We are not alone

KK300

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When I lost my furry best friend, I felt that my loss was generally minimised, because he was a cat and not a human child, yet I was heartbroken,
He was my best friend, and I honestly felt that he was my soulmate. He was so intelligent, so loving and so funny.

Reading this forum has given me such comfort; I am not some maladjusted loner who can't form human relationships, I am just a human who adored a very special feline.

So many of us have, unfortunately, lost our feline friends.
This forum has shown me that there are others who understand what it means to lose a cat.

Thank you for that
 

epona

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Oh goodness, sorry that you experienced that playing down of your grief.

Unfortunately it is very common for people who have no experience with animal companions or are somehow unable to form bonds with them to not realise what it is like.

When I lost Radar and then Sonic (and other animals before I had cats, especially my Senegal parrot Jasper who died many years ago now) it isn't *like* losing a family member, they *are* a family member, I was devastated each time and there will always be a hole in my life where each of them was here with me once.

You spend more time with your animals than you spend with most other humans - they are there with everything you go through, right by your side.

They can be like a best friend, a soulmate, even like a child sometimes, in terms of the role they play in our lives.

They don't judge you (unless their dinner is late or if you had to put them in the carrier to go to the vet ofc! But those things are soon forgiven) they are always there to comfort you, their love is unconditional, the same cannot (sadly) always be said of human friends and family members.

I used to say about my beloved soulmate cat Sonic (the photo in my avatar is him as a kitten) "Nothing in this universe has loved or will ever love me as much as this cat" - he filled a different role in my life than any human, but it wasn't a lesser role. In some ways it was a purer and more unconditional kind of love than you get from humans, without expectations, without judgement. We were always there for one another.

The day he was put to sleep (so difficult, but I didn't want him to suffer and he was getting very unwell, I knew I had to let him go for his sake) I lost the thing in my life that meant the most to me, ever. I understand completely what you are going through.

Please do talk about it here, this is somewhere that you *will* find that understanding and compassion about the loss of your soulmate cat. We have all been through it ourselves, we get it.
 

Mamanyt1953

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I am so sorry your loss was minimized. It so often is by those who do not know. I feel sorry for those people, living in a world of "its." " 'It's' just a cat!" Some of us are lucky enough to live in a world of "thous." Where each living being has value, and is worthy of care, and of love. We are the richer for it, and although losing that precious "thou" hurts, we also know that the joy of having is so much greater than the pain of losing. We are the richer for it, and our relationships with these friends with fur (or feathers, or even scales) somehow stretches our souls. Far, far better to live in our world, even with loss, than to dwell in theirs, and never fully live.
 

Antonio65

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Only those who have really loved a pet know what losing them mean.
Those who haven't had the joy and luck to live with a pet, don't know what real love is, their life will be always lacking something. And the bad thing is that they don't realize.

This forum is the only place I've found so far where nobody will ever tell you "it was just a... whatever animal it was".
 
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KK300

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He was absolutely my best friend, he supported me through some difficult times. I just keep wondering whether we should have stopped treatment earlier, whether we were just treating him for our benefit. I will always feel guilty about that.
 

catloverfromwayback

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He was absolutely my best friend, he supported me through some difficult times. I just keep wondering whether we should have stopped treatment earlier, whether we were just treating him for our benefit. I will always feel guilty about that.
That’s another thing we all go through when they have a terminal illness. Why didn’t I see it sooner? Why did I let them go so soon/could I have done more? Why did I keep treating them so long/why didn’t I let them go sooner?
 

FeebysOwner

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He was absolutely my best friend, he supported me through some difficult times. I just keep wondering whether we should have stopped treatment earlier, whether we were just treating him for our benefit. I will always feel guilty about that.
You did what you thought best and with his best interest in your heart - don't think for a second he didn't know that. Never will there be a case that one of us doesn't wonder if we did the right thing. But hindsight is just that. We can't look back and change anything. All we can do it look forward and not forget that what we did was what we thought was the right thing to do at the moment. I truly believe that celebrating their lives is a much better honor to them than reflecting on things that cannot be changed. Yes, you must grieve that you will miss him, and he is no longer physically there with you, but don't doubt the rest. It deprives you of the joy that your cat brought to you - and you to him.
 
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KK300

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You did what you thought best and with his best interest in your heart - don't think for a second he didn't know that. Never will there be a case that one of us doesn't wonder if we did the right thing. But hindsight is just that. We can't look back and change anything. All we can do it look forward and not forget that what we did was what we thought was the right thing to do at the moment. I truly believe that celebrating their lives is a much better honor to them than reflecting on things that cannot be changed. Yes, you must grieve that you will miss him, and he is no longer physically there with you, but don't doubt the rest. It deprives you of the joy that your cat brought to you - and you to him.
Thank you do much for your reply
 
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KK300

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That’s another thing we all go through when they have a terminal illness. Why didn’t I see it sooner? Why did I let them go so soon/could I have done more? Why did I keep treating them so long/why didn’t I let them go sooner?
It all happened over a year, he went from completely well to liver failure in 12 months.

I miss him every day.
 
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KK300

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He was so clever, and funny, and just my best friend. Making that last decision was both horribly difficult and the obvious option.

I honestly thought e would have him for another five years at least.

I miss him so much.
 

catloverfromwayback

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I know what you mean. I felt completely robbed when Katie and Maddie only made it to thirteen before cancer killed them both in a matter of weeks, ten years apart. Even worse was when Thomas died at eight from a fast-growing cancer - he had to be put to sleep while I was overseas.

But I can’t imagine what you went through over a year with your darling boy.
 

epona

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I felt robbed when Radar died at 13 - brain tumour - I thought he should have had longer and it was so sudden and shocking. Like - I don't feel that is very old iykwim. He did have a lot of health problems over the years though, in hindsight it probably shouldn't have been so surprising that he didn't live to be ancient.

Sonic was 15, which I know realistically is a decent average age so I can at least rationalise it a bit in those terms. But when I hear of people who have cats live until they are 18 or even 20 or something I do wish he would have had longer. It can't be helped though, it's not like he died because of anything I did or failed to do (well other than having him put down when he was starting to suffer ofc, which was a judgement for his welfare).
 

catloverfromwayback

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I felt robbed when Radar died at 13 - brain tumour - I thought he should have had longer and it was so sudden and shocking. Like - I don't feel that is very old iykwim. He did have a lot of health problems over the years though, in hindsight it probably shouldn't have been so surprising that he didn't live to be ancient.

Sonic was 15, which I know realistically is a decent average age so I can at least rationalise it a bit in those terms. But when I hear of people who have cats live until they are 18 or even 20 or something I do wish he would have had longer. It can't be helped though, it's not like he died because of anything I did or failed to do (well other than having him put down when he was starting to suffer ofc, which was a judgement for his welfare).
Same with Katie, she was 13, always healthy, then started losing weight, was diagnosed with liver cancer, and two weeks later died of heart failure in my lap.

Whereas Magnus the Monster lived to 22 and his last act was to slash the vet!
 

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I absolutely understand what you say. I recently lost my beautiful Holly and I cry every day thinking about her. So many times I had nightmares of her running away, and I was always so happy to wake up and find her close to me, sleeping. And now I am living my worst nightmare and I am waking up every day, but she is not here anymore.

It's one of those things where you see your life perfect with your pet. To me, I could have lost everything in life, but I would have been happy if Holly was on my side.
 
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