Talk about a surprise

tara g

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I made a thread about my husband and I separating not too long ago, and the story behind it. Well I got a big surprise tonight from him.

I was out for dinner with the BF's family for his dad's birthday. We went back to his dad's house for some cake and to relax, when my [ex] texted me, asking if I had been at Outback, and to tell me he was going to be a father and wanted me to hear it before he posted on FB. That was a shocker.... we had been together for 7 years and he told me he never wanted any kids, didn't like them, etc. Kind of makes me wonder if he just said that for my sake, which was something I always worried about. I'm openly and adamantly childfree, and have been since before we were together.

I imagine she's about 2 months pregnant, he posted the ultrasound picture tonight. Two weeks ago he had ordered a baby monitor through our joint credit card rewards program that I sort of wondered about, but since he hadn't told me anything I began to wonder if it was for a friend or family member. I told him I'm glad he is happy, since he told me he is very excited to be a father and the girl is great. (This girl tried to get between us while we were in happier times). Quite a few of us are in fact shocked he got her pregnant so quickly though, especially after saying how he wanted a year separation with me to give it a chance for us to get back together before finalizing a divorce. I imagine the 90-day SC divorce will be drawn up now, so we are legally apart before the baby is born and I won't be surprised if he marries her shortly after to "do the right thing".

There is absolutely no going back now, not even years in the future like we said was a possibility if it was meant to be. The BF and I are doing great, so its not as though I'm having thoughts about returning. I actually feel like the decision to separate was the right thing - if he was wanting to be a dad, he would never have had the opportunity with me. We truly wanted different things I guess. It does suck that the idiots I thought were my friends who began to judge me in the beginning still will judge me, and are all patting him on the back.

It's just crazy to see someone you thought you knew everything about do a 180 in just mere months...
 

calico2222

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Wow. That is quite an update. First of all, are you happy for him?

Let me share something, and I'm just rambling here but it kind of strikes close to home. I married my husband thinking we couldn't have children because the meds he was on made him sterile. I knew that, I accepted that and lived with it. I never really wanted kids so it was all good. Fast forward 4 years into our marriage. I'm pregnant. I miscarried a few days later but that kind of got the maternal instincts going, so we started trying. I got pregnant again. DH and I were thrilled! We started planning the nursery, getting the basics, etc. I carried for 2 months and miscarried again. The only reason we aren't trying now is because I can't go through that again.

What I'm trying to say is, we don't always realize what we want until it's there. I didn't WANT a child until I was having a child. I was perfectly happy being without one, until then. That's probably what Rob is going through. It's kind of like you and your BF. Did you realize what you wanted before you got to know him? You knew what you wanted 7 years ago but people change. It's no one's fault and you both have to live your own lives. Who knows what the future will bring, but it sounds like he's moving on and so are you.
 
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tara g

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I told him if it is what he wants, then I'm happy for him. He wouldn't have gotten this experience with me. I'm surprised, very. He is so different from who I remember falling for, and not just the being a dad thing, other stuff changed too. I will say I never would have guessed it would have taken only 2ish months of separation before getting someone pregnant either. I cant say I'm surprised its with her, as she caused many arguments during our relationship.

The "everything happens for a reason" becomes more believable by the day. I would be lying if I said he won't always have a place in my heart, and so will the memories we had. As a result of separating though, we are both getting something we want that we could never have with one another. Some people say its "my fault" he did this, but who's to say if I didn't go that he wouldn't have left me in a few years because kids were out of the question for me, or that he wouldn't feel regret if he wanted them but pretended not to for me.

The bf and I have been having wonderful times together, and Rob says his new gf is great (even if I am pre-biased against her because of stuff before our split), and if we are both happy the way things are, we couldn't ask for much more!
 

trouts mom

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When I first joined TCS, I was with my ex and he was my high school sweetheart. When I ended things with him, his personality also did a 180. Afterward, I wondered if it was a good thing that I let him go because he was obviously happier afterward. He was pretty much a secluded hermit when we were together, then he turned into this social butterfly with all kinds of friends and busy with plans all the time. He met a girl and I think they are still together. I am happy for him for sure, because I think (well I know now) that we just weren't right for eachother. We are both happy now so it all works out I think.
 

kailie

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When my ex husband and I were together he knew from the get go that I didn't want kids. He said he wouldn't mind having one only, but didn't care one way or another really. As the relationship/marriage went on, I knew that we wanted totally different things, and that I was holding him back in many ways. I knew he would regret it and resent me one day for it. Now he is with a girl who he has been with for quite some time and they have a little daughter. He seems incredibly happy, and he never really was with me. Now I have Dana who is COMPLETELY my second half, who is very much on the same wave length I am when it comes to all aspects of our lives, including the no kids thing.

Would I change anything if I could go back? Absolutely not because my ex and I learned a lot from each other, and the things we went through made us who we are today. We are both totally happy now with other people, but we still had good times and memories together. Life goes on. We live and learn.
 
 
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tara g

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Well he texted me today, asking me why I didn't ask a million questions. I honestly didn't think he'd want me prying into something that pretty much isn't my business. But I asked since he said he'd rather me ask than assume. So I asked how long has he wanted kids, because for years he said he didn't, and why did he get a girl pregnant so quickly?

Basically told me that shortly after I left, he slept with 10 women, 4 regularly. This girl was unhappy with her boyfriend, and he dropped all the girls and she dropped the boyfriend and they got together. By the 2nd time they slept together, she got pregnant - they never tried to prevent it. He admitted he's always felt a connection with her, even when we were married. I always suspected something - he would go out of his way to help her do stuff that was a little bit too far for just friends IMO, didn't seem to care if it bothered me, and she'd always flirt with him openly in front of me. He just didn't act on it because we were married. He also admitted to thinking about kids for a few years, but that it wasn't an issue as he would have gone either way with me. He got on a kick when we were talking about things back in December, saying that the drag racing accident I was in back in November messed up my head and it's why I chose to pursue living in other places and my feelings that developed, but then said today that wreck he was in back in March with one of the girls he was with made him open his eyes as well.

Talk about a blow. I don't know what to say back right now, nor do I really want to say anything as it'd probably result in me getting emotional in front of everyone here at the shop. I don't know what to feel either, its just a mess. And yes, I know I'M the one who made the decision to go.

I can honestly say though that it is definitely not the person I thought I knew up until less than 6 months ago, nor the one I was head over heels for 7 years ago....

:slant:
 

natalie_ca

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People change their minds about things all of the time.  Maybe she got pregnant accidentally (or accidentally on purpose), and once he found out, he realized that he was happy about it?

Kids aren't for everyone. I know I never wanted any, even when I was with the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. 
 
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