Therapists/grief counseling for dealing with cat loss?

[BBirdcat]

Of course it won't go away, you will always have your memories. That is why now, when it hurts so bad instead of making you feel grateful for having her in your life, it is important to distract your mind from what gives you pain. Keep busy, it could be a good idea to make your heart happy by socializing some kittens at your local shelter, or convincing your family to let you foster a kitten or cat now to help you through this. Try to remember you made that little girl so very happy, she is st peace because she has your love. Don't let her death become more important than her life.....

yes I am trying to get my family to foster some kittens but they dont want to right now.

 

[sidneykitty]

I am so sorry you're going through this. After my first cat died, I was depressed for six months before I went to speak to a counselor who helped me so much. I also carried a lot of guilt, of thinking if only I had noticed she was sick or something was wrong sooner, if only I'd taken her to the vet sooner, etc. and blamed myself for the way things turned out.

It helped me to remember that you did your very best for your cat that you could at the time. I read through this thread and I can tell by all of your posts how much you loved her. I am sure she knew how much you loved her.

One thing the counselor told me that I found very helpful was that the love of and for an animal is unique in that it is completely unconditional. This can make it very hard to deal with a pet's loss, especially because we are caring for them and they often spent a lot of time with us.

Its okay to grieve. We all do it in different ways. Take as much time as you need and be gentle to yourself. Try to focus on all the wonderfully loving and good things you did for her instead of on the end. It really sound like she had a wonderful life with you.

It helped me to spend time making a scrapbook with photos and little notes about memories of our time together when my cat died. It was very cathartic for me and I still look back on it every now and then. When I first finished, I looked at it every day. I hope you might find something similar for yourself that might help you to begin to heal. I am thinking of you and sending you healing thoughts.

 

[BBirdcat]

I am so sorry you're going through this. After my first cat died, I was depressed for six months before I went to speak to a counselor who helped me so much. I also carried a lot of guilt, of thinking if only I had noticed she was sick or something was wrong sooner, if only I'd taken her to the vet sooner, etc. and blamed myself for the way things turned out.

It helped me to remember that you did your very best for your cat that you could at the time. I read through this thread and I can tell by all of your posts how much you loved her. I am sure she knew how much you loved her.

One thing the counselor told me that I found very helpful was that the love of and for an animal is unique in that it is completely unconditional. This can make it very hard to deal with a pet's loss, especially because we are caring for them and they often spent a lot of time with us.

Its okay to grieve. We all do it in different ways. Take as much time as you need and be gentle to yourself. Try to focus on all the wonderfully loving and good things you did for her instead of on the end. It really sound like she had a wonderful life with you.

It helped me to spend time making a scrapbook with photos and little notes about memories of our time together when my cat died. It was very cathartic for me and I still look back on it every now and then. When I first finished, I looked at it every day. I hope you might find something similar for yourself that might help you to begin to heal. I am thinking of you and sending you healing thoughts.

Thank you. I've gone through all my photos and videos of her twice now and narrowed it from 900+ photos videos, to 600+photos videos... I'm still trying to distill it all but I miss her so much.

Nowadays I just spent myself staying up late looking at videos of cats and reading up on various cat houses and things (things I could've tried to do). IDK, I just miss her so much. 11 months is not as long as I would have liked w her.

But yes, I will keep trying to work on narrowing my videos and pictures. Thank you again.

 

[BBirdcat]

Its been about a month now. This would have been her 1 year birthday month. I narrowed my photos videos for the 3rd time now down to 410+. I plan on doing a 4th round and maybe a 5th before finalizing.

Im crying way less, but still get very sad and gloomy occasionally. I wish I had not let her out that night at the time I did and maybe things would have been different.. though I think the last month or so it would have been inevitable. The coyotes were definitely specifically looking for her I think and haven't been back since. I wish the time before where she almost got eaten I hadn't come outside to play w her at 2am bc maybe then her schedule wouldn't have been messed up and she wouldn't have been in the front area and they wouldn't have seen her then. I wish I could have trapped her when she was a month old and been able to socialize her and maybe she would have been different... but my family did not want a cat for a few months to be inside.

She was beautiful and wonderful. The sweetest cat and every month she grew more and more trusting and loving. I plan on going to a cat cafe area this weekend possibly so hoping I will enjoy that.

I hope to share some photos of my wonderful cat soon. She is so missed. I love you and miss you. I know you had fleas and an ear problem, but I still miss you so much. I just want to scratch you and hear you meow again or watch you eat or chase bugs or sit outside enjoying nature.

 

[BBirdcat]

still so sad

I still look at pictures and videos of my cat every night and day. I still feel guilt but it is less so and I try to remember my cat as much as possible in happier times.

might foster 2 kittens in a month or so but I just want my cat back

 

[di and bob]

I hope you really get to foster, or even better get a new little one that can distract you from your grief. You can never replace your baby because you will always have a part of her in your soul. Her physical body may be gone, but the spiritual love she shared with you is eternal. Sharing that love, adding on to it by letting another into your heart amplifies her love and helps it to grow even stronger. You can love again, it can never be the same because each love is as unique as a snowflake. Every mother loves their multiple children, maybe in different ways, but it is love all the same. She doesn't focus all her love on one child, she shares it, and loves each and every one equally. maybe not the same, but love neverless.
Your little girl lives on through you now, through your memories, and through the feelings you will always have for her. Send her love, send her happiness and the joys of life, not the tears and loneliness that are in your life right now.
I resented my other cats when my Chrissy died. I resented that THEY were alive and she was gone. But keeping the mind occupied with the daily needs of others who depend on you, and focusing on that they so desperately needed me in their lives, that they needed me to love them too because they simply loved me. Despite my anger and grief and distraction towards them, eventually changed me. Changed because I learned that no matter how much I desperately wanted it, I could not change what happened. It was set in stone, it was the past. Any more than I could change what was going to happen in the future, because the future is not ours to see. I lived day by day, in the present, and learned to push the darkness away by concentrating on the light. The light that comes with realizing I AM alive, and I have to find joy in being alive, because that is what truly living means. And to do that I must seek happiness by allowing myself to live and love once more. I have to forgive myself because guilt comes from having intent to do harm, and that definitely was never my intention. Any more then it was yours.........

 

[CatLover49]

still so sad

I still look at pictures and videos of my cat every night and day. I still feel guilt but it is less so and I try to remember my cat as much as possible in happier times.

might foster 2 kittens in a month or so but I just want my cat back

I know exactly how you feel
I lost my baby Snowball this past July 8th/2020
I had him almost 12yrs since he was a kitten..just had come off his mama
He crossed the Rainbow Bridge just 1 week before his 12th birthday
Its been little over 2 months..and its very sad time for me still
I still cry every day...I ache inside..feel so lonely and empty..I cant look at his pictures yet
I have his ashes put up
But I cant bring myself to put them out yet
So for you and anyone else on here that has lost a cat or cats or lets say kitties
I feel for you ..and feel your pain..and im so sorry for your grief and may your kitty or kitties and my Snowball RIP
My Snowball and all you alls kitties can play together....Across the Bridge

 

[di and bob]

My heart aches too, not just for my own loss, but to know there are so many out there that hurt so deeply and for so long....

 

[CatLover49]

My heart aches too, not just for my own loss, but to know there are so many out there that hurt so deeply and for so long....

So very true for me also
Feel the very same

 

[BBirdcat]

My heart aches too, not just for my own loss, but to know there are so many out there that hurt so deeply and for so long....

as we've talked about, I think its the manner in how the cat died and it was traumatic and sudden (and warranted or not I feel responsible in some ways for it). Also the fact that I raised it from when it was very little and frail to 11 months, and in that time it made so much progress in trusting and loving.

I know I need to focus on the positives, but it just sucks. The grief isnt' as intense or painful as a month or two ago, but it lingers and just feels like an emptiness and quiet.

 

[Andrepartthree]

The grief isnt' as intense or painful as a month or two ago, but it lingers and just feels like an emptiness and quiet.

Hi there.. brand new to the forum so I can definitely say I will not speak with the experience or wisdom of everyone else posting here so you're going to hear me continuously say " for what it's worth" as a shorthand for "for what my ignorant opinion is worth" .. but for what it's worth I think it's really good that the grief is slowly easing ... for what it's worth maybe try to focus on that? That the pain will continue to fade as time goes by to help you get by and.. well stay sane because I know it probably feels like you're going insane at times that's certainly the case with our family .. this is going to sound like the strangest thing in the world but I kind of envy you , we just found out about our beloved feline family member being gone three days ago so it's still very raw for us... so glad for this forum though the people here are amazing ...

And did I read that right, you were on another website where people attacked you for not taking care of your beloved cat properly??? That's just... unreal... okay, I get that there are people who adamantly, positively insist that their cat should be inside at all times and if you ever let your cat out you're irresponsible and uncaring... and on the other side of the fence you have people who say " Look, I know it's risky letting our cat outside.. but while they're beloved members of our family they're also CATS, meaning they love being outside in a way that humans will never understand and they need that"... but at the end of the day we wouldn't be on these forums (whether this excellent website we're on now thecatsite or that other website you visited) to begin with if we didn't love our cats so very, very much whether your cat is indoor, outdoor or indoor/outdoor (come in when they feel like it). I would argue that someone who's attacking you on that other website has sadly, woefully lost track of that and attacking you when you're already in pain... I would say they definitely are not worth your time or attention so please, I know you said you're feeling guilty but for heaven's sake don't listen to those people or even worse buy into what they are saying about you.

And you made it very clear that you tried to get her to become an inside-cat and she didn't want that.. sure you could have "imprisoned" her inside against her will and she might have been safer.. but would she have been happy? Which is something I don't think your attackers understand.... On top of that let's say she somehow agreed to be indoors all the time... as I've seen after looking through only a few threads and posts here , medically speaking something can go wrong with your beloved furball even if they're indoor all the time... and just like that they're gone. It's heartbreaking but as we're all finding out here you're going to lose the little furball, sooner or later, inevitably and it's going to hurt like heck.. but you gave the little one love, shelter food don't think for a single second she forgot that. From what I've read and researched cats are naturally VERY wary of strangers or other potential threats so if she was letting you get close enough to play with her (and I could be wrong but if you were able to catch her and bring her to the vet I'm guessing that means she would also let you pet her?) that's a high honor ...

For what it's worth we lost our own to an animal attack/predator too and it was a situation very similar to your own, baby cat found not able to take care of themselves (a little guy in our case) that we watched grow up from kitten to young adult (two years in our case but I'm not saying eight months makes it any less painful this stuff is HARD to deal with) ... but whether it's that, or a car accident, or illness the pain is intense no matter how they're taken from us... apologies if you've already done this but ... I found the sticky that appears at the very top of this forum to be incredibly comforting all the different thread links in there " Thoughts for grieving cat lovers", definitely worth reading

Thoughts For Grieving Cat Lovers

Also for what it's worth... you fell in love with the little furball and bonded and connected with her in a way that, I'm sorry to say, a lot of people just wouldn't bother to... that obviously doesn't apply to the people on this forum, I think we're all here because we love cats .. but there are people who just would find it to be too much time and effort.. I think it's kind of impossible NOT to feel guilty , we're all going to feel responsible for our little furball passing away and we're going to end up playing the blame game with ourselves no matter how many times we tell ourselves not to do that.. but try to focus on that too, you TRIED.. which is more than a lot of people would do. When you're playing the blame game with yourself as we all do (human nature I think), try to remember that.. at least you tried.

 

[di and bob]

I wholeheartedly agree......though the three inside cats we have now spent the first year of their lives outside and defending themselves, (and don't miss the outside at all) we had ONE, Casper, the flame point in my avatar, who absolutely refused, and with every will in his little body, to become an inside cat. He was miserable, made us and the other cats miserable, we tried for over 6 months, and finally gave up and let him out. I remember watching him race across the yard in glee, tail high and bushed, twisting and turning and jumping as high as he could. I told myself, "remember him like this, don't think of that horrible road out front". Well, that horrible road finally got him, though he was 10. He was road wise, he looked and waited, and it still got him. He had 10 years of joy and happiness, he lived as he wanted, free and hunting the mice and rabbits he daily brought to us. Although I was crushed and devastated by his death, it was somehow a little easier to accept, because I knew we tried, and had tried several times to make him 'safe', and he would have nothing to do with it, and we buried him in that land he loved so much.......

 

[Andrepartthree]

In my humble opinion that's a beautiful post di and bob ... and also in my humble opinion you guys just freaking rock, all the time and effort you put into comforting so many people here on the forum I can see that from all your posts - and they are BEAUTIFUL posts, full of love, empathy and nurturing help - I actually copied and pasted your post on the thread I started recently and sent it to my family members ...

Now that di and bob have shared this I feel better about going into a bit more detail about Pebble the cat (honestly I was afraid people would say " Why in heaven's name were you letting him outside in the first place?!?") ... this little guy would never, ever have settled for being inside the house all the time in a million years... I had to carefully sneak out the door every time closing the second door in the hallway to keep him out before going through the first door and if forced to go through another door sneak back in doing my best to close the door in time before Pebble (I should say baby Pebble the kitten at the time) would try to race outside.. two, three, four months old, he would not give up. Finally I decided that it was going to happen no longer what .... he would race outside the day I finally let my guard down it was inevitable... spent hours each day, day after day, outside with the little guy in the daytime observing him closely (would lift my plastic chair and just follow him all over the front and back lawn ) for ... months I think, it was a while back memory is a bit hazy... he got bigger and I started letting him outside thinking he was going to end up outside anyways despite my best efforts and quietly hoping my controlled "release" of him into the outdoors would somehow "educate" him in a way such that he could survive (and, honestly, I truly felt he would be miserable stuck inside the house all day)...

And while he was only with us two years (man di and bob, it hurts whether it's one year, ten or twenty this I know but I envy you the ten years you had with Casper - beautiful looking guy by the way I see him in the picture ) he lived life to the fullest.. he'd get stuck in a tree or a rooftop (our first question being "okay how'd you get up THERE?" ) mewing for help, and before we could get a ladder over there he'd jump down.. then do the same thing all over again a few days later... he raced all over the place at top speed (super high energy cat, pretty sure he had a lot of oriental shorthair blood in him) wide eyed with excitement pupils fully dilated and brought home rat after rat, mole after mole .. that he would eat right in front of us despite the fact we were feeding him food he would eagerly devour at home! (Royal Canin dry food and Wellness wet food that his buddy Cinnamon hat been eating for years.. and yes we made sure he got his anti-worm medication given he refused to stop "eating out" ) ... all the time he always had a grin on his face you could tell he was hyped up and he was happy.... I firmly believe that his first month of life out on the streets before we found him shaped him permanently .. try as we might he was going to be , in his heart of hearts, an outside cat who would grace his with his presence by spending time inside when he wanted to sleep and eat but who would otherwise take every opportunity to enjoy the outdoors he was born into... and much to our sorrow it finally caught up with him.

But I don't want to make this too much about Pebble and myself and I feel like I'm veering into that territory, so... Bbirdcat when you check back in on the forum hopefully you see these posts and that there are people who (if this helps I know it's different for each person but hopefully it does?) had the same experience.. their feline just would NOT take to the inside life , their human family gave in and let them outside, tragedy struck... but at the end the cat member of the family enjoyed life to the fullest.