What can I do about a roommate who doesn't care about her bond with her cats

myfamily

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When she moved in, she came with two cats. (a mama and her baby). The cats adored her, and whenever they heard her voice they ran down the stairs to greet her. But she is losing the bond with them. She is never here. She is seemingly not concerned about losing the bond. She is only concerned with her boyfriend. She stays over there all the time. Her cats have adopted me. I am a home body, and my two cats are my world. So now I have 4 cats in my room because they are lonely. Now when she comes home, not only do they not run to greet her, she has to drag them into her room. They try to escape and run back into my room. It breaks my heart when I think how much they adored her, I want to tell her a bf will break her heart, but a pets' love is the one thing you can always count on. But this relationship needs to be nutured. I'm really upset about this situation. Do you have any thoughts. She is 47 years old. She is my roommate. I am a 59 year old man, btw.
 

Tik cat's mum

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I don't think there's anything you can do except tell her how much the cat's missed her when she comes home. She's a grown woman and surely sees she has to go and get the cat's from you now. If you say her boyfriend will break her heart then you will become the bad guy in her eyes. It's nice that you are looking after them aswell as your own but your probably going to just keep quiet and be there if it goes wrong for her.
 

Willow's Mom

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I was in a similar situation and deeply regret letting Franklin go with the roommate. He was very tightly bonded with his person and he wanted to go, but I was the human and I should have had his back.

Your roommate is old enough to know better but we don't get to control other people's lives. She might come to her senses before it's too late and you might lose half your kitties. This is going to be hard.

They are very lucky to have you.
 
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myfamily

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How long as the boyfriend been in the picture? And, yes, does he like her cats?
He has been in the picture since she's lived here, about a year. He tried to choke her so that's why she moved out and moved in with me. He is not a cat lover. I wouldn't trust them in his care.
 

Willow's Mom

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He tried to choke her so that's why she moved out and moved in with me. He is not a cat lover. I wouldn't trust them in his care.
In that case, you have four cats.

You are a very special man. Thank you for trying to help, but please remember the analogy of the airplane and put on your own oxygen mask.

Have you ever heard of Lundy Bancroft?


Stay safe.
 

rubysmama

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He has been in the picture since she's lived here, about a year. He tried to choke her so that's why she moved out and moved in with me. He is not a cat lover. I wouldn't trust them in his care.
That's not encouraging at all. :( Not sure what to suggest, other than, support your roommate as much as you can, but at the same time, as W Willow's Mom posted, keep yourself safe. :hugs: As for the cats, maybe research your local ASPCA or other emergency animal shelter, in case you feel the cats need to be removed from a dangerous situation.
 

Maria Bayote

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He tried to choke her so that's why she moved out and moved in with me. He is not a cat lover. I wouldn't trust them in his care.
That is awful! Seems like both your room mate and the cats need rescuing. :(

Personally, if I were you, I'd take the cats until your room mate is totally safe and she has gotten back in her tracks. Maybe by that time she has decided she won't need her cats anymore.

I agree, you are a wonderful, kind man. Thank you for caring.
And yes, you also need to stay safe. Based from your story looks like this BF is not a very endearing person, and is a danger to be around.
 

tabbytom

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She is never here. She is seemingly not concerned about losing the bond. She is only concerned with her boyfriend. She stays over there all the time. Her cats have adopted me.
Send your roommate to the shelter :agree: ...........................................ok, just kidding.......maybe not just let...........hmmmmm........

From what I can see, she's more immersed in her boyfriend than her cats. And dragging her cats to the room to the extend of the cats wanting out shows that the cats are not fond of her anymore and thus adopted you.

What you can do is tell your roommate nicely that since she's not around all the time and the cats are already used to you and sort of prefer to be with you and your cats, why not let them be yours and you take full responsibilities of them? Since she doesn't come back, I assume that you are the one that's been feeding them and clearing their litter box. And slowly, the cats will be officially yours. And also maybe the boyfriend does not like cats and therefore never comes over and that's why she goes over all the time and never comes back except once in awhile because she cannot bring the cats over.

What I can also see that if she have a tiff with her boyfriend, she'll come back and vent her anger on the cats. The cats are smart, they sense something amiss.
 
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