Suddenly meek kitten

[crankydave]

Not-so-brief background: I took in a sickly stray kitten and got him healthy and hyper again, but didn't have enough time and energy to engage with him 24 hours a day, so I adopted second kitten of roughly the same age (I waited until he was neutered at around 6 months) so he'd have a play buddy. The good news is that interacting with the new guy has taught him things like bite inhibition and play aggression limits. However, he's now so locked into the "student / beta cat" mindset that he's downright meek. They do chase each other and wrestle at night, taking turns being the chaser / chasee, but it's impossible to play with him now. The split second I take out what I know are his favorite toys, the new guy swoops in and my formerly assertive kitten makes himself look small and curls up somewhere. (Ever hear a kitten sigh dejectedly? I have.) They're not taking turns playing, he simply switches off and yields the floor the instant the new guy enters the room. When I shut the new kitten out of a room to try to get some one-on-one playtime with my first one, it works for a minute or two -- and he frantically leaps and chases after the wand toy, like he's trying to make up for lost time -- but then the new guy meows outside and claws under the door... and the toy suddenly vanishes from kitten 1's mind and he switches off. It's so damn frustrating. I'd like to shut the new kitten in a room by himself while we're playing to put some distance between them, but he managed to traumatize himself by sealing himself in a room for several hours as a result of some epic cat dumbness, so I don't want to exacerbate that. Kitten 1 just had a checkup and got a clean bill of health, so it's not a health thing.

So my question is, how to I bolster my formerly assertive kitten's confidence? I have several cat trees where he *could* gain some height dominance, but when he's in meek mode, he always finds a low spot to be meek in. I try and try to play with him and give him attention, but he just shuts down when the new alpha is around. They don't fight, but aren't exactly cuddle buddies. Kitten 2 came from a shelter, so he knew how to interact with cats and humans when I got him, while kitten 1 seems to have been abandoned before he could be taught how to cat. Kitten 2 *tries* to cuddle and groom my resident kitten, but it seems to freak him out. I think being rebuffed is getting to him.

Any ideas? They've also both gotten the notion that me having the TV on (and by extension, laptops and tablets) means that I don't want to interact with them, and they leave the room instead of perching on the back of the sofa or chairs like every cat I've ever known. Treats on the sofa next to me, maybe?

 

[detroitcatlady]

The best thing you can do in this situation is probably to give the older kitty some one-on-one time with you to play. There really isn't a better way. This happens a lot when you bring a new kitten into the house, sometimes it will be overwhelming for them to get used to sharing toys and playtime especially when they were used to getting all of the attention and the toys being "theirs".

My cat Treasure suddenly stopped wanting to play with her toys when I brought my second cat Pumpkin into the house. It really bothered her that after being an only kitten in my house for 2 months that she suddenly had another kitten playing with her toys. She didn't like it that her toys smelled like the new kitten, and even after they got used to each other she still did not like playing with the toys anymore, and even now there are very few toys she will play with. She doesn't like the toys that my other 2 cats do. She has to have "her own" toys.

Pumpkin went through a similar phase when I introduced my 3rd kitty Shadow into the mix and he refused to play at the same time as she did and did not want to play with the same toys she played with. He would still play with the toys if Shadow wasn't around, but when playing together she would always "steal" the toys from him and he would give up playing and go to sleep somewhere. Now they play together and share pretty well, but I still play with them separately and give them their own time with me to play.

I know it is hard to separate them. Sometimes it depends how much space you have. My youngest Shadow has a fit if she cannot go everywhere in the house with me and will meow constantly until I am by her side. But my other cats enjoy having their own space too and it was helpful to spend extra time with each cat when getting them used to sharing with another kitty. Some kitties are more shy and will react this way when bringing a new kitten into the house. You may want to get him a new toy and play with it with him separately so that he has something special of his own. Sometimes when kitties gets withdrawn in this way this is the best way to give them confidence and make them feel reassured in the situation of a new kitty in the house. Having to share territory can be very overwhelming especially for shy kitties. You might want to try some sprays to calm them like feliway, this always seems to help when introducing new kittens. Getting comfortable with being groomed by a new kitten will probably take some time. Some young kittens will groom in a very playful way and even bite a little and some kittens and cats do not like this very much, especially if they are more shy or meek. Some kitties are more sensitive than others.

Giving treats is always a good way to reward them and encourage them to come in the room with you. I am not sure why they might leave the room when you watch TV. A lot of times I will actually sit on the floor and play with my cats while watching TV so that I am interacting with them at the same time.

 

[Columbine]

You could try playing with the new kitten first, and then take the more timid kitten aside for some one on one playtime.

My cats are very different ages, and for a long time Asha (then, a shy older kitten) would quit playing every time Shadow (13 year old king of the house) joined in. Over time she got more assertive, and now she'll happily play alongside him...though we often have an interesting situation where one is playing with me, and the other is stalking them :lol3:

You might find playing with them simultaneously (a toy in each hand) helps too. Stick with it. As they grow up I'm sure your original kitten will regain his confidence/assertiveness.

 

[crankydave]

You could try playing with the new kitten first, and then take the more timid kitten aside for some one on one playtime.
 

That's essentially what I do, though the new guy *will* come investigate the noise and poach the toy when he sees it. Original kitten clearly tries to leap and pounce as quietly as possible with one eye on the door of the bedroom.

 

[crankydave]

I managed to get OK - original kitten - playing again. The key seemed to be to use a toy that hasn't been touched, bitten, or drooled on by the new guy.

 

[Columbine]

That's great news. Hopefully he'll regain all his old confidence soon.

 

[crankydave]

Weirdly, they've switched places in the past week. I made a point of using different toys with each kitten, and Thing 1 is now the leaping, pouncing fiend he was when he was tiny, and Thing 2 sits back and watches. This is a mixed blessing, though, since Thing 1 has never had an off switch for his play drive. He'll redirect his attention onto Thing 2 once I put away the toys, who eventually gets tired of his shenanigans and hisses at him to leave him alone.

 

[Columbine]

:lol3: I guess that just shows its all been down to them working out who gets to be boss cat :catguy:

Hopefully Thing 2 will start playing WITH Thing 1 more soon, so you can have a little peace!