Venting....

[terestrife]

Quick update.

Just found out my niece, the one I'm living with, is pregnant again. She claims it was unexpected. She's pregnant by the boyfriend we let move in to help with the bills. Her stupidity has me astounded. He's still legally married to another woman and can't afford the divorce. He is technically working here illegally because his papers expired. She's trying to fix things so he can be here legally again.

They keep needing money from everyone for their baby things. And yet she does something this stupid.

I feel bad for her, but really hope I can find a way to move out. She's constantly fighting with this guy and saying she needs a job in case he leaves.

He isn't a bad guy, but extremely immature. He buys food/diapers for the baby. But the only big item he's bought is the stroller. They bought it now that the baby is 8 months.

Sorry I had to vent here. I'm learning it's better to just stay out of what people choose to do. It saddens me that she's throwing her future away for this guy.

 

[terestrife]

My sister just came down to visit. I finally found out from her daughter what she's planning to do with the house. She wants us to move out with in the next few months. She plans to rent out her house. My niece tried to see if her moms husband could help with the Bill's. My sister doesn't want to ask him for help.

My niece told me she can't afford to save up for an apartment now that she's pregnant again.

She told me my sister thinks I should just move back into my brothers house. Which is a place I left partly because he couldn't stand my cats.

Im not sure what to do. Do I start investing money and pay for my sister's house? Meanwhile my niece keeps breeding children for some guy that's broke? I don't l want to continue living with family. Only my low wage keeps me in my sister's house.

It frustrates me to hear of my sister being home relaxing while we're struggling on our own.

Im confused and don't know what the right move is.

 

[maggiedemi]

Could your sister just rent the house to you then, and give you a good deal? Does your brother have a good job? He would probably make a good roommate if he liked cats. Is there any way to get him to warm up to your cats?

It doesn't sound like the niece and boyfriend would help much with rent & bills. All their money will probably go for the 2 kids.

 

[terestrife]

Could your sister just rent the house to you then, and give you a good deal? Does your brother have a good job? He would probably make a good roommate if he liked cats. Is there any way to get him to warm up to your cats?

It doesn't sound like the niece and boyfriend would help much with rent & bills. All their money will probably go for the 2 kids.

Im sure she can rent it to me. But then I'll have to continue living with my niece and her boyfriend. They won't move out since they can't afford it. He only gives my sister $500 a month.

So I have to decide if I want to continue living with them. I don't know if I want to be a third wheel forever.

So long as the house is rented to me then they have no reason to move out.

Also, no, my brother despises cats. I lived with him all my life. Constant fights over the cats. This escalated into an unrelated fight. We didn't speak for months.

 

[Talien]

Wow, what a lousy situation. If it were me I'd check personals and online resources in the area to find people looking for a roommate and find one that is ok with bringing pets along. One thing I learned is just because you're related to someone does not automatically make them family. If they constantly use you, abuse you, or otherwise treat you badly they are not family, because family does not do that to eachother.

I've had my own share of experience with deadbeats, enough to know they will not change unless life gives them a good hard kick to the crotch and even that's no guarantee. I don't think things will change for your niece and her boyfriend unless they have no other choice but to get their shit together so even if you do stay there they'll most likely never be of any help. It really sounds like they take you for granted, and your sister too if she's still refusing to help you pay that credit card bill that was partly because you were helping her, and still asking you for money for her own bills.

 

[terestrife]

Wow, what a lousy situation. If it were me I'd check personals and online resources in the area to find people looking for a roommate and find one that is ok with bringing pets along. One thing I learned is just because you're related to someone does not automatically make them family. If they constantly use you, abuse you, or otherwise treat you badly they are not family, because family does not do that to eachother.

I've had my own share of experience with deadbeats, enough to know they will not change unless life gives them a good hard kick to the crotch and even that's no guarantee. I don't think things will change for your niece and her boyfriend unless they have no other choice but to get their shit together so even if you do stay there they'll most likely never be of any help. It really sounds like they take you for granted, and your sister too if she's still refusing to help you pay that credit card bill that was partly because you were helping her, and still asking you for money for her own bills.

Im torn. She let me move in and was kind to me during a hard time. Told me that she let her daughter live there without paying bills. That shed do the same for me. Even so I tried helping while she was grieving even though she kept putting off starting work due to her daughter's risky pregnancy. After over a year she only worked 2 months in the time I've lived with them.

My nieces bf is forced to help, because of my sister. He gives $500 for the bills. If I stay im tempted to ask my sister that all the Bill's be split evenly. But I have the feeling he will immediately leave to avoid paying more.

Supposedly my sister is helping with some money that she gets but it's not enough.

It's just frustrating that she's home relaxing and left this mess behind. Left me with debt that isn't mine.

I don't know if I want to live with strangers that could hurt the cats. My cats were so upset when my niece brought her animals during a visit.

Im torn between heading for some cheap apartment or staying and making the most of things.

I also don't want to be stuck living with my niece forever. We get along and I love her dearly. But the more Kids she has the more weight it puts on the household.

She told me all the extra money is for the upcoming baby so her bf won't complain that it's too expensive.

As annoyed as I am, I know things could be worse.

Unfortunately having the cats weighs on my mind. Wherever I go has to be pet friendly.

If only I could find a job and be able to afford an apartment in a decent place it would make things easier.

I do worry for my niece, but she chose to get pregnant knowing her situation.

 

[terestrife]

Not much has changed my sister still asks me to help with the bills. Thankfully it's not much. But she's not letting me save up for my apartment.

She's feeding me the story that mmt nieces bf is only making 800$ a month. Why my niece was so stupid as to get pregnant again I will never know.

My sister's saying my niece has a high risk pregnancy again.


I was determined to have a stable job. But im going to start applying everywhere that pays well. I don't know what my sister plans to do. My nieces bf can't afford to pay for this house. I don't know if she'll be cold hearted enough to kick them out. Or if she'll get off her butt and work.

I love my sister, but I'm starting to feel resentment for her. All these ugly feelings well up inside me. I feel that if I don't get out soon that I'll lose all respect for her.

I know that sounds awful. But I've had her leaning on me for too long.

I think she can tell. She was telling me she feels I don't care about her anymore and don't give her attention.

I still care about her. But I don't like her very much.

Something has to change soon.

 

[Talien]

Not much has changed my sister still asks me to help with the bills. Thankfully it's not much. But she's not letting me save up for my apartment.

She's feeding me the story that mmt nieces bf is only making 800$ a month. Why my niece was so stupid as to get pregnant again I will never know.

My sister's saying my niece has a high risk pregnancy again.


I was determined to have a stable job. But im going to start applying everywhere that pays well. I don't know what my sister plans to do. My nieces bf can't afford to pay for this house. I don't know if she'll be cold hearted enough to kick them out. Or if she'll get off her butt and work.

I love my sister, but I'm starting to feel resentment for her. All these ugly feelings well up inside me. I feel that if I don't get out soon that I'll lose all respect for her.

I know that sounds awful. But I've had her leaning on me for too long.

I think she can tell. She was telling me she feels I don't care about her anymore and don't give her attention.

I still care about her. But I don't like her very much.

Something has to change soon.

Yes, you would be better off leaving there ASAP. You are absolutely right in that your feelings of resentment will only get worse, and you will probably end up hating her.

The other option is to come right out and tell her what she's doing to you by treating you like that, if she knows how she's making you feel she may cut you some slack. But from the way you describe the situation I don't think that's very likely especially if she's refusing to pay you back for the money you spent taking care of her. I'm sure there's more to it but from what you've shared it really seems like she's taking advantage of you, but it's possible she doesn't realize it.

 

[JamesCalifornia]

I think she can tell. She was telling me she feels I don't care about her anymore and don't give her attention.

~ An yes - the infamous "guilt trip" manipulation technique . Sadly your sister sounds very immature. You are not helping her by allowing this situation to continue.
Don't forget if you must there are many options for part-time employment - work two jobs at 50 hrs per week. You will be too busy to deal with "baby" sister and soon may be moving out on your own .
* Peace ...

 

[terestrife]

Thank you to everyone that continues responding.

i found out more about whats going on in the house.i spoke to my niece recently and she let me know that the mortgage has gone up. So her bf is covering the mortgage and the monthly association. so then i take care of the utilies, which is not as much as he is paying ($800 a month).

so thankfully its not as bad as i thought.

i also found out that the mortage will be going up once again in october.

weve been in a hardship program. it went from temporarily free, to $500, and now we dont know how high it will be.

my niece is already planning to move out. my sister is avoiding looking for work due to some trip her husband is planning.

my sister texts me from time to time and i'll send a simple response. but im not going to lie, i've lost the little respect i have for my sister.

she got to stay home and do nothing while me and my nieces bf covered the house. she paid bills for two months, and then started freaking out about her job. as soon as some random guy offered to take care of her life, she bolts.

towards the time she was leaving she kept complainaing about work, and that she was going to quit at any moment that she couldnt handle it anymore.

while im stuck working to care for bills in the house, my debt, her debt, and to put food on the table for me and the kitties.

i have zero respect for her.

sorry, i was feeling down today. i have four months to figure out what im going to do. im spending this weekend applying for jobs, but havent gotten a part time yet. im just been crying today. i think my cat can tell, shes been following me around all day. this feeling of uncertainty is overwhelming. i know i mention my mom here a lot and i apologize for that. i have my feeling, but for the first time in my life, the only person i can truly depend on is myself. my mom was the one person that never let me know. she never turned her back on her children no matter how grown up they were. everyone else has failed me, but she was always there.

sorry just having a hard time lately.




----
work update:

this friday i have a follow up interview. i mentioned an interview i did a few months back for MDC kendall campus. i dont know why, but i got randomly called up about an interview i had back in April. they want a follow up interview, and i was emailed about my references.

the only thing is that this job pays between $13 - $17. im currently making 13, so i can only make the jump if a raise is involved.

i will let you all know what happens friday.

 

[neely]

sorry just having a hard time lately.
work update:this friday i have a follow up interview. i will let you all know what happens friday.

I'm so terribly sorry you're having a difficult time. I read your post late last night but got tired and forgot to post. You're under a lot of stress right now and if it helps to come here to express your thoughts that's what we're here for so please vent away. The loss of your mom must be weighing heavily on your mind. It seems like there's always that one person you can count on no matter what and when they're gone you feel alone. But I'm thankful you have your cat(s) since they can offer unconditional love and comfort.

I sincerely hope the follow up interview this Friday works in your favor. Fingers crossed and best of luck to you!

 

[terestrife]

It seems like there's always that one person you can count on no matter what and when they're gone you feel alone. But I'm thankful you have your cat(s) since they can offer unconditional love and comfort.

I sincerely hope the follow up interview this Friday works in your favor. Fingers crossed and best of luck to you!

i love my family dearly, and will always be there for them. but when i allow myself to get distracted, thats when my mom comes to my mind. just been feeling down lately. thank you for all your continued support.

---

i had my interview yesterday, i think it went well. i felt comfortable with the people i interviewed with.

but i found out that there is another person being interviewed. So we are the last two people left from the first interview pool.

they told me they are interviewing the other person monday, and will let us know their final decision next week. after that the final person has to interview again with another higher up. As well as take a typing test. so in all, you have to do three interviews, and a test, just to get a secretary I job at a college.

i really want to switch jobs, but its frustrating that all these jobs expect so many interviews, and tests. i understand they want to choose the perfect person, but its hard when you have a job and responsibilities at the same time that you are looking.

 

[terestrife]

Its Tuesday now. Yesterday the person that interviewed me called my references. I don't know if they call both finalists references or only the person they are choosing.

I'll let you all know once I know for sure.

This is the first time I've gotten this far in the interview process.

 

[maggiedemi]

Good luck! How is your sister? Are they still in the "honeymoon" phase?

 

[terestrife]

Good luck! How is your sister? Are they still in the "honeymoon" phase?

I don't really talk to her much. She sends me occasional text messages. She posts pictures in the family chat of everything she's doing. She looks happy.

She's actually talking to her daughters so she seems to be out of the honey moon phase thankfully.

 

[terestrife]

My nieces pregnancy is still at risk, so she's not doing much during the day. Her bf helps but he rarely walks my niece's dog. I walk him when I can but I'm barely home. So he keeps peeing all over the house. My niece will tell the boyfriend to clean it and he doesn't. I'm glad he helps her out with other stuff, the baby and cooking. But im so tired of dealing with family members issues. When I lived at my brother's house his wife struggles with extreme symptoms during pregnancy so I helped them out. Now im here dealing with my niece laying in bed all day letting her dog piss all over the house.

I've tried leaving the pee to see if they'll eventually get disgusted and clean it but they don't. I kept reminding her that he needs to clean it and he ignores her.

Shed always been careless with the dog. She'll walk him, but it's a low priority for her, even before she got pregnant.

She only started dealing with her dog because her mother forced her. Btw she's 30 years old. I feel bad that she's on bed rest, but her bf needs to step up.

That was near where my cats eat, they were walking all over it. They both just completely ignore that.

I do what I can to help her. But it gets on my nerves that she and her mom stayed home doing nothing her first pregnancy. And now she's pregnant again and leaning on everyone to do everything for her.

 

[maggiedemi]

That was near where my cats eat, they were walking all over it. They both just completely ignore that.

Ewww! It looks like it's near some human food too in the bags. That girl needs to clean up after her dog.

 

[terestrife]

Ewww! It looks like it's near some human food too in the bags. That girl needs to clean up after her dog.

She's avoiding doing anything since she's on bed rest. I feel bad that her pregnancy is at risk. But she can get her bf to clean up after her dog or put diapers on him.

My sister was texting me about a bill and I asked her what was going to happen to the house. If we needed to be out by a certain month. I've been worried I wouldn't have time to save up.

She says that she plans on working by the time the mortgage goes up and that she'll be paying whatever extra money is needed. I don't know if she means that. She's given me her word before and let me down. Im still paying for the 2000$ she charged to my credit card.

Regardless im going to keep saving up just in case.

It grosses me out to see my cats stepping on dried pee (from my niece's dog). Which is why I end up cleaning it. I've had enough of being family members nanny/maid.

 

[maggiedemi]

Im still paying for the 2000$ she charged to my credit card.

Did you give her your credit card to use? My dad did that with my brother and he ran up $17,000 on it.

 

[terestrife]

Did you give her your credit card to use? My dad did that with my brother and he ran up $17,000 on it.

$17,000 that's horrible. Don't worry I learned my lesson.

I let her use my card, it was to fix her floor. She was getting sick from her carpet. It got wet after the hurricane and she had to pull it out. She pulled the carpet and put tiles. She was going to give it back with the house insurance money. But she never got money from the hurricane that came to Florida. The insurance claim is being handled by lawyers.

Im glad the floor is fixed because it used to be stinky wood with nails sticking out. It wouldn't have been safe for the kitties.

But she hasn't paid me back. Shes taken money from me, our brother, and her church to solve all her problems. if I had a better job it wouldn't be a big deal.