We lost our boy, Philip. Remembering the past 3 years. This was not fair.

scarlettleia

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We very suddenly and very tragically lost our boy 3 weeks ago. Philip was only 3 and we're still struggling to come to terms with it. I've never been more connected to a cat and it honestly feels like a bit of my heart has been torn out.

We noticed he was struggling to use his litterbox one night at around 2am (He had been zooming around, jumping on things etc all day, so we had no suspicions that anything was wrong) and assumed he was constipated. By the next morning, he seemed in a lot of pain, was still struggling and seemed phased out and confused. We decided to rush him to a vets an hour away as nowhere near us would see him without an appointment, but I had a gut feeling.

The vet found that he had a severe bladder blockage, made up of lots of bladder stone sediment and his bladder was on the brink of rupturing. When they took a urine sample, it continued to spray out due to the pressure. His bloods were all elevated and after a sedation and a bladder flush, we left with meds. Over the next few days he was incredibly sleepy, as was to be expected, and we found blood in his urine, which we were also told to expect after the flush. By the third day, he was incontinent, and while he did start drinking after day 2, he didn't eat. We managed to force his meds down, but he wasn't doing well.
We were due to go abroad for a notice to wed 5 days later, so took him back for a checkup the day before we left (He'd be left in my mother in laws care assuming he was improving on his meds) but after an agonising 30 minute wait, his bloods came back so elevated in creatinine that the machine could no longer read the levels, and was coming up blank.

We were given the 'choice'. To keep trying on his medication, in the small, small hope he might improve and live a reduced life on a very very strict diet and regular surgery/recurring blockages, a short lifetime of pain to keep him with us selfishly, or to have him put down. Obviously there was no choice, as hard as it was to admit.

It took ten minutes and two injections for him to pass, mostly due to the medication, and we stayed with him the entire time.
We will miss him more than anything, and Elizabeth took a while to understand, but now we will just remember what beautiful times we had with him and be happy that he's no longer in pain.

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scarlettleia

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what a beautiful little guy, I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you <3 He was my little angel, and it's so so so hard, but I just need to remind myself that he was in so much pain and he didn't deserve that at all. I just feel so guilty that we didn't recognise any signs earlier. I keep wondering if we'd seen something, maybe it wouldn't have been too late, but it just felt like there was nothing to indicate something was wrong.
 

di and bob

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Some things happen and we will never understand why......Under the circumstances, you were pressured into making a choice, a choice that now brings doubts and guilt. Guilt and second-guessing yourself always accompanies grief, it is the one constant that we all go through at times like that. Why? Because we are not perfect, and no matter which option we choose, there is no 'right' choice. With matters like this, in one so young, it is agonizing to watch them in such pain, in knowing there will be a future full of much more, in realizing that it really is no future at all. This is a time to rely on the advice of those who have seen it all, who have experienced this same scenario many times and know what the future brings. If the vets brought up ending the pain, they had a reason, there was little hope of a normal, happy future. And really, your beloved Philip had already made his choice by refusing to eat and withdrawing.
The beautiful gallery of pictures you show above is who Philip really is, a well-loved, happy cat. I know it is almost impossible right now, but try not to dwell on his end, but remember and celebrate his life. Do not make his end more important than his life. That cannot be. He has a bond with you called love. A bond that will always be with you because it is spiritual, so forever. He lives on through you now, so as you would want for him if you were the first to go, live that life seeking happiness and the joys that being alive brings. He is at peace, he was loved and brought joy to others. Let that love he entrusted with you to continue on, adding other loves to it and letting it bloom and grow even stronger. You were so honored to have known him, to have loved him and to have made him a part of your family. To have never met him at all would have been unthinkable. He was meant to have been a part of your life's journey.
He will always be as close as your thoughts and prayers, send him thoughts of love and thankfulness. My own heart breaks for your pain, I know how much this hurts. Thank you for letting us know of this wonderful boy, for sharing your memories. To be remembered and loved is a great tribute to one so treasured. Take care of yourself and know I will be thinking of you and your own and will say a prayer for that precious little one........RIP dear Philip. You will always be remembered, you will forever have a secure place in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 

les26

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This is terrible, I am so so sorry for the loss of that spunky little fella, such a cutie and I can tell by the pictures that he had a great sense of humor and was very playful, it of course is devastating because it was so sudden and catastrophic, but don't blame yourself for not seeing it, sometimes, for whatever reasons, these things just happen, they just sneak up on us and the guilt makes us question "why didn't I see this before?" but you couldn't have, by the time he showed signs of something terribly wrong it sadly was too late, it was just a sudden horrible thing that came out of nowhere just like this Covid-19 virus, why is this happening now? Same reason, it just is, sadly....but you did all that you could, you took him to a vet an hour away and did the best with what you had to deal with at the time, no one could have done more, for some reason it was just his time to go.

And when you see him again one day it will be a joyous reunion.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I am so sorry you lost this little fella, I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....:alright: :grouphug2: :rbheart:
 

Antonio65

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What happened to you is terrible and utterly sad and unfair. Three years is too little to leave this earth, especially because Philip was perfectly fine a few hours before you had to rush him in.

There is no explanation to this injustice.
What I can think of is that such an explosive beauty was badly needed up there, and they called him up. When you look up to the sky tonight look for the brightest light, it's him blinking his wonderful eyes to you.

RIP Philip, you had a short life but the love you experienced is eternal.
 

Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Philip, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

What a beautiful boy is was, is, and always will be. This is the Deepest Truth I know...that love never dies, it only changes form and continues on, still Love. The best part of Philip, his love for you, is now translated and purified into Love, and remains with you always. Because Love abides. Now and forever, Love abides.
 

Krienze

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No. It's not fair =( Things like this never are and my heart absolutely is shattered for you. You showed INCREDIBLE courage and a beautiful love in making the choice to put him down. You were his true hero and protector and he knew that. I'm actually crying right now because I know how awful this must have been for you and I hope with all my heart that you can feel just how much everyone here is with you. I wish I had words to make the pain easier, but I know there are none. All I can say is how sorry I am, how beautiful Philip was and how strong and amazing YOU are. Perhaps he was only 3, but I know he lived those 3 years loved to the moon and back, then to the moon again and back some more.

Your pictures are beautiful by the way. He was such a beautiful kitten and grew into quite a stunning cat!
 

Jcatbird

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It is not fair. I know exactly that feeling since I have had to let go early too. I have released a couple of kitties very early as well as my child and it’s the most difficult thing we can do but the pictures say it all. He had a wonderful life with you. You gave him love, comfort and chose to save him in the end even though that was the hard decision for you. Only those who truly love can let go. You set him free to fly above. He is running across rainbows and chasing clouds now. They claim a part of our hearts but they leave us with a part of theirs. That remains always as a bond and one day both hearts will join together again.:rbheart::grouphug2:
 

Tik cat's mum

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I'm so sorry for your loss. And it's not fair to lose such a beautiful, funny, boy so young I have been crying for you because I've been in your situation. I lost my boy to him being blocked and it comes on so fast please don't blame yourself. You did what you could and made a decision to end his pain. I can tell from your pictures how much you loved him and what a wonderful life he had please try to remember the good times you had with Philip. Sending hugs to you. R.I.P Philip go play with my Tik and be pain free.:rbheart::alright:
 

will2002

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Philip was surely a beautiful little boy. No doubt he will be fondly remembered, and loved until time fades away.

One thing I know to be true...he had lots of fine company as he ran, skipped, and jumped over that old rainbow bridge. Many of my beloved fur babies were there to meet and greet him, and show him exactly how everything works over there. He is in a happy place now.
 

glittercat

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What a beautiful beautiful boy.

I lost my girl in July 2018 within the space of half a day due to acute and untreatable kidney failure :(

So, so sorry for your loss.

RIP little one xx
 

mentat

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I know that torn shredded feeling in your chest. So much loss. When it is one of my soft, sleek, purring, trilling lovebugs, it is a different hollow hole carved out than the many human souls I've lost. Feel Philip's absence, rather than avoid the feeling, as he's helping you even now, adjust, breathe, continue on.
The gentle, sweet assurance of sharing a heartbeat with him, as he rests against your chest. The nuzzles of a tiny wedge nose as he makes biscuits into your armpit, or your hair. Soulful bottomless gaze that says I see you, I know you, you are mine, and I am yours. There is only time that can ease such a torn shredded spot where heartstrings ooze and drag in your tears. Crying is cathartic, teardrops a tribute to your boy's life and the gifts he shared with you.
Memories of not his death or his end, although a good death, a release, true relief from a betraying body, without dying of a ruptured bladder, without severe pain and dehydration, and without worsening toxin accumulation darkening his blood to a quagmire.

Memories of toe beans lifted in the sun, towards your face, towards his buddy. Of motorboat purrs and songbird trills uplifting your spirits after a long day or a rough night. His antics, finding trouble where you thought there was none. The moment you first saw him, and just...knew, we are kin, you and I. May these memories patch that torn heart, each time it's ripped as your grief hits, surprising you at unexpected times. Let the grief in, let it run through you, feel that pain, and then, release it. Over and over, release into the ebb and flow of Philip all around you, touching you, holding you, loving you. All your days. Never alone. Never apart. Heart to heart. Healing is coming, healing is ongoing, and always a journey, with Philip at your heels.
 

cat mom 8

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It's more difficult to lose a pet because they rely on us to take care of them. We feel like we let them down when we can't
heal their hurt or take away their pain. Humans have the ability to speak and drive themselves to a doctor for help. We have
to know the habits of our cats to recognize when they aren't feeling well. It's instinct for them to cover up when they aren't feeling well.
 

r-kins

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Thank you <3 He was my little angel, and it's so so so hard, but I just need to remind myself that he was in so much pain and he didn't deserve that at all. I just feel so guilty that we didn't recognise any signs earlier. I keep wondering if we'd seen something, maybe it wouldn't have been too late, but it just felt like there was nothing to indicate something was wrong.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to your family. Not only is it horrible losing a beloved kitty, but you and your cat experienced a lot of stress and trauma as well. Please try to forgive yourself.

You did everything you could do. The world is so unfair. Blockages are hard to notice because cats are so good at hiding when they're having pain.
 
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scarlettleia

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Sorry for not responding in a timely fashion to all of this, I just want to let everyone know that I have been reading your messages and they've brought me so much comfort and many needed tears! I'm so thankful for this little community of people who understand the love we feel for our cats and the pain we go through when something happens to them. I've just about been ready to reply now, so again, thank you <3
 

babs' slave

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I am very sad to hear this. I am very glad you had the honor of being his caretaker for the short period of time he graced you with his presence. God bless you and your family.
 
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