Two loses in household - remaining cat depressed?

[dan32]

Over the last two months, I had two back-to-back deaths in my three cat household. Both of the deaths were related to kidney failure and were not instantaneous, but rather prolonged affairs with me constantly hovering over the sick cats with food, medicines, needles, etc. My one year old Kinney is now the last of the mohicans and is looking very unsettled, especially after the loss of my 17yo Kevin, whom I doted on constantly. I may have rushed the clean up of departed ones objects and smells just to put away reminders for myself, but it has seemed that with each washing of a former housemate's beds or blankets, little Kinney seems depressed.

My real problem is that I have a 10-day trip planned in several days and I am very worried about Kinney being by himself so soon after the loss of his housemates. Both of his housemates died at home and Kinney witnessed both deaths, as well as my crying hysterically and boxing them up for the crematorium. Yes, he saw it all!

I sure don't feel great about leaving him by himself right now. Last night, he was very clingy with me and today when I looked for him he was in the furthestmost reaches of the dark basement way up on a shelf for most of the day.

Any thoughts or words of advice? Truthfully, I have been functioning as a private duty nurse for the last two months and could use a break from the all of the sadness myself, but not at Kinney's expense. Please, advice...

 

[sharky]

Do you have a "kitty motel " in your area ? this IMHO is not a regular kennel as the cats have their own rooms with bed , toys , tv and often a window to see outside.

 

[farleyv]

Do you have a very close friend or family member who is aware of his state of mind? It would be ideal if a person like that could take him in for the time you are gone. It would put your mind to rest too.

I was on vacation a few years back and my son actually came home to stay here with my brood.

When you return, maybe you could look into adopting another kitty to give Kinny a friend again.

I know how you must feel. I go around here every day pilling and injecting too. You definately need a break.

 

[goldenkitty45]

I'm sorry for your loss and know you do need a break. But if you leave Kinney at home alone for those days, he could get worse. Is there anyone that can come in once a day and spend some time with him till you are back?

I would NOT leave him alone without someone to keep a good eye on him. And I know it might be too soon for you, but you need to start looking for a young kitten (maybe 6-8 months old) to adopt for Kinney.

 

[dan32]

I get a petsitter to come in and check around on a daily basis, but they are probably only spending 30 minutes here per day tops. At least I suppose it is someone to check that he is still eating, but the last time she was here Kinney was still new to the household and she said she never saw him. So, I am not sure how much playing there would be..

 

[ldg]

Dan, I am so, so, so sorry to read about this!

This was Kevin - and Coby?

ANY friends or relatives that can come spend time with him???????? Or BOTH - co-ordinating and alternating?

 

[ldg]

...I would definitely get Feliway spray - wherever he spends the time - and definitely leave a shirt that is really sweaty and smells strongly like you on one of his favorite beds.

 

[sharky]

Personal experience ... This is slightly morbid( sorry in advance)... I pulled out a carrier my RB dog used for my new dog and my cats decided it was a bed.. Do you have anything with the RB kitties scent>?

 

[dan32]

Yes, Kevin and Coby both succumbed to KD. Kevin lost his twin brother one year ago and was kind enough to stick around to get me through the transition.

I have had multiple posts here regarding the domestication of the feral Coby and had hundreds of hours invested in merging him into the household - then just when things looked the brightest, poof! gone That makes three deaths in a year. More than I was prepared for. What is odd is that I had managed to rescue both Kevin and Coby only nine months ago from other illnesses, only to lose them now.

I will definately be looking for a young companion for Kinney. I'm afraid he hasn't had as happy a childhood as I would have liked, since I was always doting on the elderly Kevin, the patriarch of the family. I feel I owe him the type of happy kittenhood Kevin and Kippy had years ago with endless hours of cuddling and playing. He hasn't had that due to the rounds of illnesses here. Kinney's kind of been in the back seat not getting as much attention.

 

[ldg]

Oh Dan, I'm just SO sorry!

...whatever you do, leave something that smells strongly like you with Kinney. Maybe a couple of things in places he likes to be. ...and if you can find ANYTHING that still smells like either Kevin or Coby, put them there too.

 

[dan32]

You're right, LDG. I had the comforter that we had on our hospital bed for the last month bagged up for the laundry. I put it out on the floor and Kinney is sniffing it like crazy. I also had Kev's carrier put away, where he slept often. I'll open it up and let Kinney have some good sniffs. I hadn't thought of the effect of smell.

 

[ldg]

Cats are all about smell and territory.

I hope this will help.

 

[otto]

I am so sorry for your losses and I know about the one left behind grieving. Could you please explain what you mean by left alone? You weren't planning on leaving him with no one checking in every day, right?

However, I think, in this case, unless you can get someone to actually STAY with him in your home, it might really be better to board him rather than let him rattle around in a house all by himself. He could pine to his death. I don't mean to scare you ,and I realize you understand the consequences here, that he has just lost two companions and now his human has disappeared too. 10 days can be a long time. But even someone stopping in once a day will not be enough to see that he eats and doesn't get sick.

My heat goes out to him, and you.

 

[otto]

Can the trip be postponed? I think that is what I would do, actually.

xo

 

[calicolois]

I have to agree with postponing the trip -- unless you can find someone who will actually STAY in your home with the kitty.

I am seriously convinced that some of what I'm going through with my Calico right now (I've been posting about her constipation issues, lack of water, etc) has to do with the fact that she was traumatized when we went out of town for a week's vacation -- we DID have someone come in every day and feed both kitties (we have a tabby as well...but the two of them are NOT friends) but she didn't spend any time with them. Last year around this time, I put my elderly cat, Hemingway, to sleep -- he's the one she was really attached to -- and she exhibited some of this same behavior then as well.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Dan -- and my Calico was in the house too when the vet came to send Hemingway on his final journey -- it is really hard on every member of the household, including the furbabies

I think bringing out the "smells" should definitely help as well. We left out Hemmie's bed and Lois (calico) eventually got in it. I swear she STILL misses him.

 

[esrandall2000]

Dan,

I am so, so sorry. This must have been the year from hell for you. My Whimsey (see below) is also a silver American Shorthair. They are wonderful cats with incredible temperments. You've received some great advice here.

God bless to you and your baby.

 

[farleyv]

I have to jump on the band wagon on the side of postponing the trip. It sounds like Kinny is pretty stressed, and that can cause all sorts of problems in a cat. He needs you with him. Too many changes too quick. You understand, but he doesn't. All he knows is things aren't the same and in his mind that is not good.

I would hate to have your absence push him further into depression.. If I couldn't have someone with him in his house, I would'nt go. But that is just me.

I do feel what you are going through though. I'd try to get another kitty and when they get on very well, then I'd go.

Then you could go and have total peace of mind. And that is everything.

 

[bunnelina]

I'm so sorry for your losses. Having lost a cat myself recently, after a long period of nursing, I can imagine what you're going through.

You definitely need a break, but a 10-day trip is too long to be away from Kinney, as you already know. You are already worried about this and you have said this trip isn't the best idea for him (and probably not for you, either, since you are likely to worry about Kinney the whole time, hardly the relaxing break you need). So it seems that you must bite the bullet and postpone or cancel it.

If you do that, I'd suggest booking an overnight or weekend trip to a nearby place that you find very relaxing. Even a short trip can recharge your batteries if that's what you focus on doing. Ask your cat-loving friends to stop by and visit Kinney for that day or two.

I don't know if you are interested in holistic medicine — I've never used it and thus can't advocate for any of it — but I found this the other day: a remedy designed to help cats cope with loss:

http://www.spiritessence.com/?action...act=view&id=28

It does sound like Kinney needs a new cat companion, but please keep in mind that bringing a new cat into the house can also be a stressful situation for both of you. (I just adopted two kittens, who came with three kinds of parasites, calicivirus, and — worst of all — ringworm!) I know you'll choose your new cat wisely... and I hope you don't get the awful surprises we got.

Best of luck!

 

[dan32]

I just wanted to tie things up by saying that I did go on my trip and left Kinney here by himself as he had perked up for a few days after my post. It was a very hard choice, but the 10-day cruise was to celebrate my mother's 80th birthday and I'm not sure how long I have with her either. The petsitter came by on a daily basis, but she said Kinney never came out for her. So bottom line is he survived..

When I got home a few days ago, Kinney is very needy and has stuck to me like a magnet. We have been playing with his toys, constant petting, other things to reassure him. It is very strange for us, because since his arrival here about a year ago, he just lived in the shadows of my other two, Kevin and Coby. It is as if we really don't know each other very well with just the two of us and not the group element to the household.

 

[lisar]

I'm glad he survived!

Yall might want to take sometime to getting to know each her. Through playing and petting and love. I would probably wait a week or two before looking for a new kitty for Kinney. He's going to need one in the long run but you could use some time to strengthen your bond with him before having to divide your attention again.