Venting....

terestrife

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Oh, sweetie, I'm so happy for you. :dance:

Finally, I think things are going to start getting better for you and your cats. :redheartpump:
I pray this is a good move. My brother might hate my cats but he's one of the people that's helped me the most. Second only to my mother.

i worry about his wife. We get along. But i suspect she played a part in causing problems for us while we were living there. Its a long story. But she never liked us living there. I just pray i can get along with everyone and keep my kitties safe.


I hope that this move will only be temporary while you find your own place. You and your cats deserve more.
Yes. Believe me i am tired of living with other people. I had big problems in the house I'm moving into. My brother and i fought badly over the cats.

He's always been there for me and he's the one sibling i can call and he offers immediate help.

My oldest brother today didn't have space or money. The middle one said his wife wouldn't deal with the cats but that i was welcome. The youngest let the cats in so long as their in my room.

I'm scared of what might come. And i pray i can find a job. But I'm comforted that i can head to my nieces home if things get bad.

The room im heading to is smaller than the one im currently in.

I think i might have to start donating things. I have a bunch of containers of things I've accumulated over the years. Don't know if my sister will let me keep them here. It's useful things for my own place. But i can't keep dragging everything back and forth.

Thank God! Your cats have gotten used to being in one room for now, so this will hopefully be a good temporary arrangement while you continue the plan of finding a job in a cheaper city.
I hope so too. I plan to keep applying until something opens up. :heartshape:
 

Lari

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I think i might have to start donating things. I have a bunch of containers of things I've accumulated over the years. Don't know if my sister will let me keep them here. It's useful things for my own place. But i can't keep dragging everything back and forth
You might consider selling some things that you'd be less likely to need on facebook marketplace or something! Or through a neighborhood group - I bought cloth diapers through a local mom's group, for example. Rather than donate, if you need to get rid of things anyway, you should try to get some money for savings, even if it's only a little.
 

terestrife

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You might consider selling some things that you'd be less likely to need on facebook marketplace or something! Or through a neighborhood group - I bought cloth diapers through a local mom's group, for example. Rather than donate, if you need to get rid of things anyway, you should try to get some money for savings, even if it's only a little.
I will try that. :heartshape: I just wanted to avoid the expense of buying essentials once i do have my own place.

im feeling nervous about this change. Changes isnt easy for me, and i am filled with worry. Especially that my SIL will cause problems for me. :cringe: It was stressful moving the cats here, and then locking them up. Now moving them back again. And potentially moving again once i switch jobs.

Its not easy dragging everyone and all my things around.
 

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I pray this is a good move. My brother might hate my cats but he's one of the people that's helped me the most. Second only to my mother.

i worry about his wife. We get along. But i suspect she played a part in causing problems for us while we were living there. Its a long story. But she never liked us living there. I just pray i can get along with everyone and keep my kitties safe.
Just remember this is temporary. It gets you away from the toxic environment with your sister's husband. And hopefully will give you a chance to save some money and/or pay off your debt. Just thank them for taking you in, and stay out of their way as much as possible.

I'm scared of what might come. And i pray i can find a job. But I'm comforted that i can head to my nieces home if things get bad.
Try not to worry about the what ifs, and focus on the positives.

The room im heading to is smaller than the one im currently in.
Not ideal, but it'll work till you can get your place.
 

tarasgirl06

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I will try that. :heartshape: I just wanted to avoid the expense of buying essentials once i do have my own place.

im feeling nervous about this change. Changes isnt easy for me, and i am filled with worry. Especially that my SIL will cause problems for me. :cringe: It was stressful moving the cats here, and then locking them up. Now moving them back again. And potentially moving again once i switch jobs.

Its not easy dragging everyone and all my things around.
NO WAY do your cats go in the garage. STAND YOUR GROUND.
Yes, sell what you don't need. If you can't afford a storage space and the new place won't allow you to store things, let them go. You have no alternative now.
I was scared like you wouldn't believe when I faced the changes resulting from my ex dumping us. More scared for my loved ones than for me, but scared for us all. Having to find safe haven for those loved ones I was prohibited by city ordinance from having here was stressful like you would not believe, and I will never get over the trauma of separating from them forever. Losing the place I loved the best of any I have ever lived in was also extremely traumatizing for me. And I had to throw out a LOT of my stuff and my folks' stuff. Also traumatizing.
We do what we must. We find that we are much stronger than we ever thought possible, and we learn so much from hardship. We learn nothing from ease. You will be improving yourself by growing stronger, more resilient, and ultimately, more content. Keep your cats with you, defend them with everything in you, and know you are moving up, not down, in your life's journey.
I've moved a lot. Cats don't like change. But this is for your collective survival and eventual better life. Those are the priorities.
Change hasn't been easy for me/us, either. We don't do it because we want to, but because we have to. Rich people can play games with life. The rest of us can't.
If you can put a lock on the door where you are moving, do it. Don't leave anything to chance.
No need to respond to this. Do what you need to do for YOU and for Kitty and Elsa. Nothing else matters now.
 
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terestrife

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Just remember this is temporary. It gets you away from the toxic environment with your sister's husband. And hopefully will give you a chance to save some money and/or pay off your debt. Just thank them for taking you in, and stay out of their way as much as possible.



Try not to worry about the what ifs, and focus on the positives.



Not ideal, but it'll work till you can get your place.
I know and that's what I'm trying to focus on. But i admit i got really upset today. I have to focus on moving forward and hoping for the best.

NO WAY do your cats go in the garage. STAND YOUR GROUND.
Yes, sell what you don't need. If you can't afford a storage space and the new place won't allow you to store things, let them go. You have no alternative now.
I was scared like you wouldn't believe when I faced the changes resulting from my ex dumping us. More scared for my loved ones than for me, but scared for us all. Having to find safe haven for those loved ones I was prohibited by city ordinance from having here was stressful like you would not believe, and I will never get over the trauma of separating from them forever. Losing the place I loved the best of any I have ever lived in was also extremely traumatizing for me. And I had to throw out a LOT of my stuff and my folks' stuff. Also traumatizing.
We do what we must. We find that we are much stronger than we ever thought possible, and we learn so much from hardship. We learn nothing from ease. You will be improving yourself by growing stronger, more resilient, and ultimately, more content. Keep your cats with you, defend them with everything in you, and know you are moving up, not down, in your life's journey.
I've moved a lot. Cats don't like change. But this is for your collective survival and eventual better life. Those are the priorities.
Change hasn't been easy for me/us, either. We don't do it because we want to, but because we have to. Rich people can play games with life. The rest of us can't.
If you can put a lock on the door where you are moving, do it. Don't leave anything to chance.
No need to respond to this. Do what you need to do for YOU and for Kitty and Elsa. Nothing else matters now.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Moving feels like the ground is giving under your feet. I can't imagine losing my mom's things on top of everything.


---'

I don't know why but I'm crying. I haven't cried in a long time. It hurt that only two family members were willing to help me.

I'm not sure how much I've shared here but i have a lot of regrets in my life. I didn't get my drivers license/ first job until after my mother passed away 10/22/2016.

After high school my life was up in the air. I lived with my youngest older brother, my mom, sister (her two daughters) and my brothers gf (now wife. )

I always had issues with depression and my mother was scared to push me to get out there and work. It shames me that i was a burden. My sister wasn't working. And my mom has been sick for many years. They used to do tarot card reading and that's how we got by. Sounds weird i know. Lol my sister became Christian and stopped reading cards and didn't find an alternate job.

My brother stepped in and took care of us.

I went to college but only got my associates. My mom used to drive me to the college. I have a lot of nice memories of her being on campus with me.

About 10 years ago (i was 26) my niece abby was born. My sil went to work and i made a little money by becoming her full time nanny.

I didn't make much (literally $70 a week) but it was the most fulfilling job i ever had.

I have a lot of happy and painful memories from my childhood home. So many regrets and feeling like I've missed out on life. I felt/feel alone and unfulfilled.

I'm also sad because i hated how i left my childhood home. Hated that my brother was so angry about the cats. And yet he was the only one that immediately offered help. It's hard because i know he hates my cats. But hes the one person that has been there the most for me.

Once again in my life, i am feeling lost and afraid. I've stopped myself from living for so long. It's caused me to be 36 y/o having to jump from house to house because i cant stand on my own.

I have this sad memory of my mom after she found out she had cancer. She started crying and told me she felt she had failed me as a mother.

I don't blame her, i believe we can't blame others for the choices we ultimately make as adults. I had so many moments that i could have turned things around.

But when i think of changing my past it hurts me to think that i wouldn't have been there for abby. I wouldn't have been able to care for my mom her last days.

But i cant deny that i feel i wasted so much time. I know it's useless to play the "what if" game. It's a silly waste of time. I know it's mostly my fear of change that's making me go into a panic.
 
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tarasgirl06

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I know and that's what I'm trying to focus on. But i admit i got really upset today. I have to focus on moving forward and hoping for the best.



I'm sorry you had to go through that. Moving feels like the ground is giving under your feet. I can't imagine losing my mom's things on top of everything.


---'

I don't know why but I'm crying. I haven't cried in a long time. It hurt that only two family members were willing to help me.

I'm not sure how much I've shared here but i have a lot of regrets in my life. I didn't get my drivers license/ first job until after my mother passed away 10/22/2016.

After high school my life was up in the air. I lived with my youngest older brother, my mom, sister (her two daughters) and my brothers gf (now wife. )

I always had issues with depression and my mother was scared to push me to get out there and work. It shames me that i was a burden. My sister wasn't working. And my mom has been sick for many years. They used to do tarot card reading and that's how we got by. Sounds weird i know. Lol my sister became Christian and stopped reading cards and didn't find an alternate job.

My brother stepped in and took care of us.

I went to college but only got my associates. My mom used to drive me to the college. I have a lot of nice memories of her being on campus with me.

About 10 years ago (i was 26) my niece abby was born. My sil went to work and i made a little money by becoming her full time nanny.

I didn't make much (literally $70 a week) but it was the most fulfilling job i ever had.

I have a lot of happy and painful memories from my childhood home. So many regrets and feeling like I've missed out on life. I felt/feel alone and unfulfilled.

I'm also sad because i hated how i left my childhood home. Hated that my brother was so angry about the cats. And yet he was the only one that immediately offered help. It's hard because i know he hates my cats. But hes the one person that has been there the most for me.

Once again in my life, i am feeling lost and afraid. I've stopped myself from living for so long. It's caused me to be 36 y/o having to jump from house to house because i cant stand on my own.

I have this sad memory of my mom after she found out she had cancer. She started crying and told me she felt she had failed me as a mother.

I don't blame her, i believe we can't blame others for the choices we ultimately make as adults. I had so many moments that i could have turned things around.

But when i think of changing my past it hurts me to think that i wouldn't have been there for abby. I wouldn't have been able to care for my mom her last days.

But i cent deny that i feel i wasted so much time. I know it's useless to play the "what if" game. It's a silly waste of time. I know it's mostly my fear of change that's making me go into a panic.
Yeah, others aren't to blame for our choices as adults. But neither are we responsible for the choices other adults, family or not, make.
Change, especially harsh change, is never easy and of course you're unhappy! That's NORMAL. Crying is good. It lets you get off some of the pent-up unhappiness and stress that you've carried with you for so long. I've shut down some of my joy and freedom too, because I've had to, to carry on in the face of the daily uncertainty we all live with in this time. Uncertainty is never wonderful. I liken it to stepping off an abyss, which is something I've had to do several times since ex dumped us. I had no choice; but I DID research things that I could learn about and from, and I still do on an almost daily basis. Like I said, I'm a timid and shy person at heart, a geek who likes being with her cats and her computer. But I've had to speak up for us, and act on our own behalf, and it's made me stronger and better able to tamp down my uncertainty and fear in new situations -- again, because I have no choice. When we're against the wall, we fight or we flee. You need to do both. The past will always occupy a place in your head and heart. But now is the time to go forward, for your Kitty and Elsa, and for you. You're going to make it. You ARE. Getting started is always the hardest part. Once you get started, it's like a body in motion vs. a body at rest. The momentum is going to get you started and keep you going.
 

terestrife

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Have you considered looking into an AirBnB type situation? Some places allow you to rent for months at a time. I'm sure some would be pet friendly. Just thinking of alternatives to an apartment.
I worry about being in a room in someones home. I dont want to leave the cats with strangers i dont know. Its why i have always been hesitant to share an apartment to save money.

I also dont have much money. I am trying to switch jobs to be able to afford a place to live. I live in miami and the cost of living is very high.

Thank you for the suggestion though. :heartshape:

Yeah, others aren't to blame for our choices as adults. But neither are we responsible for the choices other adults, family or not, make.
Change, especially harsh change, is never easy and of course you're unhappy! That's NORMAL. Crying is good. It lets you get off some of the pent-up unhappiness and stress that you've carried with you for so long. I've shut down some of my joy and freedom too, because I've had to, to carry on in the face of the daily uncertainty we all live with in this time. Uncertainty is never wonderful. I liken it to stepping off an abyss, which is something I've had to do several times since ex dumped us. I had no choice; but I DID research things that I could learn about and from, and I still do on an almost daily basis. Like I said, I'm a timid and shy person at heart, a geek who likes being with her cats and her computer. But I've had to speak up for us, and act on our own behalf, and it's made me stronger and better able to tamp down my uncertainty and fear in new situations -- again, because I have no choice. When we're against the wall, we fight or we flee. You need to do both. The past will always occupy a place in your head and heart. But now is the time to go forward, for your Kitty and Elsa, and for you. You're going to make it. You ARE. Getting started is always the hardest part. Once you get started, it's like a body in motion vs. a body at rest. The momentum is going to get you started and keep you going.
Thank you, i actually feel better after crying. I feel like you were describing me as you described yourself. I think thats why we get along so well. lol Im pretty much with my cats and im on my computer all day long. I hope you are right and all of this makes me a stronger person. Because it doesnt feel that way. It feels like everyone else is deciding things for me and it feels like im not making my own choices.

Im starting to think that both my sister and her daughter are hypochondriacs. My sister stayed here and was fine with my cats in the room. My niece decides to clean the guest room (a room that had 2 dogs and a cat.) And my sister randomly decides that my cats in my room will magically make them sick in the future. I just dont get their obsession.

I think they are both unwell mentally. I had this health issue since i was a teen and finally found out as an adult that i have Eosinophilic esophagitis. My esophagus would tighten from allergies to food. Right after that my niece randomly starts having reactions to the same foods that give me allergies. Then her mom gets asthma (supposedly from my cats) and now my niece is blaming my cats for her allergies. Even though her allergic reaction started in disney. Living with other people sure isnt easy. Thats another reason i never want to live with others once i am financially stable.

I just hope this is a good choice, with the negative way i had to leave my childhood i am worried about going back. I honestly think my SIL played a part in the issues i had with my brother. She acts all nice and hospitable now that i have moved out. i dont know if i should text my SIL and just talk to her and let her know its a temporary situation. In the hopes that she wont try something. She doesnt do things to your face, she does things in a way that doesnt make her look bad. She has a side to her where shes kind and will offer to help you out. But she hates having people in her home. Which i can understand. Just dont want problems with my brother again.

Just want to have peace for me and the cats until we find our own place.
 

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I really hope that this will be the start of a new and better life for you. I'm a bit worried about your SIL as well, but I'm assuming the cats weren't in your room the last time you stayed with them, so maybe it will make a difference. I don't know if I would go to just your SIL if she twists things, but maybe if you had a family dinner with both her and your brother you could bring up your plans for the future and mention the jobs you're applying to and stuff.

It's tough having so many regrets and not having your life where you want it to be. I wish things had been different for you, but all we can do now is move forward. I'm pulling so hard for you.

I dealt with hypochondria before my anxiety was diagnosed. I was miserable all the time and literally convinced I was dying. Somehow, that doesn't seem quite like what they're feeling, but maybe I'm wrong and they really do believe it in their head. In any case, it's definitely be better to be out of these.
 

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I worry about being in a room in someones home. I dont want to leave the cats with strangers i dont know. Its why i have always been hesitant to share an apartment to save money.

I also dont have much money. I am trying to switch jobs to be able to afford a place to live. I live in miami and the cost of living is very high.

Thank you for the suggestion though. :heartshape:



Thank you, i actually feel better after crying. I feel like you were describing me as you described yourself. I think thats why we get along so well. lol Im pretty much with my cats and im on my computer all day long. I hope you are right and all of this makes me a stronger person. Because it doesnt feel that way. It feels like everyone else is deciding things for me and it feels like im not making my own choices.

Im starting to think that both my sister and her daughter are hypochondriacs. My sister stayed here and was fine with my cats in the room. My niece decides to clean the guest room (a room that had 2 dogs and a cat.) And my sister randomly decides that my cats in my room will magically make them sick in the future. I just dont get their obsession.

I think they are both unwell mentally. I had this health issue since i was a teen and finally found out as an adult that i have Eosinophilic esophagitis. My esophagus would tighten from allergies to food. Right after that my niece randomly starts having reactions to the same foods that give me allergies. Then her mom gets asthma (supposedly from my cats) and now my niece is blaming my cats for her allergies. Even though her allergic reaction started in disney. Living with other people sure isnt easy. Thats another reason i never want to live with others once i am financially stable.

I just hope this is a good choice, with the negative way i had to leave my childhood i am worried about going back. I honestly think my SIL played a part in the issues i had with my brother. She acts all nice and hospitable now that i have moved out. i dont know if i should text my SIL and just talk to her and let her know its a temporary situation. In the hopes that she wont try something. She doesnt do things to your face, she does things in a way that doesnt make her look bad. She has a side to her where shes kind and will offer to help you out. But she hates having people in her home. Which i can understand. Just dont want problems with my brother again.

Just want to have peace for me and the cats until we find our own place.
You know the saying, "Stress kills." It also causes and makes worse, imaginary or real illnesses. Disease=Dis-EASE (the opposite of, or lack of, ease. Which is stress.) I agree and think that they are making themselves sick. The thing is not to let them make YOU sick. Let them worry about their own lives and illnesses -- clearly, they have PLENTY to worry about. My ex #2 (of 3) has made himself a professional hypochondriac, doctor-goer, operation-haver, and drug-taker. It's his entire life. He has alienated himself from everyone, and all he has is himself, so he's painted himself into a corner and concentrates solely on himself. Instead of realizing many, if not most, of his problems are rooted in his own behavior and thoughts, he has chosen to do this. Many people are doing this. You are not one of them. You have a choice to make right now, and it sounds like you're going to make the right one, which is to get OUT OF THERE.
When you do, you will learn to stand up and speak up for yourself, and many of us here will be praying for you and supportive of your choice. Others may be making your life miserable and forcing you to look this in the face, but they are not making your choices for you. You are. For me, when I was forced to confront being dumped and having to move, rehome some of my beloved ones, and also assume complete responsibility for my dad (all at the same time) I didn't know from nothing what I was going to do. Fortunately, my ex really wanted to dump me and he helped me in some ways to go on without him, probably not because he cared about me, by that time, but because he didn't want anything bad on his conscience. So I had that "advantage". It felt like a kick in the gut. It WAS a kick in the gut. Just like you're getting right now from your family. But ultimately, you'll rise up from this, go beyond it, and realize you DO have strength. Remember that little poem I posted that was my mom's favorite, "AFTER A WHILE". Keep that close by and read it when you need to. I have, many times, and it's right here beside me, magneted to my file cabinet. Every time I read it, I think of my mom and all she suffered -- and how STRONG she was, and how she still inspires me.
 

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"One day, one hour, one step at a time."
This is taped to my bathroom mirror and is on my fridge. I see it multiple times a day to keep me grounded in the "now". I can't make it to "B" without first working on "A".
It's hard because sometimes the "now" can suck and I want to be anywhere but there. But it'll never change unless I face it.
We're here for you, never forget that.
 

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terestrife terestrife - if you have a car, you can sign up to be a driver with Roadies. It works like Uber where you choose whether or not you want the assignment. But you deliver things, not people. My chainstore pharmacy needs more drivers in our area and the deliveries are made during daylight hours (no controlled medicines are delivered) and prescriptions are prepaid so there's no cash involved and the service is totally contactless.
Sign Up To Drive with Roadie | Make Money Driving
You could also look into offering transport to the vets.
I know how hard this must be for you. In my dad's culture, land, especially your childhood home, is in the very roots of your existence. My Aunt Elsie got to see 7 (yes, seven!💕) generations pick fruit from the same avocado tree! Even the old Chinese tradition valued the "lao chia" , the mother's family home. So the call to the house must be deep within you and I am very glad that your youngest brother kept it, even though his wife probably wants to make it into "her territory". My Mexican grandma had a saying "Only one spider to a web" that is used when we have to move in with one another - it helps us to deal with having to always defer to the senior female of the household. I know that it isn't easy but sometimes it really helps the children involved to have relatives around, just as it did well for your niece to have you as her "duena". It is only recently that families began to live far apart and to live more isolated from their communities. A lot has been lost as a result, emotionally and financially. So give yourself a hug for me and know that you can PM any of your TCS family anytime! ~ Susan :cheerleader: :grouphug: :happycat:
 

terestrife

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Look into it! Some people have places that are an entire basement, a separate house, etc. It never hurts to check. It sounds like you have a good setup with your brother though!
I will look into it. I dont think we have many basements in miami. lol The problem is the cost. Housing in miami is crazy expensive. Even an efficiency is expensive and not many will accept pets.


I really hope that this will be the start of a new and better life for you. I'm a bit worried about your SIL as well, but I'm assuming the cats weren't in your room the last time you stayed with them, so maybe it will make a difference. I don't know if I would go to just your SIL if she twists things, but maybe if you had a family dinner with both her and your brother you could bring up your plans for the future and mention the jobs you're applying to and stuff.

It's tough having so many regrets and not having your life where you want it to be. I wish things had been different for you, but all we can do now is move forward. I'm pulling so hard for you.

I dealt with hypochondria before my anxiety was diagnosed. I was miserable all the time and literally convinced I was dying. Somehow, that doesn't seem quite like what they're feeling, but maybe I'm wrong and they really do believe it in their head. In any case, it's definitely be better to be out of these.
I really hope this is a positive change. But i cant deny that i have a very bad feeling weighing over me.

No, when i last lived there the cats had free run of the house. After my mom passed, my brother became more annoyed with my cats. Thats when they really became a problem. Because my mom wasnt there to intervene.

I will make sure to talk to my brother about my plans. Just feels like i dont have the skills to get a truly good paying job. Thats the only way i will be able to afford housing here. I was looking around florida and the apartments really dont seem that much cheaper to warrant a far away move. So i am not sure yet if i should move further away.

As for my sister and niece being hypochondriacs. I get that everyone has their issues to deal with and im no one to judge them. Its just my frustration with everything thats going on. Everything that happens, every illness, is blamed on the cats.


You know the saying, "Stress kills." It also causes and makes worse, imaginary or real illnesses. Disease=Dis-EASE (the opposite of, or lack of, ease. Which is stress.) I agree and think that they are making themselves sick. The thing is not to let them make YOU sick. Let them worry about their own lives and illnesses -- clearly, they have PLENTY to worry about. My ex #2 (of 3) has made himself a professional hypochondriac, doctor-goer, operation-haver, and drug-taker. It's his entire life. He has alienated himself from everyone, and all he has is himself, so he's painted himself into a corner and concentrates solely on himself. Instead of realizing many, if not most, of his problems are rooted in his own behavior and thoughts, he has chosen to do this. Many people are doing this. You are not one of them. You have a choice to make right now, and it sounds like you're going to make the right one, which is to get OUT OF THERE.
When you do, you will learn to stand up and speak up for yourself, and many of us here will be praying for you and supportive of your choice. Others may be making your life miserable and forcing you to look this in the face, but they are not making your choices for you. You are. For me, when I was forced to confront being dumped and having to move, rehome some of my beloved ones, and also assume complete responsibility for my dad (all at the same time) I didn't know from nothing what I was going to do. Fortunately, my ex really wanted to dump me and he helped me in some ways to go on without him, probably not because he cared about me, by that time, but because he didn't want anything bad on his conscience. So I had that "advantage". It felt like a kick in the gut. It WAS a kick in the gut. Just like you're getting right now from your family. But ultimately, you'll rise up from this, go beyond it, and realize you DO have strength. Remember that little poem I posted that was my mom's favorite, "AFTER A WHILE". Keep that close by and read it when you need to. I have, many times, and it's right here beside me, magneted to my file cabinet. Every time I read it, I think of my mom and all she suffered -- and how STRONG she was, and how she still inspires me.
I feel for your ex. Hes completely isolated himself. I hope he realizes what is going on one day. Stress really does affect our health. I started having symptoms from my illness that i havent had in a while. All the stress was getting to me. I just find it hard to destress and not worry.

thank you for your encouragement, it means a lot to me. :heartshape: I hope you are right and positive things come from this change. I just cant help remembering all the negative things that happened after my mom passed.


"One day, one hour, one step at a time."
This is taped to my bathroom mirror and is on my fridge. I see it multiple times a day to keep me grounded in the "now". I can't make it to "B" without first working on "A".
It's hard because sometimes the "now" can suck and I want to be anywhere but there. But it'll never change unless I face it.
We're here for you, never forget that.
Thank you so much. I tend to focus too much on the things i cant change. Its just frustrating as i've been trying to move out on my own since my mom passed and it hasnt happened yet. Its been 4 years. But you're right, i have to focus on the first step i can take to move forward. :heartshape:

terestrife terestrife - if you have a car, you can sign up to be a driver with Roadies. It works like Uber where you choose whether or not you want the assignment. But you deliver things, not people. My chainstore pharmacy needs more drivers in our area and the deliveries are made during daylight hours (no controlled medicines are delivered) and prescriptions are prepaid so there's no cash involved and the service is totally contactless.
Sign Up To Drive with Roadie | Make Money Driving
You could also look into offering transport to the vets.
I know how hard this must be for you. In my dad's culture, land, especially your childhood home, is in the very roots of your existence. My Aunt Elsie got to see 7 (yes, seven!💕) generations pick fruit from the same avocado tree! Even the old Chinese tradition valued the "lao chia" , the mother's family home. So the call to the house must be deep within you and I am very glad that your youngest brother kept it, even though his wife probably wants to make it into "her territory". My Mexican grandma had a saying "Only one spider to a web" that is used when we have to move in with one another - it helps us to deal with having to always defer to the senior female of the household. I know that it isn't easy but sometimes it really helps the children involved to have relatives around, just as it did well for your niece to have you as her "duena". It is only recently that families began to live far apart and to live more isolated from their communities. A lot has been lost as a result, emotionally and financially. So give yourself a hug for me and know that you can PM any of your TCS family anytime! ~ Susan :cheerleader: :grouphug: :happycat:
Never heard of roadies before, i will look into it, thanks! And thank you for your kind support. 😍😍

My parents are cuban, so families tend to live together. And we help care for each others children. I dont plan on moving in and trying to take control. I didnt do that here. I always respect the owners of the homes i live in. The only issue i ever have in homes is my cats. Thats the main problem i have had. People complaining that they have allergies, or they just hate cats in general. I love my cats, but all the moving back and forth has been because of them. I cant deny that its frustrating sometimes. Its hard to care for others when you cant yet stand on your own.


----

My sister in law was texting me that shes clearing out the room i am going to take. So i was thanking her, and she says its not a bother at all. That they're happy to help, but they're just worried about the cat hair. :rolleyes: Havent even moved in and im already hearing concerns about the cats. Which is hilarious because her house is always filthy and they have a dog. lol So theres dog hair on the floor, but of course the cat hair is more of a concern. She has a 10 year old, 3 year old, and a 1 year old child.

My sister has been sending me constant texts about not wanting me to leave. That im the main reason she hasnt rented out this house. That she stopped her daughter from moving out so the bf could help pay the bills. She says i should feel lucky that i can have a room and an entire garage for the cats. As if its a good thing to shove them in a flea/tick infested hot garage. I think shes forgotten how bloody and sick my nieces dog became being in there. She keeps telling me she wants me here but cant have the cats near her, or her daughter. :rolleyes: Its getting annoying at this point.

I found out shes no longer doing business with our brother, so im not sure if they are moving down.

The new room i am going to have is going to be smaller than this one. I have already stepped on the cats twice. Theres such little space to even move around that they tend to hang around my feet and i dont see them.

I cant deny that i have a bad feeling about moving. I am glad to be away from this house, but the house i am going to might not be any better.
 

tarasgirl06

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I will look into it. I dont think we have many basements in miami. lol The problem is the cost. Housing in miami is crazy expensive. Even an efficiency is expensive and not many will accept pets.




I really hope this is a positive change. But i cant deny that i have a very bad feeling weighing over me.

No, when i last lived there the cats had free run of the house. After my mom passed, my brother became more annoyed with my cats. Thats when they really became a problem. Because my mom wasnt there to intervene.

I will make sure to talk to my brother about my plans. Just feels like i dont have the skills to get a truly good paying job. Thats the only way i will be able to afford housing here. I was looking around florida and the apartments really dont seem that much cheaper to warrant a far away move. So i am not sure yet if i should move further away.

As for my sister and niece being hypochondriacs. I get that everyone has their issues to deal with and im no one to judge them. Its just my frustration with everything thats going on. Everything that happens, every illness, is blamed on the cats.




I feel for your ex. Hes completely isolated himself. I hope he realizes what is going on one day. Stress really does affect our health. I started having symptoms from my illness that i havent had in a while. All the stress was getting to me. I just find it hard to destress and not worry.

thank you for your encouragement, it means a lot to me. :heartshape: I hope you are right and positive things come from this change. I just cant help remembering all the negative things that happened after my mom passed.




Thank you so much. I tend to focus too much on the things i cant change. Its just frustrating as i've been trying to move out on my own since my mom passed and it hasnt happened yet. Its been 4 years. But you're right, i have to focus on the first step i can take to move forward. :heartshape:



Never heard of roadies before, i will look into it, thanks! And thank you for your kind support. 😍😍

My parents are cuban, so families tend to live together. And we help care for each others children. I dont plan on moving in and trying to take control. I didnt do that here. I always respect the owners of the homes i live in. The only issue i ever have in homes is my cats. Thats the main problem i have had. People complaining that they have allergies, or they just hate cats in general. I love my cats, but all the moving back and forth has been because of them. I cant deny that its frustrating sometimes. Its hard to care for others when you cant yet stand on your own.


----

My sister in law was texting me that shes clearing out the room i am going to take. So i was thanking her, and she says its not a bother at all. That they're happy to help, but they're just worried about the cat hair. :rolleyes: Havent even moved in and im already hearing concerns about the cats. Which is hilarious because her house is always filthy and they have a dog. lol So theres dog hair on the floor, but of course the cat hair is more of a concern. She has a 10 year old, 3 year old, and a 1 year old child.

My sister has been sending me constant texts about not wanting me to leave. That im the main reason she hasnt rented out this house. That she stopped her daughter from moving out so the bf could help pay the bills. She says i should feel lucky that i can have a room and an entire garage for the cats. As if its a good thing to shove them in a flea/tick infested hot garage. I think shes forgotten how bloody and sick my nieces dog became being in there. She keeps telling me she wants me here but cant have the cats near her, or her daughter. :rolleyes: Its getting annoying at this point.

I found out shes no longer doing business with our brother, so im not sure if they are moving down.

The new room i am going to have is going to be smaller than this one. I have already stepped on the cats twice. Theres such little space to even move around that they tend to hang around my feet and i dont see them.

I cant deny that i have a bad feeling about moving. I am glad to be away from this house, but the house i am going to might not be any better.
Well, it's top priority important that you move slow and look down when moving. I always do this. I shuffle my feet if it's dark or hard to see. Cats being so much smaller and more fragile than we are, it's critically important to put their safety first.
And as far as your cats being "the only issue" I'd say the issue is the uncaring, self-absorbed PEOPLE. Family or not. Like I've said, I've been backstabbed by family and that makes them enemies, related or not. Anyone who does not love (and I didn't say "like" -- I said LOVE) cats is persona non grata with me. My cats are my life. All cats are loved by me. End of story.
 

Lari

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I hope it's better, but you can't continue where you are. And if you leaving makes it harder on them financially, that's their problem for the way they've treated you.

I like the Roadie suggestion. It seems safer than uber.
 

rubysmama

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I cant deny that i have a bad feeling about moving. I am glad to be away from this house, but the house i am going to might not be any better.
It makes sense that moving back to where things didn't work great before would give you a bad feeling. But it's different this time. First, you're not grieving the recent loss of your mom. And you know it's just a temporary thing. But best of all you'll be away from the toxic environment at your sister's house, where you put so much effort and money into it, with zero thanks or appreciation. So try to think positive. And remember, even if the room is small, you and your cats will be safe. And if things don't work out, you still have the option of moving to you niece's place.
 

catsknowme

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I love checking in on this thread for so many reasons! Your TCS family has wonderful suggestions and insights. Rubysmama gives good observation - it appears to me that your mother was the matriarch of the family and her loss is making shock waves throughout the family. You have been an amazing gift to your family, especially for caring for the matriarch. My mom's family had one daughter, my aunt, whom my other aunts & uncles drafted into being responsible for their mom/my grandmother. My special aunt basically went to work and came home, except for errands and taking my grandma to frequent church functions - worship services twice weekly, Bible studies, weddings, funerals, showers, etc. (After my grandma died, my aunt became the matriarch). Even as a child, I appreciated my aunt's sacrifices.My grandma was often the babysitter to my various cousins so by default my aunt was as well (my grandma couldn't drive nor spoke English). I remember my dad one evening suddenly announcing that we were driving 300 miles (one-way) to bring my grandma to stay with us during my aunt's 2-week vacation so that my aunt could have time for herself - a concept perplexing to my mom and her siblings. I recall overhearing my folks and aunts and uncles trying to dissuade him that it wasn't necessary but my dad stood firm: he said my aunt deserved the time to have a little freedom to do whatever she pleased, even if it was "only to say 'sh*t' outloud and flirt with the mailman". I hold you in the same high esteem as I do my special aunt. (BTW, my grandma loved staying with us. My dad would take us to the mountains to harvest herbs and food: pinenuts, elderberry, desert tea, rosehip, mint, etc. My grandma loved tending our garden since she had spent her childhood ranching and her adult life as an ag worker).
 

terestrife

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Well, it's top priority important that you move slow and look down when moving. I always do this. I shuffle my feet if it's dark or hard to see. Cats being so much smaller and more fragile than we are, it's critically important to put their safety first.
And as far as your cats being "the only issue" I'd say the issue is the uncaring, self-absorbed PEOPLE. Family or not. Like I've said, I've been backstabbed by family and that makes them enemies, related or not. Anyone who does not love (and I didn't say "like" -- I said LOVE) cats is persona non grata with me. My cats are my life. All cats are loved by me. End of story.
I know, im just not used to having them in my room quite yet. I was used to looking around before turning downstairs. I know the cats arent to blame. Its just that its been 4 years hearing complaints about them. And people blaming all their illnesses on my cats. The baby gets a flu? its definitely magically caused by the cats lolol Thats how ridiculous its been.

I hope it's better, but you can't continue where you are. And if you leaving makes it harder on them financially, that's their problem for the way they've treated you.

I like the Roadie suggestion. It seems safer than uber.
I agree. Once i am settled in hialeah i will look into roadie. I woke up today at 6 am and went to fix my brakes and tires. It was painful and not cheap. But i want my car in good condition just incase things dont work out in hialeah. My plan B is virginia, which is 15 hours away. lol


It makes sense that moving back to where things didn't work great before would give you a bad feeling. But it's different this time. First, you're not grieving the recent loss of your mom. And you know it's just a temporary thing. But best of all you'll be away from the toxic environment at your sister's house, where you put so much effort and money into it, with zero thanks or appreciation. So try to think positive. And remember, even if the room is small, you and your cats will be safe. And if things don't work out, you still have the option of moving to you niece's place.
You're right. i am feeling better about the move. Everything you said is what i keep telling myself. My SIL has actually been putting in effort to make me feel welcome. She is clearing out the room i will be taking on her own, shes cleaned the bathroom i am using. Shes even made space for me in the kitchen, and refrigerator.

I dont 100% trust her, but i am grateful shes trying to make me feel welcome. I've seen the things people can do to make you feel unwelcome without being obvious. So i am grateful she isnt making this difficult.

I love checking in on this thread for so many reasons! Your TCS family has wonderful suggestions and insights. Rubysmama gives good observation - it appears to me that your mother was the matriarch of the family and her loss is making shock waves throughout the family. You have been an amazing gift to your family, especially for caring for the matriarch. My mom's family had one daughter, my aunt, whom my other aunts & uncles drafted into being responsible for their mom/my grandmother. My special aunt basically went to work and came home, except for errands and taking my grandma to frequent church functions - worship services twice weekly, Bible studies, weddings, funerals, showers, etc. (After my grandma died, my aunt became the matriarch). Even as a child, I appreciated my aunt's sacrifices.My grandma was often the babysitter to my various cousins so by default my aunt was as well (my grandma couldn't drive nor spoke English). I remember my dad one evening suddenly announcing that we were driving 300 miles (one-way) to bring my grandma to stay with us during my aunt's 2-week vacation so that my aunt could have time for herself - a concept perplexing to my mom and her siblings. I recall overhearing my folks and aunts and uncles trying to dissuade him that it wasn't necessary but my dad stood firm: he said my aunt deserved the time to have a little freedom to do whatever she pleased, even if it was "only to say 'sh*t' outloud and flirt with the mailman". I hold you in the same high esteem as I do my special aunt. (BTW, my grandma loved staying with us. My dad would take us to the mountains to harvest herbs and food: pinenuts, elderberry, desert tea, rosehip, mint, etc. My grandma loved tending our garden since she had spent her childhood ranching and her adult life as an ag worker).
Your post made me both happy and sad. I am grateful for the support and that you check in. It means a lot that someone is out there and cares.

You described my mother perfectly. She was what kept us together. My sister tried taking her role, and the family still turns to her for advice. But she quickly remarried and moved away after my mom and her husband passed.

I teared up reading about your grandma, my mom loved gardening too until she no longer had the strength. A lot of the trees and plants she had are gone now. They were at my childhood home and my brother and SIL are not gardeners. lol

Your aunt sounds like a very special lady, a lot stronger than i am thats for sure. I am glad she was given time to herself. It can be hard sometimes. I love my nieces and nephews and would do anything for them. But when you're unhappy with your own life, and give to others so much of your time. It makes regrets creep up.

I tend to make choices on what will benefit others. I put myself last and thats not really a good thing. Everyone else puts themselves first, and i always feel guilty doing that.

Im not saying i am perfect. I have my temper, and can be hard to live with. lol But im that person that if my sibling calls me up to watch their kids due to an emergency, i would. My SIL had Hyperemesis Gravidarum (severe pregnancy symptoms) and i had to spend those 9 months caring for everything in the house.

I would love to be able to get out on my own and experience life standing on my own. I never got to experience that.

- - -

I got a call from my oldest brother. He is the one that couldn't help me because he is broke after renovating his house.

He told me he Is trying to get a business loan. If he does, he is going to invest in an RV for me. This isn't for sure as it depends on him getting the loan. And he tends to make promises he doesn't keep as you guys know.

But he is currently filling out the loan. So that's my plan C. Lol Its making me feel better that i have different options opening up.

My sister keeps telling me she doesn't want me to leave. To be sure before i do anything. Been texting me every single day about it.

She's stressing me out and making me second guess myself. But this saturday i will hopefully be moving all my stuff. Its taken my SIL a long time because the room was used for storage.


EDIT: My niece that i live with has been in a hotel all week. The hospital told her not to come home. I am not sure what caused her to get sick. It started in disney after eating a meal. Then she tried cleaning the guest room (2 dogs and a cat had been in there) and her breathing got worse.

She always lived fine with my cats, but now she has extreme allergies. It was so bad the hospital has been calling and checking on her.

I hope this doesnt end up happening to me. i have been the one in the family to have allergies since i was a teen. I hope it doesnt get to the point that it affects my breathing. The air in my room feels hard to breathe in sometimes even with the allergy pills i am now taking.
 
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