The "what's On Your Mind?" Thread -2019

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Graceful-Lily

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Yes!! Thank you, Lari Lari . I was just thinking how incredibly brave what I did was. If 3 years ago you had told me that I'd be the one making moves, I would have laughed.

But the most important part of all of this is that I wanted something to be done, I had an objective in mind and I did it!

I wouldn't trade the courage I gained from this experience for anything.
 

Mia6

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Now I know how men feel pursuing women. It's exhausting.

I'll get over this eventually. Just need time I guess. Yet another fun story added to my list of misadventures.

One thing I can say though, he needs to set boundaries for himself. He does seem like a genuinely nice person but you can't do that to everyone, especially when you have another lady on your mind. You'll unintentionally lead others on. And things can get messy that way.

I hope his "future endeavors" and worth it. I hope this girl that has him so tied up is worth it. And I hope he manages that busy schedule well that he said he has.

But gone are the days I let other people get to me and determine my worth for me. I know that I'm worth it. Just gotta find someone who thinks the same too.
I am sorry. I think he is a rat for wanting to meet you. He should have told you all he had to say over the phone. "Future endeavors"??
I'd come up there and kick his ass if I had a passport! Awwww...sweet girl, you'll find someone who is amazing, just like you!!!
💝💗:hugs: ::rock::hearthrob::redheartpump:
 

kashmir64

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I disagree Mia6 Mia6 , i took courage and decency to tell you to your face Graceful-Lily Graceful-Lily , he could have just blown you off altogether. He's confused at what he wants right now, but if he ever calls you again, give him a chance. Honest, decent, respectful people are hard to find.
That being said, don't sit around and wait for the next one to find you. Go out, be brave. You did it once, it will be easier the next time.
 

Mia6

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I disagree Mia6 Mia6 , i took courage and decency to tell you to your face Graceful-Lily Graceful-Lily , he could have just blown you off altogether. He's confused at what he wants right now, but if he ever calls you again, give him a chance. Honest, decent, respectful people are hard to find.
That being said, don't sit around and wait for the next one to find you. Go out, be brave. You did it once, it will be easier the next time.
Hmmmmm.....perhaps you're right. At least he was honest.
 

Graceful-Lily

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This is all true, however, I took what he said as him trying to say in the nicest possible way that anything that comes after this won't involve me.

When you tell someone you're busy and tell them you have your own goals and ambitions to follow, that tells me that you don't plan on keeping in contact. Especially the "thank you for everything. Have a nice Christmas/new years!"

This is baffling to me because I didn't even suggest we date. I just said that after all these years, it would be nice to get to know him better. 😕 You have to be a friend first before everything else, right? That is what I was trying to do.
 

Kat0121

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Not great.

He said he didn't want to lead me on because he wants to patch things up with his ex-girlfriend. And when I brought up the idea of us getting to know each other better, he told me that he's too busy and wants to "focus on his own endeavors".

He thanked me for my kindness but basically said, "Goodbye".

So, now I feel really stupid because even though my expectations were low, I was still taken aback by the way he treated me and that made me feel something for him. But nothing is going to happen so it's over.
Don't feel stupid. You didn't do anything wrong. You proved that you can get past that hurdle to try to get what you want. You should be proud of yourself. That was a super gutsy move. I know that we are all proud of you! :clap2::hugs:
 

foxxycat

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Now I know how men feel pursuing women. It's exhausting.

I'll get over this eventually. Just need time I guess. Yet another fun story added to my list of misadventures.

One thing I can say though, he needs to set boundaries for himself. He does seem like a genuinely nice person but you can't do that to everyone, especially when you have another lady on your mind. You'll unintentionally lead others on. And things can get messy that way.

I hope his "future endeavors" and worth it. I hope this girl that has him so tied up is worth it. And I hope he manages that busy schedule well that he said he has.

But gone are the days I let other people get to me and determine my worth for me. I know that I'm worth it. Just gotta find someone who thinks the same too.
Yeah another idiot to write off-he is the one who called YOU back-if he wasn't interested, why would he say what he said???

I don't know what is going on with men-I have 3 friends who have been "dating" or trying to date-they told me that they get to know these folks then 2 or 3 months later, get the often said-"getting back with the ex". WHAT IS GOING ON?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aNd shame on him for leading you on. Sounds like you dodged a bullet with that one. Possible he's got a pysco ex girlfriend and maybe knew she would hound you both.. (I had an ex with a crazy as a jailhouse mouse girl) and it was very DRAMA filled-so glad I got rid of that relationship...so now at least you got the first try down-just keep going-not all men are idiots but it sure seems like it to me- so many people are superficial have no clue what a soul is or what it takes to prove one's love to another...HUGS
 

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It's not bad to not be romantically interested in someone. I don't even know how many guys I turned down when I was younger (fortunately there are not a ton of 40-ish single dudes). It's hard to know the best way to express that you aren't interested in someone, because it's going to hurt their feelings no matter what, but I'm inclined to say that it was nice of him to say it face-to-face.
 

Willowy

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Ah, yeah, it sure is easier over text. And he should have said so from the beginning, although that's hard. Just saying, as a general rule, it's not bad to turn someone down romantically for any reason whatsoever. But venting about it is kind of important too ;).

But don't let that stop you from trying! Nothing ventured, nothing gained, etc, etc.
 

furmonster mom

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... This is baffling to me because I didn't even suggest we date. I just said that after all these years, it would be nice to get to know him better. 😕 You have to be a friend first before everything else, right? That is what I was trying to do.
Okay... so, when I first started talking to my hubby just after college, I was actually kinda dating his roommate... who was my ex high school summer fling. I'd called to leave a message for the ex, and ended up talking to this roommate guy. Eventually, summer fling decided to chase someone else, and roommate (hubby) called me for a date.

So on this lunch date, I expressed that I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship, and wasn't really looking to get into another. BUT I would be up for friendly dating; coffee, lunch, movie... that kind of thing. Something got lost in translation, because he thought I was flat out not interested. So when I called him for a date a week later, it took him by surprise.

Obviously, it ended up working out. And I'm not saying every date will. Like I said before, auditions without expectation. But sometimes when we think we're saying one thing, the other person hears something else. That may not be the case this time around, but something to keep in mind for the future. ;)
 

kashmir64

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Oh, sorry, for clarification... he didn't say it to my face. He texted me apologizing that we couldn't talk more and then I said that it would nice to get to know him better. That's when he unloaded on me about his ex. So yeah, over text.
I thought you were going to meet him when he got off work. You mean he did this through a text?
Scratch what I said earlier about him.
 

Graceful-Lily

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I thought you were going to meet him when he got off work. You mean he did this through a text?
Scratch what I said earlier about him.
I'll just tell you in detail what happened so that it's better understood.

Okay, so I had called him back Wednesday afternoon but he didn't pick up (was at work). I left a voicemail. He called me back in the evening. He said the letter was "cute". He called me a sweetheart and told me that I'm a very nice person. We talked for a bit. He asked me about school and seemed interested in my program. Then, he said I should "definitely" come by to say 'Hello' and so that he can thank me in person. He said I should whenever I'm free within the next week or "even tomorrow" (that being the Thursday I went to see him). He told me what time he would be finished.

I wasn't sure at first but my best friend encouraged me to go. So, I texted him earlier in the day on Thursday to let him know that I'd be coming and he said it was fine. I got there and he was still working. It was very awkward because I know his shift was almost done but he continued to pack even while we talked and it was super distracting. He thanked me for the card and told me he'd be keeping it for a while because it meant a lot to him. He hugged me pretty tight. I was going to pull back but he held on for longer than I expected. He checked his phone mid conversation and just continued to work. Eventually, he says, "I gotta finish up here. See you around." I walk off because he just didn't look at me again after he said this. And I did make sure to go when he was almost finish work because I thought he wanted to sit and talk to me. I was wrong.

I went back to school to study and I get a text from him saying that he's sorry we couldn't talk more. Blah blah blah. He told me that the world needs more people like me and whatever (he said this multiple times).

That's when I texted him back and I said, "After all these years of saying nothing, it would be silly to not continue talking." Because the text he sent felt very cut and dry almost like a "nice knowing you okay bye". I said "after all these years of saying nothing" because I told him that I've always gone to the store and I noticed him but was just too shy to say anything to him.

That's when he sent this long text about having a busy schedule and his own endeavors in life to follow as well as his ex-girlfriend wanting to get back with him and him wanting to give the relationship another try. And not wanting to lead me on. He ended that text with a "Merry Christmas and happy new year!!" So I just say, "Same to you." And that was it.

I hope this clears everything up. Sorry, I should have explained better but my head was all over the place.
 

Mamanyt1953

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But the most important part of all of this is that I wanted something to be done, I had an objective in mind and I did it!

I wouldn't trade the courage I gained from this experience for anything.
I just said that after all these years, it would be nice to get to know him better. 😕 You have to be a friend first before everything else, right? That is what I was trying to do.
First, I am more proud of you than I can express. And yes, you can do ANYTHING! Second, these things are rather like auditions. And if the fit isn't right on BOTH sides, it just isn't right. Now, as to what possessed him to send such mixed messages? Who knows. His bad, and you handled it just right. He probably isn't a jerk, but he doesn't know how to communicate very well, which would have caused problems down the road, even if you just remained friends. Got that issue over and done with before more harm was done. Lastly, I AM MORE PROUD OF YOU THAN I CAN EXPRESS!

So there.
 
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