8 months after having Sebastian die in my arms, Skipper has passed away suddenly. The other morning I came downstairs and Deb said "we have to keep an eye on Skipper, he's crying a lot", and he was, and when I went down to see him he jogged upstairs, so I got the string toy out and he played a bit and ate treats so I thought that was a good sign, but he started howling again and I thought "that's it, you're going to the vet", but you know when the carrier comes out he and the others all ran and he hid under the sofa and Deb had left for work so I couldn't get him myself but I told him "if you're not better tonight you're going", and we did end up taking him that night.
We were concerned about possible blockage but he peed in the carrier on the way down, but he had had cystitis in 2013 and she noticed some blood either on the back of the carrier or somewhere else, so they gave him an antibiotic shot and an anti inflammatory shot thinking maybe he was getting a UTI, but the bloodwork and x-rays showed no signs of problems. I did tell her that I saw him with his head to the left and he was kind of "chewing" at the air, my wife said he did it on the way down too and she said it could've been a neurological problem, but we brought him home that night thinking it would just take a few days to kick in and help him.
But he cried that night, so pitiful, we felt so helpless and heartbroken not being able to relieve his pain, he cried the next morning too and actually let us pet him which he normally didn't do, and his brother Slim was washing him but he kept crying and we just thought he was still hurting and went to work. When we came home, Deb found him dead on the living room floor, poop and pee and vomit around him and all the cats were hiding, we were shocked and devastated....we did all that we could for him, took him right away that same day to the vet, but we can't believe it, just so sad.
He was one of many that we took in from our backyard years ago, and he was in bad shape as he had cellulitis as something had bitten him. The vet told us "you saved his life, he would've died", so he had about 7 great years inside with us, he was about 8 years old. He was never a people cat, he let us pet him only when HE wanted us too, he hung out with his brother and sister and some of the others but you couldn't just walk up to him and pet him, he would run away, but that is how he was and we loved and accepted him for it, he had all that he wanted and all that he needed, he didn't want or need anything from us, but he would play laser light with Deb and string toy with me and I would give him treats, we never ignored him but he was just more of a loner or private cat.
I now struggle and feel guilty and the last two nights I have woken up and had almost panic attacks and crying and saying "I wish I would've known him better, I wish I would've loved him more", think about a few times when he nastlily chased Sylvester whom we brought in 6 months ago and tried to show him what it felt like to be chased and stalked by chasing him for a few seconds, but I did that to a few of the others too if they chased Sylvester and maybe that wasn't right but I let it go and just said "now stop it, we have to get along", and he was fine after that, he understood and it was dropped, he didn't avoid me or wasn't afraid of me after that we were back to normal but I dwell on those bad things and I guess that is normal.
I talked to other people who were in that and similar situations and they said they have done things like that too, you just get so mad but they forget it faster than humans do....I feel so sad that he wasn't a people cat, but Deb comforts me and tells me "you didn't hurt him, you played with him, he knew you loved him, you are dwelling on a few bad things when you should be looking at all the good things you/we did for him" and she is right, we gave him a great life here and he had food and shelter and cat companionship and love. I think I am dealing with the guilt and bad thoughts because of it being a normal part of the grief process, and feel bad that we couldn't help him more than we did, but he must've had something like a stroke or blood clot neurologically like the vet said to have something so sudden and catastrophic kill him, and he was only about 8 which someone said "it's better to have a good short life than a bad long one".
Thank you for listening, I just have to realize that thinking about a few bad things rather than focusing on many good things is just the guilt and grief, and it has to work out of my mind and will take time. The fact that we weren't closer to him hurts too, but we tried but he didn't want it that way, he was happy and had all he wanted or needed in this life but I am beating myself up over not knowing him better.....
R.I.P Skipper our handsome boy....we will play string toys again one day.....we both loved you....
We were concerned about possible blockage but he peed in the carrier on the way down, but he had had cystitis in 2013 and she noticed some blood either on the back of the carrier or somewhere else, so they gave him an antibiotic shot and an anti inflammatory shot thinking maybe he was getting a UTI, but the bloodwork and x-rays showed no signs of problems. I did tell her that I saw him with his head to the left and he was kind of "chewing" at the air, my wife said he did it on the way down too and she said it could've been a neurological problem, but we brought him home that night thinking it would just take a few days to kick in and help him.
But he cried that night, so pitiful, we felt so helpless and heartbroken not being able to relieve his pain, he cried the next morning too and actually let us pet him which he normally didn't do, and his brother Slim was washing him but he kept crying and we just thought he was still hurting and went to work. When we came home, Deb found him dead on the living room floor, poop and pee and vomit around him and all the cats were hiding, we were shocked and devastated....we did all that we could for him, took him right away that same day to the vet, but we can't believe it, just so sad.
He was one of many that we took in from our backyard years ago, and he was in bad shape as he had cellulitis as something had bitten him. The vet told us "you saved his life, he would've died", so he had about 7 great years inside with us, he was about 8 years old. He was never a people cat, he let us pet him only when HE wanted us too, he hung out with his brother and sister and some of the others but you couldn't just walk up to him and pet him, he would run away, but that is how he was and we loved and accepted him for it, he had all that he wanted and all that he needed, he didn't want or need anything from us, but he would play laser light with Deb and string toy with me and I would give him treats, we never ignored him but he was just more of a loner or private cat.
I now struggle and feel guilty and the last two nights I have woken up and had almost panic attacks and crying and saying "I wish I would've known him better, I wish I would've loved him more", think about a few times when he nastlily chased Sylvester whom we brought in 6 months ago and tried to show him what it felt like to be chased and stalked by chasing him for a few seconds, but I did that to a few of the others too if they chased Sylvester and maybe that wasn't right but I let it go and just said "now stop it, we have to get along", and he was fine after that, he understood and it was dropped, he didn't avoid me or wasn't afraid of me after that we were back to normal but I dwell on those bad things and I guess that is normal.
I talked to other people who were in that and similar situations and they said they have done things like that too, you just get so mad but they forget it faster than humans do....I feel so sad that he wasn't a people cat, but Deb comforts me and tells me "you didn't hurt him, you played with him, he knew you loved him, you are dwelling on a few bad things when you should be looking at all the good things you/we did for him" and she is right, we gave him a great life here and he had food and shelter and cat companionship and love. I think I am dealing with the guilt and bad thoughts because of it being a normal part of the grief process, and feel bad that we couldn't help him more than we did, but he must've had something like a stroke or blood clot neurologically like the vet said to have something so sudden and catastrophic kill him, and he was only about 8 which someone said "it's better to have a good short life than a bad long one".
Thank you for listening, I just have to realize that thinking about a few bad things rather than focusing on many good things is just the guilt and grief, and it has to work out of my mind and will take time. The fact that we weren't closer to him hurts too, but we tried but he didn't want it that way, he was happy and had all he wanted or needed in this life but I am beating myself up over not knowing him better.....
R.I.P Skipper our handsome boy....we will play string toys again one day.....we both loved you....
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