Sonic. 1st Nov 2006 - 8 Jan 2022

epona

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I've been struggling to post this thread for nearly 2 months now.

My darling boy, my love, who loved me more than anything in the universe will ever love me (and the feeling was mutual), passed away on 8th January 2022.

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I am still struggling to cope with this monumental loss.

There's no sorrow involved in his life, he doesn't have a heartrending story, he never knew a day of hardship (other than dreaded vet visits) or wanted for anything, I got him from an ethical breeder of Siamese/OSH (who I have remained in contact with and is now a friend) - I visited when he was 8 weeks old (with a view to meeting the kittens and maybe reserving one to adopt once it was old enough) to meet the litter, the breeder, and be interviewed.

I thought I might want a cat I could show (as well as being a beloved pet first and foremost of course), but then this little blue boy who was the one out of the litter who wasn't show quality (his siblings did well at shows however), took a liking to me.

He climbed up me, marched onto my arm, and stretched out along my arm to have a nap. All thoughts of having any other kitten were gone from my mind, "I want this one" I squeaked in a wave of emotion that this little kitten had put so much trust in me, to sleep on me the first time we met, and be so certain about it at that. It was difficult to say goodbye to him after that visit because I had fallen in love with him, but it was way too soon for him to leave his mum and it had been agreed that he would live with me when he was ready to leave for a new home in a few weeks, so I was filled with joy.

He spent most of the rest of his life either on me, or complaining that he couldn't be on me right now. I used to joke that I should get one of those on the chest carriers that people use for babies, because Sonic would be at his happiest if I was carrying him around all the time. If I went out, he'd complain very loudly when I got back, but he never bore a grudge - he would just be extra clingy and want even more cuddles.

He used to push his little head against my face all the time. As he was OSH, we would have little conversations together almost constantly, talking back and forth, me talking to him and him "Waahing" and "Oooohing" like OSH do.

He was incredibly intense - I always felt like he took everything extremely seriously, he wasn't a mischievous or funny or lighthearted cat like some (my Radar, may he rest in peace my sweet little jester) are, and the thing he was really most serious about was how much he loved me and wanted to be on or next to me every minute he could - and always looking at me all the time. It is difficult to describe how attached to me he was and it just makes me tear up that he is gone, that fact seems too enormous to bear.

He gradually lost some weight during 2021, so I had a load of tests done in late summer - blood tests, urinalysis, and an abdominal ultrasound. None of those tests picked up anything untoward or of major concern.

I took him to the vet on 8 November 2021 for his scheduled checkup, he hadn't lost more weight, fantastic. Vet said he looks in good health, just keep an eye on him in case he loses more weight.

On Christmas Eve I thought he had lost a bit more weight and phoned to book an appointment for 3rd January.

At that appointment on 3rd January I was told that he didn't look in a good way and gave my permission for urine to be taken direct from his bladder for immediate analysis. Then there was the worst news - he wasn't concentrating his urine at all meaning he was in end-stage renal failure. I sat sobbing while the vet told me that my best friend had days rather than weeks and that for now I should just take him home and make him comfortable, I was assured he wasn't currently in pain but would soon become very unwell.

We spent a few more days together (I didn't leave his side) and he had a very happy few days being cuddled and loved and having everything he wasn't normally allowed to eat, but then stopped eating much and deteriorated rapidly in his last few hours and I knew the time had come.

I took him to the vet and held him while he passed.

I am still so devastated, it's taken me hours to write this post. and this is the first time I've felt able to write and post this final goodbye to him. I know you folks will understand though.

Sonic Boom. 1st November 2006 - 8th January 2022

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(I'd deeply appreciate it if people could not post any religious based platitudes or sympathy type things, I am not religious and it just hurts more when people say things like you'll be together again, or with the angels in heaven etc.)
 
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di and bob

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I'm so sorry for your loss. Here, where most have lost a little one, we can empathize with you because we have stood in your shoes. The love you shared with that sweet boy is a deeply personal one. No one else in this world will ever know or feel what you two shared. What made up that precious boy, his 'essence' will always be a part of you, through your memories and what you shared. I hope that one day those sweet memories will bring you comfort instead of pain, but it takes a long time to heal a broken heart. Take care of yourself, we are here if you ever need to talk. For now just get through the next minute, the next hour, the next day. One day at a time......RIP dear Sonic. You will be dearly missed, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart.
 

mrsgreenjeens

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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my soul cat too, now it's been several years and of course I still think of him and miss him so much, but as di and bob di and bob said, the memories now are happy ones, remembering the wonderful times we had together. My boy died from kidney failure too. It's devastating. For now, hold Jakey tight, and together you will get through this pain.
 

fionasmom

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I am so sorry for your loss. Sonic was a gorgeous boy, and it is easy to see that he was a very serious guy from the expression on his face....so focused on you. You said in the beginning that Sonic did not have a heartrending story as we have come to expect from so many memorials. But it made me very glad that he was one of the lucky ones who was born responsibly, placed in a carefully chosen home, and only knew happiness and love with the person he adored. All cats should be so fortunate. Kidney disease can be insidious and you fought the good fight beside him and released him when he needed to be. He knew from the start that you were the one for him.
 

Maria Bayote

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Crying as I read. Whew. The pain of losing a dearly beloved furry companion does cut us through the bone.

I am sorry that you are going through the pain of loss. Take it one day at a time, although I also believe that grief does not really fade away. It just gets a bit mellowed in time.

I just lost one of mine too several days ago, and posts such as this make me cry buckets. It's hard. But hard as it is, we have to move on at one point and not dwell on sadness anymore. Hang in there. Be strong.

If you need anyone to talk to, we are all here for you.

Sonic was a beautiful boy.
 

Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Sonic, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Sonic lived, breathed, and had his being wrapped safely in your love, and he left the world wrapped in your love. And he lives on in your heart and your memories. I wish that for every cat...
 

betsygee

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What a beautiful tribute to such a special and well-loved cat. My heart goes out to you, and I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Sweet Sonic, what a gorgeous boy. :rbheart:
 

+Jeffrey+

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What a handsome boy! So sorry for your loss. The pics of him laying by your keyboard and in your lap reminded me of my 2 dear cats, Lady G. and Kobe. They did that all the time! And I loved every minute of their company.

Best wishes to you in the days ahead.
 

Sammywoody

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I am so so sorry for your loss and totally understand the heartbreak you are feeling right now. What an absolutely gorgeous boy.
I wish for you the strength to get through each day and that you are able to find joy again. He will always have a special place in your heart and you were very lucky to have been part of each others lives. To say good bye is the hardest thing on earth to do. I’ve no doubt he knew he was loved with every fibre of your being and hope one day you can find comfort in that x
 

Antonio65

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epona epona , your pain is so immense because you didn't lose a cat, or a friend, or a family member.
You lost part of your own soul and heart.
You were one thing, one soul, one heart, one living being. He couldn't live away from you, far from you, and he let you know every time you would come back home. And I am sure you had the same feeling, I'm sure you couldn't wait to be home to stay next to him, with him.
You are feeling this tremendous pain because you have lost a part of yourself, both physical and spiritual.

I know what that means. When you wrote that he loved you more than anyone else could ever love you (and I am sure this was mutual), you were describing the kind of bond I had with my Lola. That's why, as you have witnessed in my thread, my pain has never vanished, even 5 years later. A part of my heart is still missing.
A part of your heart has gone, too, this is the pain you feel.

I wish you get better sooner than I am struggling to get.
Your Sonic will be with you always because you weren't meant to live apart.
Take care.
 
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epona

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Thank you Antonio65 Antonio65 - I think it will be the same for me with Sonic as it is for you in remembering your beloved Lola and the passage of time does not dull it, the edges of it get a bit smoother perhaps, but that sense of loss is always there. Every day when he is not here with me I will feel sadness about that and I know that I will feel that now hollow place where he was once in my life for as long as I live. He was my special little one who loved me unconditionally.

I still miss my Radar too, he died in traumatic and unexpected circumstances in Jan 2020 (you were so so supportive during his earlier illness btw, although that was not related to his death, and supportive again when he died a couple of years later, my thanks to you for that!) - my grief for him was quite different because there was that emotional trauma involved regarding what happened (brain tumour and seizures/brain damage, horrific stuff), and there are aspects of that I don't think I will ever quite be able to put to one side.

With Sonic I had time to say goodbye for 5 days while I hospiced him at home after his terminal diagnosis and it was devastating but a little bit calmer and less urgent if that makes sense. He was my baby though, although he was average age to die for an OSH I always really hoped I would have more time with him, and I feel guilt about some signs that I should have noticed that he was more sick than he seemed, I wish I could go back to a few months before, just as early as November when he saw the vet maybe if I'd insisted on more blood tests again then, we could have found something and started treatment to give him a bit longer in comfort, but it might not have been possible. I know it was just bad luck that nothing showed up in the blood tests and urinalysis he had a few months before and when I took him to get tests done again in January it was already too late - but I feel terrible about it. I have dreams sometimes where I am at the vet with him back in November and I insist on having more tests done and am able to save him and then I wake up.

I cry every day for my sweet boy.
 
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epona

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I had a terrible day yesterday, it was my birthday and it just seemed like a very big thing that it was my first birthday in 15 years without my Sonic by my side. Spent a lot of the day in tears. I miss him so much.
 

BeccaCat

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I’m so sorry, and sorry for your loss. Sonic was a beautiful boy. 💕
 

di and bob

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There will be a LOT of those 'firsts'. Hang in there, the passage of time helps to ease the sharp edges of grief. We are here for you if you need to vent, I will pray for you all to find peace.......
 

Meowmee

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I had a terrible day yesterday, it was my birthday and it just seemed like a very big thing that it was my first birthday in 15 years without my Sonic by my side. Spent a lot of the day in tears. I miss him so much.
I am so sorry for your loss of Sonic and your first bd without him. All of those firsts are so hard.

I know how you feel losing your boy, I felt the same way losing my Wizard who was also completely devoted to me. I don’t think I have ever fully let myself feel the pain because it was too much. I was becoming ill without him by my side, even ended up in hospital.

Then I got my little Quinn and he became my new protector and saved my life. No one will ever be Wizard of course, and I miss and think of him everyday, I wear jewelry with his beautiful image and my others gone now too and have a name ring now with his special pet name. And so many special pics of us hugging and kissing etc.

I feel him when I look at those and wish so much he was still here, but he is always in my heart. And I still talk to him as well which helps.

I love my boys now too very much and they keep me going 💕

Run free sweet Sonic 🐾❤
 

di and bob

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You hurt so bad because you love so much. All the wonderful years and the love he brought to your soul are priceless. Treasure your sweet memories and know he will forever be as close as your thoughts and prayers.......
 
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epona

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A couple of days ago I found the strength to listen to an audio recording I made of him - he was very vocal and the day before he died he wanted to wander around all his places in our home, I followed him around because he was quite weak by that point and I felt escorting him was only right in case he got too tired - but he still had a big voice and a lot to say and kept up conversation with me throughout his last patrol of his territory - so I hit the record button on my phone.

Playing it back just had me in absolute floods of tears again. I miss my little one every single day. I don't necessarily cry every day now, but sometimes something will set me off remembering him and I will have a cry.

Love him and miss him so much. And Radar my other one who died a couple of years ago, he is never far from my thoughts either. I still have Jakey for now and he is a real comfort to me.
 
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