The "what's On Your Mind?" Thread -2020

[MoonstoneWolf]

Wondering why Shaman is sending 4 more cats to me when she won't even come to me anymore. I sure hope she's not rounding up all 80 of her friends to send over here. (hoarding situation in the past). I have enough being yelled at over Treasure and Sopdet let alone 80 cats.

 

[WillowMarie]

I am only taking a week off through necessity because I am so exhausted I can barely string 2 thoughts together.
With the shutdown I had to prep equipment to be shutdown so we dont lose programming..backups made and trucks prepped and put into storage.Also took the advantage of equipment being idle to do many repairs and modifactions. And doing this with other state managers by remote control managing what has to be done in 3 others states.
Have done more work in a couple of months than in a year it feels like.
So my vacation is going to be ..eat sleep ..play with cat..eat sleep..and so on..lol
I go onto 3 days a week when I get back but dont know how long this will last as things are starting to fire up again here now so will see what happens.
PS: A bit of horse riding is on the menu.

A much needed break, it sounds like. You've been hard at work. What a lovely schedule or eat sleep and playing with the cats and some horse riding. Hopeyou are able to unwind and feel rested after your vacation.

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

What's on my mind now is the wound on Treasure's head. Pus but he ran off into the bushes when I tried to take a look. Since he's only friendly to me a regular vet will not look at him. Feral vet is too far away and not even open right now. Besides no one is going into the bushes as very steep ravine that can cause injury or death to a human. I'm so sad and afraid he's never returning What if he dies on me. Shaman may have been the first to come to me (and sadly the first to disappear a month ago) but Treasure was the first to tame. And possibly the first human he ever trusted. I'm sorry I really have no one in my stupid city that is willing to talk with me about this.

 

[sweet jane flash]

I ordered another rosary from lady who had made one for me before. This time I want centerpiece to be St. Jane. The picture I found when I googled all St. Jane's was so spectacularly beautiful I was smitten. I send it to lady who makes rosaries. Then she sends back to me that she discovered my particular image, while it said St. Jane, was not one of them. Turns out she had "checkered" past. . I say that I do not care can she please do what I request as God forgives all and I do not care about possible sins in past, the lady is splendid. So now she's busy with making rosary, as I tell her we do not know the final outcome, what better place for her than with the beautiful rosary on this earth now. She agrees.

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

I'm wondering why every day is a heartbreak. If not Mom, the cats, if neither of them something else. Why can't I have a normal life. I've had bad things happen daily all 64 years of my life

 

[Jcatbird]

M maggiedemi and S sweet jane flash Please forgive me for stepping in but I think there is a disadvantage to those who don’t know more. A meeting of the minds? A little background might help. I know that anyone who does not have the background can’t really know how tense the situation is there. This is a mother that has a background of severe illness. This is not your normal loving parent. When a daughter is being allowed to die for lack of care, something is very wrong. I understand the position of a loving parent wanting to expand their child’s life but this is very different. A sick parents viewpoint brings about a tilted response. I think the suggestion of exchanging items is great if the parent won’t get desperately upset. Your support of maggiedemi is greatly appreciated. The more of us who offer hope for better days and knowledge about possible solutions, the better the outcome. Thank you to everyone for all the love extended. To those who remain with sick parents in order to watch over them, in spite of difficulties, you have my greatest admiration. MoonstoneWolf I hope you can hang in there too.

 

[segelkatt]

I hope so too. She tries to control everything. I Googled narcissist and the part about lack of empathy fits. She doesn't care how other people feel as long as she gets what she wants. Like how she won't let me use the washing machine even if I beg and cry. I've never heard of a person doing that. I've done laundry at every single house I've ever lived, stayed, or vacationed at. At classmates parents' houses, my sister-in-laws mother's house. It makes no sense why I can't do laundry in my own home.


Does she lock up the washer? If not then do your laundry at night after she is asleep. If she wakes up with the machine running it will be too late to do anything about it. Insist that you need clean clothes, sheets and blankets, that we are not living in the 1500s when people thought that taking a bath was an invitation to death. Or could you take your laundry to a laundromat? Not having clean sheets for a month or more is disgusting and what you say about blankets sounds not only unhygienic but almost dangerous. You need to find some way to get your personal things clean. Your mother's behavior appears not only strange but also abusive. If push comes to shove I would call authorities and say you are being abused, they will certainly check into it.


That's the sweetest thing I heard all day.

 

[maggiedemi]

segelkatt --She piles things on top of the washing machine, so she can hear me moving them. And piles things in the dryer so I can't use it. Then screams if I try to use it. I have no car.

 

[segelkatt]

I had reported some months ago that my Panthera had been diagnosed with cysts and that one of them was cancerous. Although the vet at the time said he would not last very long, maybe a month, he has been doing well, showing no signs of illness, acting as usual, eating, playing, sleeping with me. It all changed 2 days ago. He sleeps almost all day in one of the cat beds instead of on my bed, he makes crying noises when I pick him up and this morning when he got off my bed he almost crashed, it sounded more like he fell. Then he walked as if he was drunk into the kitchen but only looked at his food. I gave him canned food and he dove right into it but ate very little, stumbled into the bathroom where the LitterRobot is and did his business. Came back out, still looking as if he was drunk and plopped on the floor which he never does, prefers sofas, chairs etc. I picked him up to sit in my lap which he usually loves but did not stay very long, preferred to sit next to me cuddled up. He has not been back to eat anything, has been sleeping in a few different places and now it is 5:30 pm. I think the cancer finally got to him. I will watch him for a few days and if there is no improvement or he goes downhill I will let him go. The vet had said I will notice that he is in pain if he starts to hide (he has not) or does not eat. I will not let him suffer.

 

[segelkatt]

segelkatt --She piles things on top of the washing machine, so she can hear me moving them. And piles things in the dryer so I can't use it. Then screams if I try to use it. I have no car.

That really does sound like abuse to me. Are you under age? Then call the authorities.
If you are an adult then recruit your in-laws and your friends' parents to get your mother to change her tune by telling them that you wear dirty clothes because your mom neither washes them nor lets you do your own, and can you do laundry at their house? They will probably be appalled that your mother has you walking around in dirty clothes and has you sleep in dirty bedding.
Embarrassing her might be the best thing to help change her mind. Let her yell and scream that you are bringing family business to the public, so what, in this case dirty laundry needs to be brought to the public, dirty laundry not only stinks making you a pariah, but also is a breeding ground for diseases and insect infestation.

 

[maggiedemi]

Then call the authorities.

Adult Protective Services knows about her, my doctor and nurses reported her. But they said I would have to immediately enroll in either a job or school, and I was too sick.

 

[Willowy]

Narcissists are the worst abusers to deal with, because they're very very good at getting people on their side and making everybody else, including their victims, seem like the bad guy.

Anyway, like I said before, that Reddit group is as good as free therapy, give it a try.

Also, I know you said you don't want to bother the social worker, but since you can't exactly get a job or go to school right now because of the virus, it would probably be a good time to try to get on a list for a low-income apartment. It might be a while before one opens up, so getting on the list now would set things up for later.

 

[Katie M]

M maggiedemi Forgive me if I missed this at some point. Are online classes an option for you?

 

[maggiedemi]

Are online classes an option for you?

I don't know. I'm not well and I'm doing the best I can. Obviously if I could have helped myself, I already would have. And then having that lady come on here and say how wonderfully kind my evil mother is and how bad I am, that is not good for my mental health. I really should stay off the internet. Thank you for caring though.

 

[Jcatbird]

segelkatt I’m so sorry about Panthera. I hope this is just a temporary reaction and you’ll see improvement.

 

[sweet jane flash]

I had reported some months ago that my Panthera had been diagnosed with cysts and that one of them was cancerous. Although the vet at the time said he would not last very long, maybe a month, he has been doing well, showing no signs of illness, acting as usual, eating, playing, sleeping with me. It all changed 2 days ago. He sleeps almost all day in one of the cat beds instead of on my bed, he makes crying noises when I pick him up and this morning when he got off my bed he almost crashed, it sounded more like he fell. Then he walked as if he was drunk into the kitchen but only looked at his food. I gave him canned food and he dove right into it but ate very little, stumbled into the bathroom where the LitterRobot is and did his business. Came back out, still looking as if he was drunk and plopped on the floor which he never does, prefers sofas, chairs etc. I picked him up to sit in my lap which he usually loves but did not stay very long, preferred to sit next to me cuddled up. He has not been back to eat anything, has been sleeping in a few different places and now it is 5:30 pm. I think the cancer finally got to him. I will watch him for a few days and if there is no improvement or he goes downhill I will let him go. The vet had said I will notice that he is in pain if he starts to hide (he has not) or does not eat. I will not let him suffer.

segelkatt I am so sorry, I know you must be so sad. My heart goes out to you.

Adult Protective Services knows about her, my doctor and nurses reported her. But they said I would have to immediately enroll in either a job or school, and I was too sick.

M maggiedemi are you over 18 years of age? I think you said you were almost completely well now. Your Father is so sweet, would he even let his wife abuse you? It seems like you have no siblings. Of course, there is no way I could know everything, but I care about you a great deal. Only you can learn from school, probably online school-- no one else can do this for you. You are a very smart lady. You CAN achieve your dreams. You can have your own place with your own things. I wish I could do it for you, but you are the only one who can do it. (school, get job, get away) Of course you can ask your relatives to support you and help you with your goals. Please understand that I am only trying to help from what you have thus far revealed many times. People care. We all care @maggiedemi.

 

[Willowy]

Your Father is so sweet, would he even let his wife abuse you?

This is not a helpful thing to say. Abusers don't just pop right out and say "I'm an abuser, somebody stop me!" They're very good at justifying their actions and making themselves out to be the good guy. Especially those who abuse by infantilizing their spouse or adult children.

Let's try this: if a parent were to insist on helping their average, non-disabled child in the bathroom (wiping, etc.) when they were 15 years old, would you say they were just a caring parent, or would you say "oh, no, something ain't right, that's abuse"? Because that's what refusing to let an adult use the washer and also refusing to wash their clothes is like. It's deliberate infantilizing in order to perpetuate their control and abuse (many abusive husbands use this technique too).

I'd recommend you check out some pages about narcissism and growing up with abuse, too, so you can understand.

 

[Willowy]

Also, abusers often use actions that may seem "kind" in order to increase their control over their victim.

A parent lets their adult child live at home rent-free? This is not the normal "support your kid through a hard time so they can save up to get their own place" kind of thing; they do it purely for the control.

They do their adult kid's laundry? This is not because they're being nice, or they were just running a load so they thought they'd do it all; it's so that they can control their adult child by limiting how many clean clothes they have so they can't go out, or make them feel helpless so they don't have the self-esteem to leave.

A man buys his wife expensive jewelry? This is not because he loves her and wants her to be happy; it's so he can throw that in her face when she objects to his boorish behavior.

It's those things that seem normal and loving, and would be normal and loving in a non-abusive relationship. But because the abuser is only interested in maintaining control, they're twisted so as to be abusive.

And, yes, many abusers were abused themselves, which can make you feel sorry for them. But if they were really interested in not being abusive, they would have learned how not to perpetuate the abuse and would at least be trying to improve.

 

[mani]

Mod Note:

Please flag any posts that you may find unsuitable rather than posting in the thread.

Some posts have been removed as things were becoming personal and accusatory.
We have left some posts about the issue, but ask that we all now leave this discussion and return to general 'what's on your mind' posts.

Thanks everyone.

 

[Kat0121]

Since I've been working from home, the girls have been spending more time out in the screened in porch out back. It's right behind my desk so I can keep an eye on them. Lilith starts hollering for "out" as soon as I get up in the morning (5:30 am). I usually don't let them out when it's dark so I can see them better.

This morning, she started hollering and I told her that out is still closed. After me saying NO a few times, she ran over to DD's door and started hollering there. Three problems with that plan. 1) DD doesn't live here anymore. She moved back up to NC last weekend. 2) If DD had been here, there's NO way she would have been up that early and 3) Even if she had woken up, she still would not have let her out if I said no.

Lily stood there and yelled for a few minutes before going back into my room complaining all the way. I tried not to laugh but she is so silly. I finally let her out after the sun came up. All was right with her world then because the birds were starting their morning too so she got a show. She kindly forgave me.