Tempers Flaring

[peapie]

We've got a new little feline (Hallie) who is about 2 and she's been with us for 5 weeks now. Our other cat (Casey) is 3. We got Hallie from a shelter where she had been for about a month - she was taken out of a hoarding situation and brought into the shelter in the middle of the night. Casey is very laid back and calm and is definitely interested in the new little one. Hallie feels a bit intimidated because she's small and is trying to find her place. We've introduced them very slowly, they each have a bedroom they can go to if they need some quiet time, we have 2 litter boxes upstairs and 2 downstairs, Casey eats in the kitchen and Hallie on the counter over the washer - they can see each other but aren't close. She started out growling at him a lot when he got too close and he just walked away. We've progressed to them both sleeping downstairs together at night and that hasn't seemed to be a problem - they each pick a spot and everyone still has body parts intact in the morning. But this last week we've gone from growling to paw fighting to coming to actual blows this morning - Casey gave her a mighty smack across the head and we think he was just fed up with her attitude. I know a lot of this is normal and them working out boundaries, but I'd be glad to know what others have done to help them get along. We've started having specific mealtimes, specific playtimes and lot's of attention. When they do start with each other we just try to distract with toys and gently moving into the area before it gets too nuts. I need to get another Feliway next week, but other than that does anyone have ideas of what more we can do or how long this might take for them to sort it out? I think we've done pretty good for only 5 weeks and Hallie has had a lot of disruption to her little life, so we're trying hard to stick to a routine. She plays like a maniac and is not keen on sharing any of those toys with Casey. We try to do play with her first, then Casey, but she'll come right after his toys as well - like having a couple of toddlers! Can anyone offer more suggestions??

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Actually, you're doing very well. Better than you think, probably. At some point, they are going to have to figure out who fits where on the totem pole, and this has everything to do with personality, and nothing at all to do with size, age, or seniority in the household. Some swats are going to happen, as well as some posturing, and vocalizations. So long as there is no blood on the floor (although there may be an occasional drop here and there) and no fur flying, this is more a matter of "a cat's gotta say what a cat's gotta say" than anything else. Sadly, our instinct is to step in and "fix" it, but that will only prolong the time it takes them to work this out between themselves.

I'm not the least surprised that Hallie isn't fond of sharing resources, and tends to be grabby. That's her background coming out, although I suspect that, with patience and continuing your current course, this will taper off, although it may take months to do so. Baby steps here, baby steps!

 

[peapie]

Actually, you're doing very well. Better than you think, probably. At some point, they are going to have to figure out who fits where on the totem pole, and this has everything to do with personality, and nothing at all to do with size, age, or seniority in the household. Some swats are going to happen, as well as some posturing, and vocalizations. So long as there is no blood on the floor (although there may be an occasional drop here and there) and no fur flying, this is more a matter of "a cat's gotta say what a cat's gotta say" than anything else. Sadly, our instinct is to step in and "fix" it, but that will only prolong the time it takes them to work this out between themselves.

I'm not the least surprised that Hallie isn't fond of sharing resources, and tends to be grabby. That's her background coming out, although I suspect that, with patience and continuing your current course, this will taper off, although it may take months to do so. Baby steps here, baby steps!

Thank you for that - I think I just need some reassurance that we're doing mostly the right things and I'm always ready to hear what has worked for someone else. We've been thinking very much in "baby steps"! I know they may never be best buddies, but I hope they at least get to be passable friends. Hallie has had to compete for food and attention for all of her short life and we're trying to ease her into knowing those things are hers for the taking now - it'll just take time. Thanks for sharing, it does help!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

You are so very welcome! I apologize for not getting back here sooner, I had a little health issue, but am back in the saddle again!

 

[jen]

I think you are doing everything right. Everything I was going to suggest, you are already doing. Just give them time. They will be fine.

 

[Maria Bayote]

My Bourbon and Barley also do not get along together, even after more than a year. Bourbon came first and Barley followed after a few months. At first I used to get so frustrated and ended up shouting at both of them when the hissing, growling and swatting would start, causing me too much stress. But as months went on I became accustomed to their quite nasty behavior towards each other that I finally ignored their squabbles. Lately something miraculous is happening. I noticed they have started sniffing each other, can already eat at the same kitchen at the same time, sit together, although there are still occasional swats here and there but not the same and as frequent as before. So let it be. Like what was mentioned above, they will soon each find their "place" at home and will have no choice but to accept each other. As long as there is no one getting seriously hurt, I think that you are just doing fine and soon this will be sorted out in their own time.

Let us know once they finally become the best pals.

 

[kobata1928]

I'm currently trying to introduce a 16 year old cat to my household of 2 two year old cats and 1 3 year old cat. It has now been 3 months and they still hate each other. From all i have read, time is the only thing that will help. Just make sure no one gets hurt. I've heard of success with vanilla extract or feliway but neither has worked for me.

 

[peapie]

I'm currently trying to introduce a 16 year old cat to my household of 2 two year old cats and 1 3 year old cat. It has now been 3 months and they still hate each other. From all i have read, time is the only thing that will help. Just make sure no one gets hurt. I've heard of success with vanilla extract or feliway but neither has worked for me.

Thank you everyone for sharing your "battles erupting" stories. I think we just needed a bit of reassurance that we're doing the best we can and it's not unique that it's taking a while for them to sort it out. Just this last week we've made progress - yippee! We plugged in a Feliway Friends and either that's what's helping or else it was when existing cat giving new cat an almighty whack across the head. They chase each other up and down the stairs now which they both seem to enjoy (to a point). They're sniffing noses (and back ends) a lot more and it's generally gotten much more peaceful. They are both neutered by the way. The only injury is the small scratch existing cat seems to sprout on his nose every so often. They're even using the same litter box now, so we're definitely getting there. Thanks again to all of you - it just helps to have others to bounce things off of. You're all great!

 

[peapie]

You are so very welcome! I apologize for not getting back here sooner, I had a little health issue, but am back in the saddle again!

Hope you're feeling up to "scratch" again - welcome back. :- )

 

[jen]

At first I used to get so frustrated and ended up shouting at both of them when the hissing, growling and swatting would start, causing me too much stress.

This is exactly why you should let it be and not stress over it. It probably prolonged them getting along because they were scolded whenever they tried to communicate with each other.

Also I think a lot of people hear the communication (hissing, growling, etc) and assume it is automatically bad and the cats hate each other. I wish people would stop throwing around "hate" when their cats know how to properly communicate.

 

[Maria Bayote]

This is exactly why you should let it be and not stress over it. It probably prolonged them getting along because they were scolded whenever they tried to communicate with each other.

Also I think a lot of people hear the communication (hissing, growling, etc) and assume it is automatically bad and the cats hate each other. I wish people would stop throwing around "hate" when their cats know how to properly communicate.

True. I was an amateur / first time cat mama then. Wish I knew of this site soon. But anyway, my house is peaceful now and my two cat babies are not really the best of pals, but at least they try to get along.

 

[kobata1928]

True. I was an amateur / first time cat mama then. Wish I knew of this site soon. But anyway, my house is peaceful now and my two cat babies are not really the best of pals, but at least they try to get along.

Yeah never having cats before, I'm sure I did more harm than good separating play fighting. I just couldn't handle the growling and aggressiveness. I always thought my littlest was getting picked on and wanted to stop it. Now, left to their own, little miss Molly at 9 pounds will put Mister, 13 pounds, and Oscar 14 pounds, in their place when she has had enough. I have had more than once when one of them pins her down and she takes over biting their ears until they run away crying. Then all are good friends and are grooming a little while later.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Also I think a lot of people hear the communication (hissing, growling, etc) and assume it is automatically bad and the cats hate each other. I wish people would stop throwing around "hate" when their cats know how to properly communicate.

I remind people quite often that sometimes "a cat's gotta say what a cat's gotta say," and that unless there is fur flying and blood on the floor, "it ain't no cat fight."

 

[Maria Bayote]

I remind people quite often that sometimes "a cat's gotta say what a cat's gotta say," and that unless there is fur flying and blood on the floor, "it ain't no cat fight."

Yup. My Bourbon pins down the head of my Barley to the floor sometimes with her one paw, like a wrestler trying to immobilize her opponent. No hissing. No sound. Just a feisty female feline trying to dominate her much larger male opponent. Even in the world of cats, females usually rule. Lol.