Sister cats constantly fighting

Martha86

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Hi everyone,

Very grateful to have found this forum. My husband and I are (mid-30s, no kids yet) having a difficult time with our cats and could use some advice - apologies for the long message, but I wanted to give as much detail as possible because we are running out of ideas on how to help this situation. We have two beautiful cats - sisters - who are three years old now and we've had them since they were kittens. They've always been a little scrappy with each other, but nothing that was too problematic. One is black and the other is a tortoiseshell. The black cat is very bold and confident, but the tortoiseshell is incredibly nervous and doesn't seem to like men very much.

Last November, we got married and had to put the cats into a cattery for two nights for the wedding. The cattery we usually use was closed, so we went to another one, recommended to us by our usual cattery's owner. When we picked them up, the owner there said they had barely eaten and were very stressed. Why she didn't call me to tell me this, god only knows.

We brought them home and from then on, there have been problems. A few days later, they had one of those really scary fights - they went stiff, had puffed up tails, started screaming at each other like 'no no no' and then full on cat-screaming and clamped into a fight, spraying around the house as they ran. We calmed them down, separated them and reintroduced them. On and off since then, they've had a few other fights, but manageable ones.

This week, the situation has become terrible again. We just went on a trip to Italy to visit family, and my mother, who the cats really like, stayed in our house to take care of them as we were worried about putting them in a cattery after what happened in November. Here's the problem: Last week, the cats were spooked by a magazine falling onto the floor behind them, they must have thought it was the other cat doing something and then had another almighty fight with hissing, screaming and spraying. When my mother arrived on the Saturday to take care of them, she said in the evening she heard a lot of noise and hissing and went upstairs to find that they'd had another huge fight, having sprayed all over the upstairs of the house. They were fine then and calm with her until we returned home on Tuesday.

On Wednesday morning, we were all in the garden together and the cats were looking at a flowerpot, which one of the cats knocked over and it terrified them both - resulting in another very aggressive fight and spraying. Then we've had two more very near-aggressive fights, which we managed to stop - but both times they were screaming at each other, luckily we were able to separate them into two different rooms. All week they've been hissing at each other when they walk past each other, the tortoiseshell cat has been meowing aggressively (yowling?) at the black cat as if to tell him to go away when they are near to each other, and there have been constant mini fights - not playfights. However, yesterday they groomed each other (they haven't done this for months and months), but this was only for thirty seconds or so and then they stopped.

They eat together, share litter boxes, have all the resources they need - they are mostly fine together, until we either have a guest stay overnight (which we did about a month ago, our tortoiseshell cat hid under the sofa the entire time our guest was here, which was stressful to see and I imagine very stressful for her) or we go away on holiday or for work, then it all kicks off and we have to spend the months following trying to get back to normal.

We are concerned as we're talking about starting a family and imagine this will stress them out even more, and it's also making us not feel confident about taking trips because we are worried about their wellbeing and relationship while we're away, and also who can take care of them. They are mostly indoor cats, but we do take them outside a few times a day - although all week when they've been outside, they've looked at each other as if they don't recognise each other. I don't feel comfortable letting them out independently - next door there's a huge German shepherd and a busy road close to ours with traffic, and they're super skittish, which makes me think they'd get hit by a car or would get spooked and have another fight and possibly just bolt in any direction.

We are really at a loss about what to do. Since November last year they've been incredibly aggressive with each other and they've now had three or four huge fights this week with spraying in the house. They sleep in the same room as well, so that's not a problem, but there are just constant fights at the moment and it's really distressing - for all of us, I would imagine. We've done a lot of reading about redirected aggression, but nothing we've tried seems to help. There are no medical issues at work here as we've had them checked up by the vet.

Any advice on what might help would be great. We've even started to discuss rehoming them, but we don't know if it would be best to rehome them together or to separate them due to the fighting. Or if to keep one and rehome the more nervous cat to a home with a calm environment. Or what to do.

We have two Feliway Optimum diffusers on, they are both spayed and seem to tolerate being together, but rarely groom one another or sleep together - this has become very unusual, so I don't think they're hugely close although when we had a plumber here a few weeks ago they sat very close together on the same chair, as if they were comforting each other. I was shocked to see them licking each other's heads yesterday as they've not done that for a long, long time. We obviously don't want to rehome them because we love them to bits, but we are concerned that further holidays and further changes - moving house or having a baby - will be sources of stress and in turn make them fight more, and that this cycle will just continue. It's becoming unsustainable - I feel like since we got married we've been working so hard on getting them to like each other again, then we had an overnight guest and it upset the balance again, then we just went to Italy and have come back to all this fighting and spraying, and we're off on honeymoon in a month, which I feel as though I'm now dreading as I'm worried about the cats. I'm still working from home, but am concerned about returning to the office and leaving them all day, in case they fight while there's no one here to separate them. As you can imagine, this situation is taking up most of the space in our free time.

Thanks very much, I really hope someone has some insight that might be useful :)
 

FeebysOwner

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Hi there! Welcome to The Cat Site!

There are tons of other calming products on the market and not all work on all cats, so you might consider getting some different ones and trying them.

You also mentioned the tortie doesn't seem to like men, so perhaps she is in 'non-stop anxiety' mode because of him. How much does he take care of them? I'm including a link below to a TCS article that has tips in it that you might think about having your husband try. Not saying your cat doesn't 'like' him as the title suggests, it is just how the article was labeled.

And it does sound like they do not take it well whenever there is a change in their environment - be that a sudden noise/event or when you go away from home. So, on that note, you might want to talk to the vet about trying some anti-anxiety meds for either your tortie or both cats - if the black cat instigates some of the fighting as well. And another TCS article link below about stress in cats in case anything in it might help you!

Rehoming a problematic cat is typically a bad idea unless you thoroughly vet potential owners and be totally upfront with them, so I do think it is a good idea for you to continue to try to find resolutions first.

I have also included yet another link to a TCS article about cats and babies, to help you consider things you might want to enact when the time comes to prepare for a new addition to your family.

14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me – TheCatSite Articles
Stress in Cats – The Ultimate Guide – TheCatSite Articles
Cats And Babies: All Your Questions Answered! – TheCatSite Articles
 
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Martha86

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Hi there! Welcome to The Cat Site!

There are tons of other calming products on the market and not all work on all cats, so you might consider getting some different ones and trying them.

You also mentioned the tortie doesn't seem to like men, so perhaps she is in 'non-stop anxiety' mode because of him. How much does he take care of them? I'm including a link below to a TCS article that has tips in it that you might think about having your husband try. Not saying your cat doesn't 'like' him as the title suggests, it is just how the article was labeled.

And it does sound like they do not take it well whenever there is a change in their environment - be that a sudden noise/event or when you go away from home. So, on that note, you might want to talk to the vet about trying some anti-anxiety meds for either your tortie or both cats - if the black cat instigates some of the fighting as well. And another TCS article link below about stress in cats in case anything in it might help you!

Rehoming a problematic cat is typically a bad idea unless you thoroughly vet potential owners and be totally upfront with them, so I do think it is a good idea for you to continue to try to find resolutions first.

I have also included yet another link to a TCS article about cats and babies, to help you consider things you might want to enact when the time comes to prepare for a new addition to you family.

14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me – TheCatSite Articles
Stress in Cats – The Ultimate Guide – TheCatSite Articles
Cats And Babies: All Your Questions Answered! – TheCatSite Articles
Thanks so much for the links - will have a good read. We want to do every we can to avoid rehoming, that's not something we want to consider if there's another solution. Our tortie tends to avoid my husband most of the time, but will allow cuddles - although she doesn't like it when he picks her up. Thanks again :)
 

di and bob

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This is redirected aggression. They were SO spooked at the cattery they are hypervigilant and will fight each other at any strange happening. They don't know each other anymore. You might try to reintroduce them or try the calming aides. This can take a long time to overcome, but not usually THIS long. Look up redirected aggression at the post above, and see what it says to do.
 
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Martha86

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Thank you all for replying. We have a behaviourist appt on June 15th so I’m hoping to get some good advice then, but this has been going on badly since November and honestly probably since last May, so it has been a long time now - even the good days aren’t good, they’re just days where the fighting is a quick swipe and a few hisses.

Neither of our cats are problematic, they are incredibly gentle and affectionate when in separate rooms with us, but when they are near to each other our tortie just goes for our other cat. We had breakfast this morning and they had a massive scrap out of nowhere, it’s so stressful to live in such a tense house and must be dreadful for them both also.

We absolutely don’t want to rehome one or both of our cats, but we are starting to feel like this will be the best option. Imagine trying to get pregnant or being pregnant withwarring cats and the constant stress of them fighting, and how a new person in the home might impact them if they already don’t feel secure when a visitor comes over for a few hours and loud noises spook them. I am so heartbroken by this and don’t know what to do or what I should do, but the situation is unsustainable and causing a huge strain on everything. Thanks for all of the advice, I’ve read all of the links but we’ve gone down theatre routes multiple times.

They had a vet appt last week and our vet said when they reach social maturity they can simply not enjoy being part of a multi-cat household any longer, and we expect our pets to be happy when we go on holiday or have people over and they might not like it - we can’t always expect them to react well. She also talked about how cats aren’t necessarily pack animals and that some cats don’t like to live with other cats, all of which made me feel more clear-headed about the situation, but it is so painful and now all I can do is wait for the behaviourist appt and go from there.
 

Furballsmom

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She also talked about how cats aren’t necessarily pack animals
Well, true, but before being in that cattery they were fine, is that right? Which is to say, for about 2.5 years, they were normal? Or not, --what happened prior, in May?

I apologize, I had asked about rehoming above as I'd missed where you talked about it in your first post, so I'm sorry if I didn't see this but are they spayed?

even the good days aren’t good, they’re just days where the fighting is a quick swipe and a few hisses.
This isn't fighting, by the way. Especially not for cats who are loving and gentle when they're each in other areas of the house. Your perspective and expectations are that they are going to scream and spray so I wonder if you're anticipating that they will even if they don't. Cats are sponges for our emotions and they are picking up on your stress. (What in heavens name for a feline is "social maturity?" If there is such a thing, your cats are way beyond it.)

Your tortie is usually the instigator? (I don't like this word instigator, it makes her out to be the aggressor/bad cat and that's not the case here). You described her as being more timid and anxious. Are you giving her a chance to come down off the edge of tension by keeping her in a part of the house where the other cat isn't --for a while (not just a few hours but weeks if necessary)--, and then gradually, slowly, letting them have short periods of time together, not in the yard or a busy place in the house like the kitchen but in a quiet area, where you're focused on them and how they're reacting to each other so that you can monitor the pace of their interaction and slow things down/seperate them as needed?

Have you tried calming products for her?

This retailer might have something for you for chews - I've used some of their other products and like them (not affiliated with them).
Stress & Anxiety Support for Cats

Also, there is Cat Music which can be surprisingly effecting in helping a cat to become more relaxed, and here below is a list of calming products from wipes to drops.

My Poppycat didn't respond to pheromone type products at all positively--with Feliway he just sort of hunched into himself 'til I removed him from the area where it was being used (a vet clinic), and he'd leave the room where I tried Comfort Zone at the house.

Only Natural Pet has a calming product called Just Relax Calming spray with essential oil (catnip oil)--see their link I gave you above.

There's this one, be sure and scroll all the way down the page;
www.bachflower.com

Also, there is ThunderWunders calming chews, Richard's Organic Pet Calm drops, Naturevet Hemp, HomeoPet Anxiety Relief, Head to Tail Calming, Relaxivet Quiet Moments Cat treats, GNC Calming formula, and there is Calm-o-mile, Natures Miracle calming spray, Vetri-Science's Composure is another item to look at, Pet Remedy - UK and US (it has valerian) is yet another, as is Essential Pet Pet-eze, Pet Organics No Stress, Only Natural Pet (brand and website) has other calming products, Pet Naturals also has one I believe, and there are others.

Lambert Vet Supply is a website to look at, and of course chewy, also there's Petwishpros, animaleo, 1-800-petmeds, Petco and PetSmart, and other pet stores.

Lickimats can help cats as well.

This post talks about some other products;
Calming Treats For A Very Picky Cat
 
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Martha86

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Just wanted to reply to this now I have a minute :)

Yes, both of our cats are indeed spayed and up to date with flea and worming treatments etc, and have had full medical checks. We even got one of them checked to make sure when they spayed her they removed everything because she was exhibiting 'heat' behaviours last year that we worried might have been causing the fighting, but she is fine.

Social maturity is a term our vet used - from reading up on this, it appears to mean that "Cats can become socially mature anytime between 2 and 5 years of age, and start to take some control of the social groups and their activities. This may lead to open conflict between males, between females, or between males and females. Although owners may be surprised, "because they lived so well together for the first few years of their lives!", cat's perceptions of resource needs may expand with social maturity." I think it's the term for any kind of shift in behaviour - the hierarchy, if you like, could change etc - and our vet said that some cats just decide they don't enjoy being in a multi-cat household any longer.

Our tortie is definitely the one who starts the drama - I am guessing from watching their interactions closely that she either feels her territory is being impinged upon by our other cat or somehow now feels threatened by her. Most of the time, when they're not eating together or sleeping/laying down, if they're nearby to one another our tortie will hiss or swipe at our other cat and very often growl.

Our black cat jumped into the windowsill this morning where our tortie was sitting and she went mad, jumping on her and making some aggressive sounds. We have tried every calming product for her under the sun - apart from anything on prescription. Pet Remedy, Feliway, herbal remedies, calming treats, calming Royan Canin biscuits, cat music found on various playlists, separating them in different parts of the house (not a long-term solution), reintroduction, vet check ups, constant reading, interactive play, letting them outdoors more often, buying different toys - you name it, we've tried it.

I live in the UK if that's any help, I noticed a few American references there (used to live there, but don't anymore).

Well, they were very close for the first six or so months of their lives - they slept together, groomed one another and would relax next to each other, and seem to have gradually grown apart. They barely interact now, but they eat together and will swap bowls halfway through a meal to see what the other one has (spoiler alert - it's the same!), but they don't groom one another and don't both come into our bedroom - it's as if they take it in turns. This morning they slept on the same cat tower for a few hours, one on the top level and one on the lower level, but prior to that they were fighting.

There is constant growling from our tortie whenever our black cat is nearby, which if we don't distract them quickly enough tends to turn into a fight. She has ample opportunity to be in different parts of the house and as I mentioned they do spend most of their time in different rooms, but when they're near to each other, she growls or hisses, or will just start fighting with our other cat. To me, this is fighting enough for it to be a problem.

I would say things got bad - bad as in like this - around a year ago. It got a bit better, then we put them in the cattery for our wedding (but prior to that there was firework's night, which scared them, and we had removal men in the house to replace a sofa - things that stressed them out - our black cat got cystitis from stress from that and then we had to put them in the cattery). When we got them back from the cattery, they seemed very stressed and our black cat started excessive meowing, which prompted many vet visits and she was in great health, but just vocalising constantly. This has since stopped (clicker training seemed effective for this actually) and then I'd say by February they seemed much better again. Then, at Easter, my husband's best friend came to stay for four nights and slept in the cats' room - meaning the door was closed and they couldn't sleep in there. Our tortie was terrified of him and hid under the sofa for almost the entire time he was here, which was awful. They had some really horrible fights over the course of one week and spraying around the house - the kind of fights where they went all puffy, screamed at each other and clamped together fighting, then chased each other spraying as they went - and about a week after this my husband and I went to Italy for a few days and my mother came to take care of the cats as we weren't willing to put them back into the cattery.

She said on the first night they had a huge fight and sprayed all over the walls of the upstairs bedroom and had to be separated for a few hours, but they calmed down after that and were scrappy but not too bad while we were away.

In one month we're going on our honeymoon so my mother will come and stay at our house again, but they've been fighting more again lately - luckily not too many 'big' fights, but every day there is a fight of some description, more than one.

We just get the feeling that our tortie isn't happy with our other cat also being in the house. She's so gentle and affectionate if I'm in the room alone with her and will give me headbutts and be cuddled etc, but she's so on edge as soon as the other cat wanders in. It's always the tortie who makes the first move, so I'd guess she feels unhappy or threatened and I genuinely don't know if there's a solution for this as it has become worse over the course of a year.

Yes, they are 3 now so as I mentioned, the first six or so months they were super close, then not so much after that, but the fighting has only really been a real problem for the past year, getting progressively worse and bringing me to booking them in with the behaviourist to see if there's something we've not tried yet.

I worry that trying for a baby with this ongoing situation won't be a good idea because this environment just feels exhausting and tense all of the time with the constant fighting, and that a screaming baby will put her even more on edge - and the spare room is also the cats' room, which would end up not being just a cats' room if we did start a family - so there are lots of things causing us concern.

I've also read a lot of things about people's cats being stressed with their owners working from home, but this is unavoidable now for many people, and even if I did return to the office, if I was home for a year on maternity leave would this all start up again? I have the biggest list of questions for the behaviourist and a lot of videos showing their different behaviours, so I'm really hoping she'll come with some insight that helps.

Thanks all.
 
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