Thanksgiving Quandry

furmonster mom

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Okay, so it's like this....

We have some friends that live on the other side of town, about 15 miles.  When we do summer barbeques or other gatherings, it is usually at their house. 

When we go to movies, we usually go to the casino movie house closest to them (8 miles for them,  about 21 miles for us).  Rarely, we go to a casino movie house that is more "in the middle", 14 miles for them, 16 miles for us. 

This is all to say, that whenever we get together with these friends, more often than not, we are traveling to their end of town.  This is a pattern, I realize, mostly of our own making, because we are usually pretty relaxed about it (and also because our house has been without real floors for several years).

So, last month, when we were visiting, it was posited that we should do a buffet for Thanksgiving, allowing someone else to do the cooking and dishes for once.  Hubby and I were agreeable to the suggestion, and mentioned the casino that is "in the middle".  It's a very nice casino, with a good reputation for decent food.  They seemed agreeable to that suggestion.  All was good...

Until a few days later.  I get a text asking if we would go to the other (21 mile) casino because the one we'd suggested "wasn't doing a holiday buffet".  Hubby and I thought that was quite odd, and after a little web search, we found that simply wasn't true.  So, we sent a text back with a link to the web page showing the holiday buffet and pricing.  A couple days later, we get a response saying that would be fine, and we set a time to meet there at 4:30 on Turkey Day.

2 weeks pass

Last night, we get a text asking again if we would consider going to the further casino, because the one we've chosen is $4 more per person, and they are tight on finances.

I just... don't know what to say.

I should probably add that they've been flaky before.  One year, we loaded up my Thanksgiving dishes, were in the car, pulling out of the neighborhood, when they texted to cancel.  We did not have any other invites, so we ended up going to a local resaurant/bar for dinner.
 
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libby74

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I guess the first thing to ask myself would be "is the extra $8 really going to be a strain on their finances?"  If you end up at the buffet you suggested, will there be an awkward atmosphere all evening?  Will they pick on every little thing that meet their standards?  Whose idea has it been to always go to their location?

We had friends like this---she always had to pick the movie, she always picked the restaurant, she picked the activity, etc.  If one of us chose, she would spend the evening picking it to pieces.  We don't hang out with them anymore; it got to be too much drama. 

If it was me, I'd go to the buffet that you and your hubby want to go to.  I have no way of knowing how close you and this couple are, but it sounds like they either really, truly have extremely tight finances, or someone just likes to be in control.

Whichever you decide---Happy Thanksgiving!
 
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furmonster mom

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I guess the first thing to ask myself would be "is the extra $8 really going to be a strain on their finances?"  If you end up at the buffet you suggested, will there be an awkward atmosphere all evening?  Will they pick on every little thing that meet their standards?  Whose idea has it been to always go to their location?
Believe me, all those thoughts have been whirling around my mind.

Now, there are actually about 6 of them; the couple, their teenage daughter, both grandmothers, and an elderly friend.  So, the extra cost altogether is about $24 (and a little extra gas).

But here's the thing, these guys are a 2 income family.  They also take at least one fairly expensive vacation every year: cruises to Alaska, trips (flight/hotel) to Disneyland, DisneyWorld, San Diego... etc.   

Hubby and I are on a single income (its decent, but seasonal), haven't replaced our floors in 5 years, and are barely able to scrape up the occasional road trip.  Granted, we don't have house apes (kids), but we do have a couple furmonsters on expensive medications.

Also, if finances were really an issue, why didn't they bring it up 2 weeks ago?  instead of the last minute?

We have a lot of common interests with these guys, and they are generally good people, but this .... quirk... is frustrating me.

I'm tempted to say we'll pick up the extra for anyone who really can't afford it, even if it means all of them, just to make a point.... but would they get it?  probably not.
 
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libby74

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I'm reading "passive-aggressive control freaks"  from this whole situation. (no offense intended towards your friends)    I think the bottom line is: you've made your plans to go to the buffet you picked, they agreed, for whatever reason they've changed their minds, and it doesn't seem fair to you.  I don't think it is fair, not at all.  They've put you between a rock and a hard place.  Could something like this break up your friendship?  If you agree to their change of plans, will you be resentful?  It will definitely set a precedent for future plans---they will make them and you will say "sure". 

Honestly, I think if it was me, my hubby and I would go somewhere we wanted to go---just the two of us.  This whole situation sounds like drama waiting to happen.  I don't envy you this decision, I really don't.  Good luck; let us know what you do. 

Hey, come to my house!  I'll be throwing a pizza in the oven tomorrow night.
 
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furmonster mom

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Well, Hubby finally got them on the phone and they started backpedaling.  They even offered to come up to our end of town and go to a casino closer to us.  Thing is, the cost would be the same as the one "in the middle". 
     In any case, we're back to the original plan, and we've offered to pick up the difference in the ticket price in consideration of the many times they've carried the cost of hosting in the past. 

Thanks for listening, and for the outside perspective (even if you only saw my side of the story)  
 
 

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I"m glad it worked out. Sometimes you just have to stand your own ground. I like the idea of you paying the difference, since they're hosted often. That was really nice of you.
 

libby74

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Sounds as if you've come to a happy resolution, but hey---the day is still young.


Hope you have an enjoyable evening with your friends; Happy Thanksgiving!
 
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