Socializing a 3-year-old feral

[krupsutin]

About six weeks ago I took in a feral female cat after she'd been spayed and checked out by a vet. Before this she'd likely had no human contact and was understandably very timid in her new home. We've made good progress and she's gotten more used to me. I play with her every night and she has a lot of fun chasing the wand toys, mice and balls etc. She seems to have gathered that I'm a food source since I always let her smell the food and talk to her when I put it out. Sometimes she licks baby food off my finger and overall doesn't seem too scared of my presence anymore.

However, hands are still scary to her and I'm wondering whether I should even try to touch her. In the very beginning I gently petted her cheeks a bit but she was clearly very nervous and just stared at the ground. I felt bad for making her anxious and stopped touching her, which made her a lot calmer around me. Now she'll slap/bite me and hiss if I get too close to her with my hand. I tried petting her with a stick but she gets terrified of it even being close to her and would probably flee/attack it if I pushed on.

An old lady from the organization that traps and neuters ferals here told me to keep touching the cat every day but another local organisation's view was that forcefully petting a cat is not good even if it seemingly gets used to it. Should I just let her be and maybe keep hand feeding her to get her more used to my hands?

 

[rosegold]

She is absolutely adorable! Thank you for taking her in!

My rule of thumb when I was socializing my feral girl was to respect her boundaries, but challenge them (very gently and in the smallest way possible) each day. I know some advise to completely leave the cat alone to let them adjust and trust at their own pace... which could certainly work for some cats... but for Chai, I believe it was better that I actively worked with her each day. In her case, just ignoring her completely and waiting for her to decide to be brave and trust humans was not the right solution. She needed gentle prods and daily intentional interaction that pushed her ever slightly out of her comfort zone each time.

As for petting, you said she is scared of the stick you used. Can you try using a short, stiff wand toy with a soft plushie at the end? Or something similar? That’s what I used for my “petting stick” for Chai and it worked really well. She was scared of it at first (and this is before she would play with toys) so it did take a few weeks of desensitization by putting a lickable treat on the end and letting her lick it off. I also would put dry treats around the stick and wiggle it slightly while she ate them. The first few days of actually petting her with it would just be one quick brush across the chin or back... nothing else the whole day. But eventually she stopped hissing and even started closing her eyes when I petted her with it. I think the key was that I did these steps slowly enough that she saw the petting stick and everything else I did as a brief, minor, slightly startling annoyance—not something terrifying.

That got a bit long, so TLDR: I wouldn’t advocate for touching/petting her every day or even at all, yet, if she’s still extremely scared of that and uncomfortable. But I WOULD recommend pushing her boundaries a little each day, towards that goal. Whether that’s petting, sleeping nearby, playing closer with toys, walking or sitting near her, offering treats on your hand, etc.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi!
Wow you've made fantastic progress!! I'm one who doesn't see a need to hurry anything.
Give her the emotional space she needs, for however long as she needs it .

 

[fionasmom]

Look at that sweet little baby! You have made fantastic progress with her and the rest will come. I would not entirely discontinue the attempt to touch her but would not overdo it. She does eat off your fingers which is great, but some cats do not like to have a hand come to their face. One of the two ferals I just brough inside at 2 years old is that way. I can hold her like a baby and hug and kiss her,but she does not want hand to approach her face, even to pat her head.

 

[calicosrspecial]

About six weeks ago I took in a feral female cat after she'd been spayed and checked out by a vet. Before this she'd likely had no human contact and was understandably very timid in her new home. We've made good progress and she's gotten more used to me. I play with her every night and she has a lot of fun chasing the wand toys, mice and balls etc. She seems to have gathered that I'm a food source since I always let her smell the food and talk to her when I put it out. Sometimes she licks baby food off my finger and overall doesn't seem too scared of my presence anymore.

However, hands are still scary to her and I'm wondering whether I should even try to touch her. In the very beginning I gently petted her cheeks a bit but she was clearly very nervous and just stared at the ground. I felt bad for making her anxious and stopped touching her, which made her a lot calmer around me. Now she'll slap/bite me and hiss if I get too close to her with my hand. I tried petting her with a stick but she gets terrified of it even being close to her and would probably flee/attack it if I pushed on.

An old lady from the organization that traps and neuters ferals here told me to keep touching the cat every day but another local organisation's view was that forcefully petting a cat is not good even if it seemingly gets used to it. Should I just let her be and maybe keep hand feeding her to get her more used to my hands?

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Firstly, THANK YOU for saving her life and giving her love and a great home!!!

She is ADORABLE!!!!

She is doing amazingly well to this point. Most older ferals take a lot more time.

I deal with ferals both in home and in the wild all the time and have learned a few things. Cat take on our emotions so it is important to be calm and confident around them. Act normal. Don't stand over a cat, don't stare at them, don't reach from above them. Let the cat initiate contact, go at their pace. Use food (as you are) to build trust and make a positive association (both with you and hands etc). Give eye kisses (slowly close your eyes, keep them closed then slowly open them). No cat would close their eyes to a potential threat so you are showing her you trust her. Talk calm, confidently and lovingly to her.

Cats like routines so try to keep to a routine. Play at a certain time, feed after play or feed at a certain time. Etc. Give her a cat tree to go high, comfy bedding, a scratching post. All things she can get her scent on and own.

There are many paths to success. There is no correct one way. Each person and each cat can respond positively to different methods. So let's see how she responds and adjust accordingly.

She has come a really long way already so I expect she will do really well. Just be your loving self and she'll respond in her time.

Thank you so much for saving her. Let us know how things go and what questions you may have. Keep up the great work!!