Socializing 5 month old kittens

aether

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So my gf and I adopted two siblings that are very bonded. They are 5 months old and were found at a construction site at 7-8 weeks old. We only had them since Wednesday but are unsure on the proper way to socializing them as the internet has some mixed statements on it. The adoption place said to grab them and force them on our lap to pet them. They hate this and try to run if they can't run they hiss and bite very hard. We only did this since earlier today since we thought just ignoring them and letting them be while in the room would be the best bet since they are in our office room and we work from home so we mostly spend that day in there. They would then walk around sometimes play in front of us but at a distance. They always sneak by us and try to avoid us when playing. The girl will play with a laser pointer but she will walk away if she gets too close to us. We try to have them come closer to us with treats but they want nothing to do with the treat unless it's on the floor away from us. If we get up when they are playing or roaming they run to their hiding spots. Even when we aren't in the room and they are siting around they usually run to their hiding spots once they hear us. They only let us pet them softly on the face when they are sleeping. The girl tends to be more relaxed about it but she won't come near us or let us pet her in her hiding spot only when she's sleeping with her brother.
We're unsure on the proper way to having them trust us or socialize us as we both grew up with cats before but these two are rather a new experience that we assumed is because of their feral upbringing. Would like to also add that we bought relaxivet on friday and it's been in the room since, which helped them sleep because they were very scared the first two days and weren't eating until night time.
 

BBirdcat

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"Grab them" is wrong word and they hate it so don't.. but yes ideally you can begin petting them sooner than later.

My ONE TIP would be to get little kibbles or snacks they can eat (very mini little squares) and put them in your hand where they can see them. Initially make sure they see it and then throw it halfway between you both so they can eat it. Eventually (over a period of days) throw the kibbles closer and closer to you and Sooner than later they will be eating it out of your hand. once they do that continue to move it closer and eventually they'll be eating it from your lap (sit on the floor). once they are comfortable with that pet them once or twice while feeding them and eventually they'll get comfortable. best way other than toys to get cats closer to you.

also getting toys like a big rainbow wand or big stick that can cover distance is good as opposed to shorter toys with less distance.
 

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:yeah:

OMG please ignore every single thing the adoption place told you. Grabbing them is the exact worst thing to do and will slow down or reverse the bonding process. With *much* younger kittens, that advice is good, but with kittens adopted in the normal age range, as yours are, the most important thing is PATIENCE. Let the kittens be the boss of the process. You can lure and coax, but never force. If you grab them and they don't like that, then they associate you with something negative.
 
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aether

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So should I do the same with feeding them as well. Like with wet food do I slowly bring it closer and closer. Someone suggested to put the wet food near us but the brother is too shy and won't come up to eat it. His sister comes up and eats it while carefully watching us.
 

ArtNJ

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So should I do the same with feeding them as well. Like with wet food do I slowly bring it closer and closer. Someone suggested to put the wet food near us but the brother is too shy and won't come up to eat it. His sister comes up and eats it while carefully watching us.
I would probably stick to luring with treats or toys and just let them eat their actual food when they want to eat it. There is no rush, it hasn't even been a full week. The biggest help is just being quiet and still around them. Its totally normal to only be "allowed" to pet new cats when they are sleepy. After that, there might be a special spot where you are allowed -- it will be somewhere that you are usually quiet and still.
 
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aether

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Sounds good. Yeah they're special spot is the corner which is when they let us pet them. They even pur a little after calming down from us sitting next to them.
 
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aether

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So wanted to give an update if anybody else has the same issue and finds this. But the kittens are much better!! They're actively walking around the house now. They love my gf and will approach her for pets especially the boy. They won't approach me as they seem to be much more cautious with me not sure if it's because they weren't around males before or maybe they just really like my gf! But if I try calling them over, sometimes they will sit down in certain spots depending where in the house to let me pet them. They love when I play with them though! They're not as scared as they don't freak out (sometimes they still do) when we walk by them. The girl is much better with that as her brother is the typical scaredy cat and will sprint away while his sister will just stay there.

What we did is we tried having the food near us to make them comfortable around us. We gave them lots of pets at their corner (special place) and had them eat treats off our hands. We tried coaxing them with treats on our laps but they won't have any of that and will just ignore the treats. After awhile they were much more comfortable with us in the room and we eventually led them out of the room as they both seemed more interested in the door. The girl was the first to roam around the house and she would try to have her brother come out to play but he was scared to come out for a few days. Eventually he came out only at night but then he started to come out during the day and grew a liking to following my gf in the morning. Some things they're not keen on still is being picked up, they hate it still. My gf tried moving the boy onto her lap the other day to pet him and he freaked out. Another thing is sometimes we find the girl chilling on the couch but she tends to get scared when we sit on the couch next to her and will jump off. All in all it's about patience and as evidence shows they'll get more and more comfortable with us as time goes by.
 
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aether

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So another update of 7 months later with feral cats. Sorry for the long post, just wanted to post my expierence and maybe someone is having or had a similar experience with their cats. Could also be helpful for people who are worried about their adopted feral kitten.

The cats have sure changed since we've gotten them. The girl loves us both and is always following us around the house or rubbing against us. She tends to favor me more as she loves to jump on the bed and wants pets from in the morning but she also loves to follow my gf into the bathroom at night and watch her. She loooves to bug me when I'm working in the morning for pets and even drags her wand over to play. She will also sometimes jump on the couch with us when we are watching tv. She even now doesn't run away when people show up but she cautiously approaches people and even plays with some of my friends. She loooves to play with my sister when she comes over. She has very much changed and is pretty mind blowing to us comparing to when she used to run away and hide on top of our coat hangars while she hisses at us lol.

Now the boy is a more interesting story. He loooooves my gf. Always following her around even when he's sleeping he will wake up if he notices she went to the bathroom or bedroom. Always comes over when she calls him. He sometimes will jump on her when he's running around with his sister. He lets her even pick him up but while his sister hates being picked up. He's very much a mama's boy. He still runs and hides when people come over though. Now with me though it's more of the opposite. He's absolutely terrified of me. There was a time where he was coming around at the end of march he used to approach me for pets and circle me around on the ground but that didn't last long. He has/had these weird periods of times from april until maybe a month ago where he would tolerate me and let me pet him or walk by him. This would last for a week then something spooks him and he would hide/run from me for 2 weeks.

Now since end of July he has certain spots like in the hallway, under the cat tree, against the couch, or even against the front door where he would just lay there and stare at me as I'm doing my business like make coffee in the morning or feed them. He won't come by and eat if I'm the one who is feeding them. Our kitchen is next to the living room so I can see the food bowl from the couch it's not too far away. He used to only ever come by me and want attention when I would feed them in the morning. After he ate he would look at me (the usual scaredy cat look) and sprint away once he's done eating. This was how he used to be during his weird 2 weeks of fearing me. Now while he's eating if I look at him from wherever I am he freaks out and runs to one of his safe spots. So sometimes I have be very still and not look at him because he gets very startled. My gf started mostly feeding them in the morning while I first go into the office room so that he actually eats. If i feed them I learned he will sometimes get up in the middle of me petting him and slowly walk towards the food but would look back at me to make sure I'm not looking at him. Now in general, if i'm in the living room and he's in one of his spots, he won't come out unless I'm in some other room where he knows i'm there or if I'm sitting in a chair for a long period of time in his vicinity. Then he gathers the courage and will make his way wherever he wants to go. His new thing has been to full on sprint to where he has to go. Same-thing in the bedroom (our bathroom is right next to it) he will be there the whole day too scared to come into the living room/kitchen unless he hears me in one of the rooms for a long time or what he usually does is wait till I go to the bathroom then he runs out. He won't run away from me in his safe spots like he used to though and will let me pet him but he seems to be uncomfortable about it. He does actually purr occasionally and gets in his wiggly moods but once I stop he just goes back to be weird around me. He also obviously never walks around while I'm walking. He would freeze wherever he is, lay down and just watch me if he didn't notice me entering the room.

Now here's the more interesting part this is him during the day. If i wake up in the middle of night to go to the bathroom or do whatever he's suddenly my best friend. He will run up to me rubbing against me wanting pets the whole shindig. I believe it's because he's more playful at night compared to the day since he sleeps most of the day but he will play with my gf. I'm not sure why he's like this I've been told maybe he's had a bad experience with a guy before but I do not know why he isn't scared of me at 4am compared to 4pm. Should I not give him as much attention during the day if he seems scared while I'm petting him? It can be very frustrating at times because he just won't eat or even go to the bathroom if I'm anywhere near the area walking around. Not sure on how to win him completely over. I suspect maybe months or years from now he will open up a bit more. Another thing is I do not know how his behavior will be if we get a dog as both my gf and I want to get a dog in the future. I'm worried how his anxiety will be since he is very much a scaredy cat.
 
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