Simon's Story: A Cat's Tail... "a life celebrated".

2Cats4everLoved

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Simon's Story:  A Cat's Tail... "a life celebrated". 

                                                                             
                                                                          Simon James

Found Thursday 10:30am - June 5th, 2003 - Forever Lost Wednesday 4:54ish - June 8th, 2016

How I'm feeling... oddly strange.

I've held off on writing this page for my sweet boy Simon for several reasons, the biggest being, writing in Crossing the Bridge means, Simon is in fact gone, never to return.  A fact that is still hard for me to wrap my brain around.  Going through the journey with him as I did, didn't make the ending easier, as I originally thought it would, and you all said otherwise.  I feel silly in saying, I was really hoping for a miracle.


Above, Simon & the Lady Bug.   every spring/summer we get swarms of them

I've been overwhelmed with sadness.  A sadness I've never known as an adult, and I've lost my family.  This is different, and I'm not sure why.  I'm not sad all the time, it comes in waves.  I know many of you know exactly how I feel, it's a strange and unfamiliar feeling.  I've been mentally and physically exhausted, the weather here has been cool, crisp, breezy and so I've been sleeping.  Much to my surprise, I've never slept better.  I'm convinced Simon has something to do with the beautiful weather and my new found love for sleeping, knowing I can't handle humidity and I rarely ever got more than 4 hours a night.  Physically, my body hurts from all the bending and most of all my thumb is sprained from the syringe feeding in his last 2 weeks.  It's been wrapped making it hard to type or do anything else for that matter.  For the record, thumbs are important and come in handy...

Another reason is @Edwardthefirst  lost Eddie the following morning, June 9th.  The cancer made it hard for him to breath and he gave her signs, that the time has come.  I guess we've been grieving together behind closed doors.  

I said to @Edwardthefirst, there's a sadness and great calmness.  The relief of knowing Simon won't get worse and is no longer suffering is comforting, but then that empty feeling sets in, a painful void of sorts, leaving me with a gnawing ache tugging at my heart.  And we both agreed, we'd trade our nights sleep anytime if it meant bringing them back.  

Edwardthefirst won't be doing a page on crossing the bridge, so I'd like to take a moment to share with you her handsome boy.  

Eddie was buried that evening during a beautiful sunset at home, where he will remain close to the hearts of his loved ones.  

Rest in Peace Sweet Eddie.  2004 - June 9th, 2016

                                                                                
Above, Eddie looking regal, flashing his golden eyes.                                           Above, Eddie relaxed, playful & flirty

There is something hauntingly beautiful in both @Edwardthefirst  and myself seeing the same sky over Queens NY, the "Paws of Angels" picture I posted in Simon's Diary a couple of nights before they died.  What were the odds that she would be here in Queens NY from England looking up at the same sky, only to lose our sweet boys within hours.  The universe is a wonder, I feel we are all connected in ways unknown.

I find myself looking out at the sky with sadness now, knowing I won't have Simon to look out with me.  I realize he made me see things I normally wouldn't.  Anyway, the weekend before Simon died, a dear friend sent me a necklace with a pendant, on it is a silhouette of a cat looking up at a crescent moon.

The night after Simon died, and the same night Eddie was buried, I looked out over towards Manhattan and saw this sky...

You can see through the tree on the left, a crescent moon.  The left was around 7:30ish and the other was just after 8.  It's rare to see a moon over Manhattan.


Seeing this somehow made me feel good.  Edwardthefirst was teasing that Simon and Eddie were probably fighting over a "girlfriend". LOL  I said, knowing these two studs, they probably have their own and are hanging out with handsome Lamont.  LOL.      

@Donutte  said it would be the stupidest things that would set me off and that is 100% correct, finding a whisker on the floor,  seeing his mice on the floor where he last left them.  Every thing in this apartment reminds me of my boy.  @nerdgirl5  said, I'll probably be able to put closure on this and grieve properly when I get Simon's remains back.  That should be next week, hopefully Wednesday.

The biggest and most noticeable difference is when we leave the apt.  Especially with hubby in the morning, we had a 10 to 15 minute ritual of Simon hearing the keys which we called, "daddy's keys" and he come out from where ever he was then head bump the keys, then as hubby approached the door, Simon would have to walk around the dinning table, then walk around me until he finally stuck his head out the door and walked hubby to the stairs, or I would hold him and he would nose bump hubby, he would do this with me also.  And when I put my make up on, Simon loved me stroking the blush brush on his face. Between the two, we have an extra 25 minutes in the morning.  I didn't realize how much Simon and I were joined at the hip.  He was always by my side watching and being involved in everything I did.

As I had suspected all along, Chestnut was the aggressor, her attitude has changed a little, as sweet as she is with people, I knew she drove Simon nuts.  At one point on the night Simon died, for a split second I looked at her and thought, why wasn't this you...  she was after all the one with the original health issues.  Then guilt and shame came over me so fast, how could I even had thought that about my sweet girl.  She is a sweetest and I'm the one that picked her out, or should say, we picked each other.  She goes with the flow, pretty easy going, I look forward to seeing her true personality.  I feel terrible.  Then I think back to thinking, I hope for Simon's sake he dies before us.  He would never be able to handle life in a new home or shelter.  I guess we should be specific when making wishes...

I still feel guilty for thinking that about Chestnut, I guess I will for a while.  Especially how she's let me hug her and cry on her shoulder, I will make it up to her always and forever.  I have made her a spot on the bed in the window, and she knows it's now her spot.  I think she knows how much I love her.  I hope so, I keep telling her.  

Okay, I'm babbling now.  I'll touch more on Simon's funny habits when I write later on in a much more worthy memorial post.  My thoughts seems so scattered, I can't think straight when it comes to Simon.  I realize I've gotten some dates wrong, which I can't believe, but when my mind stops running, I'll get it together.

I'd like to thank you for your private messages of concern.  I'm good and will be fine.  It's just tough.   As advised, I've gotten a candle and keep it lit near my Simon's picture, it does make me feel good.

And special thanks to @Red Top Rescue  for sending the beautiful card from everyone on The Cat Site.   I've said this before and I will keep saying it.  Your support, encouragement and advice gave me more days with my Simon, I don't think I could have made it all the way without you all by my side.  

The well wishes, thoughts & prayers and positive energy sent our way was the most beautiful act of human kindness from people of all faiths, beliefs, ethnicities and races.  I will be forever in awe of you all.

And @Margret  thank you again for taking the time to "treat" Simon.  I believe it made a difference, even if it was short lived, the burst of energy gave me the gift of seeing Simon as he always was, a playful, feisty kitty.

Thank you all.  Hope, Hubby & Chestnut

Below, Simon resting in my bass case, "mommy, I'm not moving".


Gosh I miss my Simon
 

nerdgirl5

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Oh, Hope! My heart aches for you!  Yes, it's a bit easier when you get the ashes (before I got Lamont's ashes back I felt as if he was somehow missing and now he's home...) But it does take a long time to grieve. At least, in my experience. I still am.  It's been a little over a month since Lamont died. It feels like a he passed a year ago. But the loss is still very present.

I'm STILL in a place where I weep when mentioning Lamont's name (am also going through selling my mom's house which feels like another deep loss for me.) But each week, it gets a little easier.

It's a cliche, but I do think time, ultimately, heals all wounds.

Don't feel guilty about your thoughts about Chestnut. I think all of that is part of the grieving process.  And I find I've been sleeping better too.  Part of that, I think, is: we both were caregivers. I spent the last six months of Lamont's life worrying every single day whether he'd live or die. And waking up at 5:30 or 6am to feed him.  I don't think I got more than 4 hours sleep a night during that night.  Now, I'm back sleeping 7-8 hours because I no longer have to make him breakfast.  It's good. And simultaneously sad. 

Sending you hugs and 
 
 

donutte

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I made the mistake of starting to read this at work today - very bad idea! I quickly closed my phone and left (which I was in the process of doing when I started reading it) and am now reading it in the privacy of my home. And absolutely bawling. Partially because I'm reminded how much I miss my babies that I lost recently, mostly for you though. I remember that first week well - and it was hell.

Time went very slowly for me that first month. Felt like years were going by with each passing day after Lucky died. Not sure if it's like that for you or not. But then after that the months really flew by.

I am sending you a lot of hugs right now, I hope they are making their way to you. I can understand how making this thread is like admitting to yourself he's gone - having my thread closed by the mod felt the same way for me.

I hope Chestnut is doing well.
 

foxxycat

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so very sorry for your loss. I too understand what everyone has written, I read this at work but I had to back out and answer now-I remember when it seems like time crawled by after Flash left. I was in a funk for quite awhile. I didnt expect it to hurt so bad. At least now we have a good support system. back then I didnt really share what was going on in my mind. I figured no one at work gives a care about it so never talk. I dont hang around anyone at night..just myself. I hope with the next few days you start feeling more human. Thank you for sharing Simon with us. He will always be remembered. 
 

Loving Mickey

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Hope, my heart truly aches for you. The pain our hearts feel over losing a special kitty is devastating. I would never wish that pain on anyone. Simon was your precious baby and you will miss him always. You will have good days and bad days. There will be days when you can't stop crying, you will miss him that much! My Mickey will be gone two years in July and I am still mourning his loss. I still cry over his loss and I know I always will. Simon will always be your baby and remain in your heart. He has his own special place there that no one else will ever fill. Hope Chestnut is doing well. Give her lots of love and hugs and she will comfort you in return.
Simon was a beautiful and special kitty.
He will be loved and remembered by everyone here on TCS.
RIP Sweet Simon!
Watch over your family, especially your mommy and let her know you are okay.
Say hi to my Mickey.
Hope you two have met and are playing together.
 

di and bob

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My heart always aches for the sadness I feel pouring from these tributes, it is something that takes so long to learn to live with. I agree with the pain and anguish being like 'waves', I always felt it was like the ocean, so deep, and at times so cold, with the waves sometimes being small and gentle, easier to handle and at times even warm. Then with no warning they become too much to handle returning like a tsunami to drown us once again in grief and sorrow. We cannot change the past, there is nothing to be done but try to learn from our experiences and to use them to help us in the future. Being with people who understand helps, it truly helps to share our sorrow so it becomes a lesser burden to our soul. But we must believe our loved ones are at peace now, no more pain, no more fear,just warmth and holding on to that bond that everyone of us has with them, joined together by love and devotion. They are gone from our lives but can never be gone from our thoughts and our very souls. Our memories are more precious then gold, they comfort us when we are sad and lonely, but only after we grieve for what we have lost and come to the finality that they are no longer in our world. Simon will never truly be gone, the 'essence' that is him will surround you for the rest of your life, it is something that can never be taken from you, he is a part of what makes your 'essence' you.  I know in my heart that our loved ones would never want us to be so sad, they would only want the best for us because they love us so much. So try to live the rest of your life in happiness, knowing it is as Simon would want for the one he loved so much, life is indeed a fleeting moment and we must live it to the fullest in our baby's names, so that their lives here on earth had meaning. Do good things in Simon's name, feed the hungry strays if you can, help at the shelter by giving your time, pay for an adoption so that a desperate cat will know the meaning of gentleness and love. Know that you are not alone in your grief, we are here , but it is a journey we must travel alone, everyone handles it differently and in different ways. Bless you for the years and the home you gave to that boy, it became his world and he loves you so much for it, I'll pray for you all............RIP dear Simon, your trip to the Rainbow bridge will be a joyous reunion with Eddie, keep each other warm on the laps of angels. The light that is you will shine bright in that summer sky, for you brought so much light into the life of the one who loves you so very much. You will never be forgotten and will forever be held in a loving heart! 
 

edwardthefirst

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Thank you @2Cats4everLoved  for including Eddie in your wonderful Simon tribute. Isn't it curious (and lovely) how our two stories ultimately knitted together. It was such a difficult decision for me to take that trip to the States but despite his illness, Eddie was in good shape and I was certain my little trooper wasn't going anywhere fast. As I took the A train back to JFK on Sunday June 5th, I actually almost missed my stop trying to take a photo of the exact same sunset that you were looking at over Queens and I wondered how you and Simon were getting along, knowing that you were in NYC.

I was SO happy to get back to the UK and my boy the next morning. We spent a wonderful day together on Monday 6th. His erratic eating patterns were concerning me (he'd lost weight) but he was his usual cheeky cheery self. Tuesday he was fine, Tuesday evening he had some roast chicken and ate his meds but sometime during the night he took a turn and Wednesday morning it was clear that something was wrong. He wouldn't eat, lay on the floor and cried when I tried to move him into a more comfortable position. When I got him to the vet, his temperature was through the roof and his breathing laboured. I always said to myself when that time came, I would put his needs first. It was categorically one of the worst days of my life - but I feel that I did the kindest thing I could for my furry co-pilot, as awful as it was (and it was. For the record though, I want to say for anyone facing a similar situation, it was quick and it was peaceful and my vet was a tower of strength).

Like Hope, I've found it comforting and healing chatting with people who have experienced the same loss - its SO hard to get your head around the loss of all that love and laughter. Eddie has made me laugh more than most people do during his life time and I think that Simon and Eddie were definitely two of a kind: dog-like (!), chunky, funny, loving boys. I cannot resist a cheeky boy cat, I never could.

Rest in peace sweet feline friends, never to be forgotten, always cherished and always thankful for the opportunity to have been able to share your delightful lives - play nicely and share 'the sock' boys....and thank you again @2Cats4everLoved  for sharing your epic journey with us. I know for a fact that lots of people will benefit from reading your very special journal now and in the future, Kate

p.s. please please do tell us more about Simon's funny habits sometime when you feel ready. Laughter is the best antidote. I cracked up thinking about the times Eddie would shake the bathroom door when he deemed me 'done' in the bathroom. Its a very heavy glass door and the very first time he did it (at 4am) I honestly thought we had a poltergeist.
 
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blueyedgirl5946

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Your story is like so many others, absolutely heartbreaking. Life is never the same when we lose a fur kid. The pain is deep and a portion of our heart is gone forever.

When we were fighting with our girl last year and then lost her in June we had already decided no more cats. But that changed and we now have a beautiful boy cat named Snoop. I can't figure out why we keep doing it when we have experienced the loss of seven of these precious ones. Life without a cat is just not right.

Three of these cats have paid us visits. Things like that are so hard to understand, but I believe they are real. It is part of a healing process. Be prepared. When you are so closely connected to a special cat, I believe there is a good chance you will see Simon again. Rest in peace, Simon. You are loved and missed forever.

Sending you lots of hugs. In time, your memories will bring you peace and comfort. :nod:
 

maggiemay

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Dearest Hope, I knew that when you put your thoughts down they would be, as always, beautiful, heart-wrenching, deeply human and incredibly honest.   I am so profoundly touched by your words.  Anyone who has ever lost a loved one, human or otherwise, has felt these impossible-to-bear feelings.  And Simon was as much human as he was cat, I recognize that.  You two shared a bond that will never be broken.  Your heart may be, but not your bond with him.  Everyone has posted the loveliest thoughts I've ever read on this thread.  What an unbelievable group of people are here, solely because of how much love we have to give to these little innocents who grace our lives with their presence.  They allow us to truly know what it means to be touched by an angel, to know the meaning of unconditional love.  And I pray that you feel the love felt for you - for being who you are, for sharing Simon's incredible journey with us, and for allowing us to love him as well.  

One of the phrases I have had to hold tight to in times of loss is this:  Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our  breath away.  Simon James took my breath away, Hope, and I thank you so very much for that gift.  
 

maggiemay

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Thank you @2Cats4everLoved  for including Eddie in your wonderful Simon tribute. Isn't it curious (and lovely) how our two stories ultimately knitted together. It was such a difficult decision for me to take that trip to the States but despite his illness, Eddie was in good shape and I was certain my little trooper wasn't going anywhere fast. As I took the A train back to JFK on Sunday June 5th, I actually almost missed my stop trying to take a photo of the exact same sunset that you were looking at over Queens and I wondered how you and Simon were getting along, knowing that you were in NYC.

I was SO happy to get back to the UK and my boy the next morning. We spent a wonderful day together on Monday 6th. His erratic eating patterns were concerning me (he'd lost weight) but he was his usual cheeky cheery self. Tuesday he was fine, Tuesday evening he had some roast chicken and ate his meds but sometime during the night he took a turn and Wednesday morning it was clear that something was wrong. He wouldn't eat, lay on the floor and cried when I tried to move him into a more comfortable position. When I got him to the vet, his temperature was through the roof and his breathing laboured. I always said to myself when that time came, I would put his needs first. It was categorically one of the worst days of my life - but I feel that I did the kindest thing I could for my furry co-pilot, as awful as it was (and it was. For the record though, I want to say for anyone facing a similar situation, it was quick and it was peaceful and my vet was a tower of strength).

Like Hope, I've found it comforting and healing chatting with people who have experienced the same loss - its SO hard to get your head around the loss of all that love and laughter. Eddie has made me laugh more than most people do during his life time and I think that Simon and Eddie were definitely two of a kind: dog-like (!), chunky, funny, loving boys. I cannot resist a cheeky boy cat, I never could.

Rest in peace sweet feline friends, never to be forgotten, always cherished and always thankful for the opportunity to have been able to share your delightful lives - play nicely and share 'the sock' boys....and thank you again @2Cats4everLoved  for sharing your epic journey with us. I know for a fact that lots of people will benefit from reading your very special journal now and in the future, Kate

p.s. please please do tell us more about Simon's funny habits sometime when you feel ready. Laughter is the best antidote. I cracked up thinking about the times Eddie would shake the bathroom door when he deemed me 'done' in the bathroom. Its a very heavy glass door and the very first time he did it (at 4am) I honestly thought we had a poltergeist.
Kate, I followed Eddie's journey as well and felt great sorrow when it ended.  What a Boy he was, with a capital B.  I too, am totally captivated by these cheeky boy cats.  There's nothing like them and no possible way to resist them.  I can imagine Eddie, Simon and Lamont up to all kinds of tricks, running free all together.   Laughter is the most healing thing on this earth and I am so happy that Eddie is still cracking you up.  He is taking care of you even now.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  
 

artiemom

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Hope, I am at a loss at what to say.

I had to wait a bit before posting because I wanted to say the 'right' things; but there are no 'right' things to say. Because of you, all of us had the opportunity to know and love Simon. His journey has been incredible. You have been incredible. Such a fountain of love. Thank you for giving us, Simon.. yes, he is a part of our hearts also.

Yes, grieving a loved one will continue. The type of grief will change after a while. With Simon it may last for a while longer because he is such a special boy. Yes, it will come in waves; it will come when you least expect it. Let it happen. People you love you will understand. We do. 

Please remember, no regrets..no regrets at all. Simon is now happy, running free with a bunch on new friends. He is waiting for you. He will wait and you will be united again.. Who knows, he may even have a 'real' girlfriend now!!

Simon will live on forever due to you thread. He will live on in many, many hearts. He will not be forgotten. 

He will never leave you..physically, yes, but he will always be in your soul and around you..yes, he may even visit..I have not had that happen, but I know my dad visited me one night, my guy was on my lap and heard my dad also. 

It is possible. 

Thank you so much...and I remain (((hugging))) you....
 

mrsgreenjeens

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I promise you this, one day you will be able to think of Simon with a smile, not tears.  It will happen.  I lost my soul cat 4 years ago and now when I think of him it is with happy thoughts of our wonderful times together.  Of course I still miss him, always will, but the ache in my heart is no longer there.

My deepest sympathy to you and your husband. 

Hold Chestnut dear to your heart.  I'm sure she forgives you for thinking what you did.  Naturally you didn't really mean it...it was just a quick flash through your mind


Run free at the bridge, sweet, sweet
Simon
.   We all miss you!
 

kittens mom

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When you share a cat as deeply and in such a personal way he can never be gone forever. I'm sure anyone who followed your thread of Simon's journey will never forget him.
 

goholistic

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@2Cats4everLoved, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I haven't been on here much lately, but I did read your thread about Simon from time-to-time. He was such a fighter, and you an incredible caretaker.

Rest in peace, sweet Simon. 
 

edwardthefirst

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Kate, I followed Eddie's journey as well and felt great sorrow when it ended.  What a Boy he was, with a capital B.  I too, am totally captivated by these cheeky boy cats.  There's nothing like them and no possible way to resist them.  I can imagine Eddie, Simon and Lamont up to all kinds of tricks, running free all together.   Laughter is the most healing thing on this earth and I am so happy that Eddie is still cracking you up.  He is taking care of you even now.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  
Thank you @MaggieMay, I really appreciate that. I miss my funny boy cat with his cheeky chops very very much. I like the idea that he is taking care of me though every time I have a little laugh to myself about his antics - of which there were so many. He is buried on the exact spot where he would leap out at me in the garden and attach himself to my ankles!
 

kittens mom

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2Cats4everLoved
"Thank you, I look at pictures and it still doesn't seem real."

Oh I tell you those moments you forget and them remember. No it doesn't feel real. Again I am so sorry for your loss.
 
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2Cats4everLoved

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2Cats4everLoved
"Thank you, I look at pictures and it still doesn't seem real."

Oh I tell you those moments you forget and them remember. No it doesn't feel real. Again I am so sorry for your loss.
Simon's ashes came back to us today.  A day earlier than originally thought, and  I actually had a strange day today leading up to the phone call from the vets office.  I feel as if Simon was trying to tell me something all day, beautiful, sad and very strange.  As soon as I can gather my thoughts, I'll share.  
 

margd

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I was just thinking of Simon and the moving diary you kept for him when I came across this beautiful tribute.  There really are no words to describe the sense of loss a special cat like Simon leaves behind but you have come close.  I feel as though I knew him too, and like many here, I miss him and am grieving with you.  He was such a strong, determined kitty.  RIP darling Simon.  There are many sad hearts left behind but joy for having known you. 
 
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