Struggling With Play Time

[Animal Freak]

Ugh, I'm so sorry. There really is no excuse. At least not any that left me incapable of getting on. I was dealing with my own emotions and hoping I'd come with some more positive news. It's mostly my own guilt that's prevented me from returning to this site. Sadly, we did not take Ash to the vet. We saw him in the litter box Saturday morning and my mom decided to cancel the appointment. It's been one of my worst mistakes. I regret it terribly and I've been stressing myself out trying to keep an eye on him and see if he's been having any problems, even going as far as locking him in a room alone with a clean litter box overnight which gave few results. I'm still stressed trying to ensure he's peeing all right. I mean, he seems fine. He's playing, looking for attention, eating, and I have seen him in the litter box multiple times. I'm just not sure if he's peeing. He hasn't been urinating on anything outside the box though so I'm hoping that's a good sign. He doesn't usually hesitate to use a towel when he's having issues and there have been a few of them on the floor. It's really just me. I'm worried. I don't want to have an issue escalate and go unnoticed so I'm looking for any sign of discomfort or inability to pee, which I've found none. I suppose he's fine and doing well, but still I worry. And I assure you, this is not something I plan on doing again. The second there's a problem, he'll be going to the vet. I'd still like to talk to them about what we might be able to do to prevent future UTIs.

We did get another water bowl for my bedroom that they have all used. I can't sleep with it though so it gets unplugged at night. He's on his glucosamine and I'm putting water in his food to make sure he's getting enough. We got puppy pads to put down when he does have a UTI so that way (assuming he'll use them) we'll be able to see how much he's going and if there's any blood. It'll also save our towels and rugs. I also started a horrible habit. I started turning the faucet on for him and he just plays in it. I mean, I guess he gets some since he tries to bite the water, but he mostly just plays and now I can barely go to the bathroom without him following me in. Then he jumps up on the sink and stares at the faucet so expectantly I feel bad not turning it on.

Of course, on top of all this, I got sick Thursday and am still recovering, and this whole week has been a bit chaotic for no reason other than getting work thrown at me and I seem to find something to set my whole routine off balance. Then I'm running late and don't have the time to type a decent reply.

Other than all that, things have been okay. There have been a few incident, but none that had any lasting issues. The strangest was when I was playing with Ember using the laser light and she all of a sudden just stopped and started staring at something I couldn't see. She was perfectly still, wouldn't budge. I finally got up and walked over. She flicked her tail out from under a coat hanging on a chair and I saw it was all puffed up. Then I saw Ash just sitting in the doorway of the storage room. Don't know what had her all freaked, but she was definitely spooked.

The biggest incident was just the other night. Ember, for one reason or another, went at Ash. I don't know exactly what happened. I just heard some hissing which I've quit panicking over. Ash was curled up in my mom's room and Ember would go in there. My mom doesn't know who was growling, but someone was. I think it might have been Ash since he was all curled up and nervous while Ember was tense, but her tail wasn't puffed up or anything. However, it happened a few times before I actually got up. I picked Ember up and my mom picked Ash up. She wasn't even interested in him though. She was looking for an intruder so I carried her around a bit before she wanted to look on her own and jumped down. That was that.

I am concerned about Frost though. The hissing hasn't exactly increased a whole lot, but it seems more dramatic. The other day, Ember walked passed him and he made this weird croaking noise, slapped her twice, and then hissed. Then, even more recently, he was in my bathroom and Ash came up behind him. Frost looked over at him and hissed. Actually hissed! At Ash! It's not often those two are aggressive towards each other, especially Frost towards Ash. I don't know what to do about it though because I don't know what's causing it. They aren't touching him, aren't even usually looking at him. The vet said he was healthy. I don't know what it could be.

Another issue is Ember's weight. I finally got around to weighing her and the (extremely unreliable) scale said she was 11.8lbs. That's about the same as Ash. She is quite heavy when I pick her up, but she doesn't look it. Sure, you can tell she has a little extra fat on her, but she doesn't look obese or anything. She also hasn't lost any weight. She's playing quite a lot and has been cut back on her food and human food, so it seems like she should have lost some weight by now. Maybe not much, but at least a little. I don't know if she just has a low metabolism or if she's actually getting that much of the boys' food, but just hasn't lost any weight.

I'm considering making threads about Frost's hissing and Ember's weight issues, but it'll have to be when I have the time to type up the replies so it probably won't be until this weekend.

Sorry it's a lot. I had a lot to catch up on. There's nothing serious going on. They all seem to be fine and get along for the most part. They're tolerating Stella more and more and she's less and less fearful of them. I even saw her brush right under Ash's tail to get a drink and he just looked at her before walking away. She's been getting in their faces a lot though.

 

[calicosrspecial]

PLEASE do not worry about posting. The main thing is everything is ok with you and everyone.

I am here for you if you have positive news or not so positive news. I am sure we can get through anything or at least do what is best to make the best out of a situation.

Please do not feel guilty. I am sure you and your mom are trying to make the best decisions. I know it is hard. But I trust you two to do what is best. I am just so glad to hear that he is doing ok.

Please try not to worry. Remember cats take on our emotions so it is important we stay calm, confident and strong. We monitor to make sure all is well. We don't want to add any stress as that can make a situation worse. I know it is easier said than done especially when we love (and worry) our animal but we have to try and do our best. It sounds like you are monitoring well.

I know, I have done things that I regret but he';; get over not having the faucet on every time.

Just keep making sure he gets enough water (using food and wet food is great) and just keep your eye on him.

I am guessing the stress took your immune system down. I hope that you are feeling better soon.

Poor Ember. Sometimes things do spook them. The key is to reassure them especially in that area. Speak to them calm and confidently. Makes sure they are put at ease and feel secure. Play if possible. The faster they get over it and feel secure the better. It is then a learning experience and they actually build trust and confidence.

The Ember and Ash incident doesn't sound too bad. Growling is communication. As long as it is understood (and no fight happens) then they are acting like good cats. They tell the other and they respect each other. That is a positive. Avoiding fights.

Frost could just be feeling a little stressed. I don't know. Just do your best with him, be calm and confident, treat him like you always do with love. It is strange but they do go through this. One of my girls growled at her brother twice this week. I don't know why, something must have happened. But a fight didn't happen. Growls are communication. "Leave me alone" etc. The fact the other does is good. They are communicating and working through it. Just keep working on building his confidence in every way you can (play, food, height and love).

It is always tricky getting cats to lose weight. Just keep playing, watching the food. All you can do is your best. My boys struggle with weight. All we can do is our best. We jsut don't want them to lose weight too fast so just take it slow and do your best.

New threads are always good as it brings in new people and ideas. When you get time that will be fine. I can try to ask some people to look at them to get some new thoughts to.

PLEASE you do not have to apologize about anything. The length is never a problem. I am happy to try to help anytime.

I love to hear that they are getting along and getting along with Stella. I am proud of Ash. You must be doing a good job!!

Hang in there, we will get through this. The key is to not stress, just think things through and build a plan to move forward. We can handle and get through more than we think. Just believe in yourself, you have done a great job so far!!

 

[Animal Freak]

I know, I'm trying not to stress. It's getting easier as time goes on and there aren't any signs of issues. I'm still trying to catch him going pee. I'll feel much better after that. And I'm doing everything I can think of to make sure he's getting water. I've been keeping up fairly well on cleaning the bowls and I do turn on the faucet sometimes despite him not actually drinking it. He drinks pretty much all the water I put in his food.

The stress and the changing weather have definitely seemed to do a number on my immune system. The weather has been everywhere from the fifties to the eighties just in the past few weeks. It's a bit ridiculous.

None of our issues have been too bad. Nothing like they used to be. The one in my mom's room was one of the worst and that's just because it kept going. I'm not overly worried.

Frost's behavior bothers me because it's been so inconsistent and yet been going on for so long. I mean, he's such a loving cat. He's been spending a lot of time snuggling with me now that it's getting cold. I just don't know what could be causing this. It seems so random and yet I refuse to believe that's the case. Cats -animals- aren't aggressive for no reason.

I'm not trying to rush out or anything. I've only been trying to get her to lose weight for months now. I just want to make sure she's healthy.

One other thing I wanted to mention was that Ash was having problems getting a hairball up yesterday. Hairballs are a normal occurrence for him, but he threw up a total of five times before he got up any fur and it wasn't much at that. He didn't got a whole lot up at one time either. He had another hairball today too though that one seemed a little more normal for him.

 

[calicosrspecial]

I can totally understand your feelings and worry about him. You are doing your best. That is all anyone can do. As long as you are watching him and trying to get him as much water as possible it is good. I am glad he is drinking all the water you give him in his food. I am glad to hear that it is getting easier to handle the stress as time goes on. Vets or vet techs etc at the clinic you take them to usually are willing to answer questions so please don't be afraid to call them and let them know the situation. Then they can help you understand the situation better.

Stress and crazy weather can cause illness. Just try your best not to stress, try to get enough rest and eat as well as possible.

I am so glad none of the issues are too serious. As long as they aren't fighting and going back to normal fairly quickly after an incident then all is well. We still have to work to build their confidence and make every interaction as positive as possible but it is very manageable. My two feral boys have been acting up. Fighting before meal time then they eat together. I am trying to make sure it doesn't escalate. Maybe it is the time of the year, the weather etc. But as long as they don't carry on and act differently I am not too worried.

I know what you mean. It can be a number of things. That is the problem, cats can't just tell us. It could be general stress, it could be stress from other cats (inside or intact ferals), it could be discomfort or health. I always watch how they act, how they eat, how they use the litter box. I look for anything different. Avoiding areas, walking differently, etc. He isn't aggressive really, is he? More grumpy? Just let's keep an eye on him and try to be your loving self to him. Maybe we will see a sign of something or maybe it is just the time of the year and it will past. It really is being like a detective looking for clues all the time.

I understand about Ember. Yes, we don't want issues from being overweight happening down the road. I am sure there are many people on here with good insight so when you have time a new thread dedicated to that topic should be helpful. I would just say keep trying to get her to be as active as possible and watch her food intake.

Poor Ash. I am just not an expert on hairballs etc. Any time there is something different I always monitor. Always feel free to contact your vet. Just to get an expert opinion. And always monitor when something is different just to catch any issue early.

You are doing great with them, please do not be too hard on yourself. You really are doing well for them and just keep doing your best and loving them like you do.

And get well soon!!

 

[Animal Freak]

I hope he is okay. I'm going to watch him until I see him peeing normally or I know he isn't and needs to get to a vet. I feel bad that he's gone through so much. I mean, he's only six years old and he has arthritis and has had multiple UTIs. On top of that, there's all the times he's been attacked by Ember... He's been through quite a lot. Speaking of his arthritis though, he's been doing much better. Hardly gives me any trouble at all during brushing any more.

About the fighting during meal times, I've actually noticed something a bit odd. There have been fights, but they actually seem playful. It's kind of hard to tell since play fights look like real fights, but there hasn't been any hissing, spitting, growling, or puffed up fur. Ember is always the one to start it and Ash never does much in retaliation or attempts to continue it, but it always goes right back to normal afterwards and there was once that Ash flopped down on his side like he was ready to play. I'm unsure mostly because they've never played before. It's always been Ember and Frost. That and Ash does seem a little tense, often leaning away from her at first, but besides their history, nothing really makes it seem like a real fight.

No, it's not really aggressive. It's about as close as he's ever gotten to it though. He's actually eating better than he was there for a while. He tends to nibble of his food until Ash is done and then goes to eat Ash's food which seems a bit pointless, but he'll go right back to eating his food when I move him back. Litter box habits are harder to keep track of with multiple cats and multiple litter boxes especially since I'm not here all day, but I haven't noticed anything. He's playing with a bit. Really, most aspects seem to have improved, if anything.

I'll get on posting about Embers weight problem as well as Frost's issues. I got distracted today, but hopefully tomorrow. I need to post somethings on a dog forum about Stella too. I have a lot of posting to do.

Ash has always had hairball issues. Sometimes he'd have several in the span of a week. It seems to have lessoned, but I was worried about it being so hard for him to get up such little fur. My mom thought he might have gotten to a plant since we had to bring them in for the winter, but normally they throw up the plant if that was the case. This was just fluid and some fur.

Well, I'm trying. At times it can feel like I bit off more than I can chew with the four of them, but I'm determined to do my best for them. They don't deserve anything less.

 

[calicosrspecial]

I hope he is too. He seems like a wonderful cat. It sounds like he is happy. I know the UTIs and the arthritis but it sounds like he is happy. I am so glad he is doing better with his arthritis. It is wonderful he is doing better being brushed. And he is loved and taken care of. I would guess he thinks he is lucky.

Just keep watching him so if he does have a problem you can solve it before it gets worse. I know you will do what is ebst for him.

That is good. It can look scary when it is just play. I always figure it out (or try to) by how they act after. If it is serious and a fight they are more afraid etc if it is play they bounce back to normal quickly. If Ash and Ember are playing that would be awesome!!

That is really good to hear. Not aggressive, eating better. Playing a bit. Seeing improvement. That is good.

You are busy!!

Yeah some cats seem to have more hairball issues than others in my experience. MY one has it the other three don't (even though everyone grooms themselves and each other). I don't know why one and not the others. One would think he would have spit up the plant.......... just keep an eye on him. I wish I could help more on that issue.

I know the feeling. It can be overwhelming at times. I think you are doing a great job. There are always ups and downs but as long as we just keep moving forward and doing our best that is all we can do. There is no question in my mind that you have the drive and desire and knowledge to make it work. And from what I have heard you have done a great job and I am highly confident you will continue to. I know the emotions and how hard it can be at times but it really does make us better and therefore the animals better.

I think you animals are very lucky. You should be very proud.

 

[Animal Freak]

Yeah, I'm definitely relieved his arthritis doesn't seem to be bothering him so much. I thought we were going to have to go back to the vet just for that since it didn't seem like it was relenting. That's one thing I don't have to worry about. At least not for a while. I hope it doesn't get worse any time soon though.

It looks more like play to me. It's just their history that makes me wonder. If this was their first interaction at that time then I would automatically assume it was play. And I agree that, if this is play, it's awesome. Really, it's pretty great either way. Due to the fact that I'm not sure what it is, I haven't intervened and they haven't needed it. So even if it isn't play, they've been handling it on their own and getting over it swiftly.

I'm wondering if the hairballs doesn't have something to due with the fur texture, actually. I've had two cats who had issues with hairballs. Ash has longer fur than the previous cat, but they both share that really thick fur. Frost has fur just as long as Ash, but it's silkier and smoother and he's only had one or two hairballs in his life. Ember's is short and sleek and she hasn't had a single one though she eats the other two's fur so much I'm half surprised.

I'm going to get around to posting those topics today. Hopefully I'll get some tips about what to do.

I love them all and I'm very proud of our progress. It does get stressful and drains at my energy and my time, but they're worth it all and I wouldn't change a thing. Other than maybe my dog's sensitivity to noises. That can grate on one's nerves after so long. But she's still a great dog. Just a bit overexcited.

 

[calicosrspecial]

I am so glad he is doing better. I am not really familiar with arthritis in cats but let's hope it doesn't come back for a long while.

That would be great if it is play. You have it exactly right, if it is play or not it still is good that nothing bad comes of it.

I am not an expert on hairballs but your theory makes sense. Cats definitely have different types of fur. Very interesting thoughts.

Cool, I will be interested in seeing what others say in your threads. A lot of very knowledgeable people on this site. I think you will get great help and advice.

I can see how much you love them. I know what you mean, at times it is hard. But I totally agree, it is totally worth it. Seeing mine happy really makes me happy. I know I am better for having animals, going through the ups and downs. I think it really helps people be stronger and better.

Does Stella bark a lot? I tend to have big dogs but I have had small dogs at times too.

 

[Animal Freak]

I'm not familiar with it either, unfortunately. Or maybe fortunately? I guess I will be though.

I seem to come up with my own theories a lot with very little data. But it was the only connection I could think of unless it's something with their digestive system. It's just odd that Frost has such long fur and yet never has hairballs. It is very silky though. Everyone loves to pet his soft fur.

I did post both threads. I already of a number of great advice on weight loss. Only just got a couple of replies on the hissing, but I have gotten some possible suggestions. The people here really are wonderful. I have yet to have a bad experience in my time here.

Definitely stronger. Probably smarter too. You have to start thinking about all the little things, trying to piece it together. Especially with cats who tend to hide any pain or discomfort. It's a wonderful experience though. One I don't want to end.

Haha. Yes. Every. Single. Day. Usually more than once. She's very sensitive to car doors, knocking, yelling, or anything that could resemble one of those noises. It's usually more whining than actual barking, but we get plenty of both. We can't have anyone over without her getting so excited she's physically trembling and just whining constantly. She whines in the car, on the leash if we stop, sometimes even when she's not restrained by a leash but in a different place and still restricted on how far she can go. She's a very energetic, easily excited dog.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Yeah. Poor Ash. I just hope it stays away for a while. I am sure there are posts on here about arthritis in the health area.

It seems logical to me. It could have something to do with their digestive systems or maybe how much they groom at set times etc.

GREAT. I need to look at those threads. I totally agree a lot of great and knowledgeable people on here.

Totally agree!!

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. We had a little poodle that was exactly how you describe. A LOT of energy. We never got her out of it but it did improve.

 

[Animal Freak]

Yeah. Eventually I might need some of those threads. I do worry since he got it rather young.

Ash is definitely obsessed with grooming. He's either grooming or sleeping. Or trying to get attention. His for is so long and thick too. Ember eats it just fine though. She quite likes his fur.

Oh boy, that's reassuring. Lol. We were hoping getting spayed would help. No such luck. She was late though since my aunt (her previous owner) intended on breeding her once. Then we said maybe when she got older. We're still waiting for that. She's perfectly fine laying on the couch with me all day, but if something gets her excited... She's uncontrollable. She's such a good dog too. Very smart, very friendly. It's too bad were the ones that get to see her well behaved side. I wanted to get her into agility, but she loves people too much, doesn't like dogs enough, and she's a bit of a coward when it comes to getting in or on things.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Hahahaha. Ember. She eats his fur? Does she groom him?

Hahahaha, Stella. Yep, know that experience.

 

[Animal Freak]

Not often, no. But she doesn't have to. There's clumps of fur all over the house at all times. Especially after a wrestling match. She just had to come in and clean up after them. She'll eat every clump of fur she can find. And she takes off running if you try to get it from her though normally she'll end up dropping it along the way.

 

[calicosrspecial]

I know exactly how it is. Same here.

 

[Animal Freak]

Things were going so well I didn't have anything to say... Well, I'm back now.

Last night we had our first incident in a while. It wasn't serious, but it was odd. I heard a low rumbling, a noise commonly made by Ash, and then heard a light thump. Turned to see Ember pulling away from Ash with a mouthful of fur. I don't know what caused the growling, but it went back to normal immediately after.

There's more bad news though. Nothing serious yet, but I'm worried. Frost had been getting worse about his hissing. It was happening around three times a day(and that's just when I'm home!), but nothing came of it other than I did notice Ember hesitated to walk past him after he hissed and then kind of ran by. So I've been trying not to dwell on it and stress about it. Then it seemed to stop for a couple of days. All seemed well. Today I was sitting on the couch and I heard a hiss. I didn't freak out because it sounded like Frost and, well, it's kind of a common occurrence anymore. Then Ash came running out of the kitchen into the dining room, low to the ground. He paused, looked back, and jumped into the dining room chair. I was alert by this time, but highly confused. Then Ember came darting out and I sat up, ready to go break up a fight thinking I just have been wondering about who was hissing. But she stopped. She looked at Ash, kind of sniffing towards him, looked back a bit nervously, and walked to another small table in the dining room. A moment after that, Frost came strolling out of the kitchen like everything was just fine.

Of course, that couldn't be the last of our issues. Probably no more than ten minutes later, I was cleaning out the litter box in the bathroom attached to my room. Ash had been by the water bowl. I don't know when Ember even got in there, let alone what happened, but I heard a sharp hiss and some scrambling. Ran around my TV to see what was happening. Ash was on the cat tree all freaked out and Ember was at the base though she seemed fine. No puffed up fur or anything. Ash was a bit freaked out for a little while, but overall it was all okay. But I'm worried now and I don't know how to stop being worried. It seems like all this hissing is finally starting to affect Ember and I really don't want to end up at square one, except even worse because I don't know what's wrong with Frost to be able to fix it and so it would just keep going on.

I think it goes without saying that I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment. I don't know what to do. No one can tell me what's wrong with Frost so I don't know what to do to make it stop. And it's so weird how totally unprovoked and random it is. The only consistency has been that he's always been within a couple of feet of another cat, usually Ember. Right before and right after the hiss, he's completely fine. Doesn't at like anything is wrong at all. The same cat he hissed at moments ago, he's perfectly fine with and willing to sit next to.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Hissing is a way of communicating. A cat is telling the other one "leave me alone" or "mind your own business". So a hiss isn't great but it is not always that troublesome. I hear a hiss once in a while. As long as it doesn't escalate then it is a little worrying but not too worrying if that makes sense.

A growl is a bit more worrying. I just heard a growl the other day but they respected each other and moved on. But growls do worry me more. And after that I started a play session and some positive association after that.

And remember, cats do take on our emotions. When I hear this my stress doesn't go up at all. I guess I am immune to it. But I understand how stress can increase. But if it does then the cats can take it on and it can build on itself.

It sounds like Ember is maybe after Ash a bit. Now Ember is very close to you. Do you think you have been feeling more stress lately? I think Ember might pick up on it faster than the others because you two are so close. Is Ash walking around differently? Does he seem less confident? Or Ember?

The fact it is not escalating is very important and a good sign. So there communicating and respect for each other is working. But we don't want things to slip downhill. So keep trying to play with them. Keep trying to associate them with good things. Try to distract them before they get into anything. So if you are just relaxing have Ember sit with you. Things like that. Keep an eye on where these are happening and what times (you just came home, you had to do some things, etc). Look for anything that might be common. Watch how they are walking around.

I saw on the other thread that maybe Frost has some vision issues. It could be. As long as he is just communicating and not actually fighting then I am not too worried. But I know what you mean, when this happens to me I don't think more about why etc. But sometimes it is very tough to figure out.

I don't think you will be back at square one. Just keep trying to build their confidence and try to stay as calm and confident with them as possible. Distract them before they get into anything and if you can just keep your eye on them that can be helpful. I like to make sure one of them (the trouble one usually) is on me or hanging out with me etc. And then when someone else comes by I reassure and give them all attention and love.

Please let me know how they are carrying themselves and if they are playing, how they are eating together etc.

It actually doesn't sound to bad to me fore a multiple cat household. It is a lot like having a big family, people get in the way of each other and tempers can flare but underneath there is still a lot of love. We will get through this, don't worry.

 

[Animal Freak]

I understand that hissing itself isn't such a bad thing. It's just that it's happening so often and totally unprovoked. I think the lack of other issues is also a bit unnerving. Because there really isn't anything else. They're all eating better than ever since I started putting water in all their food. They're playing maybe not a ton, but more than they were and they seem fine around each other for the most part.

They seem to be getting along for the most part. Which is why I'm not on the verge of panicking. Tails are up and down constantly, no one really seems to be avoiding any areas or any other cat except while I was eating. Ash and Ember were both on the couch staring at me and Frost jumped up behind them. Ash immediately jumped down and seemed slightly hesitantly to approach when my mom called him over. I'm not sure if it was actual fear though or if he just decided it was too crowded.

I did consider my own stress. I really don't know if Ember reacted out of redirected aggression or reacted as a result of my own stress. That was very soon after the previous incident that had both Ash and Ember spooked, so I was feeling overwhelmed and confused since I didn't know what was going on with all of them. But I do feel like it's starting to bother them being hissed at constantly. I mean, the incident between Ash and Ember was very minor compared to other ones we've had, but Ash seemed really spooked so I think it's due to being hissed at twice in such a short span of time.

I am trying to remain calm. Unfortunately, I'm a natural worrier and tend to stress over things that don't matter, let alone the things that actually do matter, so it can be hard. That's why I typically just try not to dwell on it too much since that just makes me worry about it even more.

Really, the hissing wouldn't bother me as much as it does if it wasn't my concern of it putting a strain on all of their relationships. I'd also probably feel better if I knew what was causing it. I'm hoping it isn't hearing/eyesight loss because there's not much I can do about that and I don't want him continuing to stress them out. Of course, it's not really looking so good since it doesn't seem like anyone can come up with anything else.

 

[calicosrspecial]

I understand. I am so glad to hear they are eating well and playing a bit more. That is great.

Just keep an eye on Ash. It seems like maybe he is exhibiting a little less confidence or something. Because it seems like the incidents are more centered around him. Like why did he jump down when Frost jumped up? He could have been uncertain or like you said it was too crowded. And he was a little hesitant going to your mom. So a few minor signs, nothing major though but something we want to watch. In a situation like that I usually tell mine "it is ok" and "good boy". Things like that. Calm, confident.

But it is great that they are getting along for the most part.

It is hard to know. You are right, after an incident they can be "amped up" so a small thing can set them off. I always try to just calm them down, keep them from getting into to it with each other. And trying to diffuse the situation as best I can.

For example, this morning my one girl went up to another girl who was relaxing on the cat tree and there was a big hiss. Why? I guess she didn't want to be bothered or joined. The girl that went up was like "whoa, where did that come from?". So I called her over, gave her some love, then reached over and gave the other one love. And diffused any potential situation. They have been fine so far. I didn't even flinch. I just went into calm mode.

I totally understand the worry. As you get more experience your instinct will know more when to worry and when you don't have to. I too worried a lot. But we learn to deal with things. That worrying can only distract us from finding solutions. And with experience we learn that things tend not to be as bad as we fear. And if we stay calm and with a clear mind we can figure out a solution to get through the issue. You are definitely not alone in worrying, we all go through it. I figured out worrying doesn't solve anything, only good thinking, plans and actions can. I think you are intelligent and capable so I think you can think your way through pretty much anything (animal or otherwise).

I think your cats have a wonderful loving house and family. And judging by what you tell them they enjoy their life. I know we want perfect for our loved ones but perfect isn't really possible but really really great is. And I think you are doing everything to make their lives as great as possible.

I know what you mean, it would be nice to know what is causing it and then addressing that. But sadly there is a lot we will never know. It is too bad cats can't tell us. So we have to investigate, watch, think and do our best to address the situation. I tend to default to building confidence and making sure they know they are loved, wanted and well taken care of. We can only do what we can do.

It could be health or stress or something outside or the changing of the seasons. We just don't know. But we'll keep watching and see.

If every cat in the world had a parent that loved them 10% of how much you love your cats and dog they would be very lucky. I guess what I am saying is please do not be too hard on yourself. I know you love them and I know you do the best for them. And I suspect that they are very appreciative of the life they have. They tell you by cuddling, rubbing, etc. It sure sounds to me like they love you a lot.

Just keep playing with them, giving them love, associating them with good things, trying to make their encounters with each other as positive as possible. Cats can go through times that do not make sense. I am helping someone right now that has some serious issues going on. We can't figure it out but we keep trying to eliminate things and observe and work on confidence. We just have to keep doing our best. I know you will.

Please keep letting me know what happens etc. We'll keep trying to figure it out and improve the situation.

 

[Animal Freak]

I'll definitely be watching them closely. Of course, I say that and I'm not home right now. I'll be going back tomorrow night. I really hate being away from them. Not even just because of all the issues, but because I like to know that they're all getting the love and attention that they need as well as the proper amount of food and whatnot. My mom is a good person, but she isn't like me when it comes to obsessing over their care. The issues we've been having just makes me want to be away even less. Though, honestly, they might be better off without me at the moment. I think I needed a little bit of time to collect myself and stop worrying over every little thing. Maybe it'll be better when I go back and I can stay calm.

One of the only times I've seen any aggression whatsoever between the boys was over the cat tree, actually. It was a while ago, but I think I opened the curtain (not something that happens often) while Frost was sitting on top and Ash just jumped up there almost on top of him then looked at him and hissed. I thought it was rather rude that Ash almost jumped on Frost and decided to hiss at him, but Frost didn't seem to take it seriously.

Overall, I think I've done all right when it comes to staying calm while in the situation. I tend to act before I have much time to think, really. It's after the fact when I'm trying to sort everything out, figure out what went wrong, and how I can fix it that I start to stress myself out. I get stuck in my head pretty easily. I don't worry about the little things as much so there has been some improvement. I had mostly gotten use to Frost hissing and pretty much stopped reacting though, of course, it still bothers me. And I'm much calmer during their meal times. Sometimes, when I hear a thump, I do tense a bit, but it's usually either because it startles me or because it's still kind of instinct to prepare to intervene rather than fear of something happening. Honestly, I don't think I'm entirely used to the amount of cats either. Our limit has always been two and I feel like it was kind of easier for them to get along at that amount. There weren't really any concerns about territory at that point and the boys' personalities really fit well. Not that I regret Ember or anything because I could never feel anything negative towards her, but it seems the more cats there are, the harder it is to retain peace. The boys might compliment each other, but I think Ember is the one that compliments me. I don't know how I bonded with a hyperactive, people-loving dog. Lol.

Not knowing definitely bothers me. I don't like not knowing what's wrong or what I can do to help. It just makes everything worse. Sometimes I wish they could speak. Then I think of how often they'd all be bothering me for something and I change my mind. But in situations like this, it would definitely be helpful.

I was planning on adding another fifteen minute play session with the laser light for Ember (because 30-35 minutes isn't enough) to help with her weight loss. I think I'm going to split up the dog's half hour since she tires too quickly so I'll give Stella fifteen minutes and then Ember fifteen minutes of play and Stella will get her other fifteen minutes at her normal time. Maybe I'll add a session with the wand for Frost? I don't know. He doesn't play a whole lot, but I could give him Stella's original fifteen minutes. I'm not sure if that would be spaced out enough though. It would be one session at 7 and another at 7:45.

I was also intending on going back to a daily training session since I quit doing that. I slacked off. Then, of course, I started worrying about Ember's weight and didn't want her getting extra food. I think it'll be worth it though. They don't have to have many treats and it was a good way to get all four of them near each other while having a positive experience so I think it'll be helpful in building confidence and trust in each other.

I hope they're happy with their lives. I would give them everything if I could, but that's not possible. As it is, I try to make sure they have everything they need. Plus some things they don't need. Like all the toys they don't play with. Or the ones that are forever lost. They really are my best friends as sad as that may seem to some. I can't seem to keep human friends, but my animals stuck with me. I like to think that they didn't run away when they had the chance means I'm doing something right. They are all rather affection now though. They want my body heat.

 

[calicosrspecial]

I know exactly how you feel. It is hard to balance being away with being there. But from what I can tell your mom does a good job with them. I do think they are better off with you around but I think they are in good hands when you can't be or need a break. I think your cats are in good hands. Don't worry and please do not be too hard on yourself, you really are giving them a great life and doing well for them.

Things like that happen all the time. Whether the other cat knows the other one is there or not it does happen. At least it didn't cause a fit. They worked through it.

I am glad that you think you do alright when it comes to staying come while things are happening. I think you do a very good job too. I know what you mean, you think about what you could have done to avoid something happening etc. And that is good, just don't expect perfection since it is hard to achieve. I trust you do your best and I know your best is great. So learn from experiences but don't be too hard on yourself.

You third paragraph is terrific. There is so much thought and analysis. I am impressed with your understanding of yourself and the situation. You are so right, adding another cat is almost exponentially more difficult. I had four and added a fifth. It was harder. I realized I am at my max. I have ferals I take care of. It breaks my heart every day that I can't take them in but I know I can't make it work. All we can do is our best.

I know, it is hard to accept the limited ability to know. But again all we can do is our best. You actually made me laugh when you mentioned the result if they could talk!! But yes, when there is a problem it would be nice if they could talk. But humans who can talk don't always communicate feelings etc so ...................

Your plan on play is wonderful. Try it and see how it works. I don't think the spacing should be a problem.

Daily training and play is great. Any play is great, confidence building.

I think they have a great life and are very lucky. I am pretty sure they would agree. Your love for them is wonderful. Things are nice but love is the greatest thing in the world. You give them yours.

I think it is wonderful they are your best friends. Be proud. I think you are doing a lot of things right and a great job!! You let your love guide you. TERRIFIC.

I am surprised you say you can't keep friends. Maybe they are not good enough for you? I have to say, you seem like a very good person. People would be lucky to have you as a friend. True friends are hard to come by but when you find one you will know and it will be special. And they will be lucky to call you a call true friend and I hope vice versa.

You are doing a great job, please don't be too hard on yourself and keep up the great work!!