The "what's On Your Mind?" Thread -2020

segelkatt

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It won't...not really. Not the same. There will be a new normal, and a terrible, terrible new awareness of how vulnerable we really are. But we will learn this new normal, and we will go on. A lot sadder, and hopefully a bit wiser.
I don't think people will have learned anything from this. They will go right back to be as selfish as they have always been, to hell with everyone else as long as I have mine. That is the general attitude. Not everybody of course but the great majority. People never seem to learn.
 

MoonstoneWolf

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What's on my mind now is where to donate all the cat items. Seems that all of the cats moved on of their own free will and I refuse to do this again.
 

Jemima Lucca

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What’s on my mind is I’m lonely, weary, achy, and misunderstood. I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. Work is difficult because residents sense something is wrong. My husband is distant because he’s in pain because his hip replacement has been put off until further notice. He needed it a year ago but needed to retire first due to his cancer/kidney failure. He was worried and put off ssdi (which makes you wait 5 mths at a very reduced income). I don’t have anyone to talk to about anything. I’m depressed...anyway
 

Mia6

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What’s on my mind is I’m lonely, weary, achy, and misunderstood. I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. Work is difficult because residents sense something is wrong. My husband is distant because he’s in pain because his hip replacement has been put off until further notice. He needed it a year ago but needed to retire first due to his cancer/kidney failure. He was worried and put off ssdi (which makes you wait 5 mths at a very reduced income). I don’t have anyone to talk to about anything. I’m depressed...anyway
You can talk with us, :hugs:. These are crazy times, yeah?, but it won't be like this forever. If you want, there are counselors
you can have a virtual session with. Hang in, take it one day at a time.💖
 

WillowMarie

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What’s on my mind is I’m lonely, weary, achy, and misunderstood. I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. Work is difficult because residents sense something is wrong. My husband is distant because he’s in pain because his hip replacement has been put off until further notice. He needed it a year ago but needed to retire first due to his cancer/kidney failure. He was worried and put off ssdi (which makes you wait 5 mths at a very reduced income). I don’t have anyone to talk to about anything. I’m depressed...anyway
Sounds like my life story. Hang in there, we'll be okay. ❤
I was going to respond that same way. Those feelings are hard. Keep hanging on.
 

WillowMarie

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Welp, family dynamics are getting to me a bit...

My mom asked me to help take the garbage down when we headed to the car for an errand. While it may not seem like a big deal, my job is to clean out the dishwasher every day, my mom has been filling it up and running it, and my brother's job is to take out the garbage and recycling and pull the outside bins to the curb and return them on garbage pick-up day. I paused for a second, almost saying yes, but then I remembered it was his job and said so and that she should ask him to take care of it.

Also, for bringing in the groceries, my mom carries the bags in, I wipe everything down with rubbing alcohol, and sometimes, if my brother is there, I ask him to put or move things once they are clean. But he doesn't jump in and offer. My mom asked if I would help bring in groceries today, and I responded that I am already cleaning all the items brought in. Why don't you ask my brother if you'd like help bringing in the groceries? This should be a group effort. I did jump in myself to help my mom when we started being careful with groceries because she was taking care of all the groceries herself for us and her elderly friend. I didn't think it was fair for her to handle everything herself, so I jumped in. I straight out told my mom after she asked me to help with bags that I'm happy to help [with groceries], but I'm not taking responsibility for everything and she needs to ask my brother to step up, too, if she wants additional help [carrying groceries in].

When I was younger, my mom would tell me I had to make dinner because my dad worked all day, despite me being in school all day myself. I don't remember about my older brothers or if they had to cook, but when it was time for my younger brother (2 years younger) to make dinner, he only had to pop a pizza in the oven for himself and everyone made their own. For me, I had been cooking meals for years that everyone would eat. There was always this difference with how I was treated compared to my brothers.

I am not going to let my mom place me in this role where I'm supposed to take care of everything and everyone. My brother is an adult and needs to step up, too!


Another thing I noticed was my mom seemed resistance to agree with me about my rant of some companies and how they have so much money at the top and can afford to provide safer conditions for workers, but they have been dragging their feet. Later in the day, my brother and I were in the kitchen with my mom. He said something related to that topic, and I said, you should have heard my rant to mom earlier about *** company! My brother was agreeing that was a bad situation. My mom nodded and agreed with what my brother said. So, it's not okay when I say it, but you agree with it when my brother says it?

I've actually brought this to her attention a few years ago because at a family dinner, I made an inappropriate joke and my mom scolded me, but a few minutes later my younger brother said an inappropriate joke of the same content and my mom laughed. I brought it up to her and pointed out that I am scolded or not supported about things, but other family members are under the same context, and she denied it. I know I cannot change my family, but I am also not going to sit back and stay quiet and play the role they have given to me.

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
 

Jemima Lucca

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Welp, family dynamics are getting to me a bit...

My mom asked me to help take the garbage down when we headed to the car for an errand. While it may not seem like a big deal, my job is to clean out the dishwasher every day, my mom has been filling it up and running it, and my brother's job is to take out the garbage and recycling and pull the outside bins to the curb and return them on garbage pick-up day. I paused for a second, almost saying yes, but then I remembered it was his job and said so and that she should ask him to take care of it.

Also, for bringing in the groceries, my mom carries the bags in, I wipe everything down with rubbing alcohol, and sometimes, if my brother is there, I ask him to put or move things once they are clean. But he doesn't jump in and offer. My mom asked if I would help bring in groceries today, and I responded that I am already cleaning all the items brought in. Why don't you ask my brother if you'd like help bringing in the groceries? This should be a group effort. I did jump in myself to help my mom when we started being careful with groceries because she was taking care of all the groceries herself for us and her elderly friend. I didn't think it was fair for her to handle everything herself, so I jumped in. I straight out told my mom after she asked me to help with bags that I'm happy to help [with groceries], but I'm not taking responsibility for everything and she needs to ask my brother to step up, too, if she wants additional help [carrying groceries in].

When I was younger, my mom would tell me I had to make dinner because my dad worked all day, despite me being in school all day myself. I don't remember about my older brothers or if they had to cook, but when it was time for my younger brother (2 years younger) to make dinner, he only had to pop a pizza in the oven for himself and everyone made their own. For me, I had been cooking meals for years that everyone would eat. There was always this difference with how I was treated compared to my brothers.

I am not going to let my mom place me in this role where I'm supposed to take care of everything and everyone. My brother is an adult and needs to step up, too!


Another thing I noticed was my mom seemed resistance to agree with me about my rant of some companies and how they have so much money at the top and can afford to provide safer conditions for workers, but they have been dragging their feet. Later in the day, my brother and I were in the kitchen with my mom. He said something related to that topic, and I said, you should have heard my rant to mom earlier about *** company! My brother was agreeing that was a bad situation. My mom nodded and agreed with what my brother said. So, it's not okay when I say it, but you agree with it when my brother says it?

I've actually brought this to her attention a few years ago because at a family dinner, I made an inappropriate joke and my mom scolded me, but a few minutes later my younger brother said an inappropriate joke of the same content and my mom laughed. I brought it up to her and pointed out that I am scolded or not supported about things, but other family members are under the same context, and she denied it. I know I cannot change my family, but I am also not going to sit back and stay quiet and play the role they have given to me.

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
It sounds like your mom has narcissistic tendencies and is playing you against your brother. They always have a “golden” child and a scapegoat. Often it’s the scapegoat is the one who sees through the narcissist. Even when very young the scapegoat knows something isn’t right. Your story could have been written by me. If you can it would serve you better to stop completely or limit your contact with your mom. They don’t stop their games or take responsibility for their emotional cruelty. I always wanted my mother’s approval and it never happened and yet my brother could do no wrong. And it still hurts sometimes, but I know it’s made me a stronger person. Always remember, you deserve to be treated with respect. You don’t have to please anyone. You matter ❤
 

mani

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Welp, family dynamics are getting to me a bit...

My mom asked me to help take the garbage down when we headed to the car for an errand. While it may not seem like a big deal, my job is to clean out the dishwasher every day, my mom has been filling it up and running it, and my brother's job is to take out the garbage and recycling and pull the outside bins to the curb and return them on garbage pick-up day. I paused for a second, almost saying yes, but then I remembered it was his job and said so and that she should ask him to take care of it.

Also, for bringing in the groceries, my mom carries the bags in, I wipe everything down with rubbing alcohol, and sometimes, if my brother is there, I ask him to put or move things once they are clean. But he doesn't jump in and offer. My mom asked if I would help bring in groceries today, and I responded that I am already cleaning all the items brought in. Why don't you ask my brother if you'd like help bringing in the groceries? This should be a group effort. I did jump in myself to help my mom when we started being careful with groceries because she was taking care of all the groceries herself for us and her elderly friend. I didn't think it was fair for her to handle everything herself, so I jumped in. I straight out told my mom after she asked me to help with bags that I'm happy to help [with groceries], but I'm not taking responsibility for everything and she needs to ask my brother to step up, too, if she wants additional help [carrying groceries in].

When I was younger, my mom would tell me I had to make dinner because my dad worked all day, despite me being in school all day myself. I don't remember about my older brothers or if they had to cook, but when it was time for my younger brother (2 years younger) to make dinner, he only had to pop a pizza in the oven for himself and everyone made their own. For me, I had been cooking meals for years that everyone would eat. There was always this difference with how I was treated compared to my brothers.

I am not going to let my mom place me in this role where I'm supposed to take care of everything and everyone. My brother is an adult and needs to step up, too!


Another thing I noticed was my mom seemed resistance to agree with me about my rant of some companies and how they have so much money at the top and can afford to provide safer conditions for workers, but they have been dragging their feet. Later in the day, my brother and I were in the kitchen with my mom. He said something related to that topic, and I said, you should have heard my rant to mom earlier about *** company! My brother was agreeing that was a bad situation. My mom nodded and agreed with what my brother said. So, it's not okay when I say it, but you agree with it when my brother says it?

I've actually brought this to her attention a few years ago because at a family dinner, I made an inappropriate joke and my mom scolded me, but a few minutes later my younger brother said an inappropriate joke of the same content and my mom laughed. I brought it up to her and pointed out that I am scolded or not supported about things, but other family members are under the same context, and she denied it. I know I cannot change my family, but I am also not going to sit back and stay quiet and play the role they have given to me.

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
It can be so easy for people to fall into outdated stereotypes, in this case, the girls do the looking after stuff.
I think you're wise to bring it up. Trouble is it's a pressure cooker situation at the moment, so it's a good idea to do it as diplomatically as you can. :)
 

Graceful-Lily

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On my mind is... a lot of things.

But one thing in particular, I'm thinking about starting a Netflix party with a few friends. The only problem is is that I don't always know where we're at in a friendship and if we are the kind of friends to do a thing like that. With some friends, you just know, and with others, it's like doing the tango on a tightrope.
 

furmonster mom

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Welp, family dynamics are getting to me a bit...

My mom asked me to help take the garbage down when we headed to the car for an errand. While it may not seem like a big deal, my job is to clean out the dishwasher every day, my mom has been filling it up and running it, and my brother's job is to take out the garbage and recycling and pull the outside bins to the curb and return them on garbage pick-up day. I paused for a second, almost saying yes, but then I remembered it was his job and said so and that she should ask him to take care of it.

Also, for bringing in the groceries, my mom carries the bags in, I wipe everything down with rubbing alcohol, and sometimes, if my brother is there, I ask him to put or move things once they are clean. But he doesn't jump in and offer. My mom asked if I would help bring in groceries today, and I responded that I am already cleaning all the items brought in. Why don't you ask my brother if you'd like help bringing in the groceries? This should be a group effort. I did jump in myself to help my mom when we started being careful with groceries because she was taking care of all the groceries herself for us and her elderly friend. I didn't think it was fair for her to handle everything herself, so I jumped in. I straight out told my mom after she asked me to help with bags that I'm happy to help [with groceries], but I'm not taking responsibility for everything and she needs to ask my brother to step up, too, if she wants additional help [carrying groceries in].

When I was younger, my mom would tell me I had to make dinner because my dad worked all day, despite me being in school all day myself. I don't remember about my older brothers or if they had to cook, but when it was time for my younger brother (2 years younger) to make dinner, he only had to pop a pizza in the oven for himself and everyone made their own. For me, I had been cooking meals for years that everyone would eat. There was always this difference with how I was treated compared to my brothers.

I am not going to let my mom place me in this role where I'm supposed to take care of everything and everyone. My brother is an adult and needs to step up, too!


Another thing I noticed was my mom seemed resistance to agree with me about my rant of some companies and how they have so much money at the top and can afford to provide safer conditions for workers, but they have been dragging their feet. Later in the day, my brother and I were in the kitchen with my mom. He said something related to that topic, and I said, you should have heard my rant to mom earlier about *** company! My brother was agreeing that was a bad situation. My mom nodded and agreed with what my brother said. So, it's not okay when I say it, but you agree with it when my brother says it?

I've actually brought this to her attention a few years ago because at a family dinner, I made an inappropriate joke and my mom scolded me, but a few minutes later my younger brother said an inappropriate joke of the same content and my mom laughed. I brought it up to her and pointed out that I am scolded or not supported about things, but other family members are under the same context, and she denied it. I know I cannot change my family, but I am also not going to sit back and stay quiet and play the role they have given to me.

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
Flashing back about 35 years here.

I was the oldest, and the one my mom leaned on. I did the housework, the cooking, pet care, sibling wrangling, kept my grades up, and ... well pretty much everything. It started when my brother was born and I was about 8 (no joke). I was routinely punished for various infractions while my brother could do no wrong. This continued until I was 14 and, due to an explosive argument, I left to live with my grandmother on my father's side, three states away. I consider myself lucky.
Oddly enough, my brother left to go live with his father a couple years later.

It was a good 15 years before I was able to begin mending the relationship with my mom.
I first had to accept the influence she'd had on my own shaping. Though I am a separate individual, there are still parts of me that are very reflective of her. I could not stay angry with her without hating myself, and that is a waste of energy.

I also had to accept what her nature is, and that it won't change. I could, however, change my tack in how I respond to her.
My mom lives for the argument, she really should have been a lawyer or politician, and we are sometimes on opposite sides.
When that happens, I just firmly say, "I don't agree, so lets just leave it." Then I redirect to things that I know we do agree on.
I think, because of that long separation early on, she's more receptive when I put my foot down now.
 

Xraystyle

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On my mind is... a lot of things.

But one thing in particular, I'm thinking about starting a Netflix party with a few friends. The only problem is is that I don't always know where we're at in a friendship and if we are the kind of friends to do a thing like that. With some friends, you just know, and with others, it's like doing the tango on a tightrope.
I run into this problem a lot as an adult. I seem to have many compartmentalized friends: Teammates, friends I see at shows, friends at work, friends from home, etc. They are great for their specific situations, but I find myself with few people who I can just call up and ask to hang out (virtually or in-person). Whenever I think: Ah, it'd be nice to get some people together and just chill at the river late at night, I realize I don't have any of THOSE types of friends. Last year for my birthday, I advertised having a party and left the invitation open because I didn't really know if I was "b-day party" friends with everyone...only 2 people ended up coming (and they were friends with each other first). 🤷‍♀️
 

kittyluv387

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Sorry really need to vent...work is getting crazier and crazier. Note I don't work in a dangerous environment or anything like that. I'm WFH right now and have been since early March. But we are just soooooo busy and it's about to get worse. I'm not sure how much more I can take. But at the same time I have to keep going for everyone's sake. We're all working hard. I can't really take a day off without a clear conscious because it is so hard on the rest if one person takes a day off right now. I couldn't even sleep last night because I was dreading today...ugh.
 

Mamanyt1953

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Wondering why after all I did the cats dislike me so much.
I doubt that they do. Cats, even feral (maybe even especially ferals) are energy sponges, picking up everything going on around them. My own group has been very absent during this mess, only coming to eat when NO ONE is around, fairly late at night. There are two choices...give up, or keep on keeping on and wait to see if they come back when things aren't so tense. THEY KNOW something is different/wrong/bad, and are reacting to that.
 
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