Trouble introducing new cat

calicosrspecial

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NO WORDS can express how wrong and foolish I have been and though I want to apologize ( I am SO SORRY for not understanding the love and commitment so obvious in the posts) I hope my actions in the future can be my true apology.

I see so many positives in Bean and Penny's relationship I know we can be successful.

So let's move forward and get them intro'd!!
 

calicosrspecial

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Here are a couple of things I try to keep in mind during intros.

Try to make every encounter as positive as possible while trying to avoid or minimize negative encounters.

Use positive distraction (something positive like food/treats, a toy, love if safe, words, etc). Anytime you can get a cat to look away from another cat it is a positive and builds trust. Because no cat would take their eyes off a potential threat.

Makes positive associations - So use food or treats by the other cat to make a positive association. So if the cat is eating that other cat can't be too bad to let them eat, etc. And that helps make a positive encounter as well.

Build confidence through Play, Food, Height and Love (if safe) as a confident cat is more likely to accept and be accepted. So step up play and feed either treats or a meal after play. This replicates the natural survival instinct of Hunt, Capture, Kill, Eat then groom, sleep and builds confidence. Height allows a cat to feel more confident as they can survey the landscape and stay safe from predators. And Love reduces stress, makes a cat feel more secure (confident) in "their" territory, etc.

There will always be ups and downs (negativity) but what is important is what happens after. A fast rebound (back to normal) tells us that the negative encounter was tolerated by the cats and not an issue in their eyes while a long time to rebound to normal (so hiding, avoiding, not eating, etc) tells us that the cat(s) thought the incident was worse and scary and threatening and something we need to focus on.

It really is all about positive association, positive encounters, and confidence. It is never linear or a straight line the right direction but always a step or two forward and a step or two backward and even sometimes there are steps backward but focusing on the above as a guiding light will help keep moving forward.

We'll continue to handle the detail and the daily nuance and keep in mind the above and keep making progress to getting them intro'd.
 

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I am a slow intro-er also, and use the above methods with great success, but a couple of things I've done is have the new cat at first in one room and resident in the rest of the house instead of swapping rooms (it's easier on me) and do scent swaps with towels that they lay on, rubbing on cats with a sock on my hand and putting it in the room(s) with the other cat, swap scratching posts, swap out food bowls, etc. Then do room swaps later.
I've also put a gate up at the outside of the closed door of the room (house side of the door) with New Cat in that room to cut down on any altercations at the closed door while I'm asleep and not watching for negative door stuff. It has seemed to help- even putting a blanket over the gate and the door closed.
Plus if need be I feed resident cat as far away from the door of new cat- even if it's 12 feet, or in the next room- that res. cat will eat and work from there.
My very first intro I was so discouraged! The noise they make can sound like it's out of a horror movie and takes some adjusting to, that was the worst for me. But those small steps are so joyful, if you decide you are able to keep moving forward.
 
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Thanks all for the responses. Still at the separate rooms. We need to keep Bean downstairs at night as he is a kitten and there is just too much to destroy in the office when we cannot be there with him.

Both are obsessed at the door now and spend a lot of time sniffing and roaming around seeing if the other is on the opposite side.

No response from Bean at all except for some meows and sticking his paw under the door. When Penny hisses or lunges he backs off and lies down.

Penny has continued her assualt on the door. If she hears him she hisses. If she sees him (under the blanket) she hisses. But she will also sit and just stare at him without attacking, so I am taking that as a positive that she doesn't always want to attack, sometimes just watchful.

We continue with the screen door between them, and put the blanket over it (with cardboard as I noticed she can see his shadow on the blanket) and hope the sounds and continued love on our part help her associate him with good things.

She is hesitant to eat near him, but I got her to have treats right at the door step, so I am taking that as a plus.
 

calicosrspecial

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Thanks all for the responses. Still at the separate rooms. We need to keep Bean downstairs at night as he is a kitten and there is just too much to destroy in the office when we cannot be there with him.

Both are obsessed at the door now and spend a lot of time sniffing and roaming around seeing if the other is on the opposite side.

No response from Bean at all except for some meows and sticking his paw under the door. When Penny hisses or lunges he backs off and lies down.

Penny has continued her assualt on the door. If she hears him she hisses. If she sees him (under the blanket) she hisses. But she will also sit and just stare at him without attacking, so I am taking that as a positive that she doesn't always want to attack, sometimes just watchful.

We continue with the screen door between them, and put the blanket over it (with cardboard as I noticed she can see his shadow on the blanket) and hope the sounds and continued love on our part help her associate him with good things.

She is hesitant to eat near him, but I got her to have treats right at the door step, so I am taking that as a plus.
"Still at the separate rooms." - Great

"We need to keep Bean downstairs at night as he is a kitten and there is just too much to destroy in the office when we cannot be there with him." - Absolutely, That is totally fine.

"Both are obsessed at the door now and spend a lot of time sniffing and roaming around seeing if the other is on the opposite side." - Great. How is their body language? Are you able to distract them in a positive way? And how do they act after they are investigating? Any dust-ups with the screen being torn a little?

"No response from Bean at all except for some meows and sticking his paw under the door." - Great

"When Penny hisses or lunges he backs off and lies down." - Awwww, he is showing her he doesn't mean harm. Mama cats teach the young ones and she is telling him the rules. And the great thing is HE IS LISTENING and trying to show her that.

"Penny has continued her assualt on the door." - Yes, expected. Is she able to be distracted? To look away from him?

"If she hears him she hisses. If she sees him (under the blanket) she hisses." - Yes, totally normal.

" But she will also sit and just stare at him without attacking," - WOW!!!! THAT is AWESOME!!!

" so I am taking that as a positive that she doesn't always want to attack, sometimes just watchful." -ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE!!!

"We continue with the screen door between them, and put the blanket over it (with cardboard as I noticed she can see his shadow on the blanket)" - Ok, perfect. I was going to mention something solid so that she doesn't tear the screen etc. when humans are not around.

"and hope the sounds and continued love on our part help her associate him with good things." - It will. And scent I would add. And using food is really good. I don't know how much of a cook you are but I bake chicken thighs and use the meat to make a positive association. Few cats can resist warm chicken thigh meat. :)

"She is hesitant to eat near him" - Ok. How close are you trying?

"but I got her to have treats right at the door step, so I am taking that as a plus." - That is a plus. How far away from the door is that? It is a process. But treats or a meal are great. Anything to make a positive association. As is love (if safe) etc. And use distraction in a positive way as any time a cat looks away it is positive.

One thing I forgot to mention. Cats are creatures of habits so keeping them on a pretty good schedule can be very helpful. Cats like consistency and don't like change so have a kind of schedule can be really helpful.

Just keep doing what you are doing. Work on positive distraction and reassuring her at the door. Keep trying to build her confidence through Play, Food, Height and Love in the rest of the house.

I am thinking, do you have an extra scratching post or a cat tree that can be near Bean's room? Does Penny like to go high in other parts of the house?
 
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Both cats have large scratching posts they use. Same post, different rooms.

Body language.... I am able to easily distract Penny when she is at the door. I can snap or call her and she will turn around and walk away. She will not eat her food close (about 5 feet away), but ate her treats with her nose pressed against the screen, inches away. She did not seem to care at all that he was there at the time and even sniffed around for more treats.

She has scratched the screen, more questioning that attacking, causing slight damage, but not slashing it. Though she does lunge/attack if he moves fast toward the door, or if he startles her walking by on his side. She will also hear HIM scratching at the door and shoot across the house to hiss at him. (I try to intercept her at this, but I am usually working and she is quick)

She also will turn away from the door and scratch the crap out of her cardboard box. I am definitely humanizing her, but if I had to guess it would be frustration of him, or not getting to him. Could also be stress relief for cats. Not sure.

I thought you guys might like to see my furbabies. I am attaching photos of each and also her eating the treats today. IMG_2402.JPG IMG_3248.JPG IMG_3475.JPG
 

calicosrspecial

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Both cats have large scratching posts they use. Same post, different rooms.

Body language.... I am able to easily distract Penny when she is at the door. I can snap or call her and she will turn around and walk away. She will not eat her food close (about 5 feet away), but ate her treats with her nose pressed against the screen, inches away. She did not seem to care at all that he was there at the time and even sniffed around for more treats.

She has scratched the screen, more questioning that attacking, causing slight damage, but not slashing it. Though she does lunge/attack if he moves fast toward the door, or if he startles her walking by on his side. She will also hear HIM scratching at the door and shoot across the house to hiss at him. (I try to intercept her at this, but I am usually working and she is quick)

She also will turn away from the door and scratch the crap out of her cardboard box. I am definitely humanizing her, but if I had to guess it would be frustration of him, or not getting to him. Could also be stress relief for cats. Not sure.

I thought you guys might like to see my furbabies. I am attaching photos of each and also her eating the treats today.View attachment 360986View attachment 360988View attachment 360984
OH MY!! How GORGEOUS are they?!?!?!?!?!?!

I didn't realize Penny was calico. GORGEOUS!!!

And Bean, what can I say. How handsome is he?!?!?!?!?

AWESOME that she is eating the treat right in front of Bean. Positive association, positive encounter. EXACTLY what we want. And Bean is so good.

BTW, your husband did a great job on the screen door.

"Both cats have large scratching posts they use. Same post, different rooms." Perfect.

"Body language.... I am able to easily distract Penny when she is at the door. I can snap or call her and she will turn around and walk away." - This is REALLY GREAT. Really positive. No cat would turn their back on something or someone they perceive as a threat. The fact you can distract her is really great and it builds trust. AWESOME!!!

"She will not eat her food close (about 5 feet away)"- Ok, that is fine. DO you think she just isn't that into the food or do you think it might be Bean? Any distance is fine and then each day slowly try to move it closer.

" but ate her treats with her nose pressed against the screen, inches away." - BUT this really eliminates any concern or worry about not eating the meal. So this tells me it is probably more not being that hungry etc then anything to do with Bean. The fact she can be THAT close and is fine is a GREAT sign!!!

"She did not seem to care at all that he was there at the time and even sniffed around for more treats." - FANTASTIC!!! This is exactly what we are trying to achieve, positive association (treats), positive encounter (no negativity).

"She has scratched the screen, more questioning that attacking, causing slight damage, but not slashing it." - Ok, I expected that. That isn't too bad.

"Though she does lunge/attack if he moves fast toward the door, or if he startles her walking by on his side." - Yes, normal. That is why we are building that trust. This tells us she doesn't quite trust him yet but as he shows he is not a threat and we make those positive associations and positive encounters she will learn he is fine. And the way Bean is that helps A LOT.

"She will also hear HIM scratching at the door and shoot across the house to hiss at him. (I try to intercept her at this, but I am usually working and she is quick)" - Yep, normal and expected. Yes, it is hard to distract.

"She also will turn away from the door and scratch the crap out of her cardboard box." - She is getting her scent on the box so that he knows that territory is hers. Again, normal and expected. That is why I mentioned maybe getting a scratching post or a cat tree by the screen door. Something she can feel ownership of and help her feel a bit more confident.

"I am definitely humanizing her, but if I had to guess it would be frustration of him, or not getting to him. Could also be stress relief for cats. Not sure." - It is really territorial. Cats are incredibly territory and "owning" territory is very important and defending it so that they can be safe, have food, water, a litter box. It really isn't about Bean per se more about the perceived threat to "her" territory. So that is why we build confidence through Play, Food, Height and Love and make those positive associations and positive encounters so that she thinks "that cat isn't so bad, he isn't a threat. I get my food, my water, I have my litter boxes, and my beds and not one attacks me, etc".

I would say this is a great update!!! Because she can be distracted and looks away from him and she can eat treats literally right next to Bean AND Bean is really doing well, behaving. I am not seeing anything worrying or abnormal. So just keep up the great work and stay focused on those principles we mention. There will be ups and downs, good days and bad days but all is going to be fine. I am more confident of that than ever. This post made my day (for several reasons), thank you!! :)
 
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Consistent today, probably even less concern, as Penny is fixated on watching Bean, but usually just watches for a while and walks away. The only hisses come when he darts either at the door or by the door. I put some food on the floor right outside when he was eating and she ate that, which was great for me since she had only been eating treats at the door not regular food. She is a VERY petite girls and not food motivated at all. She does not eat much, which I should have mentioned earlier. This makes feeding together tougher since she does not go mad for food, even when hungry. Bean will eat all the time and any time.

We continue to allow them more face time and it has been going well. Still no physical interactions since his escape and the horrific hissing chase. But smell has no effect on Penny really anymore and she is much less inclined to lunge or hiss. Like I said, she mostly watches from the door until she gets bored and the goes to sleep for 6 hours (ah... a cat's life!)

Thanks all for your encouragement and words of help. It is very much appreciated.
 

calicosrspecial

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Consistent today, probably even less concern, as Penny is fixated on watching Bean, but usually just watches for a while and walks away. The only hisses come when he darts either at the door or by the door. I put some food on the floor right outside when he was eating and she ate that, which was great for me since she had only been eating treats at the door not regular food. She is a VERY petite girls and not food motivated at all. She does not eat much, which I should have mentioned earlier. This makes feeding together tougher since she does not go mad for food, even when hungry. Bean will eat all the time and any time.

We continue to allow them more face time and it has been going well. Still no physical interactions since his escape and the horrific hissing chase. But smell has no effect on Penny really anymore and she is much less inclined to lunge or hiss. Like I said, she mostly watches from the door until she gets bored and the goes to sleep for 6 hours (ah... a cat's life!)

Thanks all for your encouragement and words of help. It is very much appreciated.
"Consistent today, probably even less concern" - Great!!

" as Penny is fixated on watching Bean" - Yes, expected and normal

", but usually just watches for a while and walks away." - THIS is a big deal. Walking away. The fact she can do that is a great sign and is happening because of your work (feeding, distraction, etc). She is so showing signs of acceptance. GREAT progress.

"The only hisses come when he darts either at the door or by the door." - Yes, that is just a warning. Tells us we have some work but it is totally normal. A hiss is communication and what happens after is what matters. And even if it escalates how they rebound from it (how quickly back to normal) is really the most important thing.

'I put some food on the floor right outside when he was eating and she ate that, which was great for me since she had only been eating treats at the door not regular food." - Wow, great. How far away? The fact she could is a huge step forward. She is learning that it is ok and making that positive association and positive encounter. Fantastic!!

"She is a VERY petite girls and not food motivated at all." - Ok, that is fine as there are multiple paths to making positive associations and positive encounters.

Was the vet at all worried about her weight, etc? It is pretty common for some cats to be pickier. My outside ferals are actually REALLY picky which is kind of crazy but .............................

"She does not eat much, which I should have mentioned earlier." - That is ok. Again, food in only part of the process. That is the great news, there are multiple paths to success.

"This makes feeding together tougher since she does not go mad for food, even when hungry." - Yes. So just use food or try to do it when she might be hungry and use treats. And if that doesn't use distraction or calm, confident, loving words to reassure her and give her confidence. Anything to make that positive association and positive encounter.

"Bean will eat all the time and any time." - Yes. :) And having him focused on the food and not Penny is VERY helpful in making a positive encounter and building trust. Anytime there is no negativity it is a positive and another step in building trust and confidence.

"We continue to allow them more face time and it has been going well. " - Great

"Still no physical interactions since his escape and the horrific hissing chase." - Great, we don't want any yet though I think we may be getting close.

"But smell has no effect on Penny really anymore and she is much less inclined to lunge or hiss." - Awesome. EXACTLY what we want to see.

" Like I said, she mostly watches from the door until she gets bored and the goes to sleep for 6 hours (ah... a cat's life!)" - Awwwwwwww. Really good.

There are always ups and downs but I would say it is going great (actually better than I would have expected). Penny is doing great. Bean is doing exactly what we need him, and you and your husband and doing everything right to make it happen. GREAT work!!

"Thanks all for your encouragement and words of help. It is very much appreciated." - You are very welcome but THANK YOU for doing what is necessary to get them intro'd. So your efforts are GREATLY APPRECIATED!!! THAT is really the key.

Keep up the great work and keep those principles in mind. Going great. There will be ups and downs but I am not at all worried, they are going to be just. I am really proud of Penny.
 
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Similar story today... Penny seems to want to attack, but only when he moves. She is content when he is still. He is still well behaved with her, and will plop right down as soon as she hisses or whacks the screen.

Both eating close to the screen, so they seem comfortable in that.

Looking forward to finally getting them in the same room. This process is long and hard, but I am hopeful that slow and steady will allow them to be friends, rather than just housemates who avoid each other... Either way, we will work it out....
 
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This morning Penny has been a bit more agitated than she had been. Still eating little bits I leave by the door, but when moving her food bowl closer, she glared at Bean and walked away. He has started to try to use the screen as his stretching/scratching post, and of course she goes ballistic when he tries to do this. I am going to move a scratcher to either side of the door so they can mark there instead of the screen. Will let you know how it is going.

I know I am seeing progress, but growing weary of not being able to let them meet and have them accept each other. Will continue on the path, but today is an impatient day, so I must recharge my resolve...

Thanks all...
 

calicosrspecial

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This morning Penny has been a bit more agitated than she had been. Still eating little bits I leave by the door, but when moving her food bowl closer, she glared at Bean and walked away. He has started to try to use the screen as his stretching/scratching post, and of course she goes ballistic when he tries to do this. I am going to move a scratcher to either side of the door so they can mark there instead of the screen. Will let you know how it is going.

I know I am seeing progress, but growing weary of not being able to let them meet and have them accept each other. Will continue on the path, but today is an impatient day, so I must recharge my resolve...

Thanks all...
"Similar story today... Penny seems to want to attack, but only when he moves." - Normal, just tells us we still ahve some work BUT it is all normal and part of the process.

"She is content when he is still." - THAT is great and progress. Actually it is happening faster than I would have thought.

"He is still well behaved with her, and will plop right down as soon as she hisses or whacks the screen." - This is REALLY HELPFUL. He is showing her he understands her communication and is trying to tell her he is not a threat. This is REALLY GOOD!!!

"Both eating close to the screen, so they seem comfortable in that." - Perfect!!

"Looking forward to finally getting them in the same room." - Yes, but it is still too early. BUT we are getting closer.

"This process is long and hard" - I know but it really is worth it.

" but I am hopeful that slow and steady will allow them to be friends, rather than just housemates who avoid each other... " - Hard to know but I get a sense they are going to be friends. Bean is REALLY good and social and Penny is showing a lot of social skills (and mothering skills).

"Either way, we will work it out.... " - Absolutely, I am not at all worried.

"This morning Penny has been a bit more agitated than she had been. Still eating little bits I leave by the door, but when moving her food bowl closer, she glared at Bean and walked away." - And this is the key, she walked away. Walking away is fine. It isn't negative. Just put the food at whatever distance she will eat (I am guessing she wasn't all that hungry that time). I am not bothered by this at all.

"He has started to try to use the screen as his stretching/scratching post" - Yep, sadly they will do that. If you can add a scratching post by the screen door that could help give another option. BUT they do like screens. :/

" and of course she goes ballistic when he tries to do this." Yes, totally expected and normal.

"I am going to move a scratcher to either side of the door so they can mark there instead of the screen. Will let you know how it is going." - Ahhhh, you are good, you had the exact solution I just mentioned.

"I know I am seeing progress, but growing weary of not being able to let them meet and have them accept each other." - I know but they are going to get there. Don't worry. Is your daughter coming back on the winter break? If so, we are going to be using her (hopefully) a lot during that break.

"Will continue on the path, but today is an impatient day, so I must recharge my resolve..." - I know. There are always ups and downs and we always have self doubt, etc. It is normal and part of the process. I have no doubt they are going to be intro'd. I am not sure when but I am highly, highly certain they will be. We will get through it. I know it is hard but you are pretty good at this and I know you can do it. :)

"Thanks all... " - THANK YOU!!! You are doing great!!
 

calicosrspecial

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This morning Penny has been a bit more agitated than she had been. Still eating little bits I leave by the door, but when moving her food bowl closer, she glared at Bean and walked away. He has started to try to use the screen as his stretching/scratching post, and of course she goes ballistic when he tries to do this. I am going to move a scratcher to either side of the door so they can mark there instead of the screen. Will let you know how it is going.

I know I am seeing progress, but growing weary of not being able to let them meet and have them accept each other. Will continue on the path, but today is an impatient day, so I must recharge my resolve...

Thanks all...
I want to add. Keep working on distraction for both Penny and Bean. Anytime you can distract them from the other cat it is positive. So keep working on using words, toys, treats, etc in all sorts of situations and see what works the best.

When we have them face to face distraction will be VERY helpful in building trust and avoiding negative encounters.
 
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Not a great day today. Tons of lunging, screetching and hissing at the door. He ran at the door a few times... butt wiggle, and then lunge. I still think he is playing but she is out for the kill. Cracked the door to get out and she attacked the area and the death shriek was abysmal. Bean was right behind me and cowered in the corner. She seems to be doing so well, and then changes like this all of a sudden. It is very upsetting and stressful.
 

calicosrspecial

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Not a great day today. Tons of lunging, screetching and hissing at the door. He ran at the door a few times... butt wiggle, and then lunge. I still think he is playing but she is out for the kill. Cracked the door to get out and she attacked the area and the death shriek was abysmal. Bean was right behind me and cowered in the corner. She seems to be doing so well, and then changes like this all of a sudden. It is very upsetting and stressful.
There are always ups and downs.

He sounds like he is playing.

I am having a really bad migraine today so we'll talk tomorrow. I am not worried.
 
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Hi everyone who reads... just wanted to post an "After The Rose" for the cat intro....

We spent a good 3 months on getting the cats together. We started with Penny, the resident, growling, hissing, screaming, attacking and generally miserable. Bean, the 11 month old kitten, was stuck in a room, lonely, wanting to play, sensing another cat and pretty miserable.

We went through lots of ups and downs. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to just give up and let them live on different floors, but after 4 months of patience (some days more than others) we now have a 2 cat household.

We followed lots of steps offered by experts here (and our vet) and with patience, a lot of hand holding and time, we made it. Penny and Bean now live together in peace. We are still working on making sure they each have their needs met. Penny can get annoyed with Bean's kitten play. Bean can get rambunctious to the point of her smacking him to go away. So we spend play time with him, while she gets a breather. But both cats have free roam of the house (at night he sleeps in his basement bachelor pad which he loves to keep the house in one piece) and they have seemed to accept each other as family. They have not bonded to the point of grooming each other, or sleeping together, but they seem to be doing great as siblings.

Thanks to all on here that got us to this point. Special thanks to Calicosrspecial for individual guidance and patience.

To all others out there starting or even in the middle, hang in there. It seems like an eternity, but one day a light switch went off and harmony came. I wish you all luck on your journey...
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I'm a long time reader. Today I decided to register to the site just to post a comment on this thread. I'm so glad to read the happy ending between you, Penny and Bean.

We've had Pony Girl (4 yo) for over a year now and we adopted a boy, Dally (8 mo) 2 weeks ago. Their introduction went pretty fast. I thought I might have rushed it. I've read so many threads on this forum, taking notes on important stuffs and decided to go step by step following the instructions. Dally was in separate room for total of 3 days, with homemade screened pet gate half the time. Pony was hissing, growling and curious but not showing any aggressions at all. They both were busy eating their food with screen gate open between them. I could easily distract Pony when she started to stare at Dally. On the 3rd night, I let them meet in the kitchen under my tight supervision. I have a big cardboard nearby in case they get into a fight. Thankfully I never had to use it so far. Some of the drawbacks were Dally got too excited, trying to jump playing with Pony. She was not ready for it so I had to scoop Dally back to his room. Next time they were meeting again, Pony was calmer as long as they were at least 10 ft apart. Dally was so happy to be out of the room so he ran from corner to corner. He played in the tunnel so vigorously that it shocked Pony. She. Ran and hid in the garage for at least 15 minutes. I'm so very lucky that Dally is also very chill and understanding. He slows down when I tell him to, he lays his body down when Pony starts hissing. It just continues that way until now. They both can be in the same room, tolerating each other, even in our bed.
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Dally is always super playful, Pony is still adjusting. She's is also playful on her own. I'm waiting for them to bond. I have no doubt one day I will see them play together. In the future, I'm hoping to see them cuddle.

I love the photos of Penny and Bean sleeping on the couch. So precious! This is Dally on the chair and Pony on the floor, a week after Dally got home. Thanks again for sharing your journey!
 
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