Venting....

neely

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I do everything i can to avoid fights and arguments.
That's because you're considerate of other people's feelings and don't like confrontation. You're not alone. :hugs: He sounds very opinionated and perhaps critical but I'm glad you can see the good side of him too. I think we all know people like that and rather than argue or dispute their feelings sometimes it's easier to let it go in one ear and out the other. If you wanted to comment at all, just say something like every family is different, and leave it at that then move on.

I'm glad you have such a wonderful relationship with your niece and when she grows up she will be thankful to have you in her life. Try to remember that's what really counts. :heartshape:
 

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Oh, i completely agree. I do everything i can to avoid fights and arguments. I treat him kindly and im grateful for the help he always gave me at work. Since hes an open book he tends to open up to me easily. I just try not to talk to him too much at work. He tends to know gossip about everyone, and i dont really like getting mixed up in things like that. lol Hes the first one to know anything in the office.

I do feel for him though. His department is grant funded, so he doesnt know if he will be keeping his job. Ive been offering him help to look around. He isnt sure what will happen with his job going forward, so i am worried about that. :sigh: I had no idea colleges had grant funded positions that arent permanent.
That's kind of you and yeah, they do. He sounds like a bit of a dicey proposition but it's always good to try to see the best in people and bring it out if you can, I agree. Gossip is poison and I, like you, avoid it and head it off at the pass whenever possible.
I just ordered another back brace from Walgreens which should arrive any time now. The one I have is pretty old and the catch-22 with these for me is that I'm very allergic to latex (contact dermatitis that drives me CRAZY) which is used in all of them, to my knowledge. The one I have ordered says something about being non-irritating and so I decided to take a chance on it. Otherwise I just have to wear a tank top under my regular top, then the brace and then the top. That can be hot in summer time!
 
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That's because you're considerate of other people's feelings and don't like confrontation. You're not alone. :hugs: He sounds very opinionated and perhaps critical but I'm glad you can see the good side of him too. I think we all know people like that and rather than argue or dispute their feelings sometimes it's easier to let it go in one ear and out the other. If you wanted to comment at all, just say something like every family is different, and leave it at that then move on.

I'm glad you have such a wonderful relationship with your niece and when she grows up she will be thankful to have you in her life. Try to remember that's what really counts. :heartshape:
i hope so. :heartshape: Abby has a beautiful heart. She still remembers her grandmother who passed away when she was 6 years old. She told me the other day that the person that has loved her the most is her grandmother. Im praying she keeps her good heart as she grows up. I just worry because kids grow up too fast nowadays and get lost in the social media world full of self absorbed people.

Thats what i did end up telling him when we had the conversation. That Abby has good parents that wouldnt allow her to disrespect me, or them. My brother knows what Abby means to me.

Thankfully the coworker doesnt get angry if you disagree with him. lol I cant take people that get aggressive if you dont agree with them.

That's kind of you and yeah, they do. He sounds like a bit of a dicey proposition but it's always good to try to see the best in people and bring it out if you can, I agree. Gossip is poison and I, like you, avoid it and head it off at the pass whenever possible.
I just ordered another back brace from Walgreens which should arrive any time now. The one I have is pretty old and the catch-22 with these for me is that I'm very allergic to latex (contact dermatitis that drives me CRAZY) which is used in all of them, to my knowledge. The one I have ordered says something about being non-irritating and so I decided to take a chance on it. Otherwise I just have to wear a tank top under my regular top, then the brace and then the top. That can be hot in summer time!
Its usually what i do. Im the type to try to find the good in someone when everyone else warns me about a person (unless they've done someone that is really bad). I dont depend on others opinions on whether or not i get along with someone. I just try to be cautious.

I hope the new back brace works for your. They really are hot when you wear them, and i live in Miami. lol They dont sell hypoallergenic back braces?
 

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i hope so. :heartshape: Abby has a beautiful heart. She still remembers her grandmother who passed away when she was 6 years old. She told me the other day that the person that has loved her the most is her grandmother. Im praying she keeps her good heart as she grows up. I just worry because kids grow up too fast nowadays and get lost in the social media world full of self absorbed people.

Thats what i did end up telling him when we had the conversation. That Abby has good parents that wouldnt allow her to disrespect me, or them. My brother knows what Abby means to me.

Thankfully the coworker doesnt get angry if you disagree with him. lol I cant take people that get aggressive if you dont agree with them.



Its usually what i do. Im the type to try to find the good in someone when everyone else warns me about a person (unless they've done someone that is really bad). I dont depend on others opinions on whether or not i get along with someone. I just try to be cautious.

I hope the new back brace works for your. They really are hot when you wear them, and i live in Miami. lol They dont sell hypoallergenic back braces?
That's my way of dealing with people, too, very much, and I also don't like it when people go off at me (or anyone else) just because they disagree. If I did that, I wouldn't be alive now, because I've grown up surrounded by people who disagree with me on so many things!
Yeah, the world is a harsh place and we live in a very harsh society. The thing that mattered for me was growing up in a family that gave me a lot of love and support -- even though we didn't always agree! -- and stood by me through almost every thing I dealt with growing up and beyond. They also had very different values than those of the mainstream, which helped massively.
Not sure about the braces -- maybe they do, somewhere, but I can't spend a lot and need to get something at a place that will deliver.
 

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Not sure about the braces -- maybe they do, somewhere, but I can't spend a lot and need to get something at a place that will deliver.
I'm guessing you need a rigid brace? If so, yeah, it's going to be hard to find one that's not made of latex. You could try cutting a hole in one end of a small pillowcase and putting that over it, it would be less uncomfortable than wearing a tank top under your regular shirt.
 

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I'm guessing you need a rigid brace? If so, yeah, it's going to be hard to find one that's not made of latex. You could try cutting a hole in one end of a small pillowcase and putting that over it, it would be less uncomfortable than wearing a tank top under your regular shirt.
Many thanks, Talien Talien ! I did that with a pillow that was leaking stuffing after it's been mended too many times to mend again. (I'm NO GOOD on a sewing machine).
 

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He sounds like a bit of a dicey proposition but it's always good to try to see the best in people and bring it out if you can, I agree.
I wish I was smarter about people. I tend to stick up for the underdog, but it always comes back to bite me in the butt! I'll stick up for somebody that everybody finds annoying. I figure they are just quirky. But then they repay me by crapping on me! It seems to happen every time.

How do I get smarter about people? Should I stop sticking up for the quirky underdog? Maybe there is a reason everybody dislikes them.
 

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I wish I was smarter about people. I tend to stick up for the underdog, but it always comes back to bite me in the butt! I'll stick up for somebody that everybody finds annoying. I figure they are just quirky. But then they repay me by crapping on me! It seems to happen every time.

How do I get smarter about people? Should I stop sticking up for the quirky underdog? Maybe there is a reason everybody dislikes them.
Everything you said is true and I still hope you don't change. I want to do that, too, although it becomes harder and harder from time to time. "Losing faith in humanity" is something I started doing a long time ago, but I still try my best to give people the benefit of the doubt unless and until I know they're doing something cruel, heartless, and soulless, at which point I just try to get as far away from them as possible and in my better times, include them in my prayers. If everyone was truly happy, there wouldn't be all the injustice, cruelty and violence this world is so full of, and so I pray for that. That can only happen if everyone is educated to care about others and if they make that live in their lives.
 
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That's my way of dealing with people, too, very much, and I also don't like it when people go off at me (or anyone else) just because they disagree. If I did that, I wouldn't be alive now, because I've grown up surrounded by people who disagree with me on so many things!
Yeah, the world is a harsh place and we live in a very harsh society. The thing that mattered for me was growing up in a family that gave me a lot of love and support -- even though we didn't always agree! -- and stood by me through almost every thing I dealt with growing up and beyond. They also had very different values than those of the mainstream, which helped massively.
Not sure about the braces -- maybe they do, somewhere, but I can't spend a lot and need to get something at a place that will deliver.
I completely agree. Having a stable family is so important. Its why i put the effort to go see her. Since i raised her, i never want her to feel unstable, or abandoned. She called me up last night, telling me she misses me, and we ended up playing roblox for a few hours. lol

i hope the back brace helps you. :heartshape:I have allergies too, so i understand your struggle. Hope this one is comfortable.

-
Adding this picture as her face isnt shown. lol I try to be careful with pictures of my nieces and nephews. We were video chatting as we played video games.

Screenshot_20200602-194718_WhatsApp.jpg

I wish I was smarter about people. I tend to stick up for the underdog, but it always comes back to bite me in the butt! I'll stick up for somebody that everybody finds annoying. I figure they are just quirky. But then they repay me by crapping on me! It seems to happen every time.

How do I get smarter about people? Should I stop sticking up for the quirky underdog? Maybe there is a reason everybody dislikes them.
You sound just like me. I still have memories of high school, i would be kind to people. Then they would take advantage and i would understand they were getting close to me to copy my work. Or to take advantage in some ways. Things like that happened to me often in my life. I think thats why i am incredibly kind to people. But there are very few i call a friend. Its only when i see that they are willing to be there as much as i am that i bring them into my circle of friends. lol

Just my opinion. But never change who you are for absolutely anyone. However, if you notice someone doing something that is detrimental to you, then find a way to put distance. If its at work, or someone you cant avoid, just do your best to get along, but keep busy, and dont engage. Just dont do it in a way that makes you look bad. I always find ways to get along while keeping my distance.

Everything you said is true and I still hope you don't change. I want to do that, too, although it becomes harder and harder from time to time. "Losing faith in humanity" is something I started doing a long time ago, but I still try my best to give people the benefit of the doubt unless and until I know they're doing something cruel, heartless, and soulless, at which point I just try to get as far away from them as possible and in my better times, include them in my prayers. If everyone was truly happy, there wouldn't be all the injustice, cruelty and violence this world is so full of, and so I pray for that. That can only happen if everyone is educated to care about others and if they make that live in their lives.
Thats exactly how i feel. :heartshape: Never allow someone else's darkness extinguish your own light. I was raised to treat people the way i want to be treated. I am 35 year and still remember my mom telling me that when i was a child. She reminded me to try to see things from someone elses perspective. That sometimes people are raised differently and they do negative things because of their pain. It doesnt mean you should ever put up with abuse, and you have the right to defend yourself. I am just saying that its important to lead with kindness.
 

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I completely agree. Having a stable family is so important. Its why i put the effort to go see her. Since i raised her, i never want her to feel unstable, or abandoned. She called me up last night, telling me she misses me, and we ended up playing roblox for a few hours. lol

i hope the back brace helps you. :heartshape:I have allergies too, so i understand your struggle. Hope this one is comfortable.

-
Adding this picture as her face isnt shown. lol I try to be careful with pictures of my nieces and nephews. We were video chatting as we played video games.

View attachment 337287



You sound just like me. I still have memories of high school, i would be kind to people. Then they would take advantage and i would understand they were getting close to me to copy my work. Or to take advantage in some ways. Things like that happened to me often in my life. I think thats why i am incredibly kind to people. But there are very few i call a friend. Its only when i see that they are willing to be there as much as i am that i bring them into my circle of friends. lol

Just my opinion. But never change who you are for absolutely anyone. However, if you notice someone doing something that is detrimental to you, then find a way to put distance. If its at work, or someone you cant avoid, just do your best to get along, but keep busy, and dont engage. Just dont do it in a way that makes you look bad. I always find ways to get along while keeping my distance.



Thats exactly how i feel. :heartshape: Never allow someone else's darkness extinguish your own light. I was raised to treat people the way i want to be treated. I am 35 year and still remember my mom telling me that when i was a child. She reminded me to try to see things from someone elses perspective. That sometimes people are raised differently and they do negative things because of their pain. It doesnt mean you should ever put up with abuse, and you have the right to defend yourself. I am just saying that its important to lead with kindness.
You're a good, good aunt to your niece! It may very well make all the difference when she's grown and going through tough times, as we all do. The guiding star in my own life has been my family and especially my parents, who right or wrong, were there for me and had my back when I needed it. No matter how many growing pains I had, bottom line, I always looked to them for the core values they gave me and I have them still because of their unconditional love. They also taught me by example to always be yourself and always stand for compassion, kindness and loyalty. My oldest friend, who I met when I was four on the first day of kindergarten, had a similar upbringing and she's a STAR. Wasn't real sure how she felt about some important things but we've been talking about them in these past days and she's absolutely 100%. That's what you get when you raise your kids with love and loyalty and the knowledge that you are there for them. And those kids that unfortunately don't have that in their lives with their parents, still need it from other family or from someone else close to them. They can still get through okay if they know someone believes in them.

(The brace was a fail. On the site it said that one size fits all, or didn't say anything, so I thought it would work for me. It came today and the box is marked "Size L/XL: 39"-50"". Just to be sure, I tried it on over my clothes. It would have fallen to the floor if I hadn't had my hand on it. SO I called customer service and got a really nice rep who looked into it and offered me a replacement or credit. Since we're sure that a replacement of the same item would be the same size, I took a credit and if I can find someone to give it to, I will -- otherwise I'll put it in for charity, though I very rarely have anything like that because I use everything until it wears out. And it lists "latex" as a component.)
 
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You're a good, good aunt to your niece! It may very well make all the difference when she's grout wn and going through tough times, as we all do. The guiding star in my own life has been my family and especially my parents, who right or wrong, were there for me and had my back when I needed it. No matter how many growing pains I had, bottom line, I always looked to them for the core values they gave me and I have them still because of their unconditional love. They also taught me by example to always be yourself and always stand for compassion, kindness and loyalty. My oldest friend, who I met when I was four on the first day of kindergarten, had a similar upbringing and she's a STAR. Wasn't real sure how she felt about some important things but we've been talking about them in these past days and she's absolutely 100%. That's what you get when you raise your kids with love and loyalty and the knowledge that you are there for them. And those kids that unfortunately don't have that in their lives with their parents, still need it from other family or from someone else close to them. They can still get through okay if they know someone believes in them.

(The brace was a fail. On the site it said that one size fits all, or didn't say anything, so I thought it would work for me. It came today and the box is marked "Size L/XL: 39"-50"". Just to be sure, I tried it on over my clothes. It would have fallen to the floor if I hadn't had my hand on it. SO I called customer service and got a really nice rep who looked into it and offered me a replacement or credit. Since we're sure that a replacement of the same item would be the same size, I took a credit and if I can find someone to give it to, I will -- otherwise I'll put it in for charity, though I very rarely have anything like that because I use everything until it wears out. And it lists "latex" as a component.)
I'm sorry the brace didnt work. They didnt offer alternate sizes? did you check amazon? I always look around at different websites when i am looking for something specific.

I pray you are right about my niece. I will continue being there to guide her as much as i can. This is why kids are so important to me. The first years of their lives will dictate the person they ultimately become. If they are raised in chaos, then they become chaotic and cause chaos around them. Thats why it breaks my heart when i heart of teenagers that didnt have a stable childhood. People just see them as spoiled, or "bad." But in reality its just how they were raised. And it gets to a point that they are lost. I know theres a whole debate on nature vs nurture. And it gets to a point that they cant use their childhoods as an excuse anymore. But i think every child deserves a safe, loving and happy childhood.


- Home update:

Just found out theres a lien on the house from being behind on association payments. Apparently my sister stopped paying it and is using the money my nieces BF gives her because the mortgage needs a down payment of a few thousand dollars to start the process of lowering the mortgage (i think $4000?). Supposedly we are behind by $1000 (on the association). So she calls me up to tell me to pay the association, and I had to explain that with the electricity alone, plus my car, and the association. Thats one entire paycheck. I dont make much money. Plus, i dont know who paid the water bill. Not sure if its falling behind too. Last month she had me pay the association. I dont know if she expected me to pay water, electricity, and association.

I put down the numbers so she can realize whats going on. I have the $1200 that the government sent to everyone, but every penny of that is going towards my procedures. I had to keep asking for payment extensions for my car to pay for my procedure last year $1500.

I dont think she realizes i make minimum wage. She wants to help us, but isnt looking for work. I get that she doesnt have to help, but shes going to lose this house. I signed up for flex jobs so she can find remote work. She hasnt bothered using the site. Her husband has a great job and threw money away buying a dishwasher and junk to fix up this house, instead of using that to catch up with bills.

I am not sure whats going to happen. I am willing to help, but i have to think about myself too. My brother helped with paying the copay when he goes to my doctors visit, which i am grateful for. But i am alone paying for my health expenses. I have to go to a regular doctor, dermatologist (have some odd bumps on my face) , and a chiropractor and i have been avoiding it to save money.
 

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I'm sorry the brace didnt work. They didnt offer alternate sizes? did you check amazon? I always look around at different websites when i am looking for something specific.

I pray you are right about my niece. I will continue being there to guide her as much as i can. This is why kids are so important to me. The first years of their lives will dictate the person they ultimately become. If they are raised in chaos, then they become chaotic and cause chaos around them. Thats why it breaks my heart when i heart of teenagers that didnt have a stable childhood. People just see them as spoiled, or "bad." But in reality its just how they were raised. And it gets to a point that they are lost. I know theres a whole debate on nature vs nurture. And it gets to a point that they cant use their childhoods as an excuse anymore. But i think every child deserves a safe, loving and happy childhood.


- Home update:

Just found out theres a lien on the house from being behind on association payments. Apparently my sister stopped paying it and is using the money my nieces BF gives her because the mortgage needs a down payment of a few thousand dollars to start the process of lowering the mortgage (i think $4000?). Supposedly we are behind by $1000 (on the association). So she calls me up to tell me to pay the association, and I had to explain that with the electricity alone, plus my car, and the association. Thats one entire paycheck. I dont make much money. Plus, i dont know who paid the water bill. Not sure if its falling behind too. Last month she had me pay the association. I dont know if she expected me to pay water, electricity, and association.

I put down the numbers so she can realize whats going on. I have the $1200 that the government sent to everyone, but every penny of that is going towards my procedures. I had to keep asking for payment extensions for my car to pay for my procedure last year $1500.

I dont think she realizes i make minimum wage. She wants to help us, but isnt looking for work. I get that she doesnt have to help, but shes going to lose this house. I signed up for flex jobs so she can find remote work. She hasnt bothered using the site. Her husband has a great job and threw money away buying a dishwasher and junk to fix up this house, instead of using that to catch up with bills.

I am not sure whats going to happen. I am willing to help, but i have to think about myself too. My brother helped with paying the copay when he goes to my doctors visit, which i am grateful for. But i am alone paying for my health expenses. I have to go to a regular doctor, dermatologist (have some odd bumps on my face) , and a chiropractor and i have been avoiding it to save money.
RIGHT! And you have to pay for the survival of yourself and your beloved cats! The stimulus is YOURS.
I don't feel qualified or comfortable giving other people advice on how to deal with their lives, but maybe it is time for (another?/a?) talk with her so she DOES understand what you have to work with and what you can afford.
You're so right on point. A relative through marriage of mine went totally off the tracks, I guess. We haven't had contact for years, but I've always cared about her and hoped and prayed she'd be okay. So I looked her up on social media and let me just say she's in a high risk lifestyle. I pray for her. She's a good, caring, smart, wonderful person and there are a lot of those out there at risk. Some don't make it. I don't want her to be one of those. But it's like she's never had half a chance, growing up how/with whom she did. I tried to let her know I cared and thought a lot of her, but my influence was little and seldom, if at all. She's got siblings and half-siblings from various relationships, and I have no idea how any of them are going to get through this life, but I always thought that she was a really good person with potential and determination. I hope and pray I'm right.
Kids can surprise. I reached a stage where I was pretty much uncontrollable (though NEVER violent to anyone) and I did a lot of crazy stuff. But again, my North Star was the love I knew my folks (extended family, parents and CATS) had for me and the values they taught me. Bottom line, they had taken deep root in me, and they stayed with me, to this day. The crazy growing-up stuff is all in the past.
Walgreens is my place for stuff like that, and they have a lot of other braces. I'll probably go back there eventually -- but for now, I'm just using the one I have, which works fine with the tank top underneath.
 
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RIGHT! And you have to pay for the survival of yourself and your beloved cats! The stimulus is YOURS.
I don't feel qualified or comfortable giving other people advice on how to deal with their lives, but maybe it is time for (another?/a?) talk with her so she DOES understand what you have to work with and what you can afford.
You're so right on point. A relative through marriage of mine went totally off the tracks, I guess. We haven't had contact for years, but I've always cared about her and hoped and prayed she'd be okay. So I looked her up on social media and let me just say she's in a high risk lifestyle. I pray for her. She's a good, caring, smart, wonderful person and there are a lot of those out there at risk. Some don't make it. I don't want her to be one of those. But it's like she's never had half a chance, growing up how/with whom she did. I tried to let her know I cared and thought a lot of her, but my influence was little and seldom, if at all. She's got siblings and half-siblings from various relationships, and I have no idea how any of them are going to get through this life, but I always thought that she was a really good person with potential and determination. I hope and pray I'm right.
Kids can surprise. I reached a stage where I was pretty much uncontrollable (though NEVER violent to anyone) and I did a lot of crazy stuff. But again, my North Star was the love I knew my folks (extended family, parents and CATS) had for me and the values they taught me. Bottom line, they had taken deep root in me, and they stayed with me, to this day. The crazy growing-up stuff is all in the past.
Walgreens is my place for stuff like that, and they have a lot of other braces. I'll probably go back there eventually -- but for now, I'm just using the one I have, which works fine with the tank top underneath.
I'm so sorry about your relative. That made me really sad to read. Sometimes theres not much we can do in those situations except to pray. Sometimes they do find the light and fix their lives. I pray that happens for her. Theres so much ugliness out there, that all we can do is be there is they ever reach out. I just took a moment to pray for her and send her positive energy. Its not much, but some positivity doesn't hurt. :vibes: :heartshape:

I wasn't the greatest teen either. I was very angry, although looking back i think it was connected to my hormonal imbalance (which caused the issues i have now) and the mental health issues i never dealt with. My mom was a saint to put with me. My sister told me when i grew up that my mom never knew how to handle me. That i sometimes appeared possessed. LOL Not in a mean way, my mom just has my sarcastic humor. She was a strong, compassionate woman. To be completely honest, i feel that anger come back to me from time to time. My mom kept me sane, and to be honest, she still does even though shes gone.

I had this dream of her last night, that we had stopped somewhere in a car. She stepped out and got back in fast. She looked at me and told me she wasnt feeling well. I woke up as i was telling her that i would drive us where ever she wanted to go. It made me feel down all day today. This will make me sound like a horrible person. My mom comes to mind every day. But i purposely avoid thinking or talking about her. I break down whenever i do. I get annoyed when my sister starts bringing up sad memories.

Work update:
My boss emailed me that he will be reaching out to HR to see if its possible for employees with health issues to continue remote working. So thankfully he hasn't forgotten, he first asked his boss just to see what he would say. I am lucky to have a caring boss. I have to remember to be thankful for the blessings that i have been given.

My sister:
I explained to her what my money situation is, and she hasnt replied to my text. So we'll see what happens. I laid out what i was paying so she could understand.

House issues:
Been having an issue with the niece i live with. Things have been peaceful the past couple of months, we get along great now. The issue is with her son (he will be 2 years old in September). It is her first child, and she has no clue how to discipline him. He never stops crying. He cries for every little thing. You literally hear him cry all day long. She eventually starts softly talking to calm him down. I am not a child expert, but have helped raise my nieces and nephews. So its frustrating to see.

I have taken care of nieces/nephews and have never seen a child cry so much. Normally he doesnt bother the cats. But if i go downstairs, the cats want to be with me in the kitchen, so he smacks them, or chases them with toys. Her way of discipling is telling him no, and eventually walking him away. But doesnt take things away until it goes on for a while. She now shoos my cat away to the other side of the house. Which annoys me. But then she doesnt stop me from discipling her son, and stopping him from chasing the cats. so i dont want to freak out on her, since she never stops me from stepping in with her son. She never complains when i block him, or tell him no. I dont want to have issues with her, as i need peace in the house. I had to end up wasting my money to put gates in my cats eating area so they can eat in peace. I cant stop them from going to the kitchen unless i start wasting money and putting up gates all over.

You all know my mental state isnt great. I used to be able to handle tantrums with calm. I once had a niece and she was kicking both me and my mom in the middle of the stairs, because she wanted to stay with me. So i've lived the crazy moments with kids. lol And i love them dearly as you all know. I just cant handle when kids are spoiled, and not disciplined correctly. Thats the parents fault 100%. I've told her a few times that he needs to learn to listen to her, but shes lost. My niece tends to freak out when you try to tell her what to do, so i have to tread carefully with her.
 

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I'm so sorry about your relative. That made me really sad to read. Sometimes theres not much we can do in those situations except to pray. Sometimes they do find the light and fix their lives. I pray that happens for her. Theres so much ugliness out there, that all we can do is be there is they ever reach out. I just took a moment to pray for her and send her positive energy. Its not much, but some positivity doesn't hurt. :vibes: :heartshape:

I wasn't the greatest teen either. I was very angry, although looking back i think it was connected to my hormonal imbalance (which caused the issues i have now) and the mental health issues i never dealt with. My mom was a saint to put with me. My sister told me when i grew up that my mom never knew how to handle me. That i sometimes appeared possessed. LOL Not in a mean way, my mom just has my sarcastic humor. She was a strong, compassionate woman. To be completely honest, i feel that anger come back to me from time to time. My mom kept me sane, and to be honest, she still does even though shes gone.

I had this dream of her last night, that we had stopped somewhere in a car. She stepped out and got back in fast. She looked at me and told me she wasnt feeling well. I woke up as i was telling her that i would drive us where ever she wanted to go. It made me feel down all day today. This will make me sound like a horrible person. My mom comes to mind every day. But i purposely avoid thinking or talking about her. I break down whenever i do. I get annoyed when my sister starts bringing up sad memories.

Work update:
My boss emailed me that he will be reaching out to HR to see if its possible for employees with health issues to continue remote working. So thankfully he hasn't forgotten, he first asked his boss just to see what he would say. I am lucky to have a caring boss. I have to remember to be thankful for the blessings that i have been given.

My sister:
I explained to her what my money situation is, and she hasnt replied to my text. So we'll see what happens. I laid out what i was paying so she could understand.

House issues:
Been having an issue with the niece i live with. Things have been peaceful the past couple of months, we get along great now. The issue is with her son (he will be 2 years old in September). It is her first child, and she has no clue how to discipline him. He never stops crying. He cries for every little thing. You literally hear him cry all day long. She eventually starts softly talking to calm him down. I am not a child expert, but have helped raise my nieces and nephews. So its frustrating to see.

I have taken care of nieces/nephews and have never seen a child cry so much. Normally he doesnt bother the cats. But if i go downstairs, the cats want to be with me in the kitchen, so he smacks them, or chases them with toys. Her way of discipling is telling him no, and eventually walking him away. But doesnt take things away until it goes on for a while. She now shoos my cat away to the other side of the house. Which annoys me. But then she doesnt stop me from discipling her son, and stopping him from chasing the cats. so i dont want to freak out on her, since she never stops me from stepping in with her son. She never complains when i block him, or tell him no. I dont want to have issues with her, as i need peace in the house. I had to end up wasting my money to put gates in my cats eating area so they can eat in peace. I cant stop them from going to the kitchen unless i start wasting money and putting up gates all over.

You all know my mental state isnt great. I used to be able to handle tantrums with calm. I once had a niece and she was kicking both me and my mom in the middle of the stairs, because she wanted to stay with me. So i've lived the crazy moments with kids. lol And i love them dearly as you all know. I just cant handle when kids are spoiled, and not disciplined correctly. Thats the parents fault 100%. I've told her a few times that he needs to learn to listen to her, but shes lost. My niece tends to freak out when you try to tell her what to do, so i have to tread carefully with her.
"...

I have taken care of nieces/nephews and have never seen a child cry so much. Normally he doesnt bother the cats. But if i go downstairs, the cats want to be with me in the kitchen, so he smacks them, or chases them with toys. " That MUST STOP NOW. Kids are a lot stronger than little cats and even though cats are resilient, they must NEVER be "smacked"!!! Someone needs to make this clear to him. As I've probably said, when I pulled my beloved cat's tail (ignorantly, not angrily!) my mom saw it and came and pulled my hair hard enough to hurt. When I reacted, she said, "See? That's how he feels when you pull his tail!" and I never pulled his tail again. That lesson got through where other ways would not. It's not abuse. It's putting it in perspective a child can understand. He also must understand that cats give unconditional love and loyalty like no human ever does, and that they are the BEST friends he will ever have, so he needs to protect and respect them like he would any best friends! Anyone even thinks about hurting my cats would have a very serious problem on their hands. And since my cats are MY responsibility and under my care, I will defend them to the nth degree. Now your nephew probably -- I pray! -- does not mean them harm. But he MUST know he cannot do this, period.
Thank you for Prayers for my (ex?) niece. I believe she needs them.
I was an angry kid, too, and my mom was also a saint to put up with me because I went through a period of not liking her due to my own anger. She was ever and always my best friend. But I did not see her that way when I was going through that stage of my life. Thankfully, she was wise and caring enough to endure it.
I believe your mom was trying to warn you in that dream. Getting out and then in again quickly? On a journey? There's something she is trying to tell you to be careful about. I hope it will be clear to you. I don't know what the matter is, but I pray you will.
 
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terestrife

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"...

I have taken care of nieces/nephews and have never seen a child cry so much. Normally he doesnt bother the cats. But if i go downstairs, the cats want to be with me in the kitchen, so he smacks them, or chases them with toys. " That MUST STOP NOW. Kids are a lot stronger than little cats and even though cats are resilient, they must NEVER be "smacked"!!! Someone needs to make this clear to him. As I've probably said, when I pulled my beloved cat's tail (ignorantly, not angrily!) my mom saw it and came and pulled my hair hard enough to hurt. When I reacted, she said, "See? That's how he feels when you pull his tail!" and I never pulled his tail again. That lesson got through where other ways would not. It's not abuse. It's putting it in perspective a child can understand. He also must understand that cats give unconditional love and loyalty like no human ever does, and that they are the BEST friends he will ever have, so he needs to protect and respect them like he would any best friends! Anyone even thinks about hurting my cats would have a very serious problem on their hands. And since my cats are MY responsibility and under my care, I will defend them to the nth degree. Now your nephew probably -- I pray! -- does not mean them harm. But he MUST know he cannot do this, period.
Thank you for Prayers for my (ex?) niece. I believe she needs them.
I was an angry kid, too, and my mom was also a saint to put up with me because I went through a period of not liking her due to my own anger. She was ever and always my best friend. But I did not see her that way when I was going through that stage of my life. Thankfully, she was wise and caring enough to endure it.
I believe your mom was trying to warn you in that dream. Getting out and then in again quickly? On a journey? There's something she is trying to tell you to be careful about. I hope it will be clear to you. I don't know what the matter is, but I pray you will.
i know, but since im not the mom i dont feel its my place to completely step in. i wouldnt want someone else stepping in like that if i had a child. I discipline him when he does it, but i cant go all out the way like i want to. Not to hurt him, but to be more firm. He doesnt smack them to hurt them, he seems to want to play with them. And chase them because they run away from him.

I step in whenever he bothers them, and so does she. But what can she do if she doesnt seem capable of making him listen? She always takes him away when he is bothering them. She even takes him with her to the bathroom so he wont be alone downstairs. lol But the cats want to be with me, so it makes things harder. So long as im not downstairs he doesnt bother them. They just stay in their tree. i told her she had to figure out a way to make him listen, and she said she's trying.:sigh:

I can block the living room, but my bigger cat will just jump any gate to come be with me.
---

I believe in dreams giving us signs/warnings. I wonder what it could be about? I have been pretty stagnant for the past year. I want to start trying to get a promotion by applying for other positions in august. Theres also the uncertainty of whether we will have to leave this house or not. I have been nervous about ending up in a place thats worse for me and the kitties. More important, whether or not i can even afford it.
 

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i know, but since im not the mom i dont feel its my place to completely step in. i wouldnt want someone else stepping in like that if i had a child. I discipline him when he does it, but i cant go all out the way like i want to. Not to hurt him, but to be more firm. He doesnt smack them to hurt them, he seems to want to play with them. And chase them because they run away from him.

I step in whenever he bothers them, and so does she. But what can she do if she doesnt seem capable of making him listen? She always takes him away when he is bothering them. She even takes him with her to the bathroom so he wont be alone downstairs. lol But the cats want to be with me, so it makes things harder. So long as im not downstairs he doesnt bother them. They just stay in their tree. i told her she had to figure out a way to make him listen, and she said she's trying.:sigh:

I can block the living room, but my bigger cat will just jump any gate to come be with me.
---

I believe in dreams giving us signs/warnings. I wonder what it could be about? I have been pretty stagnant for the past year. I want to start trying to get a promotion by applying for other positions in august. Theres also the uncertainty of whether we will have to leave this house or not. I have been nervous about ending up in a place thats worse for me and the kitties. More important, whether or not i can even afford it.
Yes, he needs to understand his actions are wrong, and your cats need to be able to live free of the terror of being assaulted. They also need to be able to have some part of the house to move freely. They can't just cower in cat furniture until forced to run a gauntlet where they may be harmed.
Oh yes, dreams are messages for us. We have to be aware so that we will know what they are telling us.
 
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Yes, he needs to understand his actions are wrong, and your cats need to be able to live free of the terror of being assaulted. They also need to be able to have some part of the house to move freely. They can't just cower in cat furniture until forced to run a gauntlet where they may be harmed.
Oh yes, dreams are messages for us. We have to be aware so that we will know what they are telling us.
Don't worry, i am working on it. Their eating area/litter box will be gated in. So they can go there and eat/use their box in peace. Thankfully he isnt downstairs often. The kitties mostly sleep during the day. They mostly roam during meal times/ snack time. They mostly ignore me unless they want something. lol If this continues, i will just gate their trees to give them more privacy.

----

I have a work question. How can i know when i can trust someone enough to talk to them about looking for a better paying position? I am waiting until August (i will be there a full year, i dont want to look before that so it wont look bad). Theres someone i feel like i can trust, but you never know. I've had people disappoint me before. He is the assistant chair person (the person below my boss). I have gotten very close to him, and see him as my office brother. :lol: He's the one i talk to the most because we have similar values. He is the only coworker that takes the time to call me since the pandemic happened. This person has been with MDC for many years, and he knows my financial issues.
 

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Don't worry, i am working on it. Their eating area/litter box will be gated in. So they can go there and eat/use their box in peace. Thankfully he isnt downstairs often. The kitties mostly sleep during the day. They mostly roam during meal times/ snack time. They mostly ignore me unless they want something. lol If this continues, i will just gate their trees to give them more privacy.

----

I have a work question. How can i know when i can trust someone enough to talk to them about looking for a better paying position? I am waiting until August (i will be there a full year, i dont want to look before that so it wont look bad). Theres someone i feel like i can trust, but you never know. I've had people disappoint me before. He is the assistant chair person (the person below my boss). I have gotten very close to him, and see him as my office brother. :lol: He's the one i talk to the most because we have similar values. He is the only coworker that takes the time to call me since the pandemic happened. This person has been with MDC for many years, and he knows my financial issues.
Good on you, terestrife terestrife . Your nephew needs to understand he LOVES CATS. ;) :yess:
On the work question, NO. Just NO. No matter how wonderful a person may be, I've learned the hard way that like mixing business with pleasure, it's not a good idea to discuss anything like that with a co-worker. At all. Ever.
 

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Just wanted to expand on the above. It's not that we shouldn't form liasons and friendships with co-workers. But telling them/asking about private information like this puts us at risk because it puts them on the spot. In any situation at all, I always try to think not only the ramifications of what might happen to me, but also to my loved ones, and also to everyone else that might be involved. My own experiences have taught me too many times to keep my own confidence. It works out best that way.
 
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Just wanted to expand on the above. It's not that we shouldn't form liasons and friendships with co-workers. But telling them/asking about private information like this puts us at risk because it puts them on the spot. In any situation at all, I always try to think not only the ramifications of what might happen to me, but also to my loved ones, and also to everyone else that might be involved. My own experiences have taught me too many times to keep my own confidence. It works out best that way.
The reason I ask is because I'm still friends with my ex boss. We became friends while working together. But I know situations might not repeat.

Funnily enough at my last job when I got the job offer, I was so torn. So i told my boss about it. He looked through the offer, checked the benefits. Explained the difference I would pay in insurance. He spent hours looking through the benefits, vs the benefits I had with my current job.

I asked him not to tell anyone until I was sure, and he didn't. :biggrin: He's an amazing person that I have great respect for, and I still text him from time to time.
 
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