We adopted an 8-month old colony/feral cat - and are frustrated

[KathyJB]

It just keeps getting better. Every time I stand at the cutting/sewing table, Heidi comes out. She really just wants to rub her head against my hand or some object. The first few days it was more leg-rubbing, but she basically launches herself into my hand if I'm near - she usually stays a short distance and makes me come to her. So today I tried moving her body around while she was on the ground, in preparation for picking her up. She did not object. I have not picked her up for a couple of weeks. She very much likes me using a comb on her, and I eventually picked her up and was able to even carry her a short distance. The attached video file is 12 minutes long, but at the 2:30 mark is where I pick her up. And at the 9:45 minute mark, she let me hold her like a baby! And at the 11:35 mark I stand up, first to my knees to see if she was okay with that, and then all the way. I also combed two fleas off of her. Yay!

Holding Heidi

 

[Furballsmom]

wow!

 

[Tobermory]

I watched your video and then went back and read your first post. April 17…not even two weeks. She was ready. You have her heart. Absolutely inspiring.

 

[tabbytom]

It just keeps getting better. Every time I stand at the cutting/sewing table, Heidi comes out.

Keep it up both of you!

 

[kittychick]

Don’t post those without a “Please Note: Kleenex Will Be Needed” warning!!

Absolutely AMAZING!!!! That’s not 1 step forward - that‘s 30!!! Way to go (to both you AND Heidi)! The fact that she chose to come out, not for food or anything, but purely to say hello and ”glad to see you, oh bringer of good treats, great food, and love.” She came out on her own, purely to rub on you. And you may know this, but rubbing their cheeks against things is a kitty’s way of marking things as ‘hers’ - - - they have scent glands that, when they rub against things like that, deposit their pheromones on whatever they rub on so that other kitties smell and know they’re “owned” by Heidi. So her doing that is her way of saying “This person’s mine and I love her.” If that’s not a HUGE step forward I don’t know what is!!! And as Tobermory noted - it’s only been a few weeks since you revised how you two interacted - and that should make you feel Like you’ve made leaps and bounds as far as trusting you!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!

My only advice - - a large portion of kitties don’t tolerate being held like babies (belly up) bc that puts them in the ultimate position of submission. So - even though she seemed to tolerate it - she seemed much happier & more comfortablewhen she’s not belly up (when she went from belly up to belly down, I LOVE that she laid her head on your arm - so sweet!!!!!!!

I’d say you should feel fantastic about where your relationship with her has now progressed!!! So just stay steady and slow - - keep talking softly, keep approaching with a fist for a head bump, keep making her feel safe. - - - - it’s obviously working!!!!! Yeah!!!

 

[Meowmee]

It just keeps getting better. Every time I stand at the cutting/sewing table, Heidi comes out. She really just wants to rub her head against my hand or some object. The first few days it was more leg-rubbing, but she basically launches herself into my hand if I'm near - she usually stays a short distance and makes me come to her. So today I tried moving her body around while she was on the ground, in preparation for picking her up. She did not object. I have not picked her up for a couple of weeks. She very much likes me using a comb on her, and I eventually picked her up and was able to even carry her a short distance. The attached video file is 12 minutes long, but at the 2:30 mark is where I pick her up. And at the 9:45 minute mark, she let me hold her like a baby! And at the 11:35 mark I stand up, first to my knees to see if she was okay with that, and then all the way. I also combed two fleas off of her. Yay!

Holding Heidi

She is gorgeous and she completely loves and trusts you now, so wonderful to watch I could already tell from the way she was watching you sitting behind the basket from her expression that she loves you, and so siamese supervising you with that certain look, lol. She reminds me a bit of my Quinn, pb siamese traditional / classic seal point, but he is not the cradling type and he gets overexcited by brushing, he likes cuddles on his terms and loves to sit on my shoulders I need a cradling cat like your girl Heidi

 

[KathyJB]

....and so siamese supervising you with that certain look, lol. She reminds me a bit of my Quinn, pb siamese traditional / classic seal point, but he is not the cradling type and he gets overexcited by brushing, he likes cuddles on his terms and loves to sit on my shoulders I need a cradling cat like your girl Heidi

My husband had two Siamese before I met him. He concurred with your "supervising" observation 100%! She now loves being on my lap. When I get back to sitting at the sewing machine, I wonder if I'll have a companion.

 

[KathyJB]

Don’t post those without a “Please Note: Kleenex Will Be Needed” warning!!

Absolutely AMAZING!!!! That’s not 1 step forward - that‘s 30!!! Way to go (to both you AND Heidi)! The fact that she chose to come out, not for food or anything, but purely to say hello and ”glad to see you, oh bringer of good treats, great food, and love.” She came out on her own, purely to rub on you. And as Tobermory noted - it’s only been a few weeks since you revised how you two interacted - and that should make you feel Like you’ve made leaps and bounds as far as trusting you!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!

My only advice - - a large portion of kitties don’t tolerate being held like babies (belly up) bc that puts them in the ultimate position of submission.

I’d say you should feel fantastic about where your relationship with her has now progressed!!! So just stay steady and slow - - keep talking softly, keep approaching with a fist for a head bump, keep making her feel safe. - - - - it’s obviously working!!!!! Yeah!!!

I have to pinch myself sometimes. The leaps and bounds we have taken are quite stunning. It seems as though we cross a new milestone every day. For instance:

I always announce myself. Heidi is usually out of her corner and if I'm too quick coming in the room, she jumps down from her high perch and gets into her corner. I can stand in the doorway and she's fine, but one half of my foot over the threshold, and she starts moving to her place. Yesterday I managed to get halfway into the room, one step at a time, and she stayed put.

I tried carrying her down the hallway, towards the living room (which we now know she explores at night). But she began to shiver, so I retreated. I waited a few days, and did it again yesterday. She made it with me past the kitchen, into the living room. I could tell she was uncomfortable, but she didn't leap from my arms; I took her back to her room right away. Little steps. Also, I have gotten her to follow me partially into the hallway as well. One step at a time. (I won't try to hold her belly up any more, but she has stretched out on a chair and let me rub her tummy.)

A few questions:

I quickly went from using an extended spoon to just a spoon in my hand, period. I've used up my few jars of Gerber food. Now that Heidi is coming out readily, I wonder if I need to keep up that spoon feeding.

Heidi was underweight when the rescue organization got her. 5.3 lbs. I finally managed to weigh her a couple of days ago. She's now at 4.4 lbs.! I am sure stress has a lot to do with it. She had been eating two wet meals a day, regular food. No dry. So now I'm on a mission. Yesterday I got some Royal Canin kitten, both wet and dry. I gave her dry in the middle of the day, and she ate it all. I think I should feed her three times a day: wet in the morning, dry mid-day, and wet in the evening. I have read that kittens should have food available all the time. I'm not sure. Yes, she needs to gain weight, but is free-feeding part of that?

Observations (funny quirks):

Heidi will come out of her spot very quickly after I enter the room. But she likes to do it the way it happened the first time. I stand at my cutting table, and then she comes out. If I stand or sit anywhere else, or close to her spot, she won't come. She will often go back and forth during our time together. In her spot, and then out again immediately. Like she needs to re-charge or something.

She loves sitting in my lap on a chair. She will stretch out with her tail towards me, head on my knees. If I set her down, she looks like any moment she's going to jump up onto my lap, but it hasn't happened yet. I heard an odd noise and thought she was trembling, but that wasn't it. She was purring! Oh, and she will come out of her corner if I sit in the chair. She seems more forceful now in her desire to rub against me - more lively, I guess you could say.

 

[Furballsmom]

oh my heart - what a GORGEOUS little meezer!!!

Now that Heidi is coming out readily, I wonder if I need to keep up that spoon feeding.

Probably not.

Regarding caloric intake for kittens, whether it's free fed or timed meals isn't as specifically important as much as the fact that they need to eat as much as they're willing and able to, in order to support and promote growth. Continuing to weigh her, maybe a couple times a month or so, could be handy as you go down the road

 

[Meowmee]

My husband had two Siamese before I met him. He concurred with your "supervising" observation 100%! She now loves being on my lap. When I get back to sitting at the sewing machine, I wonder if I'll have a companion.

Quinn used to watch me sew and tried to play with bobbin when he was a kitten I have’t sewed in quite a while but plan to soon.

 

[kittychick]

Before I reference anything - just have to say WOW!!!!! And hey - a PURR even!!!!! You should be absolutely, positive THRILLED (and I think you are! ) with how quickly she's learning to trust you, even see you as a "respected elder in the pack" leader - - that's a BIGGIE!


As usual I agree with Furballsmom (side note - - SOOOOO gorgeous is right!). Making sure she gets plenty of food during this stage in her life is critical (kittie's caloric needs are extra high while they're developing). She needs to grow like a kitty weed now! And you mentioned feeding Royal Canin Baby Cat (note: many members feel differently on different types/categories of food, and I'm not a vet - - I'm just telling you what I've done in my multiple years working/volunteering at shelters & 3+ decades of fostering). We do feed soft morning & night, and free feed hard during the day - - esp young ones we're trying to put more weight on. We often use Baby Cat for mamma + babies, and for older babies alone too. It's very calorically dense and kitties like it. Stress/change are likely major culprits - - but weight loss that large in that period isn't something to be ignored. She doesn't look emaciated, but does look a little thin. I'd add something like Nutrical (this is where the extend-o-spoon can help too !), a high-calorie gel. It's NOT a meal replacer - - it's in addition to regular meals (it's on Chewy, Amazon, pet stores, etc). If you can get her on a scale, that'd be great. It's a big enough loss in a short period that I'd watch her weight closely. We weigh fosters often - - if they'll let us, ones that are her age we try to do at least 2-3x a week.

And if the weight doesn't resolve, maybe consider something we've done w/kitties we're socializing. We set up a "cat's coming soon, let's talk first" appointment (we do pay - but tell them what we want to talk about & that we'll be brief). We then can go over a game plan w/vet face to face, and then you can talk about the issues, without panicky check-ins to her crate like I do if the kitty's with me . Most vets won't actually prescribe meds before seeing the kitty, but it often helps us figure out what to concentrate on, what to watch for, and what we'd like them to look at when we do bring them in (as we do 99% of the time!).

You can likely pull back offering of the baby food treats as a full-time thing. The main reason to do it is to get her to come out and enjoy you AND gett a food reward for it (as the "bringer of all things fun, yummy and loving"). If she goes back to retreating after you scale back on it, just start it again. I usually keep it going until I can get them to lick it off my finger. Also - you can swap it out with the Nutrical paste, bc often kitties find that super yummy too. One last thing we use as a "love me" lure - - -the tubes of "treats" (they smell - and look - alot like the Gerber's stuff!) made by several companies, w/various names. We've had great luck w/Hartz Delectable Squeeze Up Paste, Temptations Creamy Puree packets, and the one they REALLY love (which is, of course, more expensive) are "Inaba Churu Lickable Cat Treats."

You and Heidi are the poster children for the difference it makes taking things slow, and doing everything you can to get her to trust you!!!!! SUCH a change in her interactions now with you versus a few short weeks! Don't let small "setbacks" (they WILL happen) make you feel like you've failed - use them as learning opportunities to figure out what set her back. Don't take this as me trying to make you fearful - - I just want you to be prepared and to remember all you've learned and what a great team you are with her!!!!!!!

Again - - my biggest advice is keep doing most of what you're doing - -- it's working for you both!!!!! Keep taking it slow...only picking her up and walking around with her if she's really enjoying it so that she doesn't think every time she comes to you she might get picket up (a very scary position for many feral/semi-feral kitties). And while this all seems like forever, you've made - and keep making - amazing progress!!!! So scratch her chin for me and pat yourself on the back for me - GREAT job all around!!!!!!!!

 

[Meowmee]

After finding out how dry food is made, I would recommend cutting it out of a cat's diet. If your cat likes dry food, reserve it for the occasional treat. If you use dry food as a treat, think of it as unhealthy junk food and limit it accordingly.

When I took road trips with my sons when they were young, we'd always take books on tape to listen to. We borrowed one from my grandmother called The Autobiography Of Foudini M. Cat which was written in the first person with Foudini the cat as the point of view character. Foudini called his human Keeper of the Tinned Mice which I think is a wonderful title for a proper cat guardian.

I recommend this book to all cat guardians. It's both entertaining and insightful (if a bit dated).

KathyJB, stop fretting. It sounds like you're making great progress! GO GO GO!

I love that book and have a copy of it.

 

[KathyJB]

If you can get her on a scale, that'd be great. It's a big enough loss in a short period that I'd watch her weight closely. We weigh fosters often - - if they'll let us, ones that are her age we try to do at least 2-3x a week.

And if the weight doesn't resolve, maybe consider something we've done w/kitties we're socializing. We set up a "cat's coming soon, let's talk first" appointment

The scale I used is a bit cumbersome - a large postal scale. I put a treat on it to get her to stay in one spot, but it's tricky. I'm going to get one of those handheld luggage scales and place her in the fleece sling that the foster gave us.

I used to work for the American Assn. of Zoo Veterinarians; my boss was a retired veterinarian (small animals). We email and have lunch from time to time. I should pick his brain, but yes, a local vet appointment is a great idea. We have not actually established a relationship with one yet. eek

Our foster parent also just recommended Churu and Tomlyn.

Keep taking it slow...only picking her up and walking around with her if she's really enjoying it so that she doesn't think every time she comes to you she might get picket up (a very scary position for many feral/semi-feral kitties). And while this all seems like forever, you've made - and keep making - amazing progress!!!! So scratch her chin for me and pat yourself on the back for me - GREAT job all around!!!!!!!!

Thank you for the encouragement - it really helps. I have held off on carrying her to other parts of the house. She doesn't seem to mind me picking her up to sit on my lap, though, so I do that. I watch for that high tail as she's rubbing around my legs while I sit.

Now, a new wrinkle. It's a sad one. My sister passed away suddenly on Tuesday from a cerebral hemorrhage. My best best friend. We will be going out of town of course. My husband's cousin will come to stay with and take care of my mother-in-law (who's 101 years old) - who lives on her own nearby. I know she will come feed Heidi - will she need to keep up the twice-a-day soft feeding? Is there a way to maintain feeding Heidi with one trip daily? We will be away for 5 days.

 

[tabbytom]

The scale I used is a bit cumbersome - a large postal scale. I put a treat on it to get her to stay in one spot, but it's tricky. I'm going to get one of those handheld luggage scales and place her in the fleece sling that the foster gave us.

If the postal scale is big enough to support a human's weight or if not, use a normal human weighing machine. If she allows you to carry her for a short while, carry her and stand on the scale and take the total weight and let her down and then weigh yourself and subtract the weight to get her weight. This will be more accurate in weighing her. It's easier than putting a treat or use a sling bag.

 

[Furballsmom]

I'm so sorry to hear this!

will she need to keep up the twice-a-day soft feeding? Is there a way to maintain feeding Heidi with one trip daily? We will be away for 5 days.

The twice a day isn't absolutely necessary. You're still feeding kibble? If not, this will fill in the calories.

I know she will come feed Heidi

Are you absolutely 100% certain about this? if there is any question or hesitation at all, you will want to have a backup person, or even just hire someone outright which would also to help maintain the twice a day wet food feedings.

Rover .com has certified, licensed pet sitters who will work with whatever schedule you prefer, which I personally think is a lot safer for your house and your cat. If you register (whether you're going to use them or not), which is free, you can then see the people in your area, their reviews and fees. In other words just looking at the site without registering doesn't necessarily provide all the information you need to make a decision.

Thinking of her, I would like to suggest that if you haven't already, get a heartbeat toy or a purr toy.

 

[KathyJB]

The twice a day isn't absolutely necessary. You're still feeding kibble? If not, this will fill in the calories.

We've been feeding her twice daily since we first got her. Of course for a long while she only ate at night. She has lost 1 lb. in the 3 months we've had her, and she was underweight already when the rescue organization had her chipped and spayed. So this week we switched to wet Royal Canin Mother & Baby Cat for the morning and evening, and Royal Canin kitten kibble (which I now just keep out all the time). I was just concerned because we've only started on this push for her to gain some weight. (she is now 1 year old)

Thanks for the Rover recommendation. The cousin is coming with her husband; I'll be talking with them today before they come down next week. They have a cat at home, so they're "cat people." I don't anticipate any problems, but I'll take a look at Rover.

Thinking of her, I would like to suggest that if you haven't already, get a heartbeat toy or a purr toy.

Thanks for that suggestion! We have a soft mouse toy that she had with her in her little corner this morning. I bet she'd like one that had a heartbeat or purr.

 

[KathyJB]

If the postal scale is big enough to support a human's weight or if not, use a normal human weighing machine. If she allows you to carry her for a short while, carry her and stand on the scale and take the total weight and let her down and then weigh yourself and subtract the weight to get her weight. This will be more accurate in weighing her. It's easier than putting a treat or use a sling bag.

Okay, I used our digital Weight Watchers bathroom scale, and the numbers are not quite as bad I originally thought. I had a tentative postal scale weight of 4.4 lbs, but today's bathroom scale (with me holding her) shows her weight as 5 lbs., 13 oz. Which means she has gained about 10 oz. since being picked up in December by the cat rescue people.Still needs to gain some.

 

[Furballsmom]

I was just concerned because we've only started on this push for her to gain some weight.

she has gained about 10 oz.

I'd love to see her be able to continue with the twice a day feeding. I realize it's only five days that you'll be gone, but that five days could be important.

The only other thought I have would be a hopefully absolutely not worst case health scenario with mom-in-law. If you have a backup person who could step in for your furry sweetheart just in case your cousin can't make it for whatever reason, that could be helpful and could provide you with an extra shot of peace of mind

 

[KathyJB]

The only other thought I have would be a hopefully absolutely not worst case health scenario with mom-in-law. If you have a backup person who could step in for your furry sweetheart just in case your cousin can't make it for whatever reason, that could be helpful and could provide you with an extra shot of peace of mind

Sigh. It is a thought. I know. My father, who lives in Maryland near my sister, is 100 - and has pneumonia. I think this is going to be a tough year coming up. He's taking the loss of my sister pretty well, but is confused. On top of all this, my son's wedding is here in Florida next week! Now that I think about it, I do know someone else here who would make a good backup. And if the cousin can't come at all, then my husband will stay and I'll go up to Maryland alone. Heidi is afraid of him, but oh well...

 

[Furballsmom]

Oh hon, my thoughts are so with you on all these fronts!!

Heidi is afraid of him, but oh well...

She'll be ok - he could even wear one of your shirts , move slowly and gently, and my guess is, she'll find him interesting after a day or so