We adopted an 8-month old colony/feral cat - and are frustrated

[Tobermory]

I'm so very sorry for what must be a shocking loss, K KathyJB . Holding you in my thoughts.

 

[KathyJB]

Oh hon, my thoughts are so with you on all these fronts!!


She'll be ok - he could even wear one of your shirts , move slowly and gently, and my guess is, she'll find him interesting after a day or so

HA HA. He's 6 feet tall. She runs and hides even just hearing his footsteps in the hallway. I don't know if he can crouch down low (hard to get up!), but he's got to learn to be softer and quieter eventually. When he held her at the foster family house, I think she liked the deep sound of his voice. But now he's just a big scary Thing. Thanks for the well wishes.

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[KathyJB]

Another obstacle starting to crumble - leaving her safe room. Last week I encouraged her, step by step, to follow me into the hallway. Part of that path is familiar to her as it leads to the bathroom and her litter box. But it also leads to the kitchen and the rest of the house. With encouragement all the way, she gradually followed me just to the entrance of the kitchen. I had earlier tried carrying her around the house, but she was not very happy about that. I found that letting her decide to follow me was much better.

This morning I greeted her as usual in her room, and used a lint roller to pick up the last of the dead fleas (another Capstar dose yesterday). The roller makes a slight squeaky sound, almost like a cat maybe? It seemed to excite Heidi and she was making little noises. I took the opportunity to ask her to follow me out of the room again. She did. And then I sat at the kitchen table. She understands chair-sitting. In her room, it means she gets on my lap and I comb her and stroke her. So she happily came close to me at the kitchen chair. But she didn't want me to pick her up. She was already on high alert (the loud giant husband was safely asleep, so she need not have worried).

She spent the next hour wandering the kitchen and other places within my sight. Hopped up on the windowsill, looked out the back door, wound her way around me, going briefly back down the hall to her room, and coming back again and again. We know that she does explore the space at night, so now she can see that it's safe in the daytime. She even stayed put when the grandfather clock chimed, which is pretty noisy. I feel great about her progress. Having her around helps me deal with the loss of my sister. However, with guests coming for my son's wedding, she will probably spend more time back in her safe room soon.

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[NeoZ]

Hi - I'm new to the CatSite, and have been reading a lot of the posts about socializing a feral cat. Not only here, but all over the internet. I feel like I've taken 10 steps forward, and 9 steps back in our attempts to help our Siamese adjust to life indoors, with people - just me and my husband. I'll try to keep it short, but it's difficult. I'm a newbie at cat ownership; my husband has had several Siamese over the years (before we met). She was about 8 months old when we adopted her through a local rescue organization. We've had her with us for 3 months now, so she's nearing 1 year old. We first met her in her foster home, where she had been for 5 weeks. She had been part of a colony; the cats were gradually being rounded up and adopted out, after being chipped, spayed, etc. The foster family had been caring for her, and carried her around a lot in a sort of baby sling. They said she liked sleeping next to their cat, and liked the husband. She was very timid, but would come out to the kitchen sometimes. The main thing the foster mom stressed to us was to get her out of her hiding spot every day and handle her.

We set up a spare bedroom as her safe place, and placed the litter box in a nearby half bath. She immediately found a place to hide, behind a bed, where we could not get to her. It was a major undertaking to get her out and hold her, as the fosters recommended. We ended up naming her Heidi because she was always hiding. I'd read conflicting things like - let her do her thing and eventually she'll come out, etc. Well, she would come out only at night to eat and to toilet. We have a camera in the room so we can see what she's doing all the time. Once she escaped into another part of the house and we could not find her. She was hiding for 24 hours until we caught her on camera coming back to eat, and then were able to shut the door that leads out to the main part of the house. We knew she had to be in a place where she felt safe but we needed to be able to interact with her, too. We fixed it so she could not hide behind the bed any more, and she has settled into a protected corner of the room - still awkward to get to, but not impossible.

A month later, we were no further with getting her used to us. She would still only come out at night. And barely tolerated being held. I called it her "zombie mode" where she would sit in the sling with her head tucked way down, pretending we were not there. I have to say I was not consistent with getting her out of hiding every day. But I spent time sewing in her room, played cat-friendly music, talked on the phone, etc. She always allows me to pet her on the head and body, but I still felt she was terrified, and would put her head down so as not to look at me. When she was in her sling, she would often quiver. Then I went out of town for a week - and while I was gone, my husband forgot to close a door, and Heidi escaped into the house again - somewhere. Long story short - she was missing for a total of 9 days, and never came out to eat or use the litter box. We watched the camera constantly and had it set to alert us if she ever appeared. We honestly thought she was dying somewhere in the house. We couldn't imagine her willingly going that long without food or water. On day 9, the camera caught her going to eat. We were ecstatic. But I felt that we basically regressed to Day 1.

Small victories since then have included seeing her play with toys when she's out at night, and groom herself. And lately I can hold her without her quivering. I used to reach my hand toward her nose in the early days; she would ignore me. Now she stretches her head out curiously, to sniff me. Great! And she comes out a lot during the day - but again, only when no humans are in the room. The minute I walk into the room, she runs back into her corner. Then yesterday she began showing her teeth and hissing at me!! Now I'm confused and not sure where this is going. And I feel we're not making much headway in the socializing department.

I read the article about the 800 feral cats that were socialized by the Pahrump, Nevada "Best Friends" organization. A 9-step process that makes perfect sense. And I watched a 3-part video from the Urban Cat League about feral kittens called "Tough Love." Again, behavior modification techniques, and they all make sense.

But I'm not sure what to do with Heidi at this point. We found out recently that the foster family adopted out the cat they believe was Heidi's mother. I wish we had known; we might have considered adopting her, too. Heidi and her two humans are not having such a great time. She has her life, and we have ours, and rarely do they meet. Not much of a life for her, we feel. We wondered if we should attempt to get the family who has her mother, take Heidi, too. Or do we soldier on and keep working with Heidi - perhaps in a different way. Do we start all over with the socializing steps and maybe this time put her in a crate while we do this? Not try to pick her up? Not put food out for her to eat when we're not around, i.e. withhold food and get her to eat in our presence? Any other techniques we can try? I feel frustrated and defeated. Is this going to take years? Are we going to own a cat that we only see on camera?

Help! (and thanks for listening)

Kathy & David

Hello frustrated newbie owners of a wonderful special little kitty. She sounds very smart in the way she is able to maneuver around what sounds like a big house with two new big people. I do not have much energy due to my own super difficulties of past year but this site caught my eye so I joined and your article is the first thing I found! Hope you haven’t given up yet. Cats and dogs take time but trust me i do believe I t will be worth it in the long run. She’s special. Do hope having kids in the near future not part of your plan otherwise not sure if good as she may feel second banana already. Even though, have a great feeling about. First I’d say, don’t try so hard. Enjoy the adventure. You need a cat tree, toys, a cat scratcher and catnip for starters. Don’t isolate her from you. Invite her into your lives. Show a healthy interest without fear. Granted disappearing for 9 days a little terrifying but give her room to get comfortable. Look for her regularly calling her name and shaking a noisey cat toy. Call her when waking up, leaving, coming home and going to bed and much in between. Let her know often she’s loved and belongs. Have fun! With sling, if she trembles talk lovingly caressing and petting her soothingly. Sing to her if can and don’t worry. Too bad about the momma kitty. Maybe you guys could find out how that kitty is doing and stay in touch just in case need for alternative. Overall, believe this little one needs you guys all to herself and vice versa. Like said make it enjoyable. Have a regular feed of wet food at same time every day for health and trust, security knowing there is that special time. Another good setup would be a window perch so she can easily see out of doors for entertainment and her own spot. Maybe a sunny one so can enjoy that too. They love that. Entertain good things for her as for yourself. Expand the love and joy aura is the key here. Think this little one could be instrumental in bringing light to not only what she needs but you guys too. Another biggie here is patience but wherein it is not clock watching patience but a blossoming patience by watching what that time brings to light. Believe you have a little blessing there. Yes I do. Look to your hearts and she will find them. Enjoy the process and addition of new life to your lives. You got this. Also, if you possibly have time with your concern for too many kitties and unfortunate ones, join a spay/neuter group to support that cause. Take care. More love, Neowz

 

[NeoZ]

Another obstacle starting to crumble - leaving her safe room. Last week I encouraged her, step by step, to follow me into the hallway. Part of that path is familiar to her as it leads to the bathroom and her litter box. But it also leads to the kitchen and the rest of the house. With encouragement all the way, she gradually followed me just to the entrance of the kitchen. I had earlier tried carrying her around the house, but she was not very happy about that. I found that letting her decide to follow me was much better.

This morning I greeted her as usual in her room, and used a lint roller to pick up the last of the dead fleas (another Capstar dose yesterday). The roller makes a slight squeaky sound, almost like a cat maybe? It seemed to excite Heidi and she was making little noises. I took the opportunity to ask her to follow me out of the room again. She did. And then I sat at the kitchen table. She understands chair-sitting. In her room, it means she gets on my lap and I comb her and stroke her. So she happily came close to me at the kitchen chair. But she didn't want me to pick her up. She was already on high alert (the loud giant husband was safely asleep, so she need not have worried).

She spent the next hour wandering the kitchen and other places within my sight. Hopped up on the windowsill, looked out the back door, wound her way around me, going briefly back down the hall to her room, and coming back again and again. We know that she does explore the space at night, so now she can see that it's safe in the daytime. She even stayed put when the grandfather clock chimed, which is pretty noisy. I feel great about her progress. Having her around helps me deal with the loss of my sister. However, with guests coming for my son's wedding, she will probably spend more time back in her safe room soon.

Hi there. Am back after perusing your note again. I see there will not be a plan for kids and you do what you can but seeing all you are going through can affect kitty too. Again, share that with her. That’s what she’s there for. They want to love you and lighten the pain as much as you want her to be happy. Most of all, don’t worry and let it be the good that it will be as she grows into your life. Take good care and believe that. You got this.

 

[Tobermory]

Another obstacle starting to crumble - leaving her safe room. Last week I encouraged her, step by step, to follow me into the hallway. Part of that path is familiar to her as it leads to the bathroom and her litter box. But it also leads to the kitchen and the rest of the house. With encouragement all the way, she gradually followed me just to the entrance of the kitchen. I had earlier tried carrying her around the house, but she was not very happy about that. I found that letting her decide to follow me was much better.

This morning I greeted her as usual in her room, and used a lint roller to pick up the last of the dead fleas (another Capstar dose yesterday). The roller makes a slight squeaky sound, almost like a cat maybe? It seemed to excite Heidi and she was making little noises. I took the opportunity to ask her to follow me out of the room again. She did. And then I sat at the kitchen table. She understands chair-sitting. In her room, it means she gets on my lap and I comb her and stroke her. So she happily came close to me at the kitchen chair. But she didn't want me to pick her up. She was already on high alert (the loud giant husband was safely asleep, so she need not have worried).

She spent the next hour wandering the kitchen and other places within my sight. Hopped up on the windowsill, looked out the back door, wound her way around me, going briefly back down the hall to her room, and coming back again and again. We know that she does explore the space at night, so now she can see that it's safe in the daytime. She even stayed put when the grandfather clock chimed, which is pretty noisy. I feel great about her progress. Having her around helps me deal with the loss of my sister. However, with guests coming for my son's wedding, she will probably spend more time back in her safe room soon.

What a lovely picture you’ve described! And it sounds calming. I’m glad she’s bringing you comfort—as you’re bringing comfort to her.

 

[KathyJB]

Heidi checking things out today. It was a lovely time with her this morning, watching her explore. Checking out the tall trash can, and heading towards me in the chair.

 

[Furballsmom]

Goodness, I love this meezer baby!!

 

[tabbytom]

K KathyJB , way to go!

 

[KathyJB]

Goodness, I love this meezer baby!!

And you can barely see her ear tip, right? I didn't notice it until it was pointed out.

 

[Tobermory]

And you can barely see her ear tip, right? I didn't notice it until it was pointed out.

I had to blow up the picture to see it, and I probably wouldn’t have seen it at all if you hadn’t pointed it out! With her dark ears, it doesn’t show up. Sooo gorgeous!

 

[Meowmee]

Aww she is a beauty, so much like my Quinn

 

[Meowmee]

The scale I used is a bit cumbersome - a large postal scale. I put a treat on it to get her to stay in one spot, but it's tricky. I'm going to get one of those handheld luggage scales and place her in the fleece sling that the foster gave us.

I used to work for the American Assn. of Zoo Veterinarians; my boss was a retired veterinarian (small animals). We email and have lunch from time to time. I should pick his brain, but yes, a local vet appointment is a great idea. We have not actually established a relationship with one yet. eek

Our foster parent also just recommended Churu and Tomlyn.


Thank you for the encouragement - it really helps. I have held off on carrying her to other parts of the house. She doesn't seem to mind me picking her up to sit on my lap, though, so I do that. I watch for that high tail as she's rubbing around my legs while I sit.

Now, a new wrinkle. It's a sad one. My sister passed away suddenly on Tuesday from a cerebral hemorrhage. My best best friend. We will be going out of town of course. My husband's cousin will come to stay with and take care of my mother-in-law (who's 101 years old) - who lives on her own nearby. I know she will come feed Heidi - will she need to keep up the twice-a-day soft feeding? Is there a way to maintain feeding Heidi with one trip daily? We will be away for 5 days.

I am so sorry for your loss. My mom passed from an aneurysm over 30 years ago.

 

[KathyJB]

We are back at home after being away for a week... Heidi was watched over by a relative in the meantime. I was worried that it would take awhile for her to re-adjust to me being back. She was a little hesitant to come out, and seemed leery of me picking her up, but now we've been home for 3 days, and she is back to exploring the house with me sitting nearby. I find I have to move my hands a little more slowly because she shies away a little more than usual. Later, we're going to work on her accepting my husband (she hides from him), by having him spoon feed the Gerber baby food. I hope she warms up to him.

Now a new behavior... Heidi used to make small sounds in her throat when I approached her to pet, etc. Just little soft noises. She has never mewed. Yesterday I kept hearing some odd scratchy, hissy sound - and realized it was her. She was opening her mouth and making a slight rasping noise - but not like when she hisses at me if she's startled. That's the best way to describe it. I presume she is trying to vocalize - trying to meow? Or could there be something else going on? I play sounds of Siamese cats for her occasionally. We are always wondering if she will ever vocalize like a Siamese normally does.

 

[Furballsmom]

I presume she is trying to vocalize - trying to meow?

If she's looking at you when she does this, I'd say she's in the process of learning to meow. Not sure why she's so hoarse (dental intubation, injury are a couple possibilities but not necessarily what's actually happening here) but hopefully as time goes on it will become more meowish and less rough and raspy

 

[Tobermory]

I was thinking about you and Heidi yesterday! I’m glad—although not surprised—that she has settled back with you so quickly. Fortunately you had enough time with her before you had to be away so you could establish some patterns with her.

It will take time for her to warm up to your husband. I can’t remember how long it was before Mocha was comfortable with my husband. At least a year or more. She gets a bit nervous if he approaches her, but she will readily approach him for belly rubs. It has to be her idea. And I doubt if she’ll ever get on his lap, but she’s comfortable with him at least.

Mocha isn’t a Siamese, but she also opens her mouth and makes little rasping noises…almost as if she has a sore throat. She gives the “silent” meow, too. On the other hand, she also issues a lot of high-pitched chirps and squeaks when she’s excited (Dinner! Squeak! Squeak!) Her vocabulary has increased the longer she’s been with us. You might see this with Heidi as well.

 

[tabbytom]

Later, we're going to work on her accepting my husband (she hides from him), by having him spoon feed the Gerber baby food. I hope she warms up to him.

Now a new behavior... Heidi used to make small sounds in her throat when I approached her to pet, etc. Just little soft noises. She has never mewed. Yesterday I kept hearing some odd scratchy, hissy sound - and realized it was her. She was opening her mouth and making a slight rasping noise - but not like when she hisses at me if she's startled. That's the best way to describe it. I presume she is trying to vocalize - trying to meow? Or could there be something else going on? I play sounds of Siamese cats for her occasionally. We are always wondering if she will ever vocalize like a Siamese normally does.

Before your husband meet Heidi, I suggest that you run your hands over Heidi's body and get her scents on your hands and then transfer her scent to your hubby's hand. This way, there is familiar scent and it won't spook Heidi.

As for playing sounds of other Siamese cats, I'm quite apprehensive about it. Reason is because Heidi may be worked up by the sounds of other cats and that may make her be weary and hide more. She may feel that there is a competitor and with all the meowing she hears may give her mixed feelings.

As what Tobermory mentioned about silent meows, here's an article on it :- the-silent-meow

 

[KathyJB]

Hi there. Am back after perusing your note again. I see there will not be a plan for kids and you do what you can but seeing all you are going through can affect kitty too. Again, share that with her. That’s what she’s there for. They want to love you and lighten the pain as much as you want her to be happy. Most of all, don’t worry and let it be the good that it will be as she grows into your life. Take good care and believe that. You got this.

I'm sorry I missed your earlier comments -- with a death in the family, followed by a wedding, and some time offline, I must have overlooked them. Yes, you're right - no kids in our future - I'm in my late 60s. Our house is fairly quiet most of the time, which is good for Heidi. She is continuing to blossom and regularly comes out of her room (when my husband is not around). She's milling around under my chair right now, making chirpy noises for attention. Eventually she'll get more comfortable with both of us, rather than just me.