Suffering over decision to let go

seacat81

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My dear cat Flower was diagnosed with CHF last month. She had labored breathing and that’s when we discovered it. She was put on several medicines and relapsed, so we took her in, got her lasix shot and took her home. She did okay for another two weeks with dedicated medicating, but slowly wortonight she could barely breathe.
My mom took her in for euthanasia. When she got home she told me the doctor said we could try more diuretics but she went ahead with letting her go due to how difficult it was to medicate her and how she was relapsing.
I’m just shattered, torn to bits that I didn’t try another round or a different dose or SOMETHING. even if it brought me another few months. I feel horrible. Like I didn’t give her a chance.
Did anyone else have to let their cat go because they stopped responding to diuretics? I am desperate for some support. Im so broken right now. I feel like I took her life. I didn’t give her more chances. I’m sorry. Thank you for reading and helping me.
 

di and bob

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I'm so sorry for your pain......To be a part of such a difficult decision always brings on guilt and all those should haves, and could haves. It boils down to one thing, you could not let that sweet girl go on suffering, and all the future held for her was more of the same. There comes a time at the end that they are just existing, not truly living, and your sweet Flower was at that point. When they suffer from something that has no long-term cure, it is a blessing for them to have someone strong enough to end the pain. To have someone love them enough. You transfer their pain into your broken heart and set them free.
Time is the only thing that helps. There WILL come a time when thoughts of them bring a smile instead of tears, you will always hold a special place in your heart for your wonderful memories and the love she left with you to hold and treasure. Sure it hurts. It always hurts when you have someone so special in your life leave, the pain is equal to the love. To suffer so means that the bond of love you hold for that precious little one will always be a part of your soul. That any new loves you find in the future will add on to, never replace, the love you have. She would be honored if you use what she taught you and find another love. It is the legacy she left you.
So go forward into the future and seek life's beauty and happiness. Live it as you would have wanted for her to go on if YOU were the first to go. She wants no less because that is true love.
She will forever parallel your life's journey, she will always be as close as your thoughst and prayers. Because love is spiritual, so eternal. Always remember, "Do not cry because it is over, smile because it happened"........RIP precious Flower. you will always be remembered, you will always have secure places in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 
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seacat81

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I'm so sorry for your pain......To be a part of such a difficult decision always brings on guilt and all those should haves, and could haves. It boils down to one thing, you could not let that sweet girl go on suffering, and all the future held for her was more of the same. There comes a time at the end that they are just existing, not truly living, and your sweet Flower was at that point. When they suffer from something that has no long-term cure, it is a blessing for them to have someone strong enough to end the pain. To have someone love them enough. You transfer their pain into your broken heart and set them free.
Time is the only thing that helps. There WILL come a time when thoughts of them bring a smile instead of tears, you will always hold a special place in your heart for your wonderful memories and the love she left with you to hold and treasure. Sure it hurts. It always hurts when you have someone so special in your life leave, the pain is equal to the love. To suffer so means that the bond of love you hold for that precious little one will always be a part of your soul. That any new loves you find in the future will add on to, never replace, the love you have. She would be honored if you use what she taught you and find another love. It is the legacy she left you.
So go forward into the future and seek life's beauty and happiness. Live it as you would have wanted for her to go on if YOU were the first to go. She wants no less because that is true love.
She will forever parallel your life's journey, she will always be as close as your thoughst and prayers. Because love is spiritual, so eternal. Always remember, "Do not cry because it is over, smile because it happened"........RIP precious Flower. you will always be remembered, you will always have secure places in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
thank you. I just woke upwithout her anD my chest hurts and I feel like I’m dying. I know you say I was doing the bestfor her but it’s so hard to believe that. She was wanting to eat and lay with me in bed. She didn’t do much else anymore, but that was understandable. But just knowing that she still wanted to eat and enjoy my company makes me think she needed another chance. I’m so so broken up that I didn’t try one more time. It’s destroying me that I will never know how much more time we could have had or if I could have even gotten her out of heart failure on the right medication. She was only 15 and I only had her for a year.
 

di and bob

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Heart failure is not reversable. It can be managed. SOMETIMES, with medication but not always. Just like people who die after chemo. 15 is the average age for a cat to die. When they live over that it is like a person living to 100, it just doesnt often happen. There is no way to change the past. We must learn from it and go forward. I have learned over the years that it makes it worse at times to try to change what is inevitable. I know you feel like dying too, but as one who has gone through this pain so many times, i can tell you there is strength in suffering. Each time you get a little stronger because you know you made the right decision. You learn to let go of the guilt because there should be none. You learn that this world is for living. Our loved ones are at peace because they will always be remembered and loved. They live on through us. My precious Burt suffered far too long because I could not let him go. Sometimes you have to trust in what the vets say then to follow your heart. Its SO hard to do what is right, instead of letting go. You did nothing wrong. You only loved. And thank goodness she had you. She was happy and content and always will be.....
 
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seacat81

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Heart failure is not reversable. It can be managed. SOMETIMES, with medication but not always. Just like people who die after chemo. 15 is the average age for a cat to die. When they live over that it is like a person living to 100, it just doesnt often happen. There is no way to change the past. We must learn from it and go forward. I have learned over the years that it makes it worse at times to try to change what is inevitable. I know you feel like dying too, but as one who has gone through this pain so many times, i can tell you there is strength in suffering. Each time you get a little stronger because you know you made the right decision. You learn to let go of the guilt because there should be none. You learn that this world is for living. Our loved ones are at peace because they will always be remembered and loved. They live on through us. My precious Burt suffered far too long because I could not let him go. Sometimes you have to trust in what the vets say then to follow your heart. Its SO hard to do what is right, instead of letting go. You did nothing wrong. You only loved. And thank goodness she had you. She was happy and content and always will be.....
Thank you. What you’re saying is all true. it just happened last night and is so raw and its going to take me a long long time to stop wondering what I could have done differently and to stop believing it was all my fault. I appreciate you sharing this with me. Thank you for your kindness and time to write to me.
 

di and bob

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You are welcome.i was a mess for a long time when my Chrissy passed. She was my soulmate and followed me out onto the street and I didnt know it......for too long i tried to change the unchangable. I will keep you and your Flower in my thoughts and prayers. You are not alone in your grief.
.
 

catmando2

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...
I’m just shattered, torn to bits that I didn’t try another round or a different dose or SOMETHING. even if it brought me another few months. I feel horrible. Like I didn’t give her a chance.
...
I am so sorry about your Flower.

As others have mentioned before on this forum that you want to let go of your loved kitty not too soon but also not too late. But when that is, is so hard. Not long ago a cat of mine was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism. Some of the symptoms are lab results that looks like (mimics) heart failure because of the hyperactive thyroid.

My vet at the time was warning me of the possible bad things that could happen with CHF. Mainly a threat of a blood clot that is agony for the cat and brings about paralysis of the hind legs. I mention this because what if you tried another round but then during that time he would have suffered more? Then you would be blaming yourself for not letting go sooner. In other words, please don't blame yourself. That perfect time to let go is illusive and normal to bring about internal feelings of tug of war.
 

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I am very sorry for the loss of Flower. Not responding to diuretics is not the minor glitch that it might have seemed. If they fail, as they often do at the end stage of CHF, there is discomfort to say the least. When you gave her the Lasix two weeks ago, it sounds to me as if it only bought her two weeks. It might have been less this time around which would have caused more distress. There is a significant problem in CHF patients known as fluid overload/resistance to diuretics which is extremely serious. It requires major medical intervention and even then the outcome is not usually good. Please try to see that you and your mother released Flower before she reached that state and let her pass in peace.
 
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seacat81

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I am very sorry for the loss of Flower. Not responding to diuretics is not the minor glitch that it might have seemed. If they fail, as they often do at the end stage of CHF, there is discomfort to say the least. When you gave her the Lasix two weeks ago, it sounds to me as if it only bought her two weeks. It might have been less this time around which would have caused more distress. There is a significant problem in CHF patients known as fluid overload/resistance to diuretics which is extremely serious. It requires major medical intervention and even then the outcome is not usually good. Please try to see that you and your mother released Flower before she reached that state and let her pass in peace.
Thank you.. It was comforting to me to know that this is something that could happen and makes me feel a little less helpless. The only thing I keep wondering is why the injected lasix they would give her at the vet would bring her right back but the pill and the liquid would do so little. It keeps me thinking there was SOMETHING I could have done. But thank you for your kindness and taking the time to tell me this. It’s still crushing me that she was still wanting to eat and be near me because that didn’t track with the end of life checklist. It just felt too early and that I had another chance. I’m sorry for being a wreck right now.
 

fionasmom

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End of life checklists are not iron-clad and are only observational at best. We all understand how you feel about your loss and how hard it is.
 

Furballsmom

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I’m sorry for being a wreck right now.
There is no need to apologize 💕. It's been two weeks (I had to look at the calendar and check when I posted about it here, my sense of time regarding that is just shot --"has it only been two weeks/it's been a total eternity") that we let our handsome wonderful boy go, and we're a l-o-n-g way from normal around here. It's a difficult decision to make even when there's no question, and it is the most loving and compassionate thing to do.
 
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Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Flower, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

One of the hardest things we ever do is allowing a beloved animal, a part of our family, go when their life no longer holds joy for them. You and your mother did the right thing, never doubt that. I only wish the same love and care when my own time comes. Now, I will tell you the deepest Truth I know, that love never dies. It is translated and purified into Love, and it continues on. Now, from her home in That Place Where All Things Are Known, Flower blesses you for your love, and she sends her own Love back to you to walk with you down through all your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.
 
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