Struggling to deal with the sudden death of our cat

[RemT]

Hi all,

Mine and my partners cat didn’t come home on Saturday night (usually she’d come back late evening and we’d shut her in but a few times she’d stayed out later and we’d leave window open for her). We were worried when she wasn’t in her bed in the morning. I went out to look for her early Sunday morning but couldn’t find her - I knew something was wrong as she would always be there waking us up for her breakfast without fail!

I joined a missing cat group and the latest post was our worst fear.. someone had found a dead black cat in our area. I was in panic and felt sick and ran out onto the street crying trying to find out where this was. The person who found her called me and said it’s best I didn’t come and identify her as she was in a bad way. The kind person took her to the vets and they checked for microchip although it couldn’t be found due to her injuries
But I knew it was our precious cat. The vet said it was most likely a car incident, although she was found in the middle of a grassy area.

We’d not long celebrated her 1st birthday.

My partner and I are absolutely heartbroken. I recently suffered the loss of a family member and our amazing cat really helped me through it, being my comfort and always there for a cuddle, always happy to see me and keep a routine going. I don’t know how I would cope without her. I feel so bad for how things ended for her, and feel so guilty. She had been in earlier in evening as we were going out - we were going to shut the window but as it was a sunny evening we thought we’d let her have the option to go out. The ‘what ifs’ are really hurting right now.

Our beautiful girl is gone. I can’t bare thinking about her little body. I really hope she didn’t suffer.

Has anyone got any advice of how to cope with the loss of a cat/pet in general? Things will never be the same we are really struggling to see how it will get better and playing things over in my head

 

[Norachan]

I'm so sorry RemT



I've lost cats to traffic accidents too. I don't let my cats out anymore after losing previous cats that way, it's just too heart breaking.

We have some links here that might help you.

Thoughts For Grieving Cat Lovers

I found the best thing you can do is just cry as much as you need to, but remember to breathe. Tears and deep breaths are your bodies way of processing the grief. Plant a tree or a flowering shrub in her memory, then you will have something positive to watch grow as you get over your loss.

 

[di and bob]

Yes, things will never be the same......over time the sharp edges of grief will dull and you learn somehow to live with your memories. It's up to you to decide which ones, to dwell on her end and all those should haves, could haves that only bring pain and misery, or to let in the wonderful ones of her giving comfort and her loving presence in your life.
In the beginning, it is easier to let the pain consume you, to run your life. Then your spirit will revive and help you to see the beauty in life and everything it brings. The human soul cannot sustain such pain forever. Grief means pain, and nothing can actually live with it forever. These horrible things can happen in our lives to remind us how precious, how huge it is to have someone so special in our lives that we love and who returns it. And how it can change in the blink of an eye. Concentrate on her love, the 'essence' of her that surrounds you still, is tied to your soul and always will be. That part of her, the bond of love that ties your souls together, is spiritual, so eternal. It can never be taken from you, her new path will forever parallel your own life's journey.
None of us are perfect, none of us can foresee horrible things in our future in order to avoid them. Just as none of us can change the past, no matter how much we want to. So just as you would want for her if you were the first to go, go forward into life and seek what it has to offer. For now, you must grieve the loss of her physical presence which filled up so much of your world. But in time, that hole will be filled or should be, with new loves, each one irreplaceable and unique. To reside besides each other, giving each other meaning and strength. New joy to a grieving heart. You can never replace that sweet girl, but you can make her love have even more meaning by sharing it and allowing it to grow. There is no truer saying than "don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened". It's hard, though one day you will smile through your tears.
Give some cat food and litter to your local shelter, pat a lonely animal on the head and make their day a little more bearable, do it to make yourself feel a little better about yourself, and do it in your beautiful girl's name......
My heart goes out to you and yours. We are here to let you know it DOES get better. But it takes time and lots of it. You WILL survive, just as so many of us have, but you have to take that first small step forward back into the world of the living. One day at a time.....RIP sweet little girl. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[betsygee]

I'm so sorry about the loss of your precious kitty. It may not seem like it now, but things really will get better with time. Grief has to run its course, no matter how we want to get past it. My heart goes out to you and your partner, these kinds of losses are so hard.

 

[sarah430]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost a cat this way and it was really hard. And I struggled with guilt. I made a few picture collages of him that I have around the house (one is a magnet on my refrigerator). Remembering the good times helped. And please don't beat yourself up. My Ezlo was an indoor/outdoor cat and I vowed to keep my current kitties as indoor only. But they still have gotten out a few times - things happen. The thing with our fur babies is most likely we will lose them at some point - whether accident, illness or old age. It may have been short but you gave her a good life.

Sending hugs.

 

[Maria Bayote]

When I was a kid I lost my first cat due to a car accident. She was run over in front of me, and died before my eyes. As a kid I did not yet understand the severity of shock, then grief. It was probably the reason why for many years I refused to take in cats as pets because I thought they could not be kept indoors, and I never wanted to feel or face the same pain and loss ever again. I was so filled with anger and guilt but I did not really understand those emotions at that time.

But, grief can be healed in time. Every person process grief differently, so others may heal quickly while others take a long time. Take it one day at a time. As mentioned beautifully above by Norachan , you can cry and cry, "but remember to breathe".

I know there are no proper words to really alleviate your sorrow, but please remember you are not alone. We are all here for you. Should you need somebody to talk to, you can send any one of us direct messages.

Hang in there.

 

[KK300]

RemT
We also lost our 1yo cat due to a RTA, it was just awful. The only consolation was that it was likely instantaneous.
I was so angry at the person who did this, but eventually realised that it was likely an unavoidable incident.
We still love and remember our cat ten years later.

Thinking of you.

 

[KK300]

We lost our just-less-than-1yo cat Itsy to a road accident, ten years ago. It was heartbreaking. I made a photobook of him, and kept some of his fur that I found on a cardigan. We planted a rose, which is thriving to this day. It felt so unfair, he was so young.

We think of him every day. He will never be forgotten.