Sleeping with pet cat = bad?

[cherise cobert]

A couple of days ago, my roommates and I received a new kitten. As with all of my pets, I allowed her to sleep with me the night she arrived. The very next day, however, my roommates forbade me to continue the pattern on the grounds that "dogs and cats lose respect for their owners if allowed to share the same bed." I have never heard anything of the sort, nor have I been able to find so much as a mention of this phenomenon on any site. Is there any truth to this seeming urban legend? That is, will a cat (or a dog for completion's sake) cease to view you as "alpha" if they sleep in your bed with you?

 

[peachesxo]

Ummm.... that's a pretty ridiculous statement...You're a pet owner, not a dictator of an authoritarian state! If I were you, I would tell the roommates off, let them know they have no idea what they are talking about and their claim is ridiculous and has no grounds, and allow the kitten to continue sleeping in my bed with me. If they kept going on about it, I'd either kick them out of the place or find somewhere else to live... for real. I couldn't live with people like that.

I can't imagine not having my cats sleep with me. Right now I have one confined to my bedroom because she has been sick and my other has to stay out of the room so he doesn't catch it (plus they haven't been officially introduced) and he cries and howls every night when I go to bed outside of the room because he wants to be in there and doesn't understand why he can't be since before getting the kitten he slept with me every night. I am counting the days until the kitten is better so they can both be in there with me at night together.

Now, if you roommates read what I just wrote they would say "SEE. The cat howls outside her room at night because he doesn't respect her because she used to let him sleep in her bed with her all the time." but in my opinion hat's not disrespect, that's love. I don't think there is any reason to exert yourself as "alpha" if your cats are generally well-behaved and not being destructive and overly aggressive... mostly when it comes to the sleeping situation.

 

[cherise cobert]

Thanks for the reply! I agree that it's ridiculous and baseless. The cats I've had in the past generally slept on their own, but my dogs slept with me every night and I never had any behavioral issues.

Unfortunately, neither telling them off or kicking them out is an option as it's not my house.

All I can do is explain my piece.
 

 

[ldg]

Simple. Cats do not have the same social structure as dogs. Cats are not pack animals, and humans have no role in their social hierarchy.

 

[bigperm20]

That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. My cats have always slept with me if they so desired. If anything I find it helps to build a stronger bond with cats and especially young kittens.

 

[callista]

Even dogs with their hierarchy don't need to be kicked out of beds. In a pack, they often pile together for warmth. The higher status dogs might get first pick of sleeping spots, but that's about it. If it's cold enough, there's absolutely no evolutionary advantage to a pack leader who refuses to share body heat with subordinate dogs.

I don't know as much about dogs as I do about cats, but I really think all of that "be the alpha dog" stuff is overly stressed with dog training. With the dogs I've known, it was much more about trust and dependability--if you're a trustworthy owner, predictable and calm, the dog naturally follows you. If the rules are the same all the time and don't depend on your mood, they are easier to follow and reassuring to the dog. Getting angry at a dog or trying to force it to submit seems to be more counterproductive than anything else.

ETA: A very young kitten might be best kept out of one's bed, if it is still so small that it could become tangled in the sheets, kicked in your sleep, or something like that. But a kitten that size is probably still either with its mom-cat or being kept in a crate or a small bathroom for safety.

 

[glamourkitten]

A couple of days ago, my roommates and I received a new kitten. As with all of my pets, I allowed her to sleep with me the night she arrived. The very next day, however, my roommates forbade me to continue the pattern on the grounds that "dogs and cats lose respect for their owners if allowed to share the same bed." I have never heard anything of the sort, nor have I been able to find so much as a mention of this phenomenon on any site. Is there any truth to this seeming urban legend? That is, will a cat (or a dog for completion's sake) cease to view you as "alpha" if they sleep in your bed with you?

I think the reason this myth goes around so much is because of the hierarchy in a dog pack.  For dogs, supposedly the higher up you are is indicative of your place in the pack.  In the wild, this is very true.  For example, an alpha wolf may often leap atop rocks or fallen trees to elevate himself above the rest of his pack.  This same wolf will also eat first, select the best sleeping area, etc, etc.  So the idea is that when you allow a dog on the bed or couch at the same height you are, you are in essence telling him/her that he/she is your equal.  

I've had dogs for almost 10 years now, this is my first month ever having a cat, so I'm not well versed on their social structure at all.  But I don't think this is even true with dogs anymore, depending on the breed.  Most dogs are so far removed from their wild ancestors, especially breeds like Yorkies, that they don't necessarily operate like their wild counterparts.

We let our kittens sleep with us the first few nights and now they don't even like too.  They like their own space that they carved out and chose for themselves.  They'll come up on the bed and snuggle while I'm reading or working on my laptop, and they are very well behaved as far as kittens go, I do so believe.

 

[glamourkitten]

Even dogs with their hierarchy don't need to be kicked out of beds. In a pack, they often pile together for warmth. The higher status dogs might get first pick of sleeping spots, but that's about it. If it's cold enough, there's absolutely no evolutionary advantage to a pack leader who refuses to share body heat with subordinate dogs.

I don't know as much about dogs as I do about cats, but I really think all of that "be the alpha dog" stuff is overly stressed with dog training. With the dogs I've known, it was much more about trust and dependability--if you're a trustworthy owner, predictable and calm, the dog naturally follows you. If the rules are the same all the time and don't depend on your mood, they are easier to follow and reassuring to the dog. Getting angry at a dog or trying to force it to submit seems to be more counterproductive than anything else.

ETA: A very young kitten might be best kept out of one's bed, if it is still so small that it could become tangled in the sheets, kicked in your sleep, or something like that. But a kitten that size is probably still either with its mom-cat or being kept in a crate or a small bathroom for safety.

I agree with the whole "alpha dog" stuff.  I feel that most dog breeds are so far removed from their wild ancestors that they simply don't operate like this anymore.  I find that the best way to train them is the same way as you would a toddler or "Pavlov's dog."  Conditioning & consistency! 

 

[Willowy]

Even wolves don't actually have the highly-structured pack hierarchy they were once thought to have. The original studies were done on captive wolves, captured and introduced as adults. Very unnatural; nothing like a natural pack made up of family members like in the wild. It would be like observing a human business office environment to learn about how human families interact--not very useful! Even the guy who did the original studies and tried to apply them to dog training now says he was mistaken.

Basically--enjoy your pets . Whatever behavior is OK with you, is OK. Don't worry about them trying to take over the world, because it's never even occurred to them. Teach them how you want them to behave, patiently and kindly. Be calm and consistent. That'll get you a lot farther than trying to act like some petty tyrant (side note: if a wolf pack leader starts acting like a petty tyrant, he usually gets kicked out of the pack or killed. Probably not the best idea in dog training!).

 

[tjcarst]

Both of our cats sleep with us.  They won't come to bed until we are both there, and then purr up a storm they are so happy.  If I go to bed and one or both are missing, I go look for them and bring them to bed with me. 

 

[cococat]

That is nonsense.  

 

[kat013]

If you are renting and one of your housemates owns the house, I don't think that they legally can kick you out on the grounds that you did something completely harmless to that person's property nor to them or other renters.  That's like someone trying to kick out a renter because they had sex in the privacy of their own bedroom.  It's retarded.  They might not renew your lease, but sucks for them to have to find another renter.

If all of you are renters on equal terms on the lease, your roommates do not get any authority on what goes on in your room, period end of story.  Again, that's like a housemate telling you how you must decorate your room, or whom you can date, or what food you can eat.  They have no authority over you.

 

[twentyone]

I'm not really sure as to why your roommates would be telling you what to do with your new pet, but no it won't damage the kitten's respect for you at all. If anything it would just bring it closer to you.