excuse me honey, please move...excuse me" until she finally does, at which point I thank her.

I try to differentiate between short and long trips and hope that she understands me: "I'll be back in 2 seconds" (laundry in basement), "I'll be back soon" (~30 minutes), and "I'll be back later" (hour or more).

I sing "you are my sunshine" to her with various lyrics changed to personalize it to her from me. I don't think she loves it much, but I do. :catlove:
 
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Mr. White Wisker

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I hope no one thinks this is insensitive to a horrific human issue but this is what I say to my boy cat when I have to lock him out of my bedroom and away from his elderly sister cat. “ I’m sorry l have to lock you out but you are not allowed to rape. If you weren’t a little rapist you could go anywhere you like, but you are. So you get locked out. Sorry.”
 

ObeseChess

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My conversations with Sassy are largely based around me making declarations around what kind of cat she is or is not. If she's begging for treats and it's not time for treats yet? "No. You are not the treats cat." If she's misbehaving? "You're the rudest cat! What a rude little kitty." If she's grooming herself? "You're such a fine cat with fine fluff."
 

Juniper_Junebug

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Last night, I stubbed the heck out of my toe (again!) while playing chase with Juno, barefoot. Hard enough that I got a little dizzy and had to lie down on the floor for a sec. And as I lay down, I found myself saying aloud to her, "Please don't eat my face, I'm not dying...."
 

Cat McCannon

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Lately, I've been singing "The Happy Cat Song" to Belle
Happy Is The Happy Cat, Happy Cat, Happy Cat
Happy Is The Happy Cat, All Day Long!

I changed it up a bit to sing
Belle Is My Happy Cat, Happy Cat, Happy Cat
Belle Is My Happy Cat, All Day Long!

That's when she gives me the look that says "I'm putting you on ignore."
 

vince

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Lately, I've been singing "The Happy Cat Song" to Belle
Happy Is The Happy Cat, Happy Cat, Happy Cat
Happy Is The Happy Cat, All Day Long!

I changed it up a bit to sing
Belle Is My Happy Cat, Happy Cat, Happy Cat
Belle Is My Happy Cat, All Day Long!

That's when she gives me the look that says "I'm putting you on ignore."
I sing to mine too. Generally, all the lyrics are changed to "kitty-cat," or some variation. Recently I started singing "O Kit-ty Cat" when they played the Canadian national anthem for the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Sometimes, I can get away "playing the drums" on their sides along with my singing. The cats don't mind much, but I'd be hauled off to the loony bin if anybody ever heard me.
 
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