Wayla died, now Randy seems lost

[WBates]

Hello. My cat Wayla died last Thursday, she was 17 years old. My other cat, Randy, is 13. Wayla has always been here, Randy has never been a cat alone before.
They never really got along. Sometimes when they were younger, we'd come home and catch them cuddling, and Wayla would be embarrassed and move when we saw her. Randy bullied Wayla a lot, we had to keep a close eye on that, especially when Wayla got sick.
Now that Wayla is dead, Randy has been acting out of sorts. She wanders around a lot, like she is looking for her. She sniffs every place that Wayla would hang out. She gets upset that Wayla's food bowl isn't there. Chow time has always been the happiest time for Randy, and we had to fight to keep her from eating Wayla's. Now it just seems sad to Randy.
What can we do to make her feel better?
We told her that Wayla died, and she won't be coming back. She seemed to understand. She knows Mom and I are really upset, and she is trying to do double duty, sitting on both of our laps, comforting us both. We're afraid she's going to wear herself out. She has always had a set nap time, and she still naps like she always did. But then she also seems to be trying to make sure we aren't mistaken, and spends time looking for Wayla.
If something scary happened (Randy has always been the scaredy one) she would hide behind Wayla and wait for her to check it out. I went shopping the other day, and Mom said while I was gone, a noise scared her, and she didn't know what to do.
Can I do anything to make this easier for her?
Thanks.

 

[WBates]

Also, do you all think Randy could be feeling guilty for having bullied her? Do cats think that way? I don't want her to feel bad.

 

[Talien]

She needs time to grieve just like you would if a friend of yours died. The best thing you can do is spend time with her and give her all the love and attention you can.

Also, do you all think Randy could be feeling guilty for having bullied her? Do cats think that way? I don't want her to feel bad.

No, and I really don't think it was bullying. Rough play maybe, but if one Cat is bullying another you will never see them cuddling, the one being bullied will act afraid of the one doing it and want to stay away from them all the time.

 

[WBates]

The cuddling happened years and years ago. I think as Wayla got older and slower, Randy's rough housing was too much for Wayla. It got to where Randy would not let Wayla go upstairs if we didn't stop her, and Randy would not let Wayla eat if we weren't watching.
But then there were times when, if Wayla really wanted the food, she would headbutt Randy out of the way, and Randy would just sit there stunned.
I hope Wayla wasn't bullied as much as we thought she was, but it did seem like she let Randy run over her too much.
I have left Wayla's empty cat carrier outside because I can't stand to look at it. Do you think it would be helpful or harmful to bring it inside, so that Randy can see that the carrier made it back home, but Wayla did not?

 

[Furballsmom]

Hello! You have my heart for your baby

Try cat music, there's a complication of harp music on Spotify called Cat in My Arms, there's also youtube, RelaxMyCat and MusicForCats.

Also if you don't already have one you could try an anti-anxiety marshmallow bed

 

[di and bob]

Just give her lots of extra attention, she is grieving too. Cats take about two weeks before they start to forget, or give up, I know it takes mama cats at least that long to stop looking for their babies when they find another home. Cats really don't feel guilt or a lot of our emotions, they run more on animal instinct. My heart goes out to you all, may peace come to your heart, Wayla will always be as close as your thoughts and prayers......

 

[Furballsmom]

Do you think it would be helpful or harmful to bring it inside, so that Randy can see that the carrier made it back home, but Wayla did not?

Maybe try this, somewhere that it's out of your view but Randy can access it if he wants to? Bless your heart for being willing to do this for him, you're wonderful

 

[fionasmom]

I have been though a number of grieving animal situations over the years. This includes a pair of cats, male and female who were literally never apart for 14 years until the male died. I was frantic about the female,but after a couple weeks she bonded to me and seemed to move on. LIke people, they eventually understand what happened and that life is different now. As for the empty carrier, I think it is worth a try. Certainly you are not hurting anything by doing it. Without depressing everyone, I had two situations with dogs where I tried something along those lines but it seemed as if the surviving dog did not process the information exactly as people might. You are very kind to be so concerned about your cat.

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. No offense to the others, but I would refrain from bringing in Wayla's carrier. If there are scents still in it, it isn't something Randy is going to understand that Wayla is gone but her carrier is not. Let Wayla's scents in the house slowly dissipate, give Randy all the loving he can handle, and let time heal the gap. The dissipation of scents will be slow but gradual, as will Randy's adaptation to her absence, with your caring help. RIP Wayla, and extra 'scritches' for Randy.

 

[ArchyCat]

I read, many years past, that if you have multiple pets, and one dies or is euthanized, bring the body home for all the surviving pets to see. The explanation was to reduce or eliminate this type of behavior. Cats and dogs do not understand death, but if they see their former companion cold and unmoving, not responding to the normal social cues, they will understand that their companion is gone. The behavior described in this thread is that Randy is looking for Wayla.

Has anyone else encountered this advice?

 

[Talien]

I read, many years past, that if you have multiple pets, and one dies or is euthanized, bring the body home for all the surviving pets to see. The explanation was to reduce or eliminate this type of behavior. Cats and dogs do not understand death, but if they see their former companion cold and unmoving, not responding to the normal social cues, they will understand that their companion is gone. The behavior described in this thread is that Randy is looking for Wayla.

Has anyone else encountered this advice?

Yes, and it is something that I do. I had to have one of my Cats euthanized this spring so I called a vet in the area who does house calls and had it done at home. My other Cats all got to see her afterward, and none of them went around to the places she usually spent her time at looking for her. They weren't themselves for a few days but it didn't last very long.

 

[Whenallhellbreakslose]

Hello. My cat Wayla died last Thursday, she was 17 years old. My other cat, Randy, is 13. Wayla has always been here, Randy has never been a cat alone before.
They never really got along. Sometimes when they were younger, we'd come home and catch them cuddling, and Wayla would be embarrassed and move when we saw her. Randy bullied Wayla a lot, we had to keep a close eye on that, especially when Wayla got sick.
Now that Wayla is dead, Randy has been acting out of sorts. She wanders around a lot, like she is looking for her. She sniffs every place that Wayla would hang out. She gets upset that Wayla's food bowl isn't there. Chow time has always been the happiest time for Randy, and we had to fight to keep her from eating Wayla's. Now it just seems sad to Randy.
What can we do to make her feel better?
We told her that Wayla died, and she won't be coming back. She seemed to understand. She knows Mom and I are really upset, and she is trying to do double duty, sitting on both of our laps, comforting us both. We're afraid she's going to wear herself out. She has always had a set nap time, and she still naps like she always did. But then she also seems to be trying to make sure we aren't mistaken, and spends time looking for Wayla.
If something scary happened (Randy has always been the scaredy one) she would hide behind Wayla and wait for her to check it out. I went shopping the other day, and Mom said while I was gone, a noise scared her, and she didn't know what to do.
Can I do anything to make this easier for her?
Thanks.

I am so sorry for your loss. This is never easy. Some years back, I had an elderly cat who was 20 years old that had cancer that was running it's course in her. We did all we could for her, but had to accept it was her time. She lived to a great age. Our youngest cat took the older kitty's death very hard. When she say that her buddy didn't come back from the vet, she went off and laid low. We just thought we should give her her space while she grieved the other cat's loss. It took us a few days to realize, she wasn't touching her food, instead it was one of the other cats who was stealing her food. We tried to get her to eat, but she refused. We had to stay by her side and comfort her. She still was giving us a hard time, so we panicked and got pedialyte into her (to replace lost electolytes) and I got some of the high calorie paste into her as well. We had to keep encouraging her to eat and we petted her and praised her as she was eating. We finally broke through and she went back to eating normally.

Cats do grieve for their deceased or missing companions. They need time to adjust to this big change. Maybe the smell of their companion cat on a blanket or something might make them feel better. Offer lots of praise and attention and most importantly be calm and patient. Cats can read your energy level and if you are depressed or stressed out they pick up on it. I was very sad when we had to put my elderly cat down. I cried a good bit and I think she went off into the state she was in after that episode. Cats are sensitive creatures.

Well, I hope this helps you. RIP Wayla

 

[fionasmom]

I have two experiences with allowing other animals to see the body. They are sad, so stop reading now if it will be upsetting.

When my last GSD passed I had to have home euthanasia with an expected pick up from an excellent LA animal mortuary no longer in business (owner died). The man who was coming for him got stuck in a complete mess on the LA freeway and Ragnar lay in the middle of my living room for 4 hours with his friend Mikki (dog) and I sitting with him. All the cats hid until he was removed. Mikki did seem to understand and grieve less.

Current GSD was with us at the vet when I had to let Mikki go several years ago. We waited in the room and I took her body and put it on the floor with us so that he could understand what happened. Of course, we did not sit there for four hours. Anyway, did not work. Grayfriars Bobby and Hachi kind of stuff with the grieving that Orlando (current GSD) went through but eventually he did accept it.

 

[tabbytom]

Hello. My cat Wayla died last Thursday,

We are so

to hear about your loss of Wayla

Here's an article for you to read :- do-cats-mourn

 

[Whenallhellbreakslose]

I have two experiences with allowing other animals to see the body. They are sad, so stop reading now if it will be upsetting.

When my last GSD passed I had to have home euthanasia with an expected pick up from an excellent LA animal mortuary no longer in business (owner died). The man who was coming for him got stuck in a complete mess on the LA freeway and Ragnar lay in the middle of my living room for 4 hours with his friend Mikki (dog) and I sitting with him. All the cats hid until he was removed. Mikki did seem to understand and grieve less.

Current GSD was with us at the vet when I had to let Mikki go several years ago. We waited in the room and I took her body and put it on the floor with us so that he could understand what happened. Of course, we did not sit there for four hours. Anyway, did not work. Grayfriars Bobby and Hachi kind of stuff with the grieving that Orlando (current GSD) went through but eventually he did accept it.

Thanks for sharing your experiences with animal grief. I hope Orlando is doing well now. The stories of GrayFriars Bobby and Hachi melts my heart. Such loyalty and dedication. Poor doggies just didn't understand their owners died. I am always move to tears with stories like this.

Btw, did you ever see how Elephants grieve for deceased member of the family? It is very interesting. Animals do feel grief. No doubt about that.

 

[fionasmom]

I completely believe that animals grieve and understand many more emotions than we think they do.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I hope Randy is starting to feel more settled now.

When Noodles passed at home last winter Mooch wouldn't even go in the room while her body was still here. I tried to move her where Mooch could see and approach if she wanted to; but Mooch would only look. Then for a few days she wouldn't go near that side of the room. (My kitchen, dining and office are all open.) She stuck close to me a lot for a few days and I had to relocate her food and water to my bathroom because she wanted to hang out under my bed. But after a little bit she did start checking out that side of the dining area where Noodles had been and I was able to move her food back to it's normal spot in the kitchen. She just needed time.