Struggling With Play Time

[calicosrspecial]

GREAT that they can be near each other and still have some of them play. GREAT!! Anytime they are together and they are focused on something else (so not view as a threat) it is a positive.

I love this post!! This is so positive. You are doing a great job!! Ember sounds like she is making progress because of you and play. Just keep up the great work.

There are 2 benefits from play: Confidence building and exercise. A confident cat is less likely to attack or be attacked. And of course exercise is good for their health. So there are a lot of benefits but I think oyu are starting to see Ember's confidence be built. This is GREAT.

I wish every animal owner was as great as you, as loving and caring. If they were, animals the world over would be a lot better off. I think you are an awesome person!! You are giving them the most precious things in life: your love and your time. Please be proud because you deserve to be.

Please keep up the great work and please feel free to update me or ask anything anytime. I am happy to help. You are doing a GREAT job!!

 

[Animal Freak]

Thank you so much for all the help and motivation. I'm happy to do my best for them. However, I'm posting now for an entirely different reason. I figured since I already have someone here and reading this and I'm hoping it blows over soon, I'd just post here. I'm also trying to be quick. I have to get up early and have to take a shower tonight and all these precautions. I have a problem though and I don't know what to do. I fed the cats tonight just like normal. Normal time, normal place. I know they eat rather close, but I've never had an issue other than, of course, when the boys get a bath. I don't know what happen, but all of a suddenly I heard hissing and the cats took off running. For some reason, Ember had attacked Ash. I don't know why. I had walked out of the room just moments before and they don't even eat next to each other. I always keep Frost in the middle since he doesn't have a problem with anyone. So I don't know if Ash did something or what, but she went after him with her tail all puffed out. I managed to grab her and brought her food in my room, but I hadn't shut the door quite all the wall to block her in because it doesn't normally take long for her to get over it. Well, she came out and she went and sat by the table while I was playing with the dog. I couldn't see her for a while, but her tail hadn't been puffed up and all was okay for a while. Then I saw her streaking through the room and right after Ash again. I had to run after her and grab her by the scruff and lock her in my room. I played with her again and let her eat. I carried her out of my room to let her see him but she was still rather tense so I left her for a bit and then let her come out to investigate. I really don't think I helped. After two attacks, I was really nervous and trying to stay calm, but it's hard. Her home here started very precariously since we were only supposed to have two cats and I'm terrified something will happen and someone will be injured and I'll have to give her up. At first I kept Ash close to me, but he left and so then I was nervous about her going after him. She ended up growling and so I put her up again. I can't have a cat in my room tonight so we have to lock to boys up in another room which I don't like because I don't know how it feels in there at night during summer. There's no heating or A/C out there, but it should get cooler at night. I'm hoping this all blows over on it's own, but I don't know. She normally gets over it fairly quickly and yet this time it happened twice. I don't know what to do. I guess we'll see if there's any problems in the morning, but advice would still be greatly appreciated even if it turns out to only be for future reference.

 

[calicosrspecial]

I am so sorry for not seeing this sooner.

Wow, I am really surprised at this.

Do you have ferals that come around at all? It sounds like redirected aggression potentially due to an intact feral coming around. Did you have the windows open? What time of day was it that this happened?

If something like this happens try to distract with voice, a pillow, anything to break the focus. Then try to let them be apart and to have time to settle down.

How did Ash act after this? The real tell is how they act after something like this. Was Ash hiding at all? Avoiding any places? Walking around cautiously? Low to the ground? If so for how long?

Tonight feed them as you always do but monitor. If you see her getting funny distract if possible.

Try to play as much as you can with her. To build confidence and to tire her out. Try to be as calm and confident as possible. I know it is hard.

Let me know if there are ferals around, I wonder if an intact male came around. Or marked near where they ate.

PLEASE let me know how things are going. I will try to check back tonight and the next few days.

 

[Animal Freak]

I didn't really expect a response right away. It was really bad timing. I feed them dinner at eight and that's when it happens. I've never noticed any feral cats, but I can't be for sure. We do frequently throw leftover food outside for birds and squirrels and there's a bird feeder outside. I haven't seen it attract any cats, but I can't say I really see what comes and eats the food either. We do open the window and had it open earlier that day. I can't say I remember if it was still open when I fed them, but they don't eat near any windows.

Ash would hide when it happened, but he gets over things fairly quickly. If he acted weird, I didn't notice. He just sat around. Right now he's in a window behind the curtains. I don't know if he's hiding there or just wants to be there. Unfortunately, we're still having problems. All is calm right now, but she was glaring him down and had him stuck behind the computer stand. I had to have my dad grab her and bring her over but she kept glaring and growling so I had him put her in my room. She's acting like he had a bath or something but I've no idea why. She doesn't usually search for him like this unless his scent is changed.

Honestly, this couldn't have happened at a worse time. I had to have surgery today which is why no one was allowed in my room last night. I'm pretty much stuck on the couch and am incapable of really doing much. In fact, I'm leaving in a few days so my mom can go back to work and I won't be back until next Sunday. My mom is going to have to take on my responsibilities which I hate to do but I will try to remind her to play with the cats as well as the dog.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Wow. Well firstly, I hope your surgery went well. I hope you get well soon.

Do you think you acted differently at all yesterday (given the surgery today)? Cats are incredibly intuitive and can pick up on our emotions. I wonder if Ember picked up on some anxiety. Something changed we need to try to figure out what it may be. It sounds like redirected aggression. There could be a feral coming around and marking as well. 8pm is a time they can come out. The scent can carry into a house from an open window. The only way to know is to black light the outside of the house really or see if there is any scent (but we humans don't always smell it).

The good news is he rebounded quickly. So he took it fairly well. Now being behind the curtain but that be because he wants to look out at the wildlife. The bad news is she was still after him cornering him behind the computer.

I tend to try to distract them with play if at all possible if a cat starts to act funny with another cat. If that doesn't work, then I try food/treats and if that doesn't a site blocker like a large piece of cardboard. Anything to break the focus. We want to redirect the focus to something enjoyable if at all possible. So she thinks "this is more interesting" and it also can help Ash build his confidence and not fear her as much. Do you think your mom or dad can distract her with play or something (even a firm and confident "no" or "Ember" not yelling but firm - anything to distract her focus on him and to get her to back off) ?

Please don't stress, it is not the best time but it never really is. We'll get through it. I actually have to leave in a week and will be gone for 2 weeks without computer access so more bad timing sadly. Ask your mom to step up play with Ember if possible especially where any confrontation happens. Also, get his scent on an old shirt and have that shirt by here where she feels most safe and secure (sleeping, hanging out). And maybe even by the food even if they are eating together. We want to try to associate his scent with good things (food) and feeling safe and comfortable. Also, if possible try to do the same with Ember's scent with Ash. A confident cat is less likely to attack or be attacked.

We don't want any bad feelings to grow so we may have to separate them and then reintroduce them. I prefer not to have to do this but this may be best. It really depends on how things go and how your mom can handle them. We just don't want negative feelings to grow between them.

She is feeling like he is a threat or taking out aggression on him caused by something else. We want to try to associate his scent with good things and safety.

I will check the thread tomorrow morning. Hang in there, get well, and please do not stress. I have dealt with this a lot and it can be handled.

 

[Animal Freak]

Thank you. It was nothing too severe. Something the doctors have dealt with a lot. I'm just a bit young. I'm doing fine though I do hate being so dependent on someone. I'm just on quite a bit of pain meds right now and I can't get up on my own or walk around much.

Now that you mention it, that could have been it. It's kind of weird that it happened during feeding time, but none of them were particularly playful last night and someone could have stuck his head into her food bowl. Up until yesterday, I did pretty good at not thinking much about the surgery, but last night was a bit stressful for me. I even gave my self sores in my mouth. And she is fairly attached. I've had some trouble keeping her from walking on me today.

I tried calling her when she was staring at Ash, but she wouldn't even budge. Normally she would back off immediately. Like I said, I will be leaving and won't be around, but that could be for the best. It could give them the chance to stop relying on my emotions since I am a very anxious person. I will bring it up to my mom to try to distract her if there's any more problems and I'm going to (attempt) to text her everyday to play with them. However, things do seem to have blown over. Maybe because I'm more relaxed after being put on medication and being able to lay around at home. I've learned my limits and with movement and whatnot so I don't think I'm quite as stressed. Ash came out of the window though and Ember walked over to sniff him. Then my mom brushed them all and gave them treats. All seems to be going well though my mom didn't want to take a risk tonight and so Ember is in my room with me. She offered to put the boys up in the back room again, but it would've been pointless to take their freedom way especially when there's two of them and only one cat box out there. Ember is fine in my room and that's where she spends most of her time.

If something else happens, I'll get back to this as soon as I can, but otherwise I'm not sure when I'll be on. I seem to have gotten over my grogginess, but who knows? Maybe it'll be back tomorrow. So if I don't respond, it's probably safe to assume things are going okay. I should definitely be on by tomorrow night though just to let you know what's going on.

 

[calicosrspecial]

I am so glad you got through the surgery and are healing. I hope you get back to your healthy self soon.

Cats do take on our emotions so it is very possible Ember sensed you were vulnerable and was protecting you or just feeling anxious and redirected etc. And I am so glad that Ember behaved when Ash came out of the window. How did Ash react when Ember sniffed him? Normal or a little cautious? It is always important to watch how they act and react because that tells us a lot. I am so glad to hear your mom did so well with them, brushing them and giving them treats. Anything to make them happier and feel more secure is very helpful.

Just rest up. I am here if you need anything. I will be gone in 6 days for 2 weeks and will not have access to the internet so sadly I will not be here either but I am highly confident that you have a lot of knowledge and know how to handle them and in the next 6 days and then when I come back I am very happy to help etc.

Please let me know if you have any questions as I will be on until next Thursday night. Good luck and get well soon.

 

[Animal Freak]

Ash seemed a little cautious but he remained calm. He does pretty well with letting her sniff him. Sometimes he gets over things a little too quickly. I know it's good he's calm and unafraid, but those sudden movements can spook her. He jumped off the couch shortly after she sniffed him and landed practically on top of her. I thought that was a very bold move on his part, but she reacted fine. Today it seems like there might still be a little tension. They're getting along okay though. No fights so far.

Thank you. I think things will calm down in the next few days so it should be okay. It doesn't normally last long. I just got worried because it lasted a bit longer than it usually does when she gets spooked rather than when they get a bath. That and the timing of it all, I figured it would be best to get some help.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Ok, that is not too bad. It doesn't sound like Ash really fears her which is good.

See if your mom can distract Ember if she starts looking a little funny, play, food, just distract. Anything to diffuse any potential tension.

You are welcome, don't worry, I totally understand. I am happy to help. I know how it is something happens out of the blue and tension rises between two cats. The key is to let them settle down, try to make them as calm and comfortable as possible, and try to do something positive with them like play or feed etc. Just anything to help them be calm and realize there is no threat and good things are to be had.

Please always feel free to ask anything, I am happy to try to help. Get some rest and get well.

 

[Animal Freak]

I will continue to keep an eye on them and I'll be sure to let you know if something else happens. Right now all seems well. She did a lot of sniffing him as if she had to make sure he wasn't a threat, but otherwise she's been fairly calm. Ember has been rather insistent on walking and/or laying on me. I feel really bad since she's not used to being pushed away, but we've come to a sort of compromise. She's laid on my legs periodically throughout the day. Ash has come visited me on the couch several times as well though he's the only one who hasn't tried to climb on me.

 

[calicosrspecial]

That is good. Hopefully it was just a passing thing.

Yes, cats can get attached and Ember is trying to figure out the change. Cats can sense things so I am guessing she wants to be there for you. Please do not feel bad, you have to be safe. Just do your best. It sounds like you have a good compromise. Just talk to her calmly and confidently and lovingly to help ease her.

I am so glad she is behaving better.

Get well soon and please keep up the great work.

 

[Animal Freak]

She's been very sweet and overall really gentle. She's the only one that lets me even touch her feet let alone play with them. Something I like to do for some reason. The last time she got on me, she really wanted to crawl up on my stomach and I'm not entirely sure why. It was a bit weird, but I had to hold her back. Eventually, she gave up and stuck with just having her paws on my stomach.

We did have a bit of a problem which wasn't necessarily surprising (or at least shouldn't have been) and wasn't her fault. My mom was playing with the dog and threw the toy right past Ash. I would have said something if I knew she was going to do that. Ash has gotten better with the dog, but he doesn't like her running past him. I'm not entirely sure what happened but he must have growled or something. Ember, of course, went chasing after him. I'm not too concerned as it's been an issue for a while and she normally gets over it as soon as she realizes no one was actually attacking her.

 

[calicosrspecial]

That is really sweet. She loves you and wants to be by you, to support you. To love you. I think it is lovely. Some cats are more close than others, Ember definitely is close. You too are very close. I am thinking more and more that Ember picked up on your stress and redirected onto Ash in the incident a few days ago.

Yes, I think you are right. Just try to work around the dog and Ash. Ember is just protecting. The more confident Ember gets and the more secure she feels she will get better but it will take time. She just has to know that Ash doesn't really mean harm to anything. Just keep working to build her confidence and distract her when needed and let her know it is ok.

I hope you are feeling better. It will be very telling to see how Ember acts with you gone. It will tell a lot. I do leave Friday for 2 weeks and will not have access to the internet unfortunately. But before and after I will keep checking. Don't worry, things will be fine, I am highly confident it is ok and will continue to get better.

 

[Animal Freak]

Ember has definitely been on my lap a lot today. Ash came over and laid by me. He's not a very sociable cat and doesn't like touching other than being petted so for him to put his head against me, let alone put his head on my hip, is very special. Ember laid behind him for a while. My mom is afraid of playing with them now because she doesn't want to cause any issues, but, while I'm not so cripple I can't flash a laser light around, I'll be leaving tomorrow afternoon and I'm not going to be here to do so. I have to decide whether or not I want to take the dog with me though I'd really rather not worry about her.

I'm getting better. It's a bit of a struggle to get up, but I'm able to move around relatively painless and have been going for short walks. Ember's been wonderful to have during all this other than the fact that she made me knock my glasses off the table at four twenty this morning and I couldn't bend over to pick them up.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Cats can sense our emotions and I am guessing they both are wanting you to get better. It is really sweet that they are loving you so much. It is also wonderful they were together with no incident. Cats really can helps us as we can help them. Wonderful.

I understand your mom's concerns. If she feels anxious then they could feel anxious so maybe it is best for now. Ask her to use food to help keep them happy. IF she does have less anxiety then playing would be good. Anything to make them happy and tire them out a bit. But if she isn't comfortable then it may not help anyway. Just ask her to be as calm and confident as possible around them. I am guessing Ember might be pretty subdued when you are gone but it is only a guess. I think they will behave pretty well but it is always tough to know. Let's hope I am right.

It is a tough call on taking the dog. Cats do not like change. If you don't take the dog are you worried about how Ash might interact with the dog causing Ember to be more difficult?

I am so glad you are feeling better and recuperating. Great news. There is always something, hopefully the glasses didn't break.

 

[Animal Freak]

I left for my grandmother's house. I didn't take the dog. I figured she'd end up excited with ask the people and I wouldn't be able to control her. Not to mention that's probably when she end up jumping on me. It just seemed like unnecessary stress. My mom is going to take her to my aunt's during the day so she won't be alone and can play with the puppies. I'm not overly concerned about her with the cats. I've left them before though only for a couple of days. Ash has been getting much better with the dog and the other night's incident was the first in a while. Honestly, who wouldn't be spooked if a dog the same size as them went running past like that? I told my mom is fairly easy to avoid though and did not let her let up on playing with them.

We did have a bit of an incident last night. For once, I don't think Ember actually started anything. Not that I've ever held anything against her. I know she had her reasons even if, to us, it doesn't make any sense. I didn't see what happened, but I think I've put together the pieces. Ash and Frost had been in my room and had been playing shortly before. I just saw a dark shape streaking out of my room and then hissing. Being an idiot and not thinking, I lurched forward. Fortunately, I did not hurt myself. It was all over before I even got out of bed, but I did go out there. Ash was sitting there like he wasn't sure what just happened. Ember was further down the hall staring at him with her tail puffed out. But she wasn't going after him which was unusually. I stepped in, made her walk away. She calmed down, tail went back to normal, and she went down the hall very nervously. Then she stopped and hissed at him, but when I intervened I heard Ash growling which was also strange. Well, he was in the way so I put him in the bathroom, got Ember in my room, and then let him out. I honestly think it would have been fine if I let her back out, but it was already midnight and I didn't feel like staying up much later. Not to mention, I'm not in the condition to be breaking up a fight if it did happen. So I left her in my room overnight. No issues the next day. I'm pretty sure Ash had gone running into the hall where Ember was laying, minding her own business, and he ended up scaring her. I don't know why he was growling or if that was what caused Ember to hiss, but that's the scenario I thought made sense.

Anyway, I'm not home now so there probably won't be many more updates. If my mom tells me anything, I'll let you know but I doubt there will be anything to worry about.

 

[calicosrspecial]

I think you made the right decision with the dog.

I take it the dark shape was Ash? It does sound a little strange (maybe a little territory thing going on?) and out of character but it sounds like it really wasn't bad. When things like this happen it is how they act after the incident that can tells us a lot. If they rebound and act normally shortly thereafter then it was just a minor incident. If a cat hides, avoids areas, etc then it was a bigger deal and we need to do more work. It sounds like this was just a minor incident. It sounds like they returned to normal quickly. You did a great job with them, handled it very well. I am glad there were no incidences the next day. So it probably wasn't too bad.

Your scenario makes sense.

Oh, you were not an "idiot" when you lurched forward, you were like we all would be, we reacted to something. Please don't be too hard on yourself. I would have done the same thing. I am glad you didn't hurt yourself though.

Please remember, I will check the site tomorrow night and then will not have access to the internet for 15 days. So June 18th when I back I will check the site. I am very sorry but I will be in a place that I will not have internet access. But I know you have a lot of knowledge and when I am back I am happy to help again.

Hope you are recovering and that all goes well. I will be around until tomorrow night and then will check the site on June 18. Get well and don't worry, you will do great with them.

 

[dustydiamond1]

Our ex-stray Gypsy doesn't like balls, catnip, climbing in boxes or most of the normal cat toys I have bought for her (thank goodness for store return polices) Her favorite toy is a shoe lace tied to a window blind wand to chase & jump for and lately a Jackson Galaxy segmented worm-like item. Sometimes she will play with a laser, at the end of play we always toss a stuffed toy into the laser path for her to make a 'kill' so she doesn't get frustrated. This would be a good thing for the dog too. We have a sturdy harness and take her outside into her old stomping grounds. More sniffing and laying down rather than actually walking.

 

[Animal Freak]

I would imagine the dark shape was Ash. It's him or Ember (Frost is pure white and doesn't qualify as dark) and I never saw Ember in my room. Plus she was further down the hall and I doubt she would have ran past him like that. Ash tends to get a little crazy at night and frequently runs through the house when the rest of us are trying to sleep so it wouldn't be strange for him to run like that. I think he just honestly startled her. I just don't know why he was growling.

dustydiamond1 : I would like to take them outside. We let them out on the porch sometimes, but watching three cats is difficult and we have a lot of dogs in the neighborhood. At least one of them has been known to get out. Eventually, I want to start letting them out back, but of course that means I have to start keeping up on cleaning the yard after the dog. I might try using a toy with the laser light though.

 

[dustydiamond1]

dustydiamond1 : I would like to take them outside. We let them out on the porch sometimes, but watching three cats is difficult and we have a lot of dogs in the neighborhood. At least one of them has been known to get out. Eventually, I want to start letting them out back, but of course that means I have to start keeping up on cleaning the yard after the dog. I might try using a toy with the laser light though.[/QUOTE]

Yes, Three would be too many. Is there any way to just take Ember out solo? We carry cross country ski poles in case of loose dogs and her harness is sturdy enough to lift her away from trouble if need be. How are you doing on your recovery?