Therapists/grief counseling for dealing with cat loss?

[di and bob]

I agree. Please try not to hold guilt for a routine night that happened many times. It not until something does happen that we pick every minute apart and blame ourselves. That is grief talking and trying to rule our lives.

 

[BBirdcat]

I agree. Please try not to hold guilt for a routine night that happened many times. It not until something does happen that we pick every minute apart and blame ourselves. That is grief talking and trying to rule our lives.

thank you

I guess the only thing I could think of is more recently I was letting my cat leave at 12am every night and that night bc she was sleepy/had fleas ear mites I let her stay till 1240 which was out of the ordinary. Perhaps my cat's schedule got messed up by 40 minutes....
but then since the cameras were on her just chasing bugs at 2am like she usually does perhaps it wouldn't have made a difference.

The night before that happened I called for her twice at night like I usually did and didn't get a response (which she usually responded to). She was definitely getting more adventurous and probably exploring more than normal the last few days..... And then on cameras in front of house saw her the night before just walking by so carefree at like 4am in the morning.. No idea where she had explored that night.

The guilt/grief has lessened, but definitely opened up new questions and picking apart things (like you said) since I found the new camera footage from that night at 2am.

Its just so tough to let her go I never concretely thought about the possibility of her just leaving one day so soon until it happened despite knowing it was a possibility. I would have spent all night w her sleeplessly for a couple weeks had I known her time was coming..

 

[di and bob]

Just don't think of all the different scenarios that COULD have happened. 99% of the time we worry about something or try to guess at different ways it could have happened, it is wrong or never happened. I know it's hard, but distract your mind from going over all this. It makes your sweet girl's death more important than her life, and that is not the way it should be......

 

[BBirdcat]

Just don't think of all the different scenarios that COULD have happened. 99% of the time we worry about something or try to guess at different ways it could have happened, it is wrong or never happened. I know it's hard, but distract your mind from going over all this. It makes your sweet girl's death more important than her life, and that is not the way it should be......

thank you, it is very difficult. especially w the new information, it's lessened my guilt intensity by a bit, but opened up and made me question a whole new assortment of questions.

I just hope she knew how much I loved her. she was very sassy and spunky and probably would have been annoyed w how sad I am about her and is probably just chasing bugs aimlessly somewhere in the spiritual realm...I think she also was always searching for other animals to play w so hopefully she has that too.

yes im hoping to get 2 kittens to foster soon to honor my lovely feral cat's memory, but unfortunately my family isn't ready for the responsibility/emotions of it bc of how badly emotionally I've taken this. Hoping by August maybe they will change their minds.


I plan on Wednesday till Sunday (or however long it takes) going through all my photos and videos I took of the cat since I rescued her when she was super little and wobbly. One of my family member showed me the first video we have of her and she was so little and so wobbly... she hadn't had any water probably in a long time and was so close to probably dying as a little baby. I get emotional just thinking about it... but yes I want to go through everything I ever have of her in the 11 months so I can remember her fully and totally as best I can. I dont' want to forget how much joy she brought... it's tough trying to balance this all but thank you again for the help

 

[di and bob]

Look at what you gave her! A beautiful, happy life full of chasing bugs and Good things to eat. Even though it was not near as long as you would like, it was much, much more then she would have had. She might have died back then without really living at all.

 

[Furballsmom]

I just hope she knew how much I loved her.

She did

Start becoming stronger. If you can, then your family may be more willing to open their door and hearts to fostering, plus in a foster situation they will have the opportunity to see how you handle things.

 

[BBirdcat]

Look at what you gave her! A beautiful, happy life full of chasing bugs and Good things to eat. Even though it was not near as long as you would like, it was much, much more then she would have had. She might have died back then without really living at all.

Yes, I started from the beginning going through all the photos and videos I have.. and with 2 months left I already have 510 photos and videos I marked as "favorites"!! lol. After I go through all of them will have to narrow them again and then have a celebration.

She really did live a wonderfully full and fun life. I wish she could have grown into an adult a little more, but she had so much fun. It's incredible to see how different she started and month to month blossomed into such a more confident and comfortable kitten.

She went from being so confused about why I was scratching her, to enjoying it and meowing when she wanted more scratches. I love her so.

 

[BBirdcat]

Finished going through all the photos and videos last night (stayed up till like 5am) and have 901 photos and videos I now have to narrow.

The last month especially was tough to look through as it brought up some regrets and guilt still... but I will still try to remember the good times when I narrow the list.

I think what happened that last night is she was just tired and wanted to stay in. My family member said she didn't sleep well that morning after breakfast/if at all, and I noticed that night she kept moving 4-5 times which was usual too when trying to sleep.

It was either the fleas, or more likely the ear mites or some sort of ear problem she had.. was 2 weeks away till I could have given her the new Revolution... might have continued to be a problem for her as she was an outdoor cat especially in the summer. I still wish I had just let her stay inside till like 2:00-2:30am if she wanted but it was very exhausting and I was hungry and couldn't eat around her or she'd get sorta spooked and she liked to sleep on my foot especially in the last month.

I miss her, but trying to distill all my pictures and memories more clearly so I can have a story I feel comfortable living with and can keep looking back to.

 

[BBirdcat]

My dad just thought the cat was wild and probably got lost. This is different from what other family members think and now makes me think I should go back out to look for her again at night.

The lack of closure is what's so difficult. I already looked for her going one way around the block but maybe I'll try the other tomorrow night.

 

[di and bob]

Hanging a picture poster of her around the neighborhood might help too, you never know, a coyote could have chased her till she was lost. I would check and call further out then a block, several blocks to a mile out. If she was killed there would be some kind of sign somewhere. I pray you find closure one way or the other....

 

[BBirdcat]

My family checked w the gardeners in the home opposite ours today (where my cat used to stay) and the person said a few weeks ago they found some remains of an animal. It was most likely my cat

The day after she went missing I heard a faint meow and I'm worried/sad it was my cat, but my family is now saying it was most likely a kitten, as last night they saw a mother and 3 little cats roaming in the front area. The noise was faint and seems far away so it's pretty likely that was the cat I heard.


I'm really just in a state of shock. I know it brings closure but I still need to process it if it means she's officially gone. Today I was planning on putting up flyers and exploring more areas, but my family doesn't want me to now that they asked the gardener.

I wanted them to ask again where the gardener found the animal specifically, but they said it was not worth analyzing and we couldn't just go into someone else's home area/it happened a few weeks ago.

--
My lovely cat. I'm so sad and I don' know how it happened. I hope it happened quick. Why would such a cruel coyote just leave the remains of my cat somewhere??? It probably happened between 2:30am-4:30am (before it got light out).

I REALLY hope she wasn't trying to sleep during that time and just got caught. I REALLY hope it wasn't in her usual area and they ganged up on her. I hope more it was that she was exploring new areas and that was her downfall. I never even knew where exactly she slept but it was somewhere in the area where they found her... maybe it was further out. I wish I knew. I'll feel so sad and guilty if she was trying to sleep around 2:30-4:30am bc she hasn't been sleeping good and it was bc I kicked her out that night I just want to know how it happened and where. AT 2am she was searching for bugs, so maybe it was when she was just looking around for little bugs to catch (her favorite thing to do).


Was going to continue going through my photos but now I'm not sure today. Just still trying to process this. I just wish I knew what she was doing when it happened and I could have protected her


Edit: Another neighbor posted on Next-door that at like 10am this morning saw a few cats remains nearby as well. I guess these coyotes are really going around this neighborhood this month and last

My cat did not want me to be an indoor cat, but that night she wanted to stay in and that week she was coming back to patio around 12:30-12:20 which was unusual. Maybe she sensed it but I dont know. I just know I tried twice to make her an indoor cat but she hated it. I dont know so much is happening im spinning again.

And my family doesn't want me talking about where she might have died anymore. They're getting mad at me.

 

[di and bob]

I know it's hard, so hard when others don't understand what you are going through. They don't understand because they didn't feel the same as you did for that little girl. I know I had to hide my feelings for a long time, people got tired of me talking about it. Grieve for as long as you need, there is no magical thing that will take your pain away. To wonder and worry about different senerios that may have brought the end to your little one's life will not help, believe me I went through them all trying to change an unchangeable outcome. It just brings more pain. If it was me, I would put up the posters in case someone knows something for sure, and still look for a while. A walk may help you. You are not alone, I am here for you. Your family is concerned, just try to explain you are trying to get some kind of closure. Bless you for living that little girl so much.. .

 

[BBirdcat]

I know it's hard, so hard when others don't understand what you are going through. They don't understand because they didn't feel the same as you did for that little girl. I know I had to hide my feelings for a long time, people got tired of me talking about it. Grieve for as long as you need, there is no magical thing that will take your pain away. To wonder and worry about different senerios that may have brought the end to your little one's life will not help, believe me I went through them all trying to change an unchangeable outcome. It just brings more pain. If it was me, I would put up the posters in case someone knows something for sure, and still look for a while. A walk may help you. You are not alone, I am here for you. Your family is concerned, just try to explain you are trying to get some kind of closure. Bless you for living that little girl so much.. .

Thank you, yes they don't understand. They never were able to pet her, and I could pet her and scratch her neck and head and would hear her purring. They do seem to be getting tired of it and its only been 2.5 weeks I watched her grow up and it feels like I lost my little baby I took care of.

thank you.

In a way I wish I could have seen the cats remains just to see if it was her, and what they did to my baby. But my family refuses to let me talk to the gardener.. The closure would be knowing exactly what happened or where.

The area is getting reports of more coyote activity now, but I wish they had said this before this happened to her.... I don't know what I would have done, but probably just stayed up w her till like 5-6:am in the mornings but I dont know how long I could have done that for... she really did not like being an indoor cat.... I hate those coyotes.

I'd like to make posters or go out looking for her again, but they just get mad at me and start yelling to just accept it. That doesn't help either.. it all just sucks. When I try to talk to them they just keep saying, "She's gone! She's gone!" and want to me to stop being negative about everything.

 

[di and bob]

You are not being negative, you are hurting. When one of them loses someone close to them they may understand. It does all suck when you feel alone in the world. we understand here, you can come and talk anytime. Time is the only thing that helps, keep busy and just take it one day at a time.......

 

[BBirdcat]

You are not being negative, you are hurting. When one of them loses someone close to them they may understand. It does all suck when you feel alone in the world. we understand here, you can come and talk anytime. Time is the only thing that helps, keep busy and just take it one day at a time.......

Thank you, have a busy day tomorrow so that should help.


I keep regretting not bringing her in even though she had a flea in the house. Even after her death we're still dealing w fleas, but I think my family instilled in me it was important to get fleas out of the house... it wouldn't have gotten better since it would have taken another 1.5 weeks to get her the new flea medication anyway...

but still. It just sucks. It was probably inevitable but even if I had known the coyotes were more active that week, and the next 2 weeks, I would have stayed with her as late as possible every day and always say "goodbye' to her every night Just hate how it ended

 

[di and bob]

There will always be regrets with grief. None of us are perfect. If we learn to try to live each day as if it is our last, it is a lesson well learned. Let those in your life right now know how much they are loved and needed. Your precious little girl already knows, you had a bond with her soul. A bond that your family never had so they can not feel the loss and grief you are going through.
Try to do something that will help you feel better about yourself. donate your time at a local shelter, give a small donation or cat food and litter to a food bank or shelter. Do it in your sweet girl's name.
Time is the only thing that helps. Give your heart time to heal. You will never stop feeling sadness, but time will take the sharp edges off your grief. You will learn a new life's order, and she will be right there in spirit, helping you along the way......

 

[Don O]

Hi, does anyone have a recommendation for a therapist/anyone who helps deal w loss of your cat? I see pets ones but was wondering about a specific person specializing in cat loss, specifically feral if possible.

With the Pandemic/Covid19 going on, I wouldn't need to see them in person but by phone could work.

Been dealing with massive feelings of guilt and grief and sadness for over a week and a half since my semi feral cat probably died

feel guilt about semi feral cat being eaten, need feedback.


My family wants me to get over it by now but I am still crying every night and having such sadness about it. I really need help.

so sorry...........I come here to cry............I loved my boy so much

 

[BBirdcat]

There will always be regrets with grief. None of us are perfect. If we learn to try to live each day as if it is our last, it is a lesson well learned. Let those in your life right now know how much they are loved and needed. Your precious little girl already knows, you had a bond with her soul. A bond that your family never had so they can not feel the loss and grief you are going through.
Try to do something that will help you feel better about yourself. donate your time at a local shelter, give a small donation or cat food and litter to a food bank or shelter. Do it in your sweet girl's name.
Time is the only thing that helps. Give your heart time to heal. You will never stop feeling sadness, but time will take the sharp edges off your grief. You will learn a new life's order, and she will be right there in spirit, helping you along the way......

After a few days feeling better, last night I started back reliving and regretting my cat. Perhaps its because I've been going over all my photos and videos (for the 2nd time) and am up to the last month of her life. Every month she was slowly becoming a different cat personality wise (in February was getting comfortable in house, march getting used to scratches, April flopping on ground and getting scratches under her neck, May starting to hold my hand w her paw etc..)... I just miss her. That hasn't been going away.

 

[jefferd18]

I am so sorry, I keep hoping she returns back home to you.

I am also hunting for a therapist and a psychic as well.

 

[di and bob]

Of course it won't go away, you will always have your memories. That is why now, when it hurts so bad instead of making you feel grateful for having her in your life, it is important to distract your mind from what gives you pain. Keep busy, it could be a good idea to make your heart happy by socializing some kittens at your local shelter, or convincing your family to let you foster a kitten or cat now to help you through this. Try to remember you made that little girl so very happy, she is st peace because she has your love. Don't let her death become more important than her life.....