Our 12 year old cat Maggie was diagnosed with kidney failure about 2 months ago. We always brought her to well visits at our local vet along with with our other cat Kiggs. They said at this age they like to start yearly bloodwork which we said of course. We were told that Maggie had stage 3 kidney failure and close to stage 4. My wife knows the details and I am sorry if I sound vague. Maggie was put immediately on a special diet and medication. She never showed any signs of illness and continued to be a wonderful part of our lives. Last month she took a bad turn. She was not eating or drinking and was very slow to move. My wife brought her to the vet and they said her levels had doubled. My wife knows what levels means she is better with the medical issues in our home. We admitted her and they gave her IVs and flushed her of the toxins in her blood. She returned home 2 days later and was her old self again for about 3 weeks. The day after July 4 Maggie had a bad turn again. Signs started slowly but Saturday she was very sick. My wife brought her to the vet and they took more blood and sent us home with anti-nausea medicine and pain relief. Her bloodwork showed that her levels were extremely high. Between Friday and Monday she had only eaten about a tablespoon of food. I was helping her to drink water and move around the home so she could carry on her normal routines. Monday July 9 at 7pm we decided to have her put to sleep. The vet, without saying it, suggested that this was a good option for Maggie. We brought her in her favorite blanket that I had from college days and she was very content. I was not aware that her eyes would not close and her ears stayed up. She was looking at me with her sweet face and I cannot get that image out of my mind. I am so filled with guilt and I cannot shake it. She did not twitch or void herself...she kept her self in a proud presence like she always did. Who am I to have made that choice. I have cried myself to sleep since we decided to do this and I regret the decision. I will never do this again. I do not want her to suffer but I wished she had passed away at home. We would have given her pain medicine and kept her as comfortable as possible. She is having an individual cremation and will be back home with us in a week. Hopefully that will help me. Maggie is a cat that I adopted as a surprise for my wife when we were having a difficult time getting pregnant. She was truly magical. We have a 9 year old girl that had Maggie as a part of her whole life. Maggie and daddy were r daughters first words. Thank you for reading this. I am sure it was a long winded read. I am currently married for 13 years We have a 9 year old daughter I have been in an engineering position for over 12 years I have had not had a sheltered life at all... I have endured many tragedies that were above and beyond the norm. This is the worst thing that I have ever gone through. I feel like I want to talk with someone. I joined this site because of reading similar stories on this forum. I am certainly not looking for any negative comments...I thought I was making the best decision at the time. Unfortunately with her rapid decline there was no time.