Tobi and Pippi not getting along

naofabo

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We need your help.

We have a problem with our 2 cats.

my girlfriend brought her cat when she moved in with me. the cat's called pippi, she is really shy and about 4 years old. but she's cute and I love her obviously.

last summer we thought "hey. let's adopt another one." that's how we got tobi, he's about 1.5 years old and blind (his eyes got removed when he was little due to an infection)

they don't get along with each other at all. we have them separated for about a year now and it's not getting better.

pippi is a very scared and shy cat and she's running away immediately when she sees him. he is following her, kinda chasing but not always angry, I'd guess he wants to play but she is scared as hell.

we had them once together for a few weeks maybe. as you can guess it didn't work out really well. pippi didn't leave the cat tree and even started to poop on our bed because Tobi wouldn't leave her alone when he heard her digging inside the litter box.

what we tried:

• we tried introducing them really slowly

• we tried playing with them close to each other

• we tried feliway

• we tried rubbing towels with the scent of the other one on them

• we're swapping territories every day

nothing worked so far. we absolutely have no idea what else we could try.

does anyone have an idea what we could do?
 

Mamanyt1953

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First, you don't say how long this has been going on, or how long you tried any one of the introduction techniques. I can tell you that cat introductions can take MONTHS sometimes, and you absolutely cannot go faster than the most reluctant cat is will to go. Ever.

Going to give you some articles. Most of the stuff you probably already know, but reread it all anyway. Decide on a course of action, realize that you are in this for the long-haul. With cats, you get do-overs! Time and patience are your friends!

10 Must-know Tips For Happy Living With A Shy Cat – TheCatSite Articles (to help Miss Pippi!)
 
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naofabo

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First, you don't say how long this has been going on, or how long you tried any one of the introduction techniques. I can tell you that cat introductions can take MONTHS sometimes, and you absolutely cannot go faster than the most reluctant cat is will to go. Ever.

Going to give you some articles. Most of the stuff you probably already know, but reread it all anyway. Decide on a course of action, realize that you are in this for the long-haul. With cats, you get do-overs! Time and patience are your friends!

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10 Must-know Tips For Happy Living With A Shy Cat – TheCatSite Articles (to help Miss Pippi!)

Oh sorry for not making everything clear, thank you for your reply.

we're having them separated for about 11 months now.

Pippi is used to living with other cats since my girlfriend had a male cat earlier too. they had their problems too but got along fine after 3 months and she is also used to a dog.

they are separated by a huge net in the doorway so Pippi can see Tobi all the time. we swap territories every day.

thank you for the articles, I am going to reread them once more. I guess our best bet is to continue like this until Pippi feels more confident.
 

Mamanyt1953

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That is quite a while, but not unheard of. Especially since Pippi, the shy cat, came into a strange place with a more confident resident cat already there. Keep us posted on how things are going!

One way you can build Pippi's confidence is by playing with her with a good wand toy, such as "Da Bird." There is nothing like a successful "hunt, catch, kill" to lift a cat's self-esteem!
 
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naofabo

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That is quite a while, but not unheard of. Especially since Pippi, the shy cat, came into a strange place with a more confident resident cat already there. Keep us posted on how things are going!

One way you can build Pippi's confidence is by playing with her with a good wand toy, such as "Da Bird." There is nothing like a successful "hunt, catch, kill" to lift a cat's self-esteem!
sorry if I miscommunicated there (English isn't my native language), Pippi is the resident cat and Tobi is the new one. but he is younger than Pippi.

we'll try playing more with them, especially with Pippi. I'll check "da Bird"

once again, thank you for your advice. I will keep you updated in case anything should change.
 
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naofabo

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tonight we had some kind of bad experience I guess.

as I mentioned earlier, we are swapping territories every day. tonight was tobis turn to stay with us in the living and bedroom.

the door which separates the living room from the rest of the flat (the other territory) wasn't properly closed and Tobi attacked Pippi. they were fighting really badly, Pippi didn't get injured, but lost a fair amount of fur and was scared to death. we had to stop the fight since Tobi didn't want to let her go.

she ran immediately in the bedroom on top of the cat tree. we wanted to check if she is hurt but she was so scared that she started to hiss on us :(

honestly, we don't think this is going to work we will probably rehome tobi :(
 

Mamanyt1953

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I did not mean to ignore you, been in the hospital. You may be. It is very easy to do with our beloved cats. How are things now?
 
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naofabo

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I did not mean to ignore you, been in the hospital. You may be. It is very easy to do with our beloved cats. How are things now?
oh wow. I hope you are okay?

things are still unchanged, we didn't rehome tobi. but they are separated and we didn't try to put them in the same room yet.

best wishes!
 

Mamanyt1953

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I will be ok. My concentration is shot, so I'm not giving out a lot of advice right now...I want to do it right. And thank you!
 

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Hi. I don't have any 'real' solutions to offer, but I was wondering - how long did Pippi have to acclimate to her new home before you guys got Tobi? If she didn't have too much time before Tobi was adopted, that could explain the additional fear/hesitancy toward Tobi, since she was shy to begin with, she may never really settled in before another cat came into the picture.

Where do things stand as of now in the introduction process? Does Pippi even go near the blockade where she can see Tobi? Is Tobi laser-focused on her if she nears the door? If so, distract Tobi with loads of play anytime Pippi is near the blockade so that Tobi's focus isn't on Pippi, and she can see he can pay attention to something other than her. If he is focused on her through the blockade, that probably intimidates her.

What is Tobi's demeanor like? Would he be able to stand being in a large crate across a room from Pippi, so she can have him 'near' but not feel as if she is going to be chased? I would try something like this only after you have pretty much worn Tobi out with play, so that he is less energized. But, the same would have to be done while he would be in the crate - as in distracting him so his focus is not on her. It is a matter of trying to desensitize her to having Tobi nearby, and keeping Tobi distracted so his focus is not on her. This suggestion may not work, but maybe it will help you formulate other ideas that you think might be options.

Another thing to consider, is giving Pippi a safe haven of her own, possibly up to and including a micro-chip door flap to a room that she can go to but Tobi can't follow. It's one thing for her to run to a room and climb a cat tree, but it is another thing for her to know once she enters that room Tobi won't be following her in there. As long as this has gone on, this might be the ultimate option - at least until Tobi matures some. He is truly barely out of kitten-hood.
 
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naofabo

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hi guys. it was kinda busy the last days, sorry for not responding.

Pippi was for about a year alone in her new home and she felt safe and good.

she seems kinda curious when we are playing with Tobi for example and she moves near the blockade, but as soon as Tobi is moving in her direction she is immediately running away, climbing up the cat tree most of the times. even tho Tobi can't enter the room.

Tobi is sitting next to the net sometimes, but for me it seems like he is interested in her and he wants to spend time with her. I can't say if he is trying to kill her lol

I guess our best bet will be to wait until Tobi matures a bit more. I think he would really enjoy being near her.
 

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hi guys. it was kinda busy the last days, sorry for not responding.

Pippi was for about a year alone in her new home and she felt safe and good.

she seems kinda curious when we are playing with Tobi for example and she moves near the blockade, but as soon as Tobi is moving in her direction she is immediately running away, climbing up the cat tree most of the times. even tho Tobi can't enter the room.

Tobi is sitting next to the net sometimes, but for me it seems like he is interested in her and he wants to spend time with her. I can't say if he is trying to kill her lol

I guess our best bet will be to wait until Tobi matures a bit more. I think he would really enjoy being near her.
It sounds to me like Tobi would indeed love to be friendly with Pippi but Pippi is intimidated or scared, or both, by Tobi, especially after their conflict.
It took a year for one of our male cats to adapt to being in a multi-cat family with other males and females after being an only cat for 14 years. But time, love, and patience finally resulted in him being able to hang out in what I called, "The Boys' Club" with our two other males, even the one who had been very unhappy to have him join us, to the point of fighting.
Our current situation is me, 2 human roommates, my 16-year-old, born feral female and Elvis, 13, who joined us 4 years ago. He had lived with people and a dog, which he got along well with. She had lived with multiple cats who over time have passed away. She has only ever bonded to me, and she HATES Elvis, who would love to be friends with her but who is very territorial and prey-driven. She runs; he chases. So she's scared of him and doesn't want him near her. BUT they spend most of their time in the master bedroom and apart from two times when he surprised her by landing too close to her after jumping, and then fighting, they have not had any actual conflict. She will whap him if need be. She growls when he gets too close. But they will sleep close together. So they have detente. I don't see their relationship ever changing, but it's not a problem for us.
Hopefully Pippi will grow to accept Tobi and Tobi will mature and mellow out and give her the space she needs when she needs it. It really doesn't sound like you have a problem as long as they don't actually hurt each other.
Please keep us informed, won't you? And we love pix here at TCS! ;)
IMG_1998.JPG
 
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naofabo

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It sounds to me like Tobi would indeed love to be friendly with Pippi but Pippi is intimidated or scared, or both, by Tobi, especially after their conflict.
It took a year for one of our male cats to adapt to being in a multi-cat family with other males and females after being an only cat for 14 years. But time, love, and patience finally resulted in him being able to hang out in what I called, "The Boys' Club" with our two other males, even the one who had been very unhappy to have him join us, to the point of fighting.
Our current situation is me, 2 human roommates, my 16-year-old, born feral female and Elvis, 13, who joined us 4 years ago. He had lived with people and a dog, which he got along well with. She had lived with multiple cats who over time have passed away. She has only ever bonded to me, and she HATES Elvis, who would love to be friends with her but who is very territorial and prey-driven. She runs; he chases. So she's scared of him and doesn't want him near her. BUT they spend most of their time in the master bedroom and apart from two times when he surprised her by landing too close to her after jumping, and then fighting, they have not had any actual conflict. She will whap him if need be. She growls when he gets too close. But they will sleep close together. So they have detente. I don't see their relationship ever changing, but it's not a problem for us.
Hopefully Pippi will grow to accept Tobi and Tobi will mature and mellow out and give her the space she needs when she needs it. It really doesn't sound like you have a problem as long as they don't actually hurt each other.
Please keep us informed, won't you? And we love pix here at TCS! ;)
View attachment 383256
oh that sounds great. we'd love if we could have the same experience with Pippi and Tobi like you with your cats haha

your cats are gorgeous. thanks for the pic.

thank you for your kind words ♥ it helps a lot since it's kinda frustrating for me from time to time and it's making me sad, thinking about stuff like "maybe it would have been better if we didn't adopt Tobi at all 😭"
 

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oh that sounds great. we'd love if we could have the same experience with Pippi and Tobi like you with your cats haha

your cats are gorgeous. thanks for the pic.

thank you for your kind words ♥ it helps a lot since it's kinda frustrating for me from time to time and it's making me sad, thinking about stuff like "maybe it would have been better if we didn't adopt Tobi at all 😭"
Oh, please don't think that for a second! You probably know that there are so many sweet cats who do not have loving homes. Every one who does is fortunate. And of course, their guardians are the MOST fortunate! to share life with them.
I love talkative cats! *Of course, I love ALL cats.* One of my beloved cats was so vocal I named him LBTC, for Little Black Talking Cat. He grew up, and I shortened his name to Talker. He was a black Siamese who carried his tail like a shark's dorsal fin. So he also had the nickname Sharky. The fact that he loved to bite had nothing to do with it whatsoever ;):insertevillaugh:
Thank you for compliments on my cats! They are the loves of my life.
IMG_0226.JPG

Safi, The Talker, and Nila in the Mojave
 
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