Venting....

Willowy

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. I cant go to a studio because of my allergies. I have to have my own bedroom that the cats cant get into.
The thing is, you're already living in one room, right? So it seems to me that it wouldn't be any different from what you have now, but without having to deal with the family drama. But, yeah, I looked up Miami rents too, and they are crazy! I don't know how anyone can live there with those kinds of prices.
 

terestrife

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When the time is right and you are ready to move you may want to consider a convertible studio apartment - this means it has a designated space for just a bed and would be cheaper than an actual one bedroom apartment.
I searched for that and didn't see anything near me. But thank you for the information i will keep it in mind.

The thing is, you're already living in one room, right? So it seems to me that it wouldn't be any different from what you have now, but without having to deal with the family drama. But, yeah, I looked up Miami rents too, and they are crazy! I don't know how anyone can live there with those kinds of prices.
Yes and I'm struggling. I'm taking zyrtec in the morning and Benadryl at night. I wake up at night and nose is itchy and dry. I feel like i can't breathe well in there. The medicines don't work completely I can't wait to have a bedroom for myself.

Not sure if I'll have enough even with my raise to live alone. Not sure what I'm going to do. I hate that the cats are stuck in a tiny space.
I looked up Miami itself on apartments.com and yikes! The town you live in now has rental prices closer to the town I'm living in, except it seems around me there's more closer to the $1000 mark. There ought to be some nearby suburbs that are a bit cheaper, but you have to balance safety.

I think if you can be okay living where you are a little longer, paying off as much debt as possible will help you feel better about moving out. I think it's something you should try to work towards because it would be so good for you mentally.

I wish your family would help out more as well.
Yeah i got discouraged recently looking around. I'm not sure I'll have enough money to move out even with the raise. Not unless i end up at an efficiency and don't really want to do that.

I might have to look into a second job. Or living further away and driving to work. I'm stuck at this job for a year or two. Or it'll look bad if i jump again. Just feeling down realizing i might not be able to move.
 

Talien

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You are definitely depressed. What most people don't realize is there are different degrees and it can manifest in many ways, from not wanting to get up in the morning sometimes, to just feeling overwhelmed by life, to being anxious all the time, to extreme sadness and "feeling like you want to crawl in a hole and die" which is what people usually think of when they hear the word. Medication can help, but with what you're taking already for your other issues it may not be a good idea to add another to the mix. It's not stopping you from functioning so it sounds like you're able to deal with it well enough on your own, as long as you aren't feeling totally overwhelmed I would just keep going through the motions for now. Definitely not ideal and it definitely sounds like it's broken, but sometimes "duct tape and baling wire" is enough of a fix to get by on.

From what you've been saying I'd agree with you that rehoming your Cats would not be a good idea. It may help short term, but you would very much regret it and it would end up doing more harm than good long term.

Getting your own place, or at least a place without so many annoying people (kids) would be good but without knowing for sure whether it would work out or not it's probably too much of a risk right now. Would your brother let you move back in if you left and it didn't work? Sometimes there are no good options, just the best of a bunch of bad ones, and it sounds like that's what you're dealing with now. At the very least it's better than your previous living arrangements. The only thing I could suggest on that front is if your brother or his wife drops hints that it's a problem or an inconvenience having you and the Cats there, just say something along the lines of you can't afford a place of your own right now but with a little help you'd be able to manage. If you are "in the way" there maybe they'd be willing to contribute a couple hundred a month for you to get your own place so they'd get their extra room back. I mean, if they're willing to throw money at your sister to bail her out of her own mess they might be more willing to help you when you're actually being responsible and just need a little help instead of constant handouts.
 

Lari

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Since you have a good car, something like uber eats or doordash might be a decent option for a second job. Picking up food for people (choose people who tip right away is what I heard) is safer than driving them around, and it could be done on your schedule. And if Miami is anything like Chicago, some suburbs are cheaper than others.
 

terestrife

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You are definitely depressed. What most people don't realize is there are different degrees and it can manifest in many ways, from not wanting to get up in the morning sometimes, to just feeling overwhelmed by life, to being anxious all the time, to extreme sadness and "feeling like you want to crawl in a hole and die" which is what people usually think of when they hear the word. Medication can help, but with what you're taking already for your other issues it may not be a good idea to add another to the mix. It's not stopping you from functioning so it sounds like you're able to deal with it well enough on your own, as long as you aren't feeling totally overwhelmed I would just keep going through the motions for now. Definitely not ideal and it definitely sounds like it's broken, but sometimes "duct tape and baling wire" is enough of a fix to get by on.

From what you've been saying I'd agree with you that rehoming your Cats would not be a good idea. It may help short term, but you would very much regret it and it would end up doing more harm than good long term.

Getting your own place, or at least a place without so many annoying people (kids) would be good but without knowing for sure whether it would work out or not it's probably too much of a risk right now. Would your brother let you move back in if you left and it didn't work? Sometimes there are no good options, just the best of a bunch of bad ones, and it sounds like that's what you're dealing with now. At the very least it's better than your previous living arrangements. The only thing I could suggest on that front is if your brother or his wife drops hints that it's a problem or an inconvenience having you and the Cats there, just say something along the lines of you can't afford a place of your own right now but with a little help you'd be able to manage. If you are "in the way" there maybe they'd be willing to contribute a couple hundred a month for you to get your own place so they'd get their extra room back. I mean, if they're willing to throw money at your sister to bail her out of her own mess they might be more willing to help you when you're actually being responsible and just need a little help instead of constant handouts.
I've suspected that I've had issues with depression ever since i was young. It's harder to deal with at times but i always find a way to keep going.

it's hard some days i don't want to go to work so badly. I just want to be in bed. It's draining dealing with everyone. Then going home to crying kids.

My brother wouldn't mind if i had to come back. He's always said im welcome wherever he is. It's just the cats he has an issue with. I'm not sure if everyone would pitch in monthly. My family isn't reliable like that. I once asked for help paying for a biopsy and didn't get help. The only one i didn't ask is the brother im living with tho. Ithink there's a chance he might help. But it seems scary to depend on someone like that. I want to stand on my own.

Still not sure what my plan is. If i should focus everything on paying off debt. If i should invest and build a catio to give my cats space. They're stuck in a bedroom all the time.




Since you have a good car, something like uber eats or doordash might be a decent option for a second job. Picking up food for people (choose people who tip right away is what I heard) is safer than driving them around, and it could be done on your schedule. And if Miami is anything like Chicago, some suburbs are cheaper than others.
That's a good idea. I will look into it. It's just hard. I get home and i usually knock out early. I'm in bed from 8:30 pm until 6pm and never get a full night's sleep. No matter what time i go to sleep.

I'm taking the kitties to the vet tomorrow. They haven't had a check up since the pandemic happened. I'm nervous about it. Mostly because going out stresses them out so much. It's a huge ordeal to take them anywhere.
 

Talien

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I've suspected that I've had issues with depression ever since i was young. It's harder to deal with at times but i always find a way to keep going.

it's hard some days i don't want to go to work so badly. I just want to be in bed. It's draining dealing with everyone. Then going home to crying kids.

My brother wouldn't mind if i had to come back. He's always said im welcome wherever he is. It's just the cats he has an issue with. I'm not sure if everyone would pitch in monthly. My family isn't reliable like that. I once asked for help paying for a biopsy and didn't get help. The only one i didn't ask is the brother im living with tho. Ithink there's a chance he might help. But it seems scary to depend on someone like that. I want to stand on my own.

Still not sure what my plan is. If i should focus everything on paying off debt. If i should invest and build a catio to give my cats space. They're stuck in a bedroom all the time.
Yeah, depression is difficult to deal with. It gets worse the longer it goes on because you get used to it and it becomes "the new normal". You start to forget what it's like to live without it and don't even realize you need help.

Debt is always bad news, but as long as it's not crushing debt to the point where you are unable to make a dent in it because of the interest it's at least manageable. If it does get to that point you'd be better off declaring bankruptcy. As long as it's not increasing on it's own you're probably fine, if you can make headway every month and pay it down a bit at a time you're doing ok.

On that note, does the rest of your family know that your sister is responsible for a lot of your debt? If not, you should let them know before they throw a bunch of money at her. Not to be petty or get back at her or anything like that, but because it could happen to them too.

A Catio.....it depends on how much it would cost and whether they would even use it, but if they would it would definitely be a help for you and for them if they could get out of the room once in a while.
 

Lari

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And depression makes you super tired as well. At least it did to me. So you may have more energy for a second job if you're able to get it a bit under control.
 

rubysmama

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Still not sure what my plan is. If i should focus everything on paying off debt. If i should invest and build a catio to give my cats space. They're stuck in a bedroom all the time.
Normally my advice would be to pay off your debt first. However, in your case, if you are sure the cats would use the catio, I think enlarging their space would be good for them, as well as for you.

About your debt, though, if there's more than just your car loan, have you looked into consolidating it into one loan? That normally ends up saving the borrower interest, which gets it paid off sooner.
 

terestrife

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The kitties results came out good. Kitty just needs to lose weight. They took me by surprise when they did a urine test by sticking their bladder with a needle. I didn't know that was a thing they did. Made me nervous for days for some reason. Made me sad because the kitties were so calm during the exam so long as i was holding them. Makes me feel bad for being so temperamental these last few months. Been trying to give them time in the morning and at night. It's not much time but I'm putting in effort.

Yeah, depression is difficult to deal with. It gets worse the longer it goes on because you get used to it and it becomes "the new normal". You start to forget what it's like to live without it and don't even realize you need help.

Debt is always bad news, but as long as it's not crushing debt to the point where you are unable to make a dent in it because of the interest it's at least manageable. If it does get to that point you'd be better off declaring bankruptcy. As long as it's not increasing on it's own you're probably fine, if you can make headway every month and pay it down a bit at a time you're doing ok.

On that note, does the rest of your family know that your sister is responsible for a lot of your debt? If not, you should let them know before they throw a bunch of money at her. Not to be petty or get back at her or anything like that, but because it could happen to them too.

A Catio.....it depends on how much it would cost and whether they would even use it, but if they would it would definitely be a help for you and for them if they could get out of the room once in a while.
Everyone knows my sister caused my debt and they know how stupid she is with money. Usually no one in the family helps her. But she got everyone's pity to save her house. My niece has 2 kids and isn't working and lives in that house. She broke up with the father of her kids. And they don't know what will happen with him. The family probably doesn't offer me help because they see that I'm trying to solve my own problems. At least my brother let's me stay with him for free. That's a huge help.

The debt isn't crushing. It's just my car that needs to be paid off. Hopefully it won't take long.

I'm missing working from home. Forcing myself to go to work when i feel mentally exhausted isn't easy. The rush of getting up and dealing with traffic. And then going home to screeching whiny child. I feel an overwhelming feeling of panic at times. There has to be something wrong with my nephew. Spending all day crying or whine crying isn't normal. I think this is the one child in my entire life that i cannot stand. And everyone who knows me knows that i love kids and feel Protective of them.

You just say hi to him and he growls like an animal. I tell him to come sit with me or ask him for a hug and he cries.


And depression makes you super tired as well. At least it did to me. So you may have more energy for a second job if you're able to get it a bit under control.
that's how i feel. Physically i feel fine. But mentally i am so tired. It takes everything to go to work and om put on a happy face. And pretend that i give a poop. That i care about being a team player.

My job isn't even hard. I am very blessed. I know that logically. Its just hard on me mentally. I get home and I'm knocked out by 8 pm because i just want to sleep. I wake up and repeat the cycle. I truly wish i could be pathetic like my sister and live off others. But i know i would lose the little respect i have left for myself.

Normally my advice would be to pay off your debt first. However, in your case, if you are sure the cats would use the catio, I think enlarging their space would be good for them, as well as for you.

About your debt, though, if there's more than just your car loan, have you looked into consolidating it into one loan? That normally ends up saving the borrower interest, which gets it paid off sooner.
I can't do that with my car. I might lose it if i do that. I just have 9000$ left. I had the genius idea of getting a new car a couple of years back. Very stupid but not much i can do now. I'm almost there though. My debt isn't too bad. I'm being careful.

I'll look into the catio this weekend to see if it's a good price.
 

Lari

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It's really not normal to be crying all day. I don't remember how old this nephew is, but I think I've spent too long on my food intolerance facebook groups that my first thought is "they should try cutting all dairy out of his diet to see if that helps in case he's in low key pain all the time."

If there was a catio they could go in and out through your window, it might help a little. Getting some help with your depression would help, too.
 

Talien

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The kitties results came out good. Kitty just needs to lose weight. They took me by surprise when they did a urine test by sticking their bladder with a needle. I didn't know that was a thing they did. Made me nervous for days for some reason. Made me sad because the kitties were so calm during the exam so long as i was holding them. Makes me feel bad for being so temperamental these last few months. Been trying to give them time in the morning and at night. It's not much time but I'm putting in effort.
Good news is good news, one less bit of stress.

Everyone knows my sister caused my debt and they know how stupid she is with money. Usually no one in the family helps her. But she got everyone's pity to save her house. My niece has 2 kids and isn't working and lives in that house. She broke up with the father of her kids. And they don't know what will happen with him. The family probably doesn't offer me help because they see that I'm trying to solve my own problems. At least my brother let's me stay with him for free. That's a huge help.

The debt isn't crushing. It's just my car that needs to be paid off. Hopefully it won't take long.
Wait....so they know all about how she screwed you over and are still willing to bail her out with her house? My inner misanthrope is saying, "It's going to be amusing to see how they all get burned too".

If it's just your car that you owe money on and it's easily manageable then yeah, I'd say definitely look into a Catio, it will make a huge difference if you can get your Cats out of the room for even just a couple hours a day. Just make sure you pay VERY CLOSE ATTENTION to the reviews if you buy a kit online. There are a bunch of cheap kits from china sold online that will have hundreds of obviously fake 1 or 2 line reviews all saying basically the same thing that grossly inflate the 5* review count. A friend of mine didn't pay attention to the reviews and just got one that had a bunch of 5* but it was terrible. There were parts that were not labeled, screw holes that didn't match up so I had to drill new ones to put the damn thing together, a few parts were cracked and I had to glue them so they didn't fall apart while I was trying to assemble it, and the instructions were in broken engrish that was barely understandable.

I'm missing working from home. Forcing myself to go to work when i feel mentally exhausted isn't easy. The rush of getting up and dealing with traffic. And then going home to screeching whiny child. I feel an overwhelming feeling of panic at times. There has to be something wrong with my nephew. Spending all day crying or whine crying isn't normal. I think this is the one child in my entire life that i cannot stand. And everyone who knows me knows that i love kids and feel Protective of them.

You just say hi to him and he growls like an animal. I tell him to come sit with me or ask him for a hug and he cries.
That's beyond just "not normal" and is blazing a trail through red flag territory. When's the last time he was taken to see a doctor? Whatever is causing that behavior is not going to get better on it's own, and if he's got some un-diagnosed condition it's only going to get worse the longer it goes untreated.
 

terestrife

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It's really not normal to be crying all day. I don't remember how old this nephew is, but I think I've spent too long on my food intolerance facebook groups that my first thought is "they should try cutting all dairy out of his diet to see if that helps in case he's in low key pain all the time."

If there was a catio they could go in and out through your window, it might help a little. Getting some help with your depression would help, too.
Hes 3 years old. I dont think they will change his diet. They are really into junk food. Sometimes i think its the sugar causing all these highs and lows.

Good news is good news, one less bit of stress.



Wait....so they know all about how she screwed you over and are still willing to bail her out with her house? My inner misanthrope is saying, "It's going to be amusing to see how they all get burned too".

If it's just your car that you owe money on and it's easily manageable then yeah, I'd say definitely look into a Catio, it will make a huge difference if you can get your Cats out of the room for even just a couple hours a day. Just make sure you pay VERY CLOSE ATTENTION to the reviews if you buy a kit online. There are a bunch of cheap kits from china sold online that will have hundreds of obviously fake 1 or 2 line reviews all saying basically the same thing that grossly inflate the 5* review count. A friend of mine didn't pay attention to the reviews and just got one that had a bunch of 5* but it was terrible. There were parts that were not labeled, screw holes that didn't match up so I had to drill new ones to put the damn thing together, a few parts were cracked and I had to glue them so they didn't fall apart while I was trying to assemble it, and the instructions were in broken engrish that was barely understandable.



That's beyond just "not normal" and is blazing a trail through red flag territory. When's the last time he was taken to see a doctor? Whatever is causing that behavior is not going to get better on it's own, and if he's got some un-diagnosed condition it's only going to get worse the longer it goes untreated.
My sister has a way of getting people to feel sorry for her and to help her. She did it to me so i cant blame them. My finances arent as great as i thought. Im getting sued by a debt collector. I thought it wouldnt be much to settle it, but ended up costing 3000$. Not sure if they will pursue me for my sisters debt. She seems to think i am sich and suggested i settle with them and she will pay me back later. Still have to pay for my cats annual vet visit, and $900 for my last biopsy. It doesnt seem to ever end.

Once i pay that off, i will look around for a catio. Thanks for the info on catios. I always research before buying anything so i will be careful. My brother will probably help me build it. So it shouldnt be too bad.
 

Willowy

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Not sure if they will pursue me for my sisters debt.
If you didn't co-sign for it, it's not your responsibility, don't let them (your family members OR the debt collectors) guilt you into it.

You can also pull your credit report occssionally to make sure there are no surprise debts again. This is the only legit credit report site: Annual Credit Report.com - Home Page
 

terestrife

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If you didn't co-sign for it, it's not your responsibility, don't let them (your family members OR the debt collectors) guilt you into it.

You can also pull your credit report occssionally to make sure there are no surprise debts again. This is the only legit credit report site: Annual Credit Report.com - Home Page
i did co sign for it sadly. :( i stupidly felt sorry for her after her 2nd husband passed.

edit: i am starting to regret jumping jobs. I am only making less than $400 extra per month. I wish i had looked for jobs that allow overtime. Ive seen better paying jobs ever since. I want to stay with miami dade college. But the pay isnt enough. Now i am stuck at this job for a couple of years so i dont look unstable.

Dont really like what i am doing either. I am still doing secretarial duties, which i was hoping to get away from. I dont want to sit and hear people blather on for two hours. And then write minutes about all the nonsense. Im not very happy at this job.
 
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Lari

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Apply for other jobs! Yes, they'll see you've only been here a bit, and that may stop some from giving you interviews, but if you get a better paying job with overtime and stay there for a while, this will be a little blip in things.

I feel like there's no harm in trying if you see something that would be a good fit.
 

terestrife

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I'm in the er. Been out of breath for about a week and woozy. I think it's the cats finally getting to me. I don't know what I'm going to do if it's my allergies. I can't breathe with them in my room. I am using excessive allergy pills. I wake up with nose bleeds. I don't want to think about the worst scenario but i don't know anyone that can take them in.

Edit: unless i build then a catio outside. But they'll be outside all the time. In Miami heat.
 
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tarasgirl06

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I'm in the er. Been out of breath for about a week and woozy. I think it's the cats finally getting to me. I don't know what I'm going to do if it's my allergies. I can't breathe with them in my room. I am using excessive allergy pills. I wake up with nose bleeds. I don't want to think about the worst scenario but i don't know anyone that can take them in.

Edit: unless i build then a catio outside. But they'll be outside all the time. In Miami heat.
You've lived with them for years, so I very much doubt it is they who are causing this.
 

terestrife

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You've lived with them for years, so I very much doubt it is they who are causing this.
I would have them in the living room. And my sister would obsessively clean. Now they're in my room. I think breathing in their dander as i sleep is what worries me. I struggle to breathe as soon as i go into my bedroom. I used to only expose myself to their allergens when i would leave my room.
 

susanm9006

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Hopefully your doctor or the ER doctors can identify the issue that is going on with you and whether It is related to your cats. If it is allergy related and you aren’t taking allergy shots, then you probably need to start asap.
 
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