weird question: how to tell someone you dont want to visit their house?

[terestrife]

i know that sounds weird. but theres a new coworker that i am friendly with and he wants me to hang out at his house. No its not that i fear he will try anything, he isnt attracted to women. lol Hes a nice person so it has nothing to do with him.

The thing is, i was raised to not be hanging out in peoples houses. I am a homebody and prefer not to be in anyones house. I dont want to offend him and cause problems at work. He has asked me multiple times, and i havent said yes, or no. I am good at steering uncomfortable conversations away from where i dont want them.

We are at home now because of the virus and he is texting me again about coming over.

Any advice? i hate confrontations. im not that good at dealing with people.

 

[Katie M]

Just tell him you're staying home because of the virus. If he persists, tell him you value your health too much.

 

[Dario the GreyCat]

Would you feel more comfortable going out somewhere to hang out? Given the virus, you can always tell him you’d rather do something if you’re going to hang out. Or you can be upfront and just tell him you’re a homebody and don’t feel too comfortable being in someone else’s space.

You have to do you, if he’s your friend, he’ll understand.

 

[terestrife]

Just tell him you're staying home because of the virus. If he persists, tell him you value your health too much.

i'll try that, thank you!

Would you feel more comfortable going out somewhere to hang out? Given the virus, you can always tell him you’d rather do something if you’re going to hang out. Or you can be upfront and just tell him you’re a homebody and don’t feel too comfortable being in someone else’s space.

You have to do you, if he’s your friend, he’ll understand.

I dont mind hanging out somewhere, but most places are closed now. lol if he keeps insisting i'll just have to be upfront. just hate being in situations that can be embarrassing. i wish people could take hints. im not really that great at social situations. lol

 

[Margret]

Better to be up front about it now. Tell him you're uncomfortable hanging out in someone else's space (no matter how good a friend they are), and add that right now you're trying to practice social distancing whenever possible. This way he'll have some time to get used to the idea that you aren't going to want to hang out at his house even once the COVID 19 danger is past. Lying about it is a good way to poison your friendship, and his reaction to this will tell you something about just how good a friend he is.

Margret

 

[terestrife]

Lying about it is a good way to poison your friendship, and his reaction to this will tell you something about just how good a friend he is.

Margret

You're right, I didn't think about it that way, but it makes sense. Thank you! I don't often keep friendships, I tend to focus more on family, this made me realize I should try to work more on relationships with friends.

 

[Willowy]

If it's just something you were taught as a child, maybe try it once or twice as an adult (but not right now, probably), see if you like it. If you have tried it as an adult and still don't like it, tell him the truth.

 

[catapault]

Hints can be misconstrued. Much better to be up front. I have a friend who doesn't like to go out, doesn't like to hug, She told me, and I respect it.

 

[vyger]

So many things can come into play here, cultural, age, sex, class, On and on. Generally I learned to not to be to quick to get close to "co workers". I witnessed a lot of bad crazy things with some unstable people and was glad I had not been involved. Of course there were also exceptions. Best course of action is only if there are other people there also, never one on one for a first visit. Being alone in someone else's house makes you vulnerable . You need to trust that person pretty good before you take a step like that. They want you to come and see the new kittens, fine but take someone else along. Set time limits and have other plans later so you are not there for an indefinite time. I worked as a supervisor at a number of companies and dealt with people problems, I often kept my distance partly because of that. We once had a female employee get assaulted in the bathroom by another female employee who was mad because the first woman sat next to the second woman's girlfriend at a lunch table and she thought that she was making moves on her lesbian partner and so came after her in the bathroom. She not only was not gay she didn't even really like the woman but sat there because there was an open space. People can be crazy. Not all of them, but enough to make you take precautions. Don't go anywhere by yourself unless you really know the other person and have been there before with a chaperone. That may sound like being overcautious but it may also mean that you won't end up a police statistic.

 

[Talien]

Just be honest, if he's a good friend he'll understand. If he gets all bent out of shape over it then he's probably not a good friend, and isn't someone you'd want to hang around with anyway.

 

[terestrife]

If it's just something you were taught as a child, maybe try it once or twice as an adult (but not right now, probably), see if you like it. If you have tried it as an adult and still don't like it, tell him the truth.

thats true. its just that the only place i visit is my childhood home, where a niece that i am close to lives. i dont go to the homes of any of my other siblings ( only on holidays). Just doesnt feel comfortable being in someone elses space.

Hints can be misconstrued. Much better to be up front. I have a friend who doesn't like to go out, doesn't like to hug, She told me, and I respect it.

thank you! that makes me feel better that there are people who are respectful of others like that.

So many things can come into play here, cultural, age, sex, class, On and on. Generally I learned to not to be to quick to get close to "co workers". I witnessed a lot of bad crazy things with some unstable people and was glad I had not been involved. Of course there were also exceptions. Best course of action is only if there are other people there also, never one on one for a first visit. Being alone in someone else's house makes you vulnerable . You need to trust that person pretty good before you take a step like that. They want you to come and see the new kittens, fine but take someone else along. Set time limits and have other plans later so you are not there for an indefinite time. I worked as a supervisor at a number of companies and dealt with people problems, I often kept my distance partly because of that. We once had a female employee get assaulted in the bathroom by another female employee who was mad because the first woman sat next to the second woman's girlfriend at a lunch table and she thought that she was making moves on her lesbian partner and so came after her in the bathroom. She not only was not gay she didn't even really like the woman but sat there because there was an open space. People can be crazy. Not all of them, but enough to make you take precautions. Don't go anywhere by yourself unless you really know the other person and have been there before with a chaperone. That may sound like being overcautious but it may also mean that you won't end up a police statistic.

that never even occurred to me, which is sad because i tend to watch crime documentaries. Its in my personality to be friendly, so people tend to feel close to me even if i dont intend it to happen. I would have to learn to be more distant from my coworkers.

Just be honest, if he's a good friend he'll understand. If he gets all bent out of shape over it then he's probably not a good friend, and isn't someone you'd want to hang around with anyway.

thats very true, peoples reaction to honesty really does reveal parts of their personality.