Venting....

tarasgirl06

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 19, 2006
Messages
15,124
Reaction score
37,511
Location
Glendale, CATifornia
The reason I ask is because I'm still friends with my ex boss. We became friends while working together. But I know situations might not repeat.

Funnily enough at my last job when I got the job offer, I was so torn. So i told my boss about it. He looked through the offer, checked the benefits. Explained the difference I would pay in insurance. He spent hours looking through the benefits, vs the benefits I had with my current job.

I asked him not to tell anyone until I was sure, and he didn't. :biggrin: He's an amazing person that I have great respect for, and I still text him from time to time.
That is amazing and your ex-boss is a very rare person, a person of integrity, a person who is trustable. Yes, respect, honor and value him! but don't make the mistake of putting yourself at risk by gambling on someone else's being that way. I am so sorry to have to say that, but I say that from harsh experience.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #582

terestrife

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
1,872
Reaction score
1,676
That is amazing and your ex-boss is a very rare person, a person of integrity, a person who is trustable. Yes, respect, honor and value him! but don't make the mistake of putting yourself at risk by gambling on someone else's being that way. I am so sorry to have to say that, but I say that from harsh experience.
Thank you for the advice. I will start looking for work in August and pray i can find something. Housing in miami is extremely expensive, so i dont know if i can even get a job that pays enough. And i dont have the strength for now to work two jobs. The way things are i just randomly fall asleep during the day. The pills i am on cause fatigue. I dont even know if they would take me for the job i want. I only have an associates degree. They prefer people who have been with the college long term. The person i was going to talk to has the job that i want. I wanted to look at other departments for that job. He almost has his masters, and is very knowledgeable. At my current position they dont give me much to do. The lab manager is so controlling that she does her own job, along with time keeping, and budgeting. Which should be my job. I asked her and my boss for more responsibility and neither one listened.

Things were peaceful in the house but im starting to feel my anger rising and i know i will eventually explode. I am so sick of hearing about the cats doing this or that. They hate the cats being on the sofa, they cant be on the chairs in the kitchen, they cant climb on anything except for their trees. They cant go upstairs because its her childs play area. She would even come out of her room late at night to check if they were upstairs. And now she leaves her child loose around them downstairs. :hmmm: She shoos my cat if they are in the kitchen, because she cant control her spoiled child. I love my nephew, but they are badly spoiling him, and he cries for everything. I remember when my sister was here, she mentioned the baby walked on litter as if it was the worse thing in the world. They allow him to walk by the litter box, of course theres litter! I clean it twice a day, but the cats are messy. We had the box upstairs away from him. but they insisted i move it down.


Today my niece me she doesnt let the cats sit on the rug in front of a door that has a window because itll "spread cat hairs" when people come in and out, and her child sits on that rug. They hate having open windows so thats the only outside window the cats have, and i told her that. I told her to her face that i couldnt wait to move out so i wouldnt hear complaints about the cats anymore. The only thing her and her mom care about is the child. Thats not fair to the cats. Shes way too obsessed with her child. I pray if i ever have a child, that i dont become that self absorbed and ridiculous.

With the house being on lien, who knows how long we will have to stay here. I am not about to start paying more than i can afford to stay in a house where i dont matter.

Edit: I have had a crush on my ex boss for two years :blush:. He has no idea of course. Unfortunately he is battling stage 4 cancer. He was given a year to live. But its been two years, and he is still fighting. He is a very special person.
 

tarasgirl06

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 19, 2006
Messages
15,124
Reaction score
37,511
Location
Glendale, CATifornia
Thank you for the advice. I will start looking for work in August and pray i can find something. Housing in miami is extremely expensive, so i dont know if i can even get a job that pays enough. And i dont have the strength for now to work two jobs. The way things are i just randomly fall asleep during the day. The pills i am on cause fatigue. I dont even know if they would take me for the job i want. I only have an associates degree. They prefer people who have been with the college long term. The person i was going to talk to has the job that i want. I wanted to look at other departments for that job. He almost has his masters, and is very knowledgeable. At my current position they dont give me much to do. The lab manager is so controlling that she does her own job, along with time keeping, and budgeting. Which should be my job. I asked her and my boss for more responsibility and neither one listened.

Things were peaceful in the house but im starting to feel my anger rising and i know i will eventually explode. I am so sick of hearing about the cats doing this or that. They hate the cats being on the sofa, they cant be on the chairs in the kitchen, they cant climb on anything except for their trees. They cant go upstairs because its her childs play area. She would even come out of her room late at night to check if they were upstairs. And now she leaves her child loose around them downstairs. :hmmm: She shoos my cat if they are in the kitchen, because she cant control her spoiled child. I love my nephew, but they are badly spoiling him, and he cries for everything. I remember when my sister was here, she mentioned the baby walked on litter as if it was the worse thing in the world. They allow him to walk by the litter box, of course theres litter! I clean it twice a day, but the cats are messy. We had the box upstairs away from him. but they insisted i move it down.


Today my niece me she doesnt let the cats sit on the rug in front of a door that has a window because itll "spread cat hairs" when people come in and out, and her child sits on that rug. They hate having open windows so thats the only outside window the cats have, and i told her that. I told her to her face that i couldnt wait to move out so i wouldnt hear complaints about the cats anymore. The only thing her and her mom care about is the child. Thats not fair to the cats. Shes way too obsessed with her child. I pray if i ever have a child, that i dont become that self absorbed and ridiculous.

With the house being on lien, who knows how long we will have to stay here. I am not about to start paying more than i can afford to stay in a house where i dont matter.

Edit: I have had a crush on my ex boss for two years :blush:. He has no idea of course. Unfortunately he is battling stage 4 cancer. He was given a year to live. But its been two years, and he is still fighting. He is a very special person.
Is there any way you could explain to her that as she loves her child, you love your cats, and that even though they are a different species, you regard them just as highly and have just as much care and responsibility for them as she does for her son? Some people don't get this. In my family, it was understood. People don't come to these things naturally -- we need to be educated to it.
As far as litter goes, I got these little dustpan&brush combos -- you can get them at dollar stores, hardware store, maybe drug stores? -- and I put one right by each litterbox. It's so easy to just sweep up and put back in the box, or in the trash, that way. And if anyone there has a handheld vacuum, it's also easy to swipe the rugs from time to time. My roomie uses her Dyson and you don't see any fur at all after she's done!
He sounds like a wonderful guy. All the very best to him. Does he know how you feel?
If it's possible to move out of the city proper, that'd be where I'd look when I'm ready to move. That's what my ex and I did when we bought our place in the Mojave, because we certainly couldn't afford L.A. Metro or any of the suburbs. We got a beautiful place on a hectare (2.5 acres) of land for less than half of what just the house would have gone for her. You couldn't buy that much land here for any price. It was a commute to his job, but he was willing to do it and he had a good vehicle.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #585

terestrife

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
1,872
Reaction score
1,676
Is there any way you could explain to her that as she loves her child, you love your cats, and that even though they are a different species, you regard them just as highly and have just as much care and responsibility for them as she does for her son? Some people don't get this. In my family, it was understood. People don't come to these things naturally -- we need to be educated to it.
As far as litter goes, I got these little dustpan&brush combos -- you can get them at dollar stores, hardware store, maybe drug stores? -- and I put one right by each litterbox. It's so easy to just sweep up and put back in the box, or in the trash, that way. And if anyone there has a handheld vacuum, it's also easy to swipe the rugs from time to time. My roomie uses her Dyson and you don't see any fur at all after she's done!
He sounds like a wonderful guy. All the very best to him. Does he know how you feel?
If it's possible to move out of the city proper, that'd be where I'd look when I'm ready to move. That's what my ex and I did when we bought our place in the Mojave, because we certainly couldn't afford L.A. Metro or any of the suburbs. We got a beautiful place on a hectare (2.5 acres) of land for less than half of what just the house would have gone for her. You couldn't buy that much land here for any price. It was a commute to his job, but he was willing to do it and he had a good vehicle.
Actually, i do have a little handheld vacuum near their box. i do it twice a day. But my cat Kitty is a kicker. I clean it, and next time she uses it the front of her box has litter. Very frustrating. I vacuum it whenever i see it.

I have had this conversation with her, even told her today that i want to leave this house because i am tired of people having issues with the cats. She knows the issues i had in the other house. My brother got offended when i told him the cats were family to me. He said he found it offensive that i compared a cat to his daughter. Shes kind to my cats, dont get me wrong. She and her mom are just controlling.

Not sure you if you remember, this is the niece i live with, and she doesnt treat her own dog well. She doesnt want to rehome him because she feels guilty, which is good. But then she wont buy him food sometimes, and just gives him bread to eat. She shoves him in a hot garage, because she never trained him and he pees everywhere, and she doesnt like to walk him. I had to tell her mom to step in, because they had him full of ticks/fleas. His fur was ripped and he was bleeding all over his back. She wants animals, but isnt a good pet owner, so she doesnt understand how i feel.

As for my ex boss, i sometimes suspect that he knew how i felt. He treated me different than he did with everyone else. One of the inspectors even made a few comments about it, as if she thought he had feelings for me. Shes someone i trust and she never said it to anyone else. Mind you, my shyness has kept me from dating, so i could be wrong. But no other guy has ever treated me like that. But unfortunately he has cancer, and he was my boss, so nothing ever happened. And i am too shy to tell him how i feel. Its probably better that way. :(

I have thought about moving further up florida. i just cant go too far. I need to be within driving distance of miami. I need to be able to drive there twice a month to see my niece. I just dont know if itll look bad that i am jumping around.

My last job i stayed a year and a half, my current job i have been there a year (in august). I figured it wouldnt look bad if i just moved up the ranks in MDC. But the housing here is insanely expensive. so i am debating now about my next step.

Awww dang! I remember you talking about him, but I didn't know he was dying! I hope he can somehow beat it.
I'm not sure, he has lived longer than they predicted. I was bugging him once that he had to live a very long time because i needed someone to annoy. lol I really hope he does. Every time i ask how he is doing, he keeps mentioning it is spreading. :sigh:

He has a 13 year old son that he is raising on his own. Really great kid, he would bring him to the office and you wouldnt know he was there.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #586

terestrife

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
1,872
Reaction score
1,676
Today I realized how hypocritical my sister really is. So a few years back her daughter was struggling about losing her home. She's in her early 20s. So my sister told her she could apply for food stamps but not add her husband. My sister started annoying her daughter that she felt guilt doing that because she felt God was angry. So then her daughter only had food stamps for a few months because of her mom.

I now found out that my sister is on food stamps and didn't put that she's married. Even tho her husband has a great job. She loves acting so moral and judging others, but then does the same thing if it benefits her. Im so disgusted by how two faced she can be.
 

neely

May the purr be with you
Veteran
Joined
Dec 22, 2005
Messages
9,579
Reaction score
16,654
On the work question, NO. Just NO. No matter how wonderful a person may be, I've learned the hard way that like mixing business with pleasure, it's not a good idea to discuss anything like that with a co-worker. At all. Ever.
:yeah: I completely agree! You'd be surprised how many people cannot keep a secret even if you think they are trustworthy. I used to tell my own kids if you want something kept a secret don't tell anyone otherwise it's not a secret anymore.

I'm not sure, he has lived longer than they predicted. I was bugging him once that he had to live a very long time because i needed someone to annoy. lol I really hope he does. Every time i ask how he is doing, he keeps mentioning it is spreading. :sigh:
It's possible he has feelings for you but hard to say if they're platonic or romantic. However, he may not want to burden you with his health issues since the outcome is unknown.

I now found out that my sister is on food stamps and didn't put that she's married. Even tho her husband has a great job. She loves acting so moral and judging others, but then does the same thing if it benefits her. Im so disgusted by how two faced she can be.
This doesn't sound very honest for someone who believes they are religious. 😉 Double standards!
 

tarasgirl06

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 19, 2006
Messages
15,124
Reaction score
37,511
Location
Glendale, CATifornia
"...Not sure you if you remember, this is the niece i live with, and she doesnt treat her own dog well. She doesnt want to rehome him because she feels guilty, which is good. But then she wont buy him food sometimes, and just gives him bread to eat. She shoves him in a hot garage, because she never trained him and he pees everywhere, and she doesnt like to walk him. I had to tell her mom to step in, because they had him full of ticks/fleas. His fur was ripped and he was bleeding all over his back. She wants animals, but isnt a good pet owner, so she doesnt understand how i feel."
Please excuse me -- I do not want to talk out of turn and far be it from me to want to criticize your relatives. But that is not just thoughtless. That is abuse.
Feeling guilty is her conscience coming out into her conscious mind. But not rehoming the dog is potentially life-threatening to the dog, from what you have written. He NEEDS to be rehomed.
Other things you write of above are strongly indicative of a need for help. The problem with letting one really important thing like this slide is that it makes it easier to let other things slide, and it becomes a downward spiral. It IS a downward spiral. It's not your responsibility to take over her responsibilities. That's HER responsibility. But what's going on with the dog is ABUSE.
Yeah, I PRAY for you to be able to get out of there ASAP. We can love our loved ones and we should. But this is just a situation you, and your beloved cats, should not be in.
About your personal situation, I'm really shy, too, but something I've learned for myself -- not for anyone else, necessarily -- is that love is very rare in this world and that if there is any chance for it to be, GRAB IT.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #589

terestrife

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
1,872
Reaction score
1,676
:yeah: I completely agree! You'd be surprised how many people cannot keep a secret even if you think they are trustworthy. I used to tell my own kids if you want something kept a secret don't tell anyone otherwise it's not a secret anymore.



It's possible he has feelings for you but hard to say if they're platonic or romantic. However, he may not want to burden you with his health issues since the outcome is unknown.



This doesn't sound very honest for someone who believes they are religious. 😉 Double standards!
I'll be careful, i will look around for job opportunities and apply if i see them and the leave it to fate. Thank you for the advice.

I believe in God, but my sister takes things to the extreme. She spends all day sending me religious videos, and images. I so badly want to block her on whatsapp. lol

I dont have any experience in love, because i have been isolated and im shy. lol But i do get the feeling that he had some kind of feeling for me. He treated me in a way that was special. I could be wrong though. But i think its better that way. I am still traumatized by my mother passing from cancer, i dont want to go through that again.:sigh:



"...Not sure you if you remember, this is the niece i live with, and she doesnt treat her own dog well. She doesnt want to rehome him because she feels guilty, which is good. But then she wont buy him food sometimes, and just gives him bread to eat. She shoves him in a hot garage, because she never trained him and he pees everywhere, and she doesnt like to walk him. I had to tell her mom to step in, because they had him full of ticks/fleas. His fur was ripped and he was bleeding all over his back. She wants animals, but isnt a good pet owner, so she doesnt understand how i feel."
Please excuse me -- I do not want to talk out of turn and far be it from me to want to criticize your relatives. But that is not just thoughtless. That is abuse.
Feeling guilty is her conscience coming out into her conscious mind. But not rehoming the dog is potentially life-threatening to the dog, from what you have written. He NEEDS to be rehomed.
Other things you write of above are strongly indicative of a need for help. The problem with letting one really important thing like this slide is that it makes it easier to let other things slide, and it becomes a downward spiral. It IS a downward spiral. It's not your responsibility to take over her responsibilities. That's HER responsibility. But what's going on with the dog is ABUSE.
Yeah, I PRAY for you to be able to get out of there ASAP. We can love our loved ones and we should. But this is just a situation you, and your beloved cats, should not be in.
About your personal situation, I'm really shy, too, but something I've learned for myself -- not for anyone else, necessarily -- is that love is very rare in this world and that if there is any chance for it to be, GRAB IT.
Everyone has told her to rehome the dog, but she doesnt want to. My niece is someone that doesnt like to be told what to do, for being almost 30 she is very childish in that regard. I told to put a fan for the dog in the garage, since its summer soon. Still dont see a fan. I thought her mom would take the dog, but she hasnt bothered. And shes worried no one will put up with the dog peeing all over the house. If this dog is rehomed, i dont think he will last long. He pees constantly all over the house. On furniture, not the floor.

----

Housing update:

My brother managed to buy a home with big piece of land. I dont know if i should believe him, because he promised to help with my medical expenses, and never did. Not a big deal, but my point is that he promises things and doesnt follow through. The thing is, he was telling me he wants to build a little room separate from the house so that i could live there. And have my privacy.

He says i can live for free for 5 years, and then pay $500 monthly. Which is insanely cheap for Miami. He used to tell me i could live for free, but i think its better this way so that he wont feel i am taking advantage. Also, for $500 and to have a landlord that would care if i get fired, or going through financial issues would be priceless.

He was telling me he can always buy a trailer for me to use until he builds the little apartment. Not sure if he will follow through. But theres an opportunity there if my sister manages to keep this house. She badly wants to keep this house, but doesnt seem willing to help financially.

The only negative is that he used to be a DJ. So there is going to be constant blaring music that the cats might not like. His neighbors used to send over the police all the time. The police befriended him and would go in for free food. LOL

But this is a hope for the future. Especially with this house being in both foreclosure and with a lien. I hope my sister learns to be responsible and takes up responsibility for her home. Shes been leaning on people for the past 3 years. She needs to stand up on her own now.

EDIT: Im not sure how long it will take. Because he is moving in a month. He then has to focus on fixing the inside of the home first
 
Last edited:

tarasgirl06

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 19, 2006
Messages
15,124
Reaction score
37,511
Location
Glendale, CATifornia
I'll be careful, i will look around for job opportunities and apply if i see them and the leave it to fate. Thank you for the advice.

I believe in God, but my sister takes things to the extreme. She spends all day sending me religious videos, and images. I so badly want to block her on whatsapp. lol

I dont have any experience in love, because i have been isolated and im shy. lol But i do get the feeling that he had some kind of feeling for me. He treated me in a way that was special. I could be wrong though. But i think its better that way. I am still traumatized by my mother passing from cancer, i dont want to go through that again.:sigh:





Everyone has told her to rehome the dog, but she doesnt want to. My niece is someone that doesnt like to be told what to do, for being almost 30 she is very childish in that regard. I told to put a fan for the dog in the garage, since its summer soon. Still dont see a fan. I thought her mom would take the dog, but she hasnt bothered. And shes worried no one will put up with the dog peeing all over the house. If this dog is rehomed, i dont think he will last long. He pees constantly all over the house. On furniture, not the floor.

----

Housing update:

My brother managed to buy a home with big piece of land. I dont know if i should believe him, because he promised to help with my medical expenses, and never did. Not a big deal, but my point is that he promises things and doesnt follow through. The thing is, he was telling me he wants to build a little room separate from the house so that i could live there. And have my privacy.

He says i can live for free for 5 years, and then pay $500 monthly. Which is insanely cheap for Miami. He used to tell me i could live for free, but i think its better this way so that he wont feel i am taking advantage. Also, for $500 and to have a landlord that would care if i get fired, or going through financial issues would be priceless.

He was telling me he can always buy a trailer for me to use until he builds the little apartment. Not sure if he will follow through. But theres an opportunity there if my sister manages to keep this house. She badly wants to keep this house, but doesnt seem willing to help financially.

The only negative is that he used to be a DJ. So there is going to be constant blaring music that the cats might not like. His neighbors used to send over the police all the time. The police befriended him and would go in for free food. LOL

But this is a hope for the future. Especially with this house being in both foreclosure and with a lien. I hope my sister learns to be responsible and takes up responsibility for her home. Shes been leaning on people for the past 3 years. She needs to stand up on her own now.

EDIT: Im not sure how long it will take. Because he is moving in a month. He then has to focus on fixing the inside of the home first
The DJ part is a shame. Other than that, sounds like a hopeful alternative to have, anyway. And yeah about the rent. When my roomies and I made our agreement, I asked if they'd agree to a nominal token sum each month, just to make it legal. They did. My object is not to make money off them -- it's to help them out, and they in turn help me out with his doing plumbing and other household projects I'd have to pay for otherwise, and they get food for me that I wouldn't ordinarily buy because I can't afford those fancy things. Plus, they are moral support for me. I like being social, and I also like my privacy, and we have just about a perfect mix on that. That's almost impossible to find. I trust them, they trust me, and we're like family. You can't buy that. But making a legal agreement with a little money changing hands is good, family or not. It gives every party protection under the law.
Dog should be an outdoor dog, in a fenced yard, with a doghouse. That way there isn't an issue with elimination and yet the dog would be cared for and safe. It's really not hard. One of the dogs I had to care for had that setup and while it wasn't ideal, it worked, because the person whose dog this was, my ex's ex, did not/would not/could not? take her after she moved in with her then boyfriend, apparently. She never made any attempt to get her, and said something about breed rescue but never did the work, I guess. Poor dog did not have a happy life being all alone; I didn't want a dog in the first place, and my ex gave her some attention but not a lot. To me, it was a neglect situation and I will always regret it. She deserved better.
On responsibility AND on religion, those are matters each person needs to deal with personally; we say there are as many paths to the Creator as there are seekers, and that there should be no pressure or forcing in matters of religion. I know some people try to be helpful, believing what works and lives in their lives would be wonderful for everyone else, which it may well be -- or not. That's just not a decision for someone else to make for us. We need to deal with our spirituality in our own way, otherwise it's not deep and it's not true.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #591

terestrife

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
1,872
Reaction score
1,676
ame. Other than that, sounds like a hopeful alternative to have, anyway. And yeah about the rent. When my roomies and I made our agreement, I asked if they'd agree to a nominal token sum each month, just to make it legal. They did. My object is not to make money off them -- it's to help them out, and they in turn help me out with his doing plumbing and other household projects I'd have to pay for otherwise, and they get food for me that I wouldn't ordinarily buy because I can't afford those fancy things. Plus, they are moral support for me. I like being social, and I also like my privacy, and we have just about a perfect mix on that. That's almost impossible to find. I trust them, they trust me, and we're like family. You can't buy that. But making a legal agreement with a little money changing hands is good, family or not. It gives every party protection under the law.
Dog should be
Yes, its definitely hopeful. At least theres a potential place to go if this house is lost. Which i hope it isnt, i dont wish that on my sister. It is kind of him to give me a few years to get on my feet. Finally pay off things that i have pending, like my car. Hopefully if i do move, i will find peace there. I dont really like some of the people he lives with. But if i have my own space, it should be fine. He also plans to build something outside to rent out as a b&b. So we'll see what happens. I only want this to happen if it will be a blessing for the cats and me. I want what you have, a peaceful way to live that wont bring stress to me or the kitties.

As for my nieces dog: i have cleaned this dogs pee for years to spare my mom from having to do it, my niece denied that her dog was the one peeing. So trust me, this makes me sound awful, but i do not like this dog. I feel compassion for him, but thats about it. i have still spent years trying to help him. Years ago i sent her training tips from the internet. I suggested she get disposable or reusable dog diapers. She didnt want to clean the diapers as it disgusted her. Didnt want the cost of the reusable diapers.

When i moved into this house, I suggested they buy a dog house, and just put a leash that goes into the ground. They were scared he would get loose and bite someone. I suggested they fence in the yard. They spend money on useless junk, but wont fence in the yard. Again my sister is scared he will jump the fence. Hes a small old dog, i guess he is more agile than i think? She also only wants a fence that "looks good" in the front. They are wasting money and space planting trees/plants. But wont spend money on a cheap fence/ dog house.

I suggested rehoming, and she feels guilty doing that. I have wasted my breath trying to stick up for this dog. My sister only stepped in when he was bleeding and full of fleas/ticks.

---

I really liked what you had to say about religion/spirituality thats exactly how i feel about it. I have the kind of personality that the more you try to force me to do/believe something, that just pushes me away.
 

tarasgirl06

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 19, 2006
Messages
15,124
Reaction score
37,511
Location
Glendale, CATifornia
Yes, its definitely hopeful. At least theres a potential place to go if this house is lost. Which i hope it isnt, i dont wish that on my sister. It is kind of him to give me a few years to get on my feet. Finally pay off things that i have pending, like my car. Hopefully if i do move, i will find peace there. I dont really like some of the people he lives with. But if i have my own space, it should be fine. He also plans to build something outside to rent out as a b&b. So we'll see what happens. I only want this to happen if it will be a blessing for the cats and me. I want what you have, a peaceful way to live that wont bring stress to me or the kitties.

As for my nieces dog: i have cleaned this dogs pee for years to spare my mom from having to do it, my niece denied that her dog was the one peeing. So trust me, this makes me sound awful, but i do not like this dog. I feel compassion for him, but thats about it. i have still spent years trying to help him. Years ago i sent her training tips from the internet. I suggested she get disposable or reusable dog diapers. She didnt want to clean the diapers as it disgusted her. Didnt want the cost of the reusable diapers.

When i moved into this house, I suggested they buy a dog house, and just put a leash that goes into the ground. They were scared he would get loose and bite someone. I suggested they fence in the yard. They spend money on useless junk, but wont fence in the yard. Again my sister is scared he will jump the fence. Hes a small old dog, i guess he is more agile than i think? She also only wants a fence that "looks good" in the front. They are wasting money and space planting trees/plants. But wont spend money on a cheap fence/ dog house.

I suggested rehoming, and she feels guilty doing that. I have wasted my breath trying to stick up for this dog. My sister only stepped in when he was bleeding and full of fleas/ticks.

---

I really liked what you had to say about religion/spirituality thats exactly how i feel about it. I have the kind of personality that the more you try to force me to do/believe something, that just pushes me away.
Yeah, most people are like that when someone forces them to do something. We have free will, after all! and as adults, it's our prerogative to make our own choices on most things.
I felt that way about the dog I wrote about. I'm not a dog person -- never have been, never will be, and would never choose to have one. But I have compassion and would never condone abuse/neglect of any living being! I feel terrible for that poor dog. It would be so easy for them to give him a better life either wherever they are, or by rehoming him. That's how I felt about the dog I wrote about, too. She was an Akita and I'm pretty sure someone would have loved to have her in their life. She sure deserved that. So does your sister's dog.
I sure want that for you, too, and pray for that for you! Life's a lot tougher now than it was when I was renting. When I was renting, people without a lot of money could still get a place to live and be able to afford food and pay their basic bills. Not so any more, I know. I honestly wouldn't be able to find a place to live anywhere that I know of around here if I didn't have this house. I so empathize with you!!!
 

Willowy

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 1, 2009
Messages
26,459
Reaction score
18,763
Location
South Dakota
Little dogs are easier to rehome, even if they're horrid little whizzers ;). How are the rescues in your area? I think she'd feel guiltier if she found him dead from heat stroke one day, maybe play up that angle a bit.

A little RV on private land would be ideal! Around here you can get a decent older used RV for $3000-$5000, especially if it doesn't have to travel regularly. One person and 2 kitties would be quite happy in one of those, I think.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #594

terestrife

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
1,872
Reaction score
1,676
Yeah, most people are like that when someone forces them to do something. We have free will, after all! and as adults, it's our prerogative to make our own choices on most things.
I felt that way about the dog I wrote about. I'm not a dog person -- never have been, never will be, and would never choose to have one. But I have compassion and would never condone abuse/neglect of any living being! I feel terrible for that poor dog. It would be so easy for them to give him a better life either wherever they are, or by rehoming him. That's how I felt about the dog I wrote about, too. She was an Akita and I'm pretty sure someone would have loved to have her in their life. She sure deserved that. So does your sister's dog.
I sure want that for you, too, and pray for that for you! Life's a lot tougher now than it was when I was renting. When I was renting, people without a lot of money could still get a place to live and be able to afford food and pay their basic bills. Not so any more, I know. I honestly wouldn't be able to find a place to live anywhere that I know of around here if I didn't have this house. I so empathize with you!!!
It makes me feel better that you experienced something similar. I feel bad for not liking this dog, i am not a dog person at all. I feel bad for Spooky though. My mom loved him very much. So he must feel neglected. But i am not sure what else i can do. I have tried to advise her, and have tried to get my sister involved. They are scared if they rehome him, that he will be put down because of his behavior. My sister always walks him and takes care of him when shes here. But she told me she doesnt want to take him because its not her problem.

Renting is definitely really bad right now. Before i got caught up in medical bills, i was about to rent a tiny efficiency for $800. Thats almost an entire payment, i get paid every two weeks around $900. Its crazy. Also, I made the mistake of getting a new car when i was living with my brother (when i lived in my childhood home) he told me he didnt mind if i focused on paying off my car so i could have a good car longterm.

I have barely made a dent on paying for the car because of my sister leaning on me the past couple of years. l really wish i could go back and not have gotten a car. My first car was a car that was sitting in my brother lawn for many years, so it was free (i got around so i was very thankful for it). But, it would shut off in random places and leave me and my mom stranded. It once had fire coming out of the back tire. In my desperation i got a new car, thinking i could pay it off quick. My brother (not the one i am moving in with potentially, this is the one i lived with in my childhood home) had told me to get it, that he wouldnt make me help financially for a while. But then ended up leaving my childhood home and been stuck at my sisters house.

I have made so many stupid choices in my life. I wish i could go back and fix all the stupid things i have done. I would have had a better degree and more job opportunities, thats for sure.

Little dogs are easier to rehome, even if they're horrid little whizzers ;). How are the rescues in your area? I think she'd feel guiltier if she found him dead from heat stroke one day, maybe play up that angle a bit.

A little RV on private land would be ideal! Around here you can get a decent older used RV for $3000-$5000, especially if it doesn't have to travel regularly. One person and 2 kitties would be quite happy in one of those, I think.
I have mentioned the danger of heat stroke many times. I really dont think she will rehome him. Even her mom was pushing for rehoming. I'm not sure how the rescues in my area are. My niece has always been against leaving him in one. I worry they might just put him down due to age and his peeing issues. I think he might be around 12+ years old, perhaps older. Not only does he pee, he seems to have some trauma that when it rains he will start scratching at doors and crying. My niece and her mom dont tend to listen to anyone. I remember years ago mentioning to my sister to bring in a bunny they had because it was especially hot. She told me she would do it, and didnt. The bunny died.

I really hope things work out with my brother. His wife, and her mom pretend to be kind. But they secretly hate when my brother spends money on us blood relatives. We had my nieces baby shower at their house, and his mom in law was feeling oddly charitable and gave us $25 to go get some table clothes. The wife tried to convince her mom we didnt need table clothes, that shed figure something out. My brother gave her $300 as a gift. His wife later on mentioned with shock to my sister that she was surprised the amount he gave her.

We have had issues with his wife and MIL in the past. I am hoping it'll be fine if i am separated in my RV or little building.

Funnily enough a few months back i was looking up RV's and have considered it many times. But was deterred by the cost of renting land space. So i am not picky at all. I just worry about the ac dying during the day when i am working and not know the cats are in a metal car super hot. :sigh: AC breaking down in a house sucks in miami, but at least buildings are built so the heat doesnt get to a level thats dangerous. Metal must get very hot. I tend to worry about things that might never even happen. :stars:
 

neely

May the purr be with you
Veteran
Joined
Dec 22, 2005
Messages
9,579
Reaction score
16,654
I think he might be around 12+ years old, perhaps older. Not only does he pee, he seems to have some trauma that when it rains he will start scratching at doors and crying.
This is really sad, most of all for the poor dog. :frown: I am a dog person having shared our home with both dogs and cats. It's not his fault but rather your niece's fault for not using consistent training from the beginning and following through. Potty training is one of the basics for living with a dog. His fear of rain/storms is not unusual and stems from anxiety. One of our dogs had a terrible fear of thunder. One more reason why he should not be outside in a doghouse permanently. But he should either be rehomed or perhaps placed with a foster family who knows his issues upfront. Of course I realize it's not up to you since your niece is in denial. Unfortunately the dog is the one who suffers.😢

I know you probably don't want to get your hopes up just yet but your brother's plan to build a separate room in his new house or buy a trailer sounds ideal. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. :crossfingers::crossfingers:
 

tarasgirl06

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 19, 2006
Messages
15,124
Reaction score
37,511
Location
Glendale, CATifornia
It makes me feel better that you experienced something similar. I feel bad for not liking this dog, i am not a dog person at all. I feel bad for Spooky though. My mom loved him very much. So he must feel neglected. But i am not sure what else i can do. I have tried to advise her, and have tried to get my sister involved. They are scared if they rehome him, that he will be put down because of his behavior. My sister always walks him and takes care of him when shes here. But she told me she doesnt want to take him because its not her problem.

Renting is definitely really bad right now. Before i got caught up in medical bills, i was about to rent a tiny efficiency for $800. Thats almost an entire payment, i get paid every two weeks around $900. Its crazy. Also, I made the mistake of getting a new car when i was living with my brother (when i lived in my childhood home) he told me he didnt mind if i focused on paying off my car so i could have a good car longterm.

I have barely made a dent on paying for the car because of my sister leaning on me the past couple of years. l really wish i could go back and not have gotten a car. My first car was a car that was sitting in my brother lawn for many years, so it was free (i got around so i was very thankful for it). But, it would shut off in random places and leave me and my mom stranded. It once had fire coming out of the back tire. In my desperation i got a new car, thinking i could pay it off quick. My brother (not the one i am moving in with potentially, this is the one i lived with in my childhood home) had told me to get it, that he wouldnt make me help financially for a while. But then ended up leaving my childhood home and been stuck at my sisters house.

I have made so many stupid choices in my life. I wish i could go back and fix all the stupid things i have done. I would have had a better degree and more job opportunities, thats for sure.



I have mentioned the danger of heat stroke many times. I really dont think she will rehome him. Even her mom was pushing for rehoming. I'm not sure how the rescues in my area are. My niece has always been against leaving him in one. I worry they might just put him down due to age and his peeing issues. I think he might be around 12+ years old, perhaps older. Not only does he pee, he seems to have some trauma that when it rains he will start scratching at doors and crying. My niece and her mom dont tend to listen to anyone. I remember years ago mentioning to my sister to bring in a bunny they had because it was especially hot. She told me she would do it, and didnt. The bunny died.

I really hope things work out with my brother. His wife, and her mom pretend to be kind. But they secretly hate when my brother spends money on us blood relatives. We had my nieces baby shower at their house, and his mom in law was feeling oddly charitable and gave us $25 to go get some table clothes. The wife tried to convince her mom we didnt need table clothes, that shed figure something out. My brother gave her $300 as a gift. His wife later on mentioned with shock to my sister that she was surprised the amount he gave her.

We have had issues with his wife and MIL in the past. I am hoping it'll be fine if i am separated in my RV or little building.

Funnily enough a few months back i was looking up RV's and have considered it many times. But was deterred by the cost of renting land space. So i am not picky at all. I just worry about the ac dying during the day when i am working and not know the cats are in a metal car super hot. :sigh: AC breaking down in a house sucks in miami, but at least buildings are built so the heat doesnt get to a level thats dangerous. Metal must get very hot. I tend to worry about things that might never even happen. :stars:
As neely neely said, it's certainly not the dog's fault! and realistically, he's not tops as an adoption candidate in most instances, but Best Friends Animal Society is amazing at working with, rehabilitating, training, and adopting into loving homes, JUST that kind of dog and they have over 200 affiliates across the country. Maybe a visit to their website at bestfriends.org might be helpful if you can find an affiliate near you and talk with them, and then maybe show this possibility to her as a choice she would have to consider. Just a thought.
Not sure about RVs as I have no experience of them. My ex-brother-in-law had one of the big, fancy ones. I was never inside of it, but I'm pretty sure it was very nice. Not sure if they are insulated but would think one like that might be. Yes, Florida without AC wouldn't be at all good for cats! How about a mobile home? If you get in a good park, it can be a good option. Friends of mine have done that, paid theirs off, and hopefully are doing well. (They aren't in touch with me any more, so I'm not sure. They have a large feline family, too.)
"Stupid decisions"? I don't think so at all. Most people try to plan for the future and if they're doing well at the time they plan, they naturally think this will be their situation in the future. In these times, a lot of people are reconsidering this, because of how unstable life is. Depends on the individual. When my ex dumped us, I was forced to do long-term planning based on the variables I knew -- that I would be moving to this house and that I would have to pay the taxes and maintenance on it, and that my loved ones and I would have reduced resources to work with. So being a planner by nature, I tried to map out everything I could. The resources have decreased still more since then, but we're doing all right. One thing I'm very grateful for is that my folks always paid off their credit cards during the grace period and basically, their rule was, if you can't pay for it, don't buy it. My dad always bought used cars and they were paid for outright. He knew cars pretty well, and made as sure as he could that they'd last us for awhile. He maintained them, too. Buying a used car is a dicey proposition but it can be a good option. My ex and I bought used cars, until the last one we had together, which was a new SUV. Of course we were making payments. He had a really good job and we were able to do that.
We all can learn from our decisions and that can help us for the present and the future. Some things are in our control. A lot are not.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #598

terestrife

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
1,872
Reaction score
1,676
RVs are insulated a little, I don't think they get as hot as cars even without AC.
ok good, i didnt know that. I have never been in one before. Just hope its comfortable for the cats. I worry i wont be able to have their trees in there, or much space for them. I can live in a small space, but the cats need space to stretch their legs.

This is really sad, most of all for the poor dog. :frown: I am a dog person having shared our home with both dogs and cats. It's not his fault but rather your niece's fault for not using consistent training from the beginning and following through. Potty training is one of the basics for living with a dog. His fear of rain/storms is not unusual and stems from anxiety. One of our dogs had a terrible fear of thunder. One more reason why he should not be outside in a doghouse permanently. But he should either be rehomed or perhaps placed with a foster family who knows his issues upfront. Of course I realize it's not up to you since your niece is in denial. Unfortunately the dog is the one who suffers.😢

I know you probably don't want to get your hopes up just yet but your brother's plan to build a separate room in his new house or buy a trailer sounds ideal. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. :crossfingers::crossfingers:
I know i feel bad for Spooky too. But i have been trying, and cant force my niece to rehome him. I really hoped my sister would take him. She always acts like she cares about him, but wont take responsibility for him. Shes always telling her daughter to treat him better. So i had hoped she would do something. The only person that my niece listens to is her mother. But nothing has changed.

---

About the plan with my brother: You already know me so well. lol I was feel afraid to get my hopes up and start seeing the negative side first. I start seeing issues before they even happen. I hope it works out if it'll be a blessing for me and my cats. I dont want to be stuck in another situation where my cats and I are stressed.

As neely neely said, it's certainly not the dog's fault! and realistically, he's not tops as an adoption candidate in most instances, but Best Friends Animal Society is amazing at working with, rehabilitating, training, and adopting into loving homes, JUST that kind of dog and they have over 200 affiliates across the country. Maybe a visit to their website at bestfriends.org might be helpful if you can find an affiliate near you and talk with them, and then maybe show this possibility to her as a choice she would have to consider. Just a thought.
Not sure about RVs as I have no experience of them. My ex-brother-in-law had one of the big, fancy ones. I was never inside of it, but I'm pretty sure it was very nice. Not sure if they are insulated but would think one like that might be. Yes, Florida without AC wouldn't be at all good for cats! How about a mobile home? If you get in a good park, it can be a good option. Friends of mine have done that, paid theirs off, and hopefully are doing well. (They aren't in touch with me any more, so I'm not sure. They have a large feline family, too.)
"Stupid decisions"? I don't think so at all. Most people try to plan for the future and if they're doing well at the time they plan, they naturally think this will be their situation in the future. In these times, a lot of people are reconsidering this, because of how unstable life is. Depends on the individual. When my ex dumped us, I was forced to do long-term planning based on the variables I knew -- that I would be moving to this house and that I would have to pay the taxes and maintenance on it, and that my loved ones and I would have reduced resources to work with. So being a planner by nature, I tried to map out everything I could. The resources have decreased still more since then, but we're doing all right. One thing I'm very grateful for is that my folks always paid off their credit cards during the grace period and basically, their rule was, if you can't pay for it, don't buy it. My dad always bought used cars and they were paid for outright. He knew cars pretty well, and made as sure as he could that they'd last us for awhile. He maintained them, too. Buying a used car is a dicey proposition but it can be a good option. My ex and I bought used cars, until the last one we had together, which was a new SUV. Of course we were making payments. He had a really good job and we were able to do that.
We all can learn from our decisions and that can help us for the present and the future. Some things are in our control. A lot are not.
Thank you for the link. Just looked at the site, and they dont seem to have any locations near me. I live in Miami, Fl. But it sounds like a good organization. I'll look around near me. Not sure if my niece will be willing, she can be pretty stubborn. Her mom has told her she would look for someone and take him to a good home, perhaps someone from church. But she said no even to that.

---

I have never been in an RV either. Just worry the space will be difficult for the cats. Kitty is already overweight. lol Want them to have space to stretch out. I want space for their trees. Not sure if an RV work for them well. As for a mobile home, it would depend on my brother. With everything i have going on, i couldnt afford to buy one myself. He isnt rich, so i am not sure how far he can go to help me. He is already putting money into buying the home and doing renovations. Just dont want to put my hopes up. In my experience people look out for themselves first. Dont get my wrong, i wouldnt be upset if he didnt help. I am an adult, and i am grateful he is thinking of me at all.

In august i am going to focus on applying for new jobs, and hope something opens up. I want to be able to have extra money in case i need to head to an apartment. I need to focus and makes plans, just like you did. Since i dont know how long things will be before i can move in with my brother. It would definitely feel better to be near family, rather than being in an apartment. I have always lived in a home. It makes me a little nervous to be in an apartment building and leaving my cats there with strangers nearby. lol

Then again, i dont feel so great having them here with my nieces kid bothering them. :( Good and bad in every decision. I usually try to pray about these things and ask for an outcome that will benefit the kittys and me most.

It would be really funny if i end up moving into a mobile home. Since a few months ago i had been looking at models, but realized i couldnt afford the mobile home + land. I always thought it would be great to just put it on someones property. lol The only bad thing is that during a hurricane i would have to grab the kitties and move them. Kitty tends to be very anxious in cars. :sigh:
 

Willowy

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 1, 2009
Messages
26,459
Reaction score
18,763
Location
South Dakota
There are some rules about putting house trailers on property in most places. Not as many rules about RVs, since they're designed for traveling.

They're surprisingly roomy, so if you don't have a lot of clutter I think a cat tree would fit and you could retrofit some of the storage/sleeping areas for the cats too, since you'd only need one bed and most RVs have multiple beds tucked away somewhere. Depends on the design of the RV of course.

I've also seen some that had a small shed roof built over it for extra protection, if it was used for permanent living.

I know some people who live/lived in RVs and they mostly liked it. I also know a couple who tried to live in an RV with 2 cats and 2 small dogs, and that didn't quite work out, lol. But with only 2 cats and 1 person I think it would be fine.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #600

terestrife

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
1,872
Reaction score
1,676
There are some rules about putting house trailers on property in most places. Not as many rules about RVs, since they're designed for traveling.

They're surprisingly roomy, so if you don't have a lot of clutter I think a cat tree would fit and you could retrofit some of the storage/sleeping areas for the cats too, since you'd only need one bed and most RVs have multiple beds tucked away somewhere. Depends on the design of the RV of course.

I've also seen some that had a small shed roof built over it for extra protection, if it was used for permanent living.

I know some people who live/lived in RVs and they mostly liked it. I also know a couple who tried to live in an RV with 2 cats and 2 small dogs, and that didn't quite work out, lol. But with only 2 cats and 1 person I think it would be fine.
I would definitely have to get rid of a lot of stuff. Lol I've accumulated stuff over the years. Just feel bad taking my cats from a roomy home to a small RV. We'll see, if the opportunity comes up, I'll have to take it. It's the best option i have now.

I was looking at the cost of building a room the way my brother wants to and the price is very high $20,000 -30,000. Not sure if that will ever be possible. :sigh: that's also the prices I saw for mobile homes.
 
Top