Very skittish semi feral, would appreciate any tips!

tarasgirl06

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I would be gone for probably 3 days. If it were just one I wouldn't even be considering bringing her. I was gone for Thanksgiving for 1 day and she was fine, but this would be longer. I would expect some setback in her progress from this, I understand that. She would be isolated in a private bathroom as she is here, with access to only me. It is in the back of the house, away from any areas that would be loud or chaotic. The alternative would be leaving her here, and coming back one day for an hour or so to make sure she's ok. And then leaving again. But I'm not sure I can guarantee I'll be able to do that. I wouldn't be considering it if I felt like I could leave her alone here.
Another alternative would be having a bonded cat-sitter come in once or twice daily to scoop the box(es), feed and water. There would be no contact between sitter and cats so cats would have minimal stress.
 

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I would be gone for probably 3 days. If it were just one I wouldn't even be considering bringing her. I was gone for Thanksgiving for 1 day and she was fine, but this would be longer. I would expect some setback in her progress from this, I understand that. She would be isolated in a private bathroom as she is here, with access to only me. It is in the back of the house, away from any areas that would be loud or chaotic. The alternative would be leaving her here, and coming back one day for an hour or so to make sure she's ok. And then leaving again. But I'm not sure I can guarantee I'll be able to do that. I wouldn't be considering it if I felt like I could leave her alone here.
If you think about it she's a semi-feral cat. She's used to fending for herself. She's not used to having humans around so honestly she probably be okay for three days by yourself as long as plenty of food left out water and couple of boxes. Can you watch her on your phone from the camera? That way you can at least keep an eye on her and talk to her to the camera if it's possible if you notice anything bad you can come back home. I mean I wouldn't recommend keeping socialize cats alone for that long like my cast I would never do that because they would be really stressed out by the end of those two days. But she's used to being by herself. She probably be happier if you weren't in there bothering her for 3 days LOL I don't know I would personally just leave her home and just leave out plenty of food and water and add a couple more letterboxes possibly. I think I could do so much better for her than moving her around cuz that is just going to traumatize the hell out of her even more and any progress you've made erase it all and start new.
 

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I would be gone for probably 3 days. If it were just one I wouldn't even be considering bringing her. I was gone for Thanksgiving for 1 day and she was fine, but this would be longer. I would expect some setback in her progress from this, I understand that. She would be isolated in a private bathroom as she is here, with access to only me. It is in the back of the house, away from any areas that would be loud or chaotic. The alternative would be leaving her here, and coming back one day for an hour or so to make sure she's ok. And then leaving again. But I'm not sure I can guarantee I'll be able to do that. I wouldn't be considering it if I felt like I could leave her alone here.
Could you look into possibly hiring someone to come check on her just one day? There's got to be people who do that LOL there's people who house sit for animals so you think there'd be somebody who can always just come check on her. Are you on Facebook? If so you should be able to find a group of people in your area that love cats and maybe somebody like an admin of one of those groups can help you out and come check on Kitty. I honestly feel like that would be the best thing for her. Even leaving her alone for 3 days I think would be better than scaring her the way that she's going to be scared
 
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berry89

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So a few days before I had to leave, she ended up throwing up a worm. We went to the vet that afternoon (getting her in the carrier was traumatic for both of us), and they gave her Revolution and a dewormer injection, and said she should be fine. I watched her closely for a few days, then had to leave for 2 nights but I found a neighbor who was able to check in on her and feed her (he has his own cat so he would just stop by to feed her and scoop her box twice a day). By his account she was eating and drinking regularly while I was gone, and behaving normally, and I could also see her behavior on the camera and it seemed consistent to how she'd been before I left. No more worm sightings or vomit. I returned Saturday evening, and I have been unable to get her to eat normally since. She won't come out from hiding at all (before I left she was, not a lot, but a bit), but now she ONLY comes out while I am sleeping again. She will not even come out for food unless it is late at night and I am asleep, and even then she is exploring less than she was before. I have been able to entice her to eat by hand feeding her, and after I get her interested she does eat the meal, but only if I continue to feed it to her in her hiding spot. If I put it down and leave the room she will not come out to eat it until night time. I'm not sure if this is just her reacting to the change in routine because I left and came back, or if there could be something else wrong. She seems to have gained a little weight since I've had her, so she does not appear malnourished. I'm beginning to question if I did the right thing by taking her in, because I am feeling extremely stressed over her well being and realistically I cannot afford ongoing emergency vet visits. I'm hoping this is just a reaction to the routine change, but any advice is appreciated.
 

tarasgirl06

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So a few days before I had to leave, she ended up throwing up a worm. We went to the vet that afternoon (getting her in the carrier was traumatic for both of us), and they gave her Revolution and a dewormer injection, and said she should be fine. I watched her closely for a few days, then had to leave for 2 nights but I found a neighbor who was able to check in on her and feed her (he has his own cat so he would just stop by to feed her and scoop her box twice a day). By his account she was eating and drinking regularly while I was gone, and behaving normally, and I could also see her behavior on the camera and it seemed consistent to how she'd been before I left. No more worm sightings or vomit. I returned Saturday evening, and I have been unable to get her to eat normally since. She won't come out from hiding at all (before I left she was, not a lot, but a bit), but now she ONLY comes out while I am sleeping again. She will not even come out for food unless it is late at night and I am asleep, and even then she is exploring less than she was before. I have been able to entice her to eat by hand feeding her, and after I get her interested she does eat the meal, but only if I continue to feed it to her in her hiding spot. If I put it down and leave the room she will not come out to eat it until night time. I'm not sure if this is just her reacting to the change in routine because I left and came back, or if there could be something else wrong. She seems to have gained a little weight since I've had her, so she does not appear malnourished. I'm beginning to question if I did the right thing by taking her in, because I am feeling extremely stressed over her well being and realistically I cannot afford ongoing emergency vet visits. I'm hoping this is just a reaction to the routine change, but any advice is appreciated.
My guess is yours -- that she is stressed by the change in routine. Cats are very big on pattern (as am I, so I very much understand this being stressful to her) but I don't think it's a separate health issue. She's eating now. You can encourage her. In time, she'll know it's okay to come out and resume getting to know her environment and you. Try not to stress, as cats are also very intelligent and intuitive, and sensitive, and she can pick up on the fact of your being stressed. Try to chill and know that in doing this, you'll be helping her, which helps you, too. ;)
 

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My guess is yours -- that she is stressed by the change in routine. Cats are very big on pattern (as am I, so I very much understand this being stressful to her) but I don't think it's a separate health issue. She's eating now. You can encourage her. In time, she'll know it's okay to come out and resume getting to know her environment and you. Try not to stress, as cats are also very intelligent and intuitive, and sensitive, and she can pick up on the fact of your being stressed. Try to chill and know that in doing this, you'll be helping her, which helps you, too. ;)
Hi ! I’ve been reading your story and see some similarities with my girl . She was a feral kitty -approximately 12 months old when I got her . It has been just 6 months and she had made slow progress, but we are definitely getting there 😊 when I first got her She stayed in her carrier and then the safe room for months. She only came out at night or when I was not in the room . I gradually introduced myself and then more of the house. she previously ran to the office when upset /scared . She is now confident in the house …..when I’m not up and moving. She will come for food/treats and will watch me . Alina is still scared frequently, will run and hide . But I’m actually able to pet her . I do notice a set back if I’m away for the night . We have to rebuild our trust , but she seems to be bouncing back a bit quicker. Initially She did not eat for a day when I had a friend visit for a few hours and now eats less when readjusting from a change . Your kitty sounds similar and will come around again . Everyone on the site has given such helpful feedback and the hardest to hear , but truth is that I also need to relax and calm down . Patience and positivity 😊 We got this 👍🏼
 

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Hi ! I’ve been reading your story and see some similarities with my girl . She was a feral kitty -approximately 12 months old when I got her . It has been just 6 months and she had made slow progress, but we are definitely getting there 😊 when I first got her She stayed in her carrier and then the safe room for months. She only came out at night or when I was not in the room . I gradually introduced myself and then more of the house. she previously ran to the office when upset /scared . She is now confident in the house …..when I’m not up and moving. She will come for food/treats and will watch me . Alina is still scared frequently, will run and hide . But I’m actually able to pet her . I do notice a set back if I’m away for the night . We have to rebuild our trust , but she seems to be bouncing back a bit quicker. Initially She did not eat for a day when I had a friend visit for a few hours and now eats less when readjusting from a change . Your kitty sounds similar and will come around again . Everyone on the site has given such helpful feedback and the hardest to hear , but truth is that I also need to relax and calm down . Patience and positivity 😊 We got this 👍🏼
Suha came in swinging when I introduced her to the clowder in our home. She's only ever bonded to me, but she has kind of liked our beloved angels Samuda and Tarifa, the sweetest, friendliest, and most social of cats. She has another trusted human now - my roomie, who is more able than I am to convince her to eat more! Suha is 17, by the way, so she's pretty set in her ways.
IMG_0117.JPG

Suha as a growing kitten, with beloved angel Maryam, in the Mojave where both were born.
 

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Our two adopted ferals still believe they are feral, 18 months later. One allows us to pet her, almost anytime- yet is still skittish. The other, who has night vision issues, did not trust us for the past 18 months. But, he likes treats! He will ask for them with a cry. In fact, the others are starting to realize that a plaintive cry is rewarded with treats; but includes, being petted. The other cats are now begging the same Way.

Who am I to argue with progress?
 

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Awwww! That picture reminds me of when we first rescued our stray/semi-feral young cat. Like your kitty she was sweet - she never hissed, snarled or lashed out at us. But she was scared to death and her hiding place was behind the washing machine. I can still remember looking back there and she would look up at me and meow pitifully - she clearly wanted a connection but was scared to death. She hid there or under a couch for about two weeks, only coming out to eat and use the litter box. It took some patience but she did come around and is now a cuddle-bug who never leaves my side. It still breaks my heart though ever time I remember how scared she was, just like the baby in this picture.
 
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berry89

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Forgot about this thread for a while and thought I'd post a little update. Honey is still here and has made very slow, but steady progress. She does not let me handle her, and does not like to be pet at all, but she is free roaming around the apartment now and has relaxed A LOT since she first came home. She is still very skittish and will run away if I walk too close to her, but this is huge progress since 2 months ago she wouldn't even come out into the open if I was home or awake, and until February she was still hiding behind the toilet (eventually I had to force her out because I was getting concerned that it wasn't good for her health to live behind a toilet, but she adjusted pretty well and I had a box ready as a new hiding spot that she took to immediately). She knows what it sounds like when I open her food cans now, and the first time (just a month ago maybe?) I looked over and saw her waiting in the kitchen doorway for me to bring her dinner I almost cried because it felt like such a "normal cat" thing to do!
She still stays in her box 75% of the time, but usually comes out in the evenings after she eats and lays down on the rug next to the couch while I watch TV or read, and the other night she actually rolled on her back and fell asleep with her belly up! She will slow blink back at me and take treats from my hand, and walk around with her back to me, so I know she trusts me to at least some extent even though she is still nervous. I won't lie, there have still been times I've felt like I was failing her, and I've had pressure from family to "bring her to a shelter and get a pet that likes you" but she continues to slowly get more comfortable and each little milestone feels like a big deal with her. I love the little stink, even though she just tolerates me, and we are sticking together.
We are moving to a new, slightly bigger apartment next week, so I am a bit concerned that she will regress and we will have to start over. I do expect a step back, but hopefully I can make it as easy and painless as possible for her. It is just to a different unit in the same complex, so we don't have to go far, but I understand that she doesn't know that and the new apartment will still feel new and very scary for her. I have Feliway spray and plug ins, and I'm planning to bring some of her things and set up the walk in closet as a "safe room" for her where she can stay while we are moving things in. Once things are a bit more settled with not so much moving around I plan to open the door and let her come out and explore on her own terms. Not sure how I'm going to get her in the carrier (Its on the floor now and I put treats in it but she doesn't really show an interest in it), but since we aren't going far I may even transport her in the box if I can find a way to secure it and cover the front.
Some pictures!
 

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Robyn5678

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Here is what I did with my ferals, one which is now a huge lovebug!
At feeding time, I would put their food down and I would sit in a chair on the other side of the room and just talk. I actually read poems or sang, so they could get used to my voice.

First time it took like 30 min for them to come out. Each day was a little less time. Once they started coming out within a min or 2 I would move my chair a foot or 2 closer. I kept doing this until they would let me pet them while they were eating.

once they started coming around, they would follow me to the bathroom. So when I was sitting down, I would pick them up. I let them tell me when they had enough of that. I didn’t try to hold on. Some days it was a second, some days a few minutes. I still have one that is a little skittish, but like I said my other is a love bug

first 2 pics are the first week I got Them
3rd pic is the first time he let me Touch him
last pic is a daily basis now

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Congratulations Robyn5678 Robyn5678 -- they are absolutely gorgeous and your labors of love are really paying off, as are yours, B berry89 with your beautiful panfur queen! These updates are balm for my soul. Wishing you a very happy transfer to the new apartment! Have you tried putting her food in her carrier and seeing if she'll accept this?
 

Robyn5678

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Congratulations Robyn5678 Robyn5678 -- they are absolutely gorgeous and your labors of love are really paying off, as are yours, B berry89 with your beautiful panfur queen! These updates are balm for my soul. Wishing you a very happy transfer to the new apartment! Have you tried putting her food in her carrier and seeing if she'll accept this?
Thank you!! It’s time consuming and a lot of hard dedicated work but it’s so worth it!! It helps that I work from home so they had no choice but to be around me all the time haha it doesn’t happen overnight so don’t give up!
 

tarasgirl06

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Thank you!! It’s time consuming and a lot of hard dedicated work but it’s so worth it!! It helps that I work from home so they had no choice but to be around me all the time haha it doesn’t happen overnight so don’t give up!
That's the wonderful thing about working at/from home, which I also do. So much better than commuting and being away from our loved ones all day!
 
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berry89

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Have you tried putting her food in her carrier and seeing if she'll accept this?
Hmm, I've put treats in it and she does take them but with the carrier she usually waits to go in until I'm not around. I think she senses it's a trap. 😂 I'll try with her actual food though, maybe that would work.

I also work from home and it's definitely made this process easier, although still slow going for us! Sometimes I get down on myself when I see other people make such quick progress to petting and handling. And she doesn't play either, so I can't use that as a tool. She's never shown any interest in toys, if anything she is scared of them. She will track them with her eyes, but won't engage with them and usually runs away. But I think she is just a nervous cat in general and her timeline is just longer, and she may never want to be pet or picked up and that's ok too. On the one hand it's kind of funny that I ended up with a nervous cat with trust issues, because I'm a nervous human with trust issues. 😂😅
 

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Hmm, I've put treats in it and she does take them but with the carrier she usually waits to go in until I'm not around. I think she senses it's a trap. 😂 I'll try with her actual food though, maybe that would work.

I also work from home and it's definitely made this process easier, although still slow going for us! Sometimes I get down on myself when I see other people make such quick progress to petting and handling. And she doesn't play either, so I can't use that as a tool. She's never shown any interest in toys, if anything she is scared of them. She will track them with her eyes, but won't engage with them and usually runs away. But I think she is just a nervous cat in general and her timeline is just longer, and she may never want to be pet or picked up and that's ok too. On the one hand it's kind of funny that I ended up with a nervous cat with trust issues, because I'm a nervous human with trust issues. 😂😅
Yeah, well, so am I, bigtime. Each cat, like each person, is very unique and individual, so those people just happen to make quicker progress due in large part to their cats making quicker progress. It's not a contest. Everyone wins, in time. So just keep up the great work!
Have you tried silvervine? It's an Asian plant that has fragrant bark and the cat versions are available as twigs, powdered twigs, and in toys. Cats who don't respond to catnip LOVE silvervine. It can't hurt to try!
 
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berry89

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So we made the move and are in our new place. She is doing ok. She is staying mostly in the closet, which is where I had her set up during the move and where she seems to feel comfortable. I do have the door open so she can come out at night if she wants, but I'm wondering If I should keep it shut if that will make her feel more secure for now. She's eating, but not on her normal schedule, she's mostly waiting until night to come out of the box to eat or do anything. I know she is drinking at least a little because I can see hairs in her water bowl, but she won't do any of this in front of me. My main concern is I feel like she hasn't urinated much since we've gotten here. I don't see her trying or straining, just not seeing much output in the litterbox, but she could also be burying it when she buries her poop. At what point should I be very concerned about this? She has a fountain and a regular water bowl, and she is eating both wet and dry food, but she's eating a little less than usual. She is moving around and coming out at night like she did in the beginning at the old place, and it's only been a couple days so I'm not expecting crazy progress.

By the way I did try the silvervine before we moved and she went nuts for it! She's not reacting so much to it now but I think she's too nervous.
 
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berry89

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Well, now I've also just noticed a bald spot on her lower back, about 3/4-1 inch long, with flaky skin. Not sure if that is stress related or something else. I put some Vetericyn on it, and she was due for her flea prevention so I just applied that as well. Do you think she needs a vet visit now or can I wait a day or so to see if it gets any better? I am afraid a vet visit right after the move will just stress her more.
 

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Well, now I've also just noticed a bald spot on her lower back, about 3/4-1 inch long, with flaky skin. Not sure if that is stress related or something else. I put some Vetericyn on it, and she was due for her flea prevention so I just applied that as well. Do you think she needs a vet visit now or can I wait a day or so to see if it gets any better? I am afraid a vet visit right after the move will just stress her more.
That's your call. From all you say, with it only being a couple of days since your move, she is doing very well, eating, drinking, and using her box. A move is tough for us and as cats love pattern and routine, it's even tougher for most of them. They bond to location. I would wait to see how the flaky patch looks after you've applied the Vetericyn and her flea topical, and give her some time to adapt to her new surroundings; but if she stops drinking, eating, or using her box, then absolutely, a vet visit would be highly recommended.
 
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berry89

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Felt like it's time I jump on here with an update. We made it through the move and early adjustment period. Honey claimed a spot in the walk in closet and stayed there for a month or so, only coming out to eat, but she seemed comfortable enough. I eventually got her out of the closet, but now she hides under one of the dressers instead. She's perfectly content to be fed by me, but any other attempt at interaction gets a loud, angry hiss and a very aggressive swat with claws out.

In early August, I ended up bringing home another approx 6 month old cat (female, Harlow). She was intended to be a temp TNR foster while recovering from her spay, but within hours she had adjusted to me and being inside, and long story short she stayed. I didn't want to upset the balance by bringing another cat into Honey's territory, but I was also hoping she may help Honey to warm up, but so far no dice. Honey hissed at her once, but now mostly just ignores us both. I suppose it could be worse, they could be fighting. We did a slow introduction period, and they do share space now, but I can't always feed them together because Honey is a very slow eater and I can't always stay to play interference, and if not watched Harlow tries to eat Honey's food. Harlow is very sweet and has adjusted wonderfully, other than some killer farts and early morning zoomies that wake me up way earlier than I need to be 😂. Still occasionally cautious, but is very friendly and is often meowing, trilling, rubbing all over me and flopping down on the rug for belly rubs and playtime. The difference in the way they've responded is remarkable. Only other hiccup is she has a weird callus or something on one toe that causes her to avoid putting weight on one foot (only on wood, she walks normally on the rug), but she doesn't seem to be in much pain and we have a vet visit scheduled.

I'm still at a loss when it comes to Honey. I know ferals can take a long time, even years, but I really continually question whether or not this is the right thing for her. It seems pretty clear to me that she isn't happy, but no shelter would take an aggressive cat like this, or if they did I fear she would be immediately put down due to personality/behavior issues. I will never be able to handle her even to take her to the vet, and she will likely just keep hiding. Which is really of little consequence to me, since she keeps to herself and doesn't cause any issues other than the fact that I can't touch her. You wouldn't even know she was here if not for all her "cat stuff" everywhere that she does not use 😂. I just really don't think she is happy, and I can't help but feel like I'm doing her a disservice by keeping her here. At the same time, I don't know if there's a better option for her.
 
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