Hello all. Longtime lurker, first time posting. I hope this is landing in the right forum spot.
Ultimately, I'm posting to ask a question about how to know the "right" time to get a new cat(s) after losing one? I thought I did, and now I'm not sure...
The longer version: I lost my only cat Loki after 12 years of companionship, after a short but difficult bout with illness. I still grieve for her and struggle with the guilt surrounding her euthanasia. For longer than she was in my life, I've also struggled with bouts of anxiety. That anxiety never was centered around her until the month or so around the end of her life, which was the worst episode I'd ever known and I struggled not to let it affect my care for her. I started therapy shortly before I lost her, and it's helped. As I got out of "crisis mode", I started to feel better about Loki's life and the fond memories were easier to enjoy. I felt like I was building good coping skills for the anxiety too. About 6 months have passed since her death.
A few weeks ago, I started looking at adoption listings to find a new cat companion(s). I've been working from home during the pandemic, and see that as an ideal time to welcome a new family member when I can focus on bonding with them in a calm, quiet house. That opportunity is going to end sometime, as work goes back to "normal" in the office. It didn't bother me at all to look at listings of lots of sweet kitties, many of which looked so much like Loki. I could imagine them roaming the house and playing. I've got all of the cat "hardware" still at the ready. I've gone so far as to complete an application and be cleared to adopt a pair of bonded little ones, abandoned at a very early age but now rebounding in foster care. The process has taken a few days, now I'm to the point where I arrange to go meet them in person - and I'm hit with an anxiety attack. It faded as quickly as it came, but my head was spinning with all of the potential things that could go wrong in the entirety of their lives, all at once. All of the joy that I could anticipate in adopting these (or any) kitties now seems to pale in comparison to the risk I'd be taking by changing the cat-less life I'm living now. It makes no logical sense to me, but that's anxiety for you. I spent the rest of the evening journaling, asking Loki aloud for her advice, and telling her how much I still missed her. I think about her often, but have cried more tonight than I have in months combined. The "progress" I thought I had made seems to have vanished.
I was confident that I could give these kittens all of the TLC they would need to thrive and grow old together, and I know they would likely bless me with lots of happiness in return. I am no longer confident that my anxiety will not get in the way of those good intentions - that I'll fly off the handle with every errant sneeze and have my fear rub off on them. It's embarrassing that I made it this far in the adoption process thinking that I was ready for new babies, and then panic sets in at the last moment. But it's too serious of a matter to just go ahead and adopt, and assume I'll be just fine through it all. I can't just keep the foster mom waiting. The decision seems daunting. If I rescind my offer to adopt that seems like a good decision for now, but I also worry that it's just kicking the can down the road and I'll hit this roadblock every time in the future. Ironically, if I had seen these kitties in a pet store adoption display or otherwise had the ability to act on impulse, they'd already be home with me and everything would probably be fine. Having time to weigh my options leads me to endless thought spirals and usually leads to me chickening out.
I'm prepared to contact the foster family and back out. This is too big of a thing to have any doubts about. Those kittens are flat-out wonderful and I know they'll find a loving home, though I do wish it could be mine.
Has anyone else here had the combination of anxiety and grief get in the way of bringing new pets into your lives? Thanking you all in advance for any thoughts, and for making it to the end of this post!
Ultimately, I'm posting to ask a question about how to know the "right" time to get a new cat(s) after losing one? I thought I did, and now I'm not sure...
The longer version: I lost my only cat Loki after 12 years of companionship, after a short but difficult bout with illness. I still grieve for her and struggle with the guilt surrounding her euthanasia. For longer than she was in my life, I've also struggled with bouts of anxiety. That anxiety never was centered around her until the month or so around the end of her life, which was the worst episode I'd ever known and I struggled not to let it affect my care for her. I started therapy shortly before I lost her, and it's helped. As I got out of "crisis mode", I started to feel better about Loki's life and the fond memories were easier to enjoy. I felt like I was building good coping skills for the anxiety too. About 6 months have passed since her death.
A few weeks ago, I started looking at adoption listings to find a new cat companion(s). I've been working from home during the pandemic, and see that as an ideal time to welcome a new family member when I can focus on bonding with them in a calm, quiet house. That opportunity is going to end sometime, as work goes back to "normal" in the office. It didn't bother me at all to look at listings of lots of sweet kitties, many of which looked so much like Loki. I could imagine them roaming the house and playing. I've got all of the cat "hardware" still at the ready. I've gone so far as to complete an application and be cleared to adopt a pair of bonded little ones, abandoned at a very early age but now rebounding in foster care. The process has taken a few days, now I'm to the point where I arrange to go meet them in person - and I'm hit with an anxiety attack. It faded as quickly as it came, but my head was spinning with all of the potential things that could go wrong in the entirety of their lives, all at once. All of the joy that I could anticipate in adopting these (or any) kitties now seems to pale in comparison to the risk I'd be taking by changing the cat-less life I'm living now. It makes no logical sense to me, but that's anxiety for you. I spent the rest of the evening journaling, asking Loki aloud for her advice, and telling her how much I still missed her. I think about her often, but have cried more tonight than I have in months combined. The "progress" I thought I had made seems to have vanished.
I was confident that I could give these kittens all of the TLC they would need to thrive and grow old together, and I know they would likely bless me with lots of happiness in return. I am no longer confident that my anxiety will not get in the way of those good intentions - that I'll fly off the handle with every errant sneeze and have my fear rub off on them. It's embarrassing that I made it this far in the adoption process thinking that I was ready for new babies, and then panic sets in at the last moment. But it's too serious of a matter to just go ahead and adopt, and assume I'll be just fine through it all. I can't just keep the foster mom waiting. The decision seems daunting. If I rescind my offer to adopt that seems like a good decision for now, but I also worry that it's just kicking the can down the road and I'll hit this roadblock every time in the future. Ironically, if I had seen these kitties in a pet store adoption display or otherwise had the ability to act on impulse, they'd already be home with me and everything would probably be fine. Having time to weigh my options leads me to endless thought spirals and usually leads to me chickening out.
I'm prepared to contact the foster family and back out. This is too big of a thing to have any doubts about. Those kittens are flat-out wonderful and I know they'll find a loving home, though I do wish it could be mine.
Has anyone else here had the combination of anxiety and grief get in the way of bringing new pets into your lives? Thanking you all in advance for any thoughts, and for making it to the end of this post!